are we back to this?

i'm going through a technology... reform? revolution? i'm not entirely sure what to call it.  i'm tired of the comparison game on instagram.  i don't want my phone to be the first thing i reach for.  i still want family to see what we're up to.  i'm still not sure how to print my blog books how i want.  and i'm not sure i want my babies pictures plastered all over the internet. 

...is there no perfect solution?

i don't know if this is a commitment or just a trial run.  i miss putting my voice (and million pictures) on paper [or the world wide web.]  i guess we'll see.

one.

one. one whole year.
i keep searching for words how to describe this day, this year, these emotions.
amazing, happy, hard, challenging. highs, lows.  everything in between.
messy, sticky, gross.
laughter, silliness, and seeing the world differently.
i feel relief that we all survived a year.
i feel awesome that we all survived a year.
i love this stage she's in, it's the funnest yet.
i'm sad to see her growing up.
i feel more love than i ever thought possible.
i remember this day a year ago so vividly and it makes birthdays that much more amazing.
it also makes me cringe a little.
[emotions are a strange thing.]

but mostly i feel grateful. and happy.  and i sure love that little ems.

sleep training: an update.

whew.
it's been one week since we started sleep training.  i know i told you about my totally awesome experience, but this has not been a walk in the park.  there have been tears, lots and lots of tears.  i have spent more time laying on the floor [pretending to be asleep] than i care to admit.  and there have been a few melt downs and wanting to give up [all me, i'll claim those]...good thing she's cute.

there were times we went for a car ride as a cop out because i couldn't take it any longer [and that always does the trick...plus, i'm not technically holding her, right?!]  and there were times i just rocked her.  but i really tried to be consistent and patient and stick with it.

after one week we have seen progress. [woot, woot!]  it's slow going, but hey, at least it's going!  for the first week i laid on the floor and put my hand in the crib for every nap.  today, we took the next step, i stopped putting my hand in and just laid on the floor next to the crib.  of course, the first time was rough.  but it's amazing how each time gets better.  she's learning!  tonight she fell asleep in ten minutes with hardly any crying with me just laying there on the floor.  it's seriously amazing.  most nights i still nurse her to sleep, and i'm still getting up with her in the night to feed her.  it's a slow process, but it's working.

mostly, i'm grateful for the support of others and for prayers i've seen answered.  and i'm grateful that i've stuck with it, even when it's hard, and feels like it's taking foreverrrrrrr.  it's a good reminder to me that most good things in life take time, and hard work.  [that's easy to forget in this instant gratification world.]

to all you moms who have done this before, you rock!  and to all you moms thinking about taking the plunge, you got this!  [and when you need a sanity break because you are losing your mind, let me know, i've got you!]

"His hand is stretched out still"

I had a really neat learning experience getting Emery to take her nap this morning.  I have been so (SO) frustrated trying to get her to sleep.  I have (and love) to rock her to sleep each night.  She will not go to sleep on her own, and if we put her in her crib awake and leave she stands there and screams, never laying down, for endless amounts of time.

I’ve been researching a lot, asking a lot of my mom friends, and all of them said the same thing.  Let her cry.  Go in after 5, 10, 15 minutes until she falls asleep.  Well, we had a few unsuccessful nights of that.  [she neverrrrr lays down!]  Like I said, I’ve felt like a mom fail, at a loss of what to do, and have been praying nonstop.  (Just another reminder that God hears and answers our prayers!  As small as they may be!)

Today for nap time I tried the first round of this method [again.]  She stood there and screamed, as I suspected.  As I was going in after the first 5 minutes, I said a silent prayer, “Heavenly Father, please help me to know what to do!”  

I had the thought that she needs to learn how to lay down and fall asleep.  She needs guidance and success to know how to do it.  So, I laid down next to her crib and stuck my arm through the slats.  I pretended I was asleep, didn’t say anything, just left my arm there.  The most amazing experience happened over the course of the next hour.  

At first she was mad that I wasn’t getting her out.  The screaming persisted, but she eventually calmed down.  Then she played with a few of the toys I left in there.  Crying continued on and off.  Occasionally she’d come over to my hand and pull on it to try to get her out.  She bit my fingers a few times.  She fell and bonked her head, so I used my hand to pat her back.  And finally, she laid down next to my hand so I could place it on her, she cried for a few minutes and fell asleep.  

But the neatest part came as I laid there.  Suddenly into my mind came the scripture “his hand is stretched out still.”  [Isaiah 9:21]  So many things in parenting teach me about God’s love for me.  I get tiny glimpses of His true nature and moments where I get to practice becoming like Him.  I was reminded that He is faithful, consistent, and will not leave us comfortless.  He loves us enough to let us learn and sometimes that means letting us struggle.  Mostly, I was reminded that He wants so badly to help us.  He wants what’s best for us and for us to be HAPPY.  God loves His children.  

I also learned a great deal about me.  So often I am mad about a situation or a trial, and I choose to be mad a God.  Then I decide I can try to do it on my own.  Sometimes I “bite back”.  But ultimately, the comfort comes from reaching towards His hand and letting Him help us.  

[side note:  I love the picture of Jesus in the background.]

cousin fun.

we got to spend an evening with the ayers.

[cheryl and john were in town for william and stephenie's new baby.]

clearly you can see everyone had so much fun!

utah trip. {easters.}

we got to spend easter in utah.  

we got to go to the walter family party on saturday.  emery got her first easter basket.  and we loved seeing everybody! 

on sunday we enjoyed going to church, having maria and ellice, and some of the johnsons over for dinner.  

utah trip. {byu}

we decided to take emery and give her a byu campus tour.  

figured she might as well grow to love it already...

we had fun spending the morning with uncle addison. 

then we headed down to visit (meet) great grandma and grandpa eliason while we were in utah county.