The Tale of Rory the Christmas Goblin

Sit back for the tale
and hear the story of Rory
the great Christmas goblin
as it happened back near the quarry

The blinkers were blinking
and the mashers were mashing
But Rory the Goblin
Thought the lights needed more flashing

He mixed some Kaja Cola
With some Kungaloosh
For a punch that he knew
Would make minds go whoosh whoosh

It was his last step of many
On making this year
A Christmas to remember
One forever they'd cheer

Each year the goblins of Kezan
Hang flickers, flashers, blinkers and blasters
All to have the biggest display of the towns
most importantly his, willowsgrove masters

While his father was away
he knew no lights would be hung
Unless he did something special
the house would look like Funafuti the cat's dung

And here in willowsgrove masters
a goblins worth is based on Christmas blast
he wasn't going to be the kid
Who went to class with his house as the last

Prepared Rory was
to make this year the best
he gathered materials for weeks
put all the mixtures to the test

Planned it all he did
down to the last light
there would be sparkles and flashes
and explosions that night

his house and his township
would forever be known
as willowsgrove masters
the master lighters home

invitations were sent
and the drinks were all free
at the hill over looking
the entire town for all to see

now for nightfall to come
so he could plug in his lights
so people would know
little Rory has the brightest brights

Papa would be proud
if he saw the entire town coming there
all because his son
set this day up for fanfare

The drank their Kaja Cola
And Kungaloosh by the gallon
waiting for the sun to go down
as he connected the last balun

Thank you all for coming
Rory exclaimed with great joy
willowsgrove masters will win this years lightfest
all my knowledge I did employ

So sit back and wait
and let the light show begin
Enjoy your drinks and your food
while I plug this here thing in

The buzz and the hum
the light sparkled and then flashed
but lights were not lighting
no bedazzle, no flickers , no blast

With no chagrin at all
he booted and punched at the panel
work you damn thing
I won't say it again and that final

But nothing would happen
except a spark from a short
here or there that was all
no lights of no sort

You failure, you louse
you called us all here for that
they shouted at Rory
saying they've seen more flash from a rat

As they started to walk down to the town
Rory kicked and punched and he begged them to stop
Just one more minute I know it will work
he kicked once more so hard to the sound of a pop

The ground began to rattle
the machine was no flop
as the power went to the city
the people did stop

First his house lit up
then beezles then alvro chili hut
The counting house lit up too
even the bulb antlers on his mutt

The crowd began to notice not only his house
it was the whole city that has things glittered
the fences, the posts, and the street lanes too
people took pictures to show all and they twittered

Rory had done it
just as their reactions have shown
but just as he got comfortable
he noticed a fuse had just blown

The counting house went up first
then the bar exploded too, bye bye rusted crown
as his house and others followed soon
as explosions and flames enveloped the town

Tears came from his eyes
bashes, booms and other sounds
in a matter of seconds
all the smiles turned to frowns

Then an explosion so big
it was heard three towns over, not pretty
as the last house had fallen
his dreams have destroyed the whole city

But the bangers and blasters
in the air they were so high
the blingers and bloppers
were all lighting up in the sky

as the others watched on
to his surprise they no longer seem sad
the jumped up for joy and cheered
they yelled happy and glad

For Rory did it
even if he did not realize
the ultimate goblin Christmas
destruction and explosions are gifts to goblin eyes

there you have it, the goblin that tried
just to win a light show on the 25th
And that is the story of Rory
how he became the christmas goblin of myth

I decided to make up a little something fun to share with my fellow warcraft fans.  Hope you enjoy the story or rory.  Perhaps he will make another appearence some day.  He seems like a likable ennough kid.  For a goblin at least.

Merry Christmas all, and may Rory not visit your town. ;)

An Ode to Flying, Oh, the Places You'll Go

Soon flying will be upon us and for a while I was thinking of writing a post about what I plan to do when we get flying but instead I figured I would do something else.  I could write about things I have been putting off for a while now while I waited.  Things like leveling more characters, exploring some more, doing some archaeology, doing more pet battles, you know the things that flying makes more enjoyable.

But I am sure many people have written stuff like that and I like to be different so I present to you, for your amusement hopefully, a poem if you will, stolen in tone and more than a few words from the great Dr. Suess in this story, Oh, the Places You'll Go.

Please enjoy.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have ideas from your questbook.
You'll use mounts and not shoes,
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

No flight masters passenger as you look over 'em with care.
To some you will say, "I don't need you down there."
With your head full of plans on a mount and not feet,
Looking for pets to capture to make part of your fleet.

And you may not find any pets
you'll want to bring right home.
At least not right away as it goes
so you'll head to the next zone.

It's opener here
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people that fly
no more footsy for you.

And then things start to happen,
archaeology found orge stew?
I'd suggest you don't eat it.
But I guess that's something you knew.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the grounded gang, in the air you will lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you'll be atop all the rest.

Except when you land.
Because, not all stops will be planned.

Because you never know what you'll see
trust me that is true
the rare mob here
and a missed treasure too
yes it can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
collecting what you had missed.
but you know you'll fly on.
one more pet off your list.

You'll come down from the air
for a dig sight here or there.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll find a pristine celfhoof hair.

But when you hit a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
with flying is easily done.

You will come to a place where the map is not clear
Some trees have some danglers just dangling there.
Flying through them you could scrape your elbow or chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it is when you have flying you'll find,
for a high flying flier you made up your mind.

You can get so confused
so many places to race
dodging rylaks at a break-necking pace
and landing at that rep grinding space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
But it is YOUR useless Place...

...for people just waiting.
on the top of a hill you go
or out far to sea you can go
or landing on a branch you can go
in the fog, rain, sun or the snow
or flying around for the queue to pop Yes or No
or exploring while you watch the queue timer grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for that blue wild pet
or waiting around for the raid to start
or waiting, for the rare to spawn
or to get to the next dig sight
or to reach heights you have not met
or to get invited to that pug
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
with all that flying and soaring
You'll find the bright places
where the game is not boring.

With your mounts wings flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are places to visit and pet battles to be won.
And the magical things you dig up like an orc disco ball
it will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous, as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you fly around on TV.

Except when they don't
Because, gnomes making tvs, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Flying around by yourself
'cause you need time for just you.

All Alone!
even if others are there or not,
because in the air you feel freedom
and you'll like that a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll hunt down creatures that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between gorgrond and tanaan,
that can scare you so much you won't know what your planning.

But on you will go
to face the beasties most foul.
On you will go
to sneak up on that pet with a prowl.
On you will go
casting your chrominus' howl.
Onward to many
a legendary battle,
though your tush may get sore
at least your mount has a saddle.

On and on you will fly
And I know you'll fly far
and face up to your challenges
whatever they are.

You'll get caught up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get caught up with all there is to do
avoiding those many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you fly
Fly with great care and great tact
and remember that Life is
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your dismount button with the one on your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL FLY OVER MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your flying mount is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Note:  Reposted September 1st, because now we are finally getting flying.

A Day in The Life of the Raid Design Team: Hellfire Citadel

Lead Raid Designer:
    Okay folks it is time for us to design the new raid for 6.2 and I want to hear some ideas.  We have a couple of guests today with us sitting in to see how we develop a raid.  They are the winners of the selfie picture content.  So welcome Bob and Mary.  Lets show them the best we got so they can see how much work and effort is put into designing encounters.
Entire Design Team:
    (Blank stares)

Lead Raid Designer:
    Lets start with going over the ideas we came up with to start from last week when they come in.

(Bob and Mary are shown in and seated)

Bob:
    Good morning.

Designer 1:
    Good morning folks, so you want to hear about some of the ideas we have already come up with.

Bob:
    Sure, tell us what you have come up with so far.

Designer 1:
    Well there's a void zone and avoid fight; a void zone, stack up and avoid fight; a void zone and adds fight; a void zone, avoid and adds fight; a void zone, avoid, stack up and adds fight; an adds, avoid, stack up and adds fight; an adds, void zone, adds, adds, avoid and adds fight; an adds, adds, adds, void zone and adds fight; an adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, spread out, adds, adds, adds and adds fight; and a push back, adds, target switch, adds, debuff, adds, split group, adds, kiting, adds, stack up, adds, spread out, adds, void zone and, of course, some adds who summon more adds fight.

Mary:
    Are there any fights without adds in them?

Designer 2:
    Well, there's an adds, void zone, stack up and adds fight. That doesn't have MUCH adds in it.

Mary:
    I don't want ANY adds.

Bob:
    What about the void zone, avoid, adds and stack up fight?

Mary:
    It's got adds in it!

Bob:
    Not as many adds as the adds, void zone, stack up and adds fight.

Mary:
    Look, I wouldn't mind the void zone, avoid, adds and stack up fight, without the adds.

Designer 1:
    Uuuuuuggggh!

Mary:
    What d'you mean, uugggh! I don't like adds. Maybe a fight or two, but not that many adds, not is nearly every fight.

Entire Design Team:
    (singing) adds, adds, adds, adds, adds ... adds, adds, adds, adds ... lovely adds, wonderful adds ...


Designer 1:
    Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! You can't have a void zone, avoid, adds and stack up fight without the adds, trust me, we know what is good for you.

Mary:
    Why can't I have fights without the adds?

Designer 2:
    Because then it wouldn't be a void zone, avoid, adds and stack up fight, would it?

Mary:
    But I don't like adds!

Bob:
    Don't make a fuss, Mary. I love it adds, heck I want even more adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, adds ...

Entire Design Team:
    (singing) adds, adds, adds, adds ...

Bob:
    ... stack up, adds, adds and adds fights for the win.

Designer 1:
    Stack up is played out, we are not doing much of that this time.

Bob:
    So you'll add in more adds instead?

Designer 1:
    You mean an adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, and adds fight?

Entire Design Team:
    (still singing) adds, adds, adds, adds ... (etc.)

Bob:
    Yes.

Designer 2:
    We will make that the first fight, great idea, one fight down folks thanks to Bob.

Entire Design Team:
    (still singing) adds, adds, adds, adds ... (etc.)

Designer 1:
    Arrggh!

Entire Design Team:
    ... lovely adds, wonderful adds.

Designer 1:
    Shut up! Shut up!

(The Entire Design Team shuts up momentarily. Chris Metzen enters the room dressed in a Thrall cosplay oulfit.)

Chris Metzen:
    No fight is complete unless it has Trall to save the day, even if it is full of adds, void zones, adds, avoid, adds, massive explosions, adds ...

Entire Design Team:
    (Singing) adds, adds, adds, adds ...

Chris Metzen:
    (As he leaves) My nipples explode with excitement...

(Cut to an historian)

Historian:
    Another great blizzard victory was built at the blizzard headquarters at Irvine California. Once again the blizzard's strategy was the same. They did exactly what they wanted to do, damn the community and damn Mary and her reluctance to enjoy the content being fed to her and they assembled a raid so single focused in mechanics that nearly every single fight had the same exact mechanic of adds in it.  After it was released they assembled to celebrate their great victory in raid development at a local watering hole.  They celebrated their creation of a raid that consisted of adds, more adds. adds that had their own adds and began to sing the blizzard raid design team theme song for 6.2 of adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, adds ...

Entire Design Team:
    (singing) adds, adds, adds, adds, adds, lovely adds, wonderful adds. Lovely adds, wonderful adds ...

I Need to Take Cooking Classes

This post isn't so much about warcraft as it is a post about a blog about warcraft, this one.  Over the course of the years I have had a lot of rude replies from people who had a different opinion than I did about some subject or another.

Some of them I would rather not repeat.  Others were the simple "move out of the basement" insults that people often throw around to make themselves feel better about their own personal situations.  Then there is the "you don't understand because you are an elitist" while in the same post I had someone else tell me "you don't understand because you are a scrub".  How I can be both bad and good is interesting, but actually fits perfectly because I have always called myself the average player.

I've had a fair deal of disagreements over the years and usually they end up with a debate where I am too bullheaded to change my mind and the other person is just the same and we agree to disagree.  Sometimes I have been wrong and admitted it, sometimes I was right and did not gloat.  Either way, it is the conversation that always fueled my passion to respond to the people that post here.  For better or worse, this is a tiny little community of its own here in grumpyland.

Bottom line is that anyone who disagrees with your opinion and does not want to exchange intelligent conversation about it is going to come up with some sort of way to make themselves feel better and usually that is done with an insult.  Insults do not need to be true, they just need to be said in a way that the person intends for them to be hurtful to another.  They throw those insults because for some odd reason me stating an opinion that differs from their own is taken as an insult to them and they feel the need to fire back because my post insulted them by disagreeing with their opinion.

As I am the "grumpy" elf I make it a habit of writing posts that play to my character, grumpy, and as such a lot of those topics end up pissing in someones cheerios.  Like the topics with flying that had a lot of anger flowing in some replies.  So people disagreeing with my opinion is not anything out of the ordinary.

But in all my years of writing this blog, and the many years before it writing other things online, never has anyone said something that actually make me laugh that I am sure was intended to insult me.  I was told I need to take cooking classes because they disagreed with my opinion.  Not exactly sure how "you should take a cooking class" is an insult, but it was funny.

Now please tell me I am not the only one that finds that to be funny?

Blizzard Lies

This will be an extremely short post, for me at least.  I also put it under the header of humor because I think it has to be one of the funniest things I have heard from blizzard all expansion long.

I saw a question and answer highlighted on the front of MMOC regarding the extremely long queue times for the LFR recently.  After reading it my mind was blown.  I had to read it a second time to make sure I did not misread it.

Someone asked on twitter
"time in queue 1h 30min.. this isn't very fun gameplay"

For this warcraftdevs had a two part answer
(1) We have a fix in the works that should improve LFR queue times
(2) We’re currently giving too much weight to class diversity in forming groups

I found this funny partly because they have a "fix in the works" because it should have never been like this to begin with and should not need a fix.  But the real reason this had me laughing was the second reason they gave, which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that blizzard lies.

Two weeks ago I queued up for the BFR wings on my horde hunter, I get into a group and it has 15 hunters in it.  You are aware there are only 18 damage dealer spaces to begin with right?

Last week, horde hunter again, BRF again, 12 hunters in the group.

Monday before reset, wanted to get the first two bosses on my druid, because I only tanked from the 3rd on, so I queue up as a healer for the first HFC.  Guess how many druid healers we had?  5 druid healers.  Let me give you a reminder how many healers LFR uses, it uses 5.

So I have to say "(2) We’re currently giving too much weight to class diversity in forming groups"  has to be both the most blatant lie blizzard has told us all expansion and probably the funniest one too.

If having 5 out of 5 healers being a druid and 15 out of 18 damage dealers being a hunter is diversity in the eyes of the people that work at blizzard, I now completely understand why they are having all the problems they are.

Hunter Bugs of Yore, But Its Funny Now

The most recent comic strip over at dark legacy comics, seen here, reminded me of a bug hunters had when patch 4.1, the rise of the zandalari, launched.  It was one that not only took me by complete surprise, but also cost me the price of a very unexpected repair.

The comic strip, for those of you that decided not to go read it, had a non-hunter, also known as a support class, attempting to feign death and the mob not falling for it.  Of course the mob would not fall for it, only hunters can feign death silly support class.

But I have had the exact same thing happen to me before and it was the day that 4.1 was launched.  When I logged in I was given a quest to head over to stranglethorn and, as any good adventurer would, I took the quest and I did exactly that.

When I picked up the quests once I arrived one required me to kill a bunch of things which of course is what hunters do best so I did what it is I always do.  I ran around and got a nice little collection of mobs with some body aggro, then I dismounted and misdirected to my pet and hit multi shot.  Problem was that they did not go after my pet.  They kept coming right at me.

At first I thought I might have hit the wrong thing.  It has happened before, many times, more than I would like to admit.  My misdirect macro is bound to shift 1 so maybe I missed something.  Maybe I let go of shift before I hit the 1 or the other way around.  Either way, when I looked to my bar, misdirect was not on cooldown which means I did not use it.  So I did it again and made sure to do it right this time.  Still nothing, crap.  I dropped a trap to slow the mobs and disengaged.

Maybe the update broke my keybinding, it would not be the first time that has happened.  So I went and clicked directly on it.  Nothing, the mobs were still coming after me.  I was kiting like a mad elf doing my best to survive.  Next guess was maybe the update broke the macro itself so I opened my spell book and looked for the misdirect from there.  I figured maybe get a pure unaltered version of it.  I clicked it in the spell book and my pointer lit up.  Awesome, now it will work.  I clicked on the image of my pet and the pointer was still lit.  I clicked again, again and again.  F, nothing.  Guess misdirect was broken.

