Blessed

Feel like sometime I lack the words to say. There are so many times I want to randomly write things down here, but then I can't decide what exactly to say. basically not the best blogger :) I re-read recent posts a couple weeks ago and it was good to remember I guess. I was gonna write that day and just got caught up in reading, than I didn't have time to post anymore. Of course I have no idea now what I was going to say than.. but so is life.

hum. blessings I think.

Johnny has a job. Its not a rest of your life career job, but its a good one and a blessing to have both of us working. Right before he got the job we found an envelope of money in our mailbox. Just hand written: Johnny and Colleen Marino. no address or return obviously. no note inside. it was just a random envelope of a decent enough amount of money. And it was to us. Still have no idea who it was from, someone near SA I guess.. mean had to be. but that was a blessing.

Placed 6 new leaders for YL this spring. Kinda crazy actually. Had a really good leadership with all the leaders there last night. It was good and exciting to all talk about JC together. doing a study on Philippi and the believers there. very interesting. other good things like clubs being established and stuff like that. parent support. good stuff.

Went to Buffalo to see my sis and her fiance Bry this weekend. Such a great trip! It was great to talk to them about life and love and other mysteries. Went to see a band play in some hole in the wall bar, chilled together, visited Niagra Falls, had wings in buffalo (hence buffalo wings, yup comes from NY). J and I stayed at a hotel, which was actually super great. we got a deal on hotwire, so it worked well. Plus Em wasn't sure if there was room in the house she is living at for us to stay there too, because so other peeps where also gonna be coming. The weekend was just a really great break/road trip. Just love great conversations and this weekend had them, so it was nice. definitely a blessing.

Been feeling lately like a life support machine. like things might not exist here if I hadn't come. so been a bit stressed, well that to say I realized last night - well I guess I got a new perspective. we were talking about humility, unity, servanthood. M Fry made a comment about how sometimes he lacks humility just by thinking he was cool, like he views himself as better than the HS kids he talks to cause he is a big shot college kid, than he talks to them and is like "you're awesome and way cooler than me" It got me thinking in a weird way, I suppose, about how me thinking it all relies on me is almost me lacking humility - As if me coming saved things. Really God saves it and I'm just a tool (in a good way) Someone God is using. I guess I say that cause that thought is a blessing really. I would rather be a tool than a savior anyday. I'll leave the saving to JC.

huh.. crazy.

I wish I wrote more often on here. cause I think of it often and yet find I'm too busy to ever take the time to do it. Even now I'm trying to decide what to write on.

I guess that God is interesting and works things out. I mean we all know this right? But I feel like He does in ways that we might not ever know. Than other times He shows us exactly what He is doing and we start to figure out how something that happened long ago has taken us to where we are today. It kinda all rocks my socks of honestly.

So two months ago now I was having various convos w/ people in my life that kinda lead to me starting to think about doing YL again in the Jackson area. Of course a few days later, our friends (who live in SA) informed us that their neighbors were going to be moving. This meant that an Apt. was opening up right down the street from SAU which would work well for me hooking up with leaders again. It was June 1st which meant we needed to inform our current landlords basically that day if we were gonna move. so we did. we ran with it. It was a long process of quickly moving, living w/ my parents, thinking we lost the apt, finding out we didn't.. and so much more. But we are living in SA now in that Apt. We'll see what comes of this :)

Amongst this story, Johnny and I went to Romania on a medical mission w/ my dad. The team from NC we were going with was rather short handed and we still needed to find a doc. Normally there are 20-30 that go there was about 12 of us. When we got there the team ended up being half American and half Romanian. Which was AWESOME and honestly the best trip I've been on over there (been 8 times doing medical missions). We had more multiple Romania docs volunteer with us each day. It was just an incredible week we saw over 300 people everyday pretty much. Which is more than we have in years past. Moral of that being the NC crew was all super worried that the team was so small and even considered not going this time, But God came through as always and we helped more villagers than we normally do. Kinda goes to show that taking a step of faith in life can take you to some pretty amazen places. Its like the dichotomy between knowing God will work everything out and actually being willing to take that next step into the haze and trust that your foot will land on solid ground. Trying so hard to trust that.

Also, random story from a over 3 yrs back, that I came to new realization about last night. Three years ago I was signing up for my CC trip and let a friend of mine cut me by a spot so she could get to class and when I walked up to register the lady informed me that "oh I'm sorry the girl in front of you just took the last spot, but we'll put you on a waiting list" .. which eventually led to me going to Cambodia on my CC trip, which was an awesome trip that I will never forget and one that has impacted me a lot. Been a lot of places, but Cambodia was totally different. When I just think of what happened in that country it makes me nauseous.

Well last night was talking to one of my friends and she was talking about her CC trip to Uganda and I was like "wish I could have been able to go on that trip it sounds amazing." and she asked if I'd tried to sign up and I realized that she no idea of this story. so I told her and she was like wow my life could be so different if I hadn't gone. Her and her husband are planning on eventually moving to Uganda to work at a non-profit. Like what a simple decision to let someone cut in line, might have just changed one of my friends lives forever. Crazy, huh? God really does work in crazy ways. God knew you see. He knew she needed to go to Uganda. So I vote that God uses us in ways we might never know and works in ways we might not always understand, but He is always using us and always working.

Basically, God is interesting, don't you think?

slave?

So last weekend I did work weekend up at TWL and the speaker in club said something that I found interesting I guess. Made me think at least. They were talking about how we as people fill ourselves with "things" / define ourselves by them - things like friends, family, body image (exercise or eating right), image (how you want others to see you), good grades, a job, living the "perfect" life, a ministry you do, or even your relationship with/ knowledge of God. Striving basically. There was more, but those give a good display. Basically none of these things are actually bad things to do, they are all things the world/ those around you might even suggest you do. These could even be things we are told to do when we are struggling through life. They made the quote though, "its when a good thing becomes your everything. then you are a slave". This really caught my attention. Yes its simple, but I felt like it just caught me. Its not about what you do its the motives behind it, its the amount you do it. Why? why am I doing what I'm doing, for whose glory.. and to what purpose.  humm,  if this is off base than doing the right thing can become wrong. I know it sounds simple and of course I've heard it before even thought about it, but I liked the way they said it. 

See I've found in my life that good things can easily become everything. Its hard for them not to sometimes. At points it was an image - athletic or a need to be fit. Or it was friends/ being known for being a quality friend. having things put together in my life. being a good student. and eventually.. well YL honestly. especially the more I had to step up and the more it consumed my life. it started to become everything. I kept telling myself it was ok cause it was a good thing.. so I guess when they said that this weekend I was like "yeah... it can't be everything Colleen.. you can't be everything" that's why it was the way it was towards the end.    what good is it anyways. if I do all I can yet miss out and lack the one thing I really need - God.  

There is no one that wants to be a slave and yet people daily enslave themselves. Why? who knows. we think its good - and don't know when to much of a good thing is becoming bad I guess. So I've been thinking about this a lot. About good things, about grace and the free gift I don't need to work for. About how to do good things and keep them just that. Good things. Its a lesson I have learned over and over in many areas, but I'm still open to learning more and thinking more about it. so that's what I'm doing I guess.