This post is about mispelled words.

I think the rule should be that you should not be allowed to get a tattoo if you cannot spell the word "tattoo".

This is the epitome of why Cole Duke is one of my best friends:

Me: I need to stop making drama for myself.


Cole: Well, good luck with that.

      Maybe while you're at it, you could invent cold fusion.

Sick.

Who puts an album on Facebook that contains pictures solely of their cats? 71 pictures. I mean, really. And who comments on said album and says that said cats are "adorable"?? Sick.

This post is the second installment of "Dating Advice" by Mom.

Mom: "One monkey don't stop no show."
   Me: "What does that mean??"
Mom: "You know what that means! You're the show. He's the monkey! You gotta keep rollin'!"

Then she sends me a text which reads: "Check your email. I sent you your love mantra...Learn it, live it, work it gurrll!"

And the email is a link to a motown song by a female group called Honey Cone, with their 1972 hit single: "One Monkey Don't Stop No Show." Hahahaha.

http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/honey_cone/one_monkey_dont_stop_no_show.html

My mom is hilarious.

This post is about karaoke, or the lack thereof

So last week, our ward had a going away party for a kid that was moving, and the flyer said we'd be doing karaoke.  I got a little excited because karaoke is pretty fun.  But, then I said to my roommates, "Well I better not get too excited because knowing a bunch of LDS kids, they will just want to sing Disney songs." Then I start naming off random Disney songs like "I Just Can't Wait to be King," etc, and we had a good laugh. So we walk into the party, and the first song playing is "When You Wish Upon a Star." Really?? Do people even know the definition of karaoke? Merriam-Webster Online says it's "a form of ENTERTAINMENT involving the use of a karaoke machine." Can someone please tell me what is entertaining about singing the world's slowest song? This is a party, you sing party songs, not lullabies. Then they proceeded to look up the most obscure Disney songs from the Hunchback of Notre Dame and Hercules. It's bad enough to sing Disney songs, but singing lame Disney songs is inexcusable.  Appropriate karaoke songs would be songs by people like Pat Benatar,Vanilla Ice, Journey, etc. Classic stuff that everyone has heard of, that is upbeat and accompanied by a hilarious outdated music video.  Anything less is just a waste.  I'll remember next time that when the ward says "karaoke," they really mean "choir practice."

This post is about Iron Man 2...sort of.

I saw Iron Man 2 today.  I know, a little late...but that is the beauty that is the dollar theater. (I don't know why everyone calls it the dollar theater though, cuz it definitely costs a dollar fifty.)  I'm not a big action fan, but I thought that movie rocked, and I will tell you why: TWO songs by The Clash in a row! Man, I love The Clash.  It makes me so sad that some people have not even heard of them, and therefore, do not appreciate them.  It makes me even more sad when people say "Rock the casbah" and don't even know that is a song by The Clash.  Lame, lame, lame.  I'm pretty sure that every day that I live in UT, I am more grateful for my mother who taught me cool stuff like who The Clash is.  The whole thing about The Clash isn't directly related to UT because I know plenty of people outside of UT who don't know them, but I'm just sayin'.

I also found out during Iron Man 2 that I'm totally that person who talks loud at the movie theater.  It's not like I'm trying to have a conversation or anything, it's just that occasional, "Whoa!" or "Oh Man!" or "Watch out!" Lol. There's a stereotype about that, you know.  I called my mom and told her that I have that disease that people of our color sometimes have.  She said, "What? Sickle cell anemia?" Lol. "No, talking loud at the movies."  She had never heard of that.  I thought that was a stereotype.  Am I wrong?  Also, am I allowed to be talking about this on my blog? Hahaha.

This post explains why Rachel Ray is disgusting...just in case you didn't already know.

It's official: Rachel Ray is disgusting. And not for the reasons that you would automatically think of, like posing naked for a magazine or something (I'm pretty sure she did that.). I mean, that is disgusting, but I've got another bullet to add to the list of reasons why Rachel Ray is disgusting.  So yesterday, my roommates and I were bored, so we decided to watch 30 Minute Meals for the sheer purpose of making fun of it.  Oh, and there was a lot to make fun of, since she explained like EIGHT times what a slider is, and then proceeded to tell the world how every person in her immediate family plus her sister-in-law likes his or her tuna cooked (I really don't care!).

Ok, that was the annoying part, but the disgusting part was this: that woman does not wash her hands!  She was making tuna burgers out of raw tuna.  She takes the raw tuna out of the packaging, cuts it all up on the cutting board, then picks up a cloth to dry the raw tuna juice off her hands.  Then she uses the same knife to cut up the "butter" lettuce that's going on the "brioche" roll...oh, I'm sorry, not roll, slider. Never even rinses off the knife...puts the unused, now raw tuna coated lettuce back in the lettuce bag. Ten minutes later, she finally announces that she is going to go wash her hands in the sink...and she does not use soap! SICK! Dude, you are on TV; how are you not going to use soap when you wash your hands? I'm sure I could make a meal in 30 minutes too if I never took the time to wash my hands properly or any of the kitchen tools/utensils I was using to make said meal. 

I hope your dinner guests enjoy spending 30 minutes in the bathroom three days from now when you use that leftover, salmonella-ridden butter lettuce to make them a spring salad with EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) dressing.