30 Songs in 30 Days, Day 5 - A song that reminds you of someone

McHargue's Mill - London, KY

(That's Chelsea waving from inside the cabin)

Man, this 30 Day Song Challenge has quickly grown into a Commitment, and I hate Commitments!

At first it's all fun and games, your favorite this, happy that, but all of a sudden we're down to the nitty gritty, and I want, no I NEED a month or two to procrastinate about this!

So I guess it's not that I don't like Commitments...I just like to think about things in my own time.

Dwayne and I HAVE been together for more than 17 years, right?! Just, you know, not married, yet. :)

I have been committed to this blog since 2004, right?! With a whole 356 posts to show for it, LOLOLOL!!!!

Sorry, just venting. I always keep my Commitments when I am dumb enough to make them.

When my grandparents first got married, my grandpa had a huge painting commissioned of my grandmother sitting on the wall above the Little Laurel River at McHargue's Mill (pictured above) in Levi Jackson State Park in London, KY. 

My grandpa understood my grandma and her love for Laurel County. He was truly my grandma's soul mate. They were each other's best friend, and they went everywhere together.

So, Moma and Popa came back one day from...somewhere, some bluegrass festival, or maybe Renfro Valley, talking about a new duo they'd heard of called Dailey and Vincent, and a song they sang called By The Mark.

They made us sit in the family room while they played it for us, over and over.

Every time we visited, they played it for us.

My grandparents had sort of figured out CDs, but they didn't know about copying them. They bought at least five copies of the same CD...one for the truck, one for the van, one for the living room, one for upstairs, one for downstairs...

Jamie Dailey & Darrin Vincent, of course, became a big huge name in bluegrass circles, and my grandparents went to every show they could. The last show they went to, Moma was pretty sick from the chemo, and Jamie & Darrin, who by now recognized Moma and Popa the Super-Fans, were so sweet to her...our whole family is eternally in their debt.

By The Mark, 

written by Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings, 

performed by Jamie Dailey and Darrin Vincent

Safe

Music: In My Arms - Plumb

My grandma's been in the hospital since Tuesday. She had her first and only chemo treatment and she still hasn't recovered. Her remaining chemo schedule has been put off indefinitely, and now they're talking feeding tube.

How did we get here? She was fine three months ago...

I guess I should say she seemed fine three months ago. Even then, the cancer was eating away at her, and we didn't know it.

I love a lot of people...my family, and my friends, and my coworkers...sometimes my heart feels almost too full when I think about all the wonderful people in my life. Sometimes I might get hurt, if I expect something from someone and it doesn't happen... but then I laugh it off, and forgive if needed. There's no room for resentment in my heart. It just doesn't go well with the love...

This has been a more disjointed entry than usual...I'm just finding it hard to focus lately, I guess. Worried, and disappointed. The world turned upside down when my grandma got sick, and it still hasn't righted itself.

Walking with hope

Music: For Blue Skies - Strays Don't Sleep

I came home from my accident today... crawled in bed... and I haven't moved since then.

Of course I know I'm being childish. I talked on the phone to my grandmother who is in the hospital for her overnight chemo treatment, and she was all, "Honey, it'll be okay," trying to get me to stop crying. I mean, we have bigger problems than that I am afraid to drive and I have no self-confidence behind the wheel anymore. You know...CHEMO TREATMENT.

I'm just overwhelmed by my sheer incompetence at life. I can't seem to get out of bed. Ever. Today is just maybe the last straw, Those 'depression' ads have started to sound kind of familiar, making me think I should call my doctor and look into getting that prescription, but I'd much rather stare at the wall, blankly.

I don't know how my daughter is getting to school in the morning, because I can't seem to move...

It was pretty funny, the guy I hit was calling the police and wanted to know what type of car I drove and I was so in shock, I had no idea. I just looked at him. He asked me again. I said, well, that's a good question. Wait a minute. Give me a minute. Of course I know what kind of car I drive. It's my car. Um. ... After a few more seconds of this (and don't ask me how come he couldn't just walk around the car and see for himself), he finally says, well, it's green, right, and I said, oh yes, it is green, and just looked at him again. Then he goes, it looks like a Chevy...

Sheesh! That's what it took for me to remember that I drive a Chevy Malibu.

Is it me? What?

Listening to: Star Trek:TNG

I had another wreck today...it's about that time of year, you know. I cried and cried and wanted my mommy, but I couldn't have her because today was my grandma's first day of chemo, so my mom was at the hospital with her, instead.

That about sums up my life the past few months: wreck, tears, grandma, cancer (Stage 4), chemo. Lots and lots of tears.

Lots of curling up in bed and just letting time go by. Nothing seems to really matter very much, anymore...