At this moment I was curing the game a little bit but at least I knew were I stood now.  No misdirect.  If I had known that I would have kept to a smaller pull no doubt but I can still do this.  I kited around in a circle, and wondered why my pet was not taunting.  I had not noticed previously because, lets face it, my plate was quite full while trying to get all those mobs off of me and battling with my broken misdirect ability.

The taunt was on, there was no doubt about that, it just was not doing anything.  So I targeted the mob that was closest to me to try and peel him off and get myself some breathing room and I hit growl manually by clicking directly on it so I would make no mistakes.  Things were not going my way thus far, so I was not taking any changes.

The mob kept coming for me, completely ignoring my pet snarling and threatening the mob while insulting its mother.  Nope, the mob would have none of that, it was still coming for me.  It smelt elf flesh and it wanted a bite and no animal, even a taunting one, would stop it from eating me.  There was nothing I could do here.  I had to go old school on their ass and just kite and kill.

At this point more mobs popped up.  I am guessing they were things someone else killed that were just respawning now.  Damn, this is not becoming any easier.  I am cursing blizzard right now.  They broke my misdirect, they broke my pets taunt, I feel like a freaking clothie now.  If and when any mob got into melee range I felt it, no question about that.  I might wear mail but don't let that fool you, hunters are made out of paper, anyone that PvPs can tell you that.

I killed a few of the mobs but the added mobs that popped up proved to be too much for me.  I could continue to kite forever but decided that I wanted to just reset this whole thing.  I once again cursed blizzard for breaking my misdirect and taunt and lead the pack I was kiting to a safe place for me to feign death.  One where there were no mobs so after they killed my pet I could safely get up.  Any hunter knows how to find the safe spot quickly if need be.  We all get good at learning those things early on in our career as hunters.

Once I found my reset place I hit every hunters favorite reset button feign death and ended up being in for a third surprise of the evening.  They F'N broke feign death too.  About a dozen mobs collapsed on me instantly and mauled my body.  I was saying words in blizzards direction that I just would not feel comfortable typing here at the moment.  Trust me, none of those words were things you want to hear but I am sure they are all ones you have said before when blizzard screwed up your class in a patch.

You know what was the worst part.  Not only did my feign death not work but after they killed me they kept attacking my dead body.  I am dead, leave me alone.  This went on for what seemed like forever but it was in fact only a few seconds.  They were mauling a dead body.  Not only was killing me not enough for them, they wanted to eat my remains.  The insult to the injury of blizzard screwing up my misdirect, taunt and feign death.

Needless to say I finished the quests and I later found out that MD will still work in groups, thank god for small miracles, but not solo, which meant I could not MD to my pet, but I just changed the way I played accordingly until it was fixed.  Either way I had quite a few choice words for blizzard.  I was really pissed they broke so much and it was not funny in any way.  But years later I can now look back and remember this and how funny it was.

Special thanks to dark legacy comics for reminding me of this one day I hated blizzard so much and was curing them like a sailor.  Because now that it is years later I can laugh at it and while it was annoying when it was happening, it is funny now.  Annoying bugs can be humorous, years later.

WoD Sing-A-Long

Please excuse me for a moment while I share something that popped into my mind this morning and I thought I would share.  Hope you enjoy, and please, sing-a-long.

Scene: An elf and a human walk into blizzard headquarters to find out what is coming up in future expansions.

Elf: You sit here, dear.

Human: All right.

Elf: Morning!

Blizzard: Morning!

Elf: Well, what've you got for the new expansion?

Blizzard: Well, there's raids and garrisons; raids professions and garrisons; raids and orcs; raids garrisons and orcs; raids garrisons professions and orcs; orcs garrisons professions and orcs; orcs raids orcs orcs garrisons and orcs; orcs professions orcs orcs garrisons orcs character remodels and orcs;

GMs and CMs: (Chanting) orcs orcs orcs orcs...

Blizzard: ...orcs orcs orcs raids and orcs; orcs orcs orcs orcs orcs orcs ogres orcs orcs orcs...

GMs and CMs: (Singing) orcs! Savage orcs! Savage orcs!

Blizzard: ...or new leveling zones with a few rare mobs in a savage world with quests and events filled with rewarding prizes, fishing and with a savage raid on top involving orcs.

Human: Have you got anything without orcs?

Blizzard: Well, there's orcs raids professions and orcs, that's not got much orcs in it.

Human: I don't want ANY orcs!

Elf: Why can't she have raids garrisons orcs and professions?

Human: THAT'S got orcs in it!

Elf: Hasn't got as much orcs in it as orcs raids professions and orcs, has it?

GMs and CMs: (Chanting) orcs orcs orcs orcs... (Crescendo through next few lines...)

Human: Could you do the raids garrisons orcs and professions without the orcs then?

Blizzard: Urgghh!

Human: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like orcs!

GMs and CMs: (Singing) Savage orcs! Wonderful orcs!

Blizzard: Shut up!

GMs and CMs: (Singing) Savage orcs! Wonderful orcs!

Blizzard: Shut up! (GMs and CMs stop) Bloody GMs! You can't have raids garrisons orcs and professions without the orcs.

Human: I don't like orcs!

Elf: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your orcs. I love it. I'm having orcs orcs orcs orcs orcs orcs orcs orges orcs orcs orcs and orcs!

GMs and CMs: (Singing) orcs orcs orcs orcs. Savage orcs! Wonderful orcs!

Blizzard: Shut up!! ogres are off.

Elf: Well could I have her orcs instead of the ogres then?

Blizzard: You mean orcs orcs orcs orcs orcs orcs... (The GMs and CMs singing drowns blizzards words)

GMs and CMs: (Singing elaborately...) orcs orcs orcs orcs. Savage orcs! Wonderful orcs! orcs or-c-c-c-c-cs orcs or-c-c-c-c-cs orcs. Savage orcs! Savage orcs! Savage orcs! Savage orcs! Savage orcs! orcs orcs orcs orcs!

I apologize for any brain cells lost reading that but I hope you enjoyed.  I will now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Some People are Funny, Even if Unintentionally

It was reset day and it was time to begin week three of my gear up tour for my new hunter.  I've actually been doing okay gear wise even if not great with the exception of a weapon.  I am still wearing the archeology one I was wearing while leveling.  So effectively I am using the same weapon I was when I was 85.

After a wipe on the first boss of SoO wing 2 where we did come close to getting the boss down but the tower team died the group, as a good group should, started talking about what went wrong and how they could fix it.

I wish more LFRs would have groups like that, ones that work with each other instead of insult each other.  The tower healer apologized for the wipe and said they died because they fell off the first tower and did not get a battle res so they could not go up with the second tower.  This bought up two suggestions, one was of course don't die.  The other was to assign a back up healer should they die and not get revived.  But as someone said, don't die is actually the best option.  I'd have to agree with that assessment.

When we were getting close to pulling again and as the tower team got themselves in order and the one tank went over some finer points with the other tank who was tanking it the first time ever someone had to speak up with some "bad vibes".  Things were going so well, this is how LFR groups should work.  Tank helping new tank.  Deciding teams for duty before a pull.  Making adjustments after a wipe.  But no, there always needs to be at least one ass hat to try to bring a group down.

A guy starts off on some of the people for low DPS saying that it will make the later bosses impossible because of how dreadfully bad they all are.  I, of course, had to inspect him as I normally do with anyone that starts to mouth off like that.  I like to do that because usually the person is one of two types.  An extreme over achiever that is wearing heroic gear and is blaming people that are barely even in LFR gear for not being able to keep up, also known as the elitist jerk, or the person doing horrible that wants to point out others are horrible so he doesn't get noticed for being horrible himself, this person is known as the deflector.

The elitist and the deflector are usually two different people.  This guy was both at once.  He had almost all 553 gear including a 559 weapon upgraded to 567 and just happened to be the same class as me, a hunter.  Bad new for him on this day, good news for everyone else that needed a laugh at the end.

So while complaining about the damage dealt he made an unintentional joke that ended up with him being the punch line.

He said, How can people really be that bad, you all need to pick up your DPS, look at your gear people, there is no reason you should be that low.  He started to pick out people and say how bad they are based on their gear.

I, who normally does not speak, had to point out a little fact in raid.

I said, Don't you think if you are going to call people out for doing poorly with the gear they have you should the least try to do decently yourself in your gear? to which he responded, I was fifth in damage done and DPS, which means I am doing my job well.

