...a countdown to marriage

...a love like none other

i continue to find myself thinking about love. how ridiculously hard it is to understand love.
what is love? how do i show love? what is loving unconditionally? and can i really ever do that?
in my heart i want to say that i love everyone on earth with no limits. i am willing to lay myself aside for every other soul that wanders this planet. but i know that is not true. oh, how i wish it were true.
it is so difficult to understand love and understand it to the fullest.
God is love. i understand that. then maybe i don't understand God to the fullest.
but is that even possible? i don't think my human intelligence could ever even come close to comprehending God and then understanding the love He has for me.
that undying, unrelentless love that He has for each person on earth.
the drug dealer. the prostitute. the schizophrenic. the missionary. the preacher. the murderer. the cutter. the child. the mother. the father.
He loves them all the same. He loves the least of these and the ones that think they have it all together. He LOVES. truly loves them all. All of us. unconditionally.



The love of God. Agape love. The love that is given quite irrespective of merit. It is a love that seeks to give.

I feel that agape love is almost foreign for humanity. How can someone ever love everyone in that way?
I wish I could say that I know what love is and how to truly live it out, but I don't.

..a beautiful sky

spend some nights beneath the stars. when darkness has covered the things of earth, silenced the noise of human life.
just you and me. together.
reveling in the majesty of the Lord without a care in the world
a speckled sky before our eyes, such a beautiful sight to be captured
hand in hand we walk the streets.
whispering our love to one another.
this love we've known, the love we've been given.
by a gracious Father who lights our paths and bundles us up in his arms.

..a machine of ruin

inside the rusty bars of factory windows
within the cemented walls and boarded doors
a compound of gears all spinning away
a machine built to create one thing
the final product of importance and destruction
perfect in pattern, identical in shape
unchanging in production

the machine.
the deisgn.

the wheels.
the belt.

break it. break it. break it all.

...a selfish america

walking through garbage filled streets.
humans rummaging and houses crumbling.
america passes it by...
walk to the diner and pretend nothings wrong.
as they lie on the streets with their blankets and bags
a simple life, simply sleeping.
america passes it by...
with our grocery filled hands all to ourselves.
home is where the heart is, whether its safe or not.
sprawled out on a concrete walkway or on a mountain of rubbish.
mother and child.
baby and brother.
sweetly staring, sweetly smiling.
america passes it by...
send a hello their way and keep walking
"sour sdei" is all.
lack of food, lack of love.
hair turning read, starvation sets in.
why does america pass it by?
with our SUV's and mansions.
with our style and fashions.
while children are starving and mothers are wailing.
women working the streets, children stolen everyday.
america, stop passing it by!

...a frightening silence

Sometimes the silence of God is the most frightening thing to ever hear. It is as if God is gone.
What I have come to realize is that God is NOT gone. God could, however, be hiding. Hiding not so that we can never find him, but hiding so that we have to seek after him harder.
God wants us to fervently seek after Him.
The silence of God is not abandonment, it is calling us even closer to him.

...a snow covered land

I love the silence that seems to accumulate from the snow that has gathered on the ground. the world is at peace. everything seems so incredibly still. As if, the snow has covered all our sins. How I wish the snow covered all our sins. white as snow. white. snow. He turned my sins white as snow. He took this scarlet letter from my chest. He erased my sins. my hurts. my pains. my frustrations. and replaced them with his love. The snow covers all. It's as if the world has enclosed itself within the falling snow. Anew and fresh. Starting over, Beginning again. The shadows reflect against the blanketed ground, so minuscule and intricate. The air forming and silhouetting our words, knowing we're here. Beautiful.

...a constant faithfulness

I want to be like Joseph.
Unchanging. Devoted to God in every circumstance.
Totally and completely surrendered.
Faithful.
Trusting always.

"The test of our faith doesn't kick in until our circumstances change." M.Vanvalin
I don't want my circumstances to change my faithfulness, I want my faithfulness to change my circumstances.
"I, the Lord, do not change" Malachi 3:6

"Our trust in God doesn't kick in until we find ourselves in a situation where we don't know the outcome." M.Vanvalin
I want my trust in God to be evident, no matter the outcome. I don't want it to kick in because I don't want it to leave.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28.
Trust in God in ALL things.

...a battle for our heart

I have been neglecting this blog for far too long….

Reason 1) I have been keeping a pencil and paper journal

Reason 2) I don’t have time to spend hours on the computer to type that journal out

Reason 3) I have tooooo many obligations

Reason 4) I really don’t need a reason, so omit all above reason. Please and thanks.

So here goes something…

Today’s topic in my spiritual formation class was Spiritual Warfare and it hit me like a bag of bricks. Spiritual warfare is something that I rarely hear mention about, especially in the church I grew up in. Either people don’t think it exists, or they don’t want to put too much time into studying about Satan’s schemes. FYI: it’s a bad, bad idea to ignore the battle that is going on for our heart.

What does it mean to be possessed with a devil? We must remember that to be possessed by the devil does NOT mean the devil has ownership. The devil is like an annoying “gnat” that will torment us until we give. Don’t give in.

Who can cast out demons? Anybody who is a true believer and follower of Jesus Christ. Through Christ, we have the power and the authority to cast out every demon. Mark 16:17 says, “In my name they will drive out demons” and Luke 10:19 says, "Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you."

Jesus cast out demons. His apostles cast out demons. He gives US authority to cast out demons. So why is the church so afraid to talk about spiritual warfare and demons?

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 5:14

Fighting for your heart, the glory of your life, is an epic battle with Satan. We must be fully aware of the attacks from our enemy, who wants to kill and destroy our hearts at any chance he gets. We must become active warriors in the battle for our hearts. The powers of evil have joined together to destroy us, but God, in all his might, is mightier than any army of Satan.

...a freedom from anxiety

someone once told me that they cannot understand what goes on inside my mind when they read my blog. first of all, that's fine with me. like i've said before, my blog is just a place for me to put down my thoughts. when other people read it, i hope they get something from my post, but it's okay if they don't.
but for those that have a brain less like mine and can't understand my posts...i am going to make this quite simple. ..just today.
so, this is what goes on inside my head:
1) lately, i have been realizing just how anxious i am. yesterday when i got home from work, i sat on the floor in the living room and proclaimed "i feel like im not doing anything with my life!" of course, at the time, i really wasn't doing much. but my reason for saying this, i think, is because im constantly feeling anxious. i go through my days like a zombie. i do the same things, in the same order. i work, i run, i shower, i eat, i do devotions, i read, i write, i make necessary phone calls, and i sleep. and the next day i do the same thing.
im always anxious for the weekend to come so I can get out of my ridiculous pattern. i realize feeling anxious all the time is not good. and i realize that i am someone who hates patterns.
and most importantly, I realize that God does not want me to be anxious in anything. Not in one thing at all.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” ~ Philippians 4:6-7
This is one of those verses that is easier said than done. It doesn't say "do not be anxious about the small things" "do not be anxious about school" "do not be anxious about work" "do not be anxious about money" "do not be anxious about relationships".
This verse clearly says "do not be anxious about ANYTHING" and then it goes on to promise us that when we stop with are petty anxiousness and give everything up in prayer then the peace of God will transcend over us.
When we finally stop our human nature from worrying so much, then it finally gives God a chance to give us His peace. When I accepted Jesus into my life, he freed me from this slavery to anxiety. I need to remember that.

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" Matthew 6:26

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"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?" Matthew 6:30

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"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day." Matthew 6:34