I said, You where 5th, I was 4th, I just hit 90 2 weeks ago and am still using the same weapon I was when I hit 90.  Just leave people alone, there is enough DPS to do this.  I then continued, If you are going to look at people for not performing up to their gear you should look at yourself first when you can't even beat me when your weapon alone is 100 item levels higher than mine.

He fit both headers, an elitist because he thought he was great because he over geared the content and looked good compared to the other people in the LFR and he was a deflector because he had to call other people out because someone might notice that he only did 103K with his gear, which actually makes himself the exact person he was complaining about.  Someone that should be doing better with the gear they have.

That was not the funny part yet, that comes after the fight.

The tanks pull and we get going and we down the boss.  Great news for me, I actually won the weapon, but this is exactly what made the funny part happen, it was getting that weapon.

After the fight the other hunter says, I beat you that time (he did 134 and I did 129) are you going to put your low level weapon on again and use that as an excuse.  I know you were using a higher level weapon to get that close to me.

I said, I didn't have a better weapon but I do now because I just won the weapon. He said, You are just saying that so if someone catches you wearing it you can make an excuse that you just won it.  I said, No, I am just saying it because I am going to put this one on and spank the ever loving crap out of you in your warforged normal gear with a two week old hunter and a new LFR weapon so you will learn not to insult other people for not performing up to their item level when you can't.

He said, Prove you were not using that weapon during the fight, you just do not want to admit you are a baddie.

I said, Okay, I can prove I did not have an epic weapon before I just won this one.
He said, How are you going to manage that one baddie?

I equip the weapon and let the achievement speak for themselves.

Thegrumpyelf has earned the achievement [Epic]
Thegrumpyelf has earned the achievement [Cataclysmically Epic]
Thegrumpyelf has earned the achievement [Mystically Epic]

I said, Got my new weapon on now, is that proof enough for you?

He dropped group instantly, I never even got the chance to spank him on the next fight.  I don't think he will be insulting how others perform any longer being someone finally took him to task for how badly he was really doing based on the gear he had.

The raid really did get a kick out of it when I got those achievements, if he had stayed they would have trolled him hard.  Leaving was the only option he really had there after those achievements popped up.

That guy makes me laugh just thinking about him, thanks for being unintentionally funny random LFR hunter.

A Day in the Life of a Raid Boss

Have you ever wondered what it must be like to be a raid boss?  I had this image flash through my head of a giant dinosaur kissing his dinosaur wife on the cheek after she hands him his lunch, a few wild boar, in a metal lunch box telling his son that he better work harder in school or he might end up like him.

Then he gets to work and he stands in the center of this empty room waiting for someone to show up knowing that no matter what happens, win or lose, his entire day will consist of being beat on.  If he wins for the day he will still have to get beat on over and over, if he loses he has to get beat on only once.  Does he get paid more to make us wipe?  What is his motivation to win?

I could see him hearing us down the hall heading toward him yelling out "Hey Roger, send out some more adds, I'm on the can and almost done with this article in rolling stone on taylor swift.  I love her."

What happens when you are no longer current content?  Does your salary get cut, will you have to stop sending your dinosaur kids to private dinosaur school?  That can't be a good thing to hear because rumor has it that those public dinosaur schools are really tough places.  Not exactly the place you would want to send your son if you do not want him to grow up to be a raid boss too.

I can just imagine him home at the end of the day laying in bed with his dinosaur glasses on reading a copy of the wall street journal and turning to his wife and saying, "I got a nice buff today, some people wanted to try to beat me at a harder level and I was allowed to use some extra abilities.  It was funny to see them caught off guard by them."

Just think about what life would be like for a raid boss and let your imagination run away for a little bit.  It can be quite funny to imagine what their life would be if they were just like us, regular every day people, or dinosaurs if you will, with a family and friends and being a raid boss was only their job.

"Hey Pat, did you see the security footage of what Jimmy did to that crew that was trying to beat him yesterday."
"It was funny watching them all kneel over and die at the exact same time."
"I need an raid wipe ability like that, I'm going to human resources tomorrow."

The Misadventures of Gneville the Gnome - Out Shopping

So there I was waiting on line at Crown Grocery in Stormwind when this elderly dwarf lady kept staring at me.  More so starting at the ten pound bag of dog food that was almost as big as I was that I was lugging to the counter to buy for my perky pug.  She kept giving me strange looks.

I really did not pay much attention to her as the looks scared me some but I did over hear her saying something to the human standing behind her about how gnomes can't be hunters so what could I possibly need so much dog food for.  I wanted to say "hello, battle pets" but I did not interject.

Finally, when she started staring at me again I felt the need to say something, it was getting a bit discomforting.  I mean, I am dead sexy and all.  I am used to being stared at by women, dwarves too, but this was not that lusty look for my gnomish good looks I am used to.  It was downright scary.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked the elderly dwarven lady.
"I was just wondering, do you have a dog?"

Now I could have just said yes, it is for my perky pug.  He eats me out of house and home and loves to wipe his butt on the carpet.  Come to think of it I should have picked up some carpet cleaner too but this line is too long today to go back and get it now, I'll come back tomorrow for that.  But decided to have a little fun with this.

"No, I do not have a dog."  I said in a matter of fact what is the big deal way and turned away.
I then felt her tap me on the shoulder and ask, "Then what is all that dog for food?"
"Oh, it is for me, I am starting the Kings Kibble diet."
"Kings Kibble diet?" She questioned, obviously confused.
"Oh yes, it is a really great diet.  I lost 30 pounds the last time I was on it.  I ended up in the medical ward however, but it was worth it."
She just managed an "Oh" and said nothing else.

For a few minutes she would look around and back at me.  Every time the line moved forward and I lifted the bag to step forward and plopped it back on the ground it looked as if she were about to say something but didn't.  So I figured I might need to bait her a little bit by telling her how the diet worked.  She no longer had that scary look when she was starting it me, it was more of an inquisitive one, so I knew I had her hooked.

"You see," I said to her and waited for her to turn to me so I knew she was paying attention "I fill all my pockets with kibble and whenever I am hungry I just grab one out and nibble on it.  It actually tastes okay too and it has all the vitamins and minerals a growing gnome needs to survive, so it is quite good for me too."
"Really? That is very interesting." She said. 

I could hear the next sentence dangling on the tip of her dwarvish tongue as I was lifting my bag to put it on the counter to check out.  Finally it was my time to pay up and get out of here.  Her time was almost over too, if she had a question, and I knew she would, it would have to come soon.  After I was done paying, as she was putting things on the counter and I lifted the bag to go she finally came out with it.

"If it is so healthy how did you end up in the medical ward?" She asked.
I smiled and replied "I had this uncontrollable urge to bend over and sniff Crithho's butt and he mauled me." and then I skipped out of the store and as her jaw hit the ground I was laughing the whole way.

A Solution to the LF Queue Times

This is a tongue in cheek post and not meant to be taken seriously... or is it?

I think I have finally found the ultimate solution to the looking for systems queue issues.  The forth role selection.

When you enter the queue for any looking for content you are given a prompt that ask you to confirm your role.  The three options we are given are that of the tank, the healer and the damage dealer just like a pure damage dealer can not choose the tank or healer option.  One more should be added and called the selfish bastard.

From this moment on the hybrid classes can no longer choose damage dealer as an option.  They can now only choose between tank (if their class allows), healer (if their class allows) and selfish bastard (if they want to steal the damage dealer role from someone that does not have any other options).

How the system would work is just like it does now, it would fill a group with tanks, healers and damage dealers.  The only time it would ever choose anyone from the selfish bastards sign up would be if there are currently no mages, rogues, hunters or warlocks in queue.  As those are the classes that have no options they would always be put to the front of the line over the classes that have choices.

In time the selfish bastards would realize that they are the reason there are long queues for the LF systems.  And the system would let them know that every step of the way with pop up messages. "If you where a tank you would be entering now.", "If you were a healer you would be entering now."  Things like that.

When you sign up under the selfish bastard option you will be told exactly how many people that could have been you that had finished the instance while you sat waiting.  "Your dungeon is ready, 17 tanks have queued up and finished this dungeon already before you even entered.  One of them could have been you if you had chosen not to be a selfish bastard."

Throughout the entire process that a selfish bastard is in queue they will be notified in chat of everything a tank or healer wins, as it applies to what they could have been.  "A tank has won [xxxxx]", "A healer has won [xxxxx]".  With the vast number of people using the system that will mean their screen with forever be filled with "someone else wins something".  This notification can not be turned off.  The selfish bastard can just ignore the chat panel if they like, but it will still be there.

Would this actually be a solution?  Who knows, but a guilt trip could be fun to think about and the idea that there would be someone on the other end of the monitor screaming at the screen after seeing dozens, if not hundreds, of messages that tanks and healers have just won something and they just won gold, again, is priceless.

A selfish bastards role selection is needed in the game and it would be the solution to the LF queue times issue.

Full disclosure:  I queue as DPS on my tanks too because I refuse to tank for randoms and I would still gladly be a selfish bastard and wait a little longer.  But most aren't as stubborn as me.  They would fold to the pressure of being called a selfish bastard in due time.

Please support the selfish bastard role check option.  The only people that should ever be allowed to select the role of a damage dealer are those that can only be damage dealers.

A Gnome and a Tauren Walk Into a Bar...

The Gnome turns the to Tauren and starts crying into his drink feeling sorry for himself, "Everything I build blows up.  Whenever I go out people are always trying to kick me.  I am the butt of every short joke you can imagine.  When out adventuring with friends I need mountain climbing gear to get over pebbles my mates step over, I almost drown in lakes they walk right through and I'm tired of never being taken serious like I am the comic relief."
"It could be worse." The Tauren says.

"Worse?  What could be worse then the hell I have to live with on a daily basis?"

The Tauren says, "You could have to go through life named Holy Cow."

The Gnome takes a second to think and says, "You win."

---

Wasn't exactly sure of a title for today's post so I figured I would make up a joke and start it that way.  Hope my joke wasn't too bad.  Just bad enough to be good. 

Sometimes wow can be downright silly and that is a good thing.  We all need a break from the serious, from the grinding, from the raiding, from the mundane.  Silly is good.

I've always been a fan of transformation toys.  My first transformation toy was Dartol's Rod of Transformation.  I loved that thing, still do.  It is no longer in game but I still have it.  I am quite glad that it was not one of the fun things that lost the battle of bag space over the years.  There are many things no longer in game I wish I still had but alas they are gone.

For anyone that wants that little toy there is at least something to replace it, even if it is not half as awesome as the rod being you can use the rod every minute and it lasts for three, meaning it is one of the very few transformations in game you can have 24/7.  It's replacement, Stave of Fur and Claw, lasts 3 minutes as well but with a one hour cooldown sadly.  Glad I have the original one.

There are many transformation items in the game and someone on wowhead posted a comment with many of them, you can see it on the link from the rod or stave.  I won't rehash what was already said and done but I will share some of my other favorites.

Ai-Li's Skymirror allow you to look like anyone for 10 minutes.  It has a one hour cooldown but healing as a bear or shooting arrows as a tree is pretty fun sometimes.  If the cooldown was shorter I would surely enjoy it more but as it, it is one of my favorite transformation toys currently

Potion of Illusion is another thing that has the same function as the skymirror and you can use it over and over to keep being someone else, but the 2 minute duration can mean you need to keep a crap load of them on you if you want to be someone else all the time.  At least this one you can keep being a different someone else every two minutes.

Leyara's Locket from the molten front quest line is another one of my favorites but its short 5 minute duration and long 1 hour cooldown made it works it way into my bank bags after we were no longer doing the fitting raid for the transformation, firelands.  But I do break it out from time to time.

The Vrykul drinking horn from archeology is one of those transformation things that has managed to stay in my bags for a very long time all thanks to its 1 second cooldown.  It is not really much of a transformation, you get a new Vrykul inspired helm and get a little bigger but it can be a lot of fun when used with other transformations to change from it making you a little bigger to making you freaking huge.

When used with Mr. Smite's brass compass, burgy blackheart's handsome hat and drinking some fras siabi's bigger beer and you can get downright huge when you mount up on your largest mount.   The first item comes from a mists rare, second item from a cata rare and the beer from ICC after the forth boss role play is done the guy that sells it will open shop there.

Lots of fun things to do, just to be a bit silly in game.  And if you are willing to let your inner role player hang out some, you can enjoy it a lot more than just being someone else.

All toys are not about transformations.  There are many different ones.  I like the trinket that gives me a super huge sword that follows me around for a bit that I got in ungoro.  Sadly I do not recall the name right now.  There are of course pets, but then there are the pets that are not exactly pets.  Nomi from this expansion is like that.  You can summon her (I think it is a her) and she will follow you around all day long like a pet.

There are more than a few items like that and if you wanted to you could get them all and have an entire entourage following you everywhere you go.  As a hunter, you can call your pet, your stampede, and your crows and walk around, at least for a short time, with 40+ things following you.  I know, I know, but I did say this was all about silly stuff right?

I often talk about what we consider "serious" things in game but that doesn't mean that I don't like to have a little fun from time to time and they do sure offer us a lot of toys and transformations and other gadgets that allow us to be silly.

What are some of your favorite toys?

What Happens on the Farm...

What happens on the farm stays on the farm.  At least until I make a post about it.  No, I am not talking about the dwarves and what they do with their sheep.  I do not even want to think about that.  Why did you bring it up?  Now I am going to have nightmares thank you very much.

The visitor...
One day while tending to my farm on a bright sunny day and fending off vermin and other unwelcome visitors I received a visit from someone I was not expecting but not exactly of the unwanted variety.  The little daily quest marker appeared on my screen when there were none there before.  I was half done farming and I knew there was nothing there but now there was.

I walked outside of the farm and went looking for it.  While the marker appeared to be on my farm I knew it could not be on my farm so I went looking for it.  As soon as I stepped out of my farm the marker disappeared.

Was I imaging things?  I mounted up and flew around quickly and nothing.  So I went back to tending to my crops and as soon as I stepped on my farm the quest marker appeared again.

Ah ha I said to myself, it is in my cabin.  I walked up the stairs and to my surprise there was a blingtron sitting in my cabin in the corner.  What was he doing here?  I am not an engineer and I did not place him here.  My farm has never had any visitors that could have come and left him here for me.  So he must have appeared from a different dimension.  Either way, free goodies from blingy.  Thanks buddy.

Interlude...
Did you hear that the dwarves have started a new safe sex initiative? 
They paint the legs of the sheep that kick.

Did you hear the new motto of Ironforge?
Where men are men and sheep are scared.

How many dwarves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but you need to pry him off the sheep first.

I Kill You...
Everyone knows the fun of the farm on a PvP server and even on a non PvP servers.  Need to escape battle quick, jump in your farm.  Need to stage an ambush, have everyone stay in the their farms and jump out at the same time.  There are lots of ways an innovative PvPer can use the farm to their advantage but there are also a few odds things that happen on the farm once in a while even if you do not PvP.

One day while farming on a rainy day at the farm a bird popped up and I sent my pet after him, hitting lynx rush in the process.  I did not notice it right away but I ended up flagged for PvP.  On my farm?  From fighting a bird?  Excuse me.  It seems that you can fight someone on their farm if they are flagged but hitting them in not an exact science.  You have to get lucky hitting them as they are not actually there, so to speak, so you have to use AoE sort of things.

I threw an explosive trap where my pet was fighting shortly after and a snake trap a few steps away from it and sat and watched to see if anything happened.  Each minute I would lay them again.  After a few minutes of laying them and just sitting there watching and seeing nothing I went back to farming only to see my snakes pop out all over the place.

Woot, I got me a hordie on their farm and they will never even know it was me.  I tried laying traps again but none went off and being hunters have no AoE what so ever I could not do much more, I need a target to do my abilities, but I could imagine the fun I could have with a class that has an AoE ability.  I could kill people on their farm while on my farm and they would never know it was me.  Well, unless they were smart enough to look at their combat log that is.

Interlude...
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

Why did the sheep cross the road?
To get away from the dwarf.

Why did dwarves make ironforge at the top of a mountain?
So when they took the sheep to the ledges they would push back.

Do I know you?...
While I mentioned my pet has visited another persons farm, and I could tell that by him attacking that person and flagging me and I know that blingy has visited me as well those are not the only occurrences of visitors I've had over the course of doing my farm work.

I've had a warlock imp actually look like it was following me around for a short time.  When I moved, he moved, and no, I was not on my warlock at the time.  I was on my priest.  My priest also seems to have a thing for hunters pets because they always love to visit her on her farm.

Not once, not twice, but three times she has had a hunters pet just hanging out with her while she was farming.  One of those three times was actually funny because I knew the pet.  It belonged to a friend of mine as it is a unique pet and I've never seen anyone but him use it.  I asked him, are you farming right now and he said yes, why.  I told him that his pet was on my farm.  We had a nice laugh about it.

The pet did not have a name over it but it was targetable.  I was able to touch it, so I pet his pet, and shortly after when he was done farming and left his pet left with him.  It was nice to have a visitor for a while however and being I am a hunter at heart I liked that it was a hunters pet.

It makes me wonder how many other farms has my pet visited and even more importantly, why did he not bring back any gifts.  If I went on vacation I would bring him back a gift.

So while I have seen hunters pets and warlock imps I have yet to see a mages elemental, but I have heard one before.  The wosh wosh water sound is unmistakable and if I really zoomed in I could see a faint outline of the little patterns of water he left on the ground.  Seems our pets get around.

Interlude...
Why do dwarves wear high boots?
So they can put the sheep's legs in them so they do not get away.

Did you hear that the dwarves have discovered a brand new use for sheep?
Wool.

Did you know a dwarf invented velcro?
He needed something for his gloves to keep the sheep from getting away.

Stop messing with my chickens...
One day yoonie and I were chilling talking about crop returns with dog staring at us, presumably wanting some food, when all the chickens on my farm went insane.  They started running all over the place with these little skulls over their heads.  Feared no doubt, but from what?

Yoon and I split up, he went to the front of the farm and me the back and we tried to look for anything out of the ordinary.  Just then, the chickens went crazy again.  Running all over the place and trembling with fear.  It was then that I saw my farm was under attack.  A death and decay landed on my crops, directly in the center.  Yoon, I yelled, run for your life.

The chickens were being feared by a priests psychic scream it seems and all other AoE effects were also appearing on my farm, all at once.  It must have been a busy day on the farm because between the consecrations, the death and decays and the chickens running around like, excuse the pun, chickens with their heads cut off, it seemed like everyone had it in for those little buggers.

You want to D&D my carrots and feel strongly about it, go ahead if that floats your boat, but please leave my poor chickens alone, what did they ever do to you.  I needed to bring a farm animal psychologist in to talk to my chickens.  They had nightmares for the next week thanks to that.

Interlude...
A gnome told a dwarf he could make his sheep sound like a cheerleader.  The dwarf of course did not think it was possible.  He challenged the gnome to put up or shut up and the gnome accepted.  He said for the dwarf to come back the next day.

When the dwarf came back the gnome said to put the sheep on that metal platform and just listen as the sheep would become a cheerleader.

The gnome stepped back and lit the fuse and it made a ssshhhhh sound.
Then the platform exploded and it made a boom sound.
Then the sheep went flying through the air yelling baaaaaa.

The dwarf, upset the gnome had just blown up his sheep grabbed him by the neck and started to strangle him when the gnome eeked out some words explaining.  I told you I could make your sheep sound like a cheerleader, it went ssshhhh-boom-baaaaa.

Bring out your dead...
Have you ever found a dead body on your farm?  I have, more than once.  One day I even entered my farm to find the skeletons of three bodies of the recently deceased.  It made me wonder how can you die on your farm?

The mobs can kill you I guess but you would have to actively try to die to die against one of them.  Either by pulling a lot of them or not fighting back.  Even in poor gear with poor skills it would not be easy to die to them so people have to be dying another way.

I took it upon myself to try and figure out how these people managed to die but I could not tell anything from the bones.  They were all in the farming area which would lead me to believe they did die to critter damage but there has to be other ways to die on the farm.

Flying high up and releasing will surely mean death on the farm.  Can a lock still hellfire themselves to death?  I have not tried recently but the last time I used it I don't recall it doing a lot of damage any more.  I am sure I could kill myself with it but it would take some time.  Could people cross farm PvP and actually kill someone?  I do think it is possible.  I've attacked people on other farms and I have seen their effects on mine.  My poor chickens are still recovering form them.

I'll bet every one of us has had some skeletons on the farm but it is a good thing what happens on the farm stays on the farm.  Including all those dead bodies people have laying around.

Endnote...
A lot of strange things happen on the farm and thank god it is phased and what happens on the farm stays on the farm or we just might not ever be able to get the images of the dwarves and those poor sheep out of our heads.  Strange things happen on the farm, strange things indeed.

Blizzard Announces Mandatory Faction, Race and Class Changes Coming

Warning: This post is meant to be taken tongue in cheek, while trying to prove a point.

In a recent announcement blizzard has said that they intended to expand on the success and exceptionally good reception that the cross realms zones have received while trying to balance the game and are taking it to the next step in balancing the game to be better for everyone, "If they like it or not", Daxxarri, a community manager on the US forums, is quoted as saying.

The following is an excerpt from the announcement on the main page:

We are proud to announce our continued efforts in balancing the game by addressing the faction imbalance, race imbalance, sex imbalance and class imbalance in the coming months.  Over the next year we hope to make the game more balanced than it has ever been in our efforts to push forward our vision of how you, the player, really wants the game.

The following is a schedule for when you can expect the changes:

December 18th, 2012, 5.1 Released and mandatory faction balancing being enforced.
March 12th, 2013, 5.2 Released and mandatory race and sex balancing being enforced.
July 23rd, 2013, 5.3 Released and mandatory class change balancing being enforced.

Please use this thread for any discussion on the matter and I will attempt to answer any reasonable questions.

Personally I am a bit worried about this change.  I paid to sex change characters, I paid to race change characters, I paid to faction transfer characters and I paid to server transfer characters.  They have already dismissed my concerns about paying to be on a smaller server by placing me on a larger cross realm zone against my will.  This will just further enforce things on me I might not want.

What if on my main server, being it is leaning slightly alliance they want to turn some of my characters horde.  I do not want them horde.  What if they change my only blacksmith or only engineer horde, I like having at least one of each profession on that server.  Can I change back?  The word mandatory seems to make it seem like I can't.  If they change my warrior, which is my engineer to horde and I pay to change it back can they force it to turn horde again and once more I would be put in the position that I paid to be for something they will not let me have like I paid to be on a small server and they said screw you, we are putting you on a large server?

After reading the announcement I have so many questions but if you have ever read here before I do not post on the battle net forums because it is a cesspool there and I do not want to deal with the garbage community that they do not moderate or the rude community managers that herd us all together like cattle and all but call anyone that disagrees with them an idiot.  So I decided that others would ask my questions and I would pick and choose some of those questions and answers to share here, at least the ones that I personally find important to me.

Now to the questions and answers that impact me, and maybe you.

Q: "I paid to be on a small server and was forced on to the cross realm zone does this mean that if I paid to be horde I could be forced to be alliance?"

A: "No one is forcing you to do anything, you can choose to not play, you can pay to faction change or you can embrace the changes and understand we know what you want better than you know what you want.  Your opinion really doesn't matter.  That is why we do not care if you paid to be on a small server and put you in a cross realm zone and that is why if your server is heavy horde we might change you to alliance to help balance the game.  It will be better for everyone, trust me.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "Being you mentioned class changes for 5.3 does that mean we will also be getting a paid class change service?"

A: "Yes.  It has been asked for by the community for a long time and we felt that it was about time we added it to the game.  As you know we attempt to give the people what they want but there will be some restrictions.  If you are moving from a high played class to a low played class the price will be cheaper than moving from a middle played class to a low played class.  This is in an effort to try and help balance the classes.  If you play a low played class you will not be allowed to change your class as it would create a further imbalance and we are trying our best to correct that.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "If you are going to "enforce", your own words, class changes, why would I pay to change my class when you are going to do it for me for free like it or not?"

A: "If you want to pay to change your class and it makes an imbalance we will just change someone else to compensate.  For example, if you go from a warrior to a priest we will change one priest on your server to a warrior.  Your money means you have a choice and your choice means something when it comes with payment.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "If our money means something then how come me paying to be on a small server did not matter?"

A: "Why ask stupid questions?  I am not going to dignify that with an answer but wanted to tell all the people that keep bringing that up how great the cross realm zones have been for the game if you would just take your head out of your ass long enough to stop complaining about a few dollars wasted you would notice it. If anything, you people paying to be on small servers are the reason we had to do this.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "So what you are basically saying is that if I change my class I am screwing someone else out of theirs?"

A: "No, not at all.  They will, in turn, have the ability to pay to change their class too.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "If people keep paying is it possible it can come back to me and make me change even if I paid to change at one point before?"

A: "Possible?  Yes.  Likely? No.  Our data shows that not everyone is willing to pay for services like that so sooner or later the break point will come where everyone gets to play the class they like and we create a balance that is better for the game all at the same time.  Impressive right?
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "You were always against class changes, what changed?"

A: "The proving grounds are being added in 5.3 along with class changes.  When someone pays for a class change or is upgraded to a class change they will have to clear a series of class specific providing grounds that should make sure they have the acceptable skills to play their new class.  They will stay in that phased proving ground until they are capable of completing it.  So if they are bad, they are not going to be playing that class, simple as that.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "Upgraded to a class change?  If I want to play a death knight I would not consider being forced to be a warrior an upgrade."

A: "And you are always right?  We have the data, we know better than you.  If you are chosen to be a warrior it is with good reason.  Whether you like it or not does not matter.  Leave it to be someone that rolls a death knight to complain about being a warrior.  I'll make sure your name is on the list for one of the first accounts we upgrade when this is implemented.  Female gnome warrior has a nice ring to it if you ask me.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "What if I do not want to play a horde character?"

A: "I have three words for you, Paid Faction Transfer.  Seriously, you could not figure that out on your own?
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "Is it really needed to go this far?  50/50 male/female, 50/50 horde/alliance, all classes equally represented, etc?"

A: "For the betterment of the game, yes.  And in case you are wondering, I have all the data that proves that.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "Why would there need to be sex balance?"

A: "How do the dwarves have little baby dwarves if there are no females?  The game needs to have some balance in everything and we think it is important that there is a balance of the sexes just as much as we believe that there should be a balance in PvP.  The only difference is that it will be a lot easier to balance the sexes as that is an exact number.  It will not effect your game play and will be better for the game.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "What if I do not want to be a male/female?"

A: "Do you really think you, as one person, is more important than the entire balance of the game?  Don't be so selfish.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "If I pay to play this game shouldn't I have some say in how, where and as what I play it?"

A: "Of course you shouldn't. Remember one thing.  This is my game, you just pay for it.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "Why don't you just force us to play the specs you want us to play too being we will no longer have the right to choose what server we play on, what sex our character is, what faction, what class or what race?  Where does it stop?"

A: "We can't spoil everything for you but I will say this, in 6.0: Return of the Legion, we will be adding a mandatory spec alignment to the game which should all but remove any wait time from any random content ever again.  It is a long term goal of ours to bring the best game we can to the players and by making sure everyone is playing the roles that are needed to create that balance is just a small part of it.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "What if someone doesn't know how to heal?  Will they still have an option to DPS and if not how can they do quests?"

A: "Excellent question, thanks for not being a whiny little bitch like everyone else has been here and asking about game design.  If someone does not want to heal they can just leave their character in the proving grounds and roll another character, that will be allowed by the game, as only characters that are needed, race, sex, faction, spec and class will be capable of being created now.  From the list of what is open, they can decide.  As for your second question, no, they will not have a DPS spec, they will need to learn how to quest as a healer but fear not.  All healers will have an NPC that can be used to tank for them while they are questing just as all tanks will have a healer NPC that will keep them healed.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "You finally mentioned something I love, NPCs that will allow me to quest as a healer or tank.  Thanks for adding that."

A:  "You're welcome.  That was all my idea, so feel free to praise me because I am so perfect and awesome and I am turning this game into the greatest game ever as long as everyone steps in line and does things exactly how I tell them to do them.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "Don't you think is it a little obnoxious to ask people to just step in line and do everything you say?"

A: "Can't you tell a joke when you hear one.  I did not mean it as you are taking it.  You seem to think you have a choice and you don't.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "So basically what you are saying with all these changes coming in the next year is that I have to play the class you want me to play, the race you want me to play, the sex you want me to be, the faction you want me on, and fill the role you want me too, no matter what I want to do?"

A: "You forgot one important thing, you have to play on the server we want you to play on.  It all started by us taking money from people that wanted to transfer to another server for whatever reason and then completely ignoring their desire to be on said server and putting them on the one we wanted them on.  But yes, all you said, and the server thing.  That is what I am saying.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "Is there any way to stop you from doing this?  The community is in an uproar, just look at all the forums here and on fan sites all around the net, no one wants this."

A: "You had your chance to stop this but you didn't.  When we made cross realm zones and people complained and then let it go while they got distracted by mists which was not cross realm you basically lost your voice.  You said to us, its okay, as long as we have new material to play.  So we will be releasing content faster, as the schedule shows just like you wished, and we will be changing your character as we wish, and you will like it, just like you now like cross realm zone.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Three months of being a warlock and you will get used to it.  Don't worry about it.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "So all of these ideas came from the cross realm zone?"

A:  "Absolutely. You paid to be on a small server, we screwed you over and put you on a massive merged server against your will, you complained for a while and then you fell in line like the sheep that you are.  You will all continue to fall in line and play whatever class, race, role, we want you too because you are all sheep.
- Greg "Ghostcrawler" Street"

Q: "But I want to be a paladin."

A: Suck it up buttercup.  I am sick and tired of I want, I want, I want.  Just do what we tell you to do and stop being so selfish, I have all the data and I know what is best for the game.  All of you people are just whiny little selfish jerks that would not know what is best for the game and I am sick of it.  I am done answering questions for the day.  GC out"

 Warning: This post is meant to be taken tongue in cheek, while trying to prove a point.

I Hate the Shado-Pan, Death Threats and A Toy

I've only been doing shado-pan dailies for four days but I have already grown to hate them with a passion.  It has nothing to do with the quest themselves, they are simple enough, it is the helpers they offer you.  Needless to say I can do the quests without the helpers but I want to get the Shado-Master achievement which means I have to do all the quest related achievements, but even without the meta, I would want to do all the quest related achievements anyway.

It is the one achievement that is part of the meta that is going to kill me, figuratively speaking.  Getting around with the Shado-Pan.  After my four days of quests and trying to run around with various helpers I have come to the conclusion that blizzard followed the profile of the worst players in the game and made NPCs act like them, but worse.

The helpers are horrible.  My first helper was Protector Yi and if there were ever someone I wanted to push off a cliff this is him.  I've never even run into a pug with a player as bad as Protector Yi.  I pull two mobs and Yi sees that there are another 16 in the area that I seem to be neglecting so he is not content just easily blowing away the two mobs I pulled and moves on to the others.  He has to make sure to go round up the other 16 and bring them to me, perhaps because he thinks I would not get around to them on my own.  Gee, thanks.

Every single pull I made, no matter what efforts I made to not turn each fight into a mosh pit of dozens of people he found a way to pull extra mobs.  Neutral mobs?  No problem, I'll drag them into the battle for you.  Flying mobs that just pass over head?  No problem, I'll drag them into the battle for you.  Mobs you were not even going to go after at all because they are not part of your quest?  No problem, I'll drag them into the battle for you.  Protector Yi should be called Caretaker Yi because he just wants to fill plot holes in a cemetery and he doesn't care if you go into one of those plots.

On a few occasions he even figured out how to pull mobs that were no where to be found.  I wouldn't be surprised if some of the mobs he pulled were from the dread wastes or kun-lai, he pulls anything from anywhere it seems.

I use the tidy plates addon so I can see anything that in within range and some.  Even if they are in a building or behind a mountain their plates will show for me.  There would be no one, not a single mob, outside of the ones I was fighting on the screen and off goes Protector Yi, excuse me, Caretaker Yi, to somehow find more mobs to pull.  If I were not sure he couldn't, as he is not a warlock or anything, I would think he was conjuring up more mobs to fight himself.  The guy is a freaking aggro magnet.

On more than one occasion I had to say screw it and just leave him to die and run off to a safe place to regroup because he would not stop pulling mobs.  Even when I was handling them and getting them down it seemed that he would look at it and say, down to only 5 mobs, need more mobs, and run off to get more.  It was one constant massive pack of mobs.

I had to kill 16 of something I believe it was, I landed where 2 were standing and engaged them, by the time the fight was done with those 2 mobs I had all 16 I needed for the quest, which is a good thing, but I also had another dozen as well and some.  I finally gave up when I was still fighting and the original 2 mobs I landed to kill respawned.   I had a pile of 30+ mobs there.  If you ever want to farm gold or something Caretaker Yi is your man because he will pull the whole zone for you but if you want to complete quests in a timely manner, no freaking way.

As bad as he is he can not claim the spot as the most annoying helper I've run across yet.  He was a warrior and I guess that fits him, pulling mobs.  He also did play the role of the tank, so that is good for those cloth type people I guess.  He was bad, even annoying with over pulling for no reason but he was not the worst, close, but not.

The most annoying helper is a huntard in every sense of the word.  Hawkmaster Nurong is every thing you heard bad about hunters and 10 times worse.  I am surprised that they did not code something in the game that if a green melee weapon dropped he would roll need on it.  That is about the only stereotype of a huntard that Hawkmaster did not emulate.  Every single fight he runs up to melee and stands there looking at the mob and occasionally dropped traps.

He should be called Trapmaster Wrong because that is all he does, lay traps and do everything wrong.  He has no pet, he puts traps all over the freaking place and on the rare occasion when he does attack he does so in melee.  I do not care if hunters do not have minimum range any more, you do not attack in melee range, even more so when all the mobs do AoE damage in melee range.  Maybe it is a good thing he did not try to get at range, he might have found a way to pull even more mobs.

The worst part is he puts the traps in the middle of freaking nowhere.  If I am fighting a mob in one place he will litter the area around the mob with traps.  Will he put them under the feet of the mob?  Nope, but he will put them all around him.

That is not all either, he pulls more mobs while he runs around placing traps in areas they are not needed.  And if someone comes near one of his oddly placed traps it pulls them.  Add to that, his timing is horrible for everything he does.

I made this one pull with one elite mob and 5 normal mobs, lets forget for a moment that these bugs hit like a jackhammer to begin with, but I can handle it.  Multi to keep them all on my pet and take out the non elites one at a time while keeping mend pet rolling and even the brutal beating my pet is taking I can handle it.

That is until Trapmaster Wrong decides to put two frost traps to the left and right of the battle, I guess to slow down anyone that might come close that is not even involved in the battle, which I really question, and ends up pulling two more roving packs with it.  Each of those two packs had 1 elite and two normal mobs, not to mention one of those two packs was close enough to another pack when it aggroed because of his traps that it pulled another pack of four normal mobs.  So my nice controlled pull of one elite and 5 normal mobs was now a pull of 3 elites and 13 normal mobs.

My poor pet had its fate decided instantly.  Sorry scruffy but you have to die.  I started to do my little retreat with a multi misdirect to make sure none tried to follow me while I made a calculated retreat.  Trapmaster Wrong kept laying down frost traps and snake traps and explosive traps like crazy, the guy apparently is not limited by the cooldowns I am and can have multiple traps of the same type out at the same time.  My pet died a noble death and I feigned death just far enough away that I knew I could pop up safely after battle and the pat walked away.

One problem, after they killed the greatest huntard in the history of huntards he reappears a few seconds later.  Right on top of where I was hiding in my feigned death state.

I was laying there in my feign death waiting for the pat to walk away when battle ended but no, he would have none of that, he reappeared standing next to my body laying there and the pats came flying at him.  He couldn't wait 5 seconds for them to walk away before reappearing?  He couldn't wait until I got up before coming to rejoin me?  Freaking jerk.  They started beating on him and doing their AoE stuff, hitting my hiding body in the process and I was yelling at the screen, die already you idiot.  But he just kept taking the hit and laying trap after trap after trap moving backwards.

At least that moved them away from me some so when they were just out of range enough I hit camo causing me to pop up and took off like a bat out of hell to a safer place so when the wrongly named hawkmaster joined me again he would not pull mobs again.

He ended up doing that to me a total of three times.  Huntard is a perfect way to describe him.

The last of the dailies was of course one of those ones to kill some bigger boss at the end of them and I landed and started to lay the smackdown on him.  Hawkmaster did not cause any problems this time because there were no adds for him to pull but when the fight was over there had to be a dozen traps all over the place around the mob I was fighting.  My pet was tanking him so he was in one place and never moved.  What was the reasoning of placing all these traps all around him?  He could have placed even one under the mobs feet, but no, that would make way to much sense.  Lets place them everywhere in the area he is not.  Yes, that makes sense.

I said to my screen, talking to him of course, I am a hunter, if I wanted traps I would lay them.  Just attack the freaking target that I am attacking you moron.

All their helpers are like Yi and Nurong, they are all completely useless and are all more trouble then they are worth.  If I did not know better I think their secret agenda was to try and get me killed.  The pandas do not really want outsiders around so they make me travel with these people so they can kill me.  I swear that is it.  I swear they are there to kill me and not help me.

If it is not their secret agenda to kill me off and these really are the elite strike force for the pandaren people then I really question how they survived, how they evolved.  Survival of the fittest and all, they should have been wiped out a long time ago, their own ineptitude and stupidity should have done them in.

If these are the best of the best I wonder how the hell they escaped being slaves of the Mogu.  These are the worst fighters I have ever seen in game, worse than the worst pug I was ever in.  If anything it made me wish I were in a looking for dungeon pug instead of doing these quests.  These helpers made me understand how good even the bad players in randoms are because I don't think any player could ever be as bad as the shado-pan helpers.

Speaking off odd occurrences while doing dailies I have to make mention of one of the dailies I did a few days ago for the august celestials where I had to kill Ellia Ravenmane, the end quest of the quest line.  Nothing special, challenge a person to a battle at the end of a daily quest line.  We have all done it a dozen times right?  But have you ever received death threats in the mail after you did one?  I don't recall ever getting a death threat from a quest mob, nevertheless I got a few of them from her.  She did not take losing to me very well it seems.  Ellia likes to tell me it isn't over and I will meet her again and she will get her revenge.

I must say, between death threats in the mail and NPC helpers that make me think of bad pugs as good ones, the game sure has developed a real sense of life to it.  Like a real RPG should have.  Nice touch blizzard.  But damn you, I have to do 15 dailies with each of those NPCs?  You bastards.

As for toys, I found a new toy the other day too, thanks to my tidy plates showing me things that hide behind walls.  When doing one of the quest I saw an NPC named scotty, being a star trek fan I said to myself, self, I need to find him and kill him, a named mob that doesn't have a quest marker on it has to have something cool right?  After some stumbling around I found a way to get to him and he dropped a coin that turns you into him but it only has three charges.  Either way, it is another nice little toy in game and don't let his elite tag fool you, he is a push over.

If it were not for my plate addon I would have never noticed he was there.  Love tidy plates.  If you need a plate addon take a look at it.

I wonder what hell the shado-pan will subject me to today or if I will come home to another mail from Ellia telling me she is going to get me some day.  Either way, the game sure has a life to it now, even if it is a funny one.

A Hunter, Maybe?

The following song is sung to that can't get it out of your head melody "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen.  Please feel free to play it in the background and sing along.  It really works better than just reading the lyrics.

See what happens when I am bored with warcraft, I start making songs.  I wonder if any of the amazing video makers would be willing to make this into something.  Would be fun to see and quite honestly I suck at making that kind of stuff or you would be seeing something and not reading it.  I'll just stick to writing lyrics.

Hope you enjoy.

A Hunter, Maybe?

Concussive shot to the gut
Clawed to death by my mutt
Kiting like I'm a nut
First honor kill today

I'll cap the lumber mill first
While standing on your body
Then head to stables to dish
Out some hunterly pain

You never saw me
Gun cocked, bullets flying
You ran, I stopped you
Where you think you're going, baby?

Hey, I just killed you
So fast its crazy
What was that freight train
A hunter, maybe?

Your life just fell fast,
It was scary
From the distance,
A hunter, maybe?

Hey, I just killed you
So fast its crazy
What was that freight train
A hunter, maybe?

Your life just fell fast,
It was scary
From the distance,
A hunter, maybe?

All alone at the mill,
I'll be so easy to kill,
Your chances really are nil,
My flare caught you today

Run, vanish then a sprint,
But your not getting away
When I catch you on the hill
You will rue the day

You never saw me
Gun cocked, bullets flying
You ran, I stopped you
Where you think you're going, baby?

Hey, I just killed you
So fast its crazy
What was that freight train
A hunter, maybe?

Your life just fell fast,
It was scary
From the distance,
A hunter, maybe?

Hey, I just killed you
So fast its crazy
What was that freight train
A hunter, maybe?

Your health poll dried up fast,
It was scary
From the distance,
A hunter, maybe?

You were once at full life
I hit you so hard
I hit you so hard
I hit you so, so hard

You were once at full life
I hit you so hard
And you should know that
Aimed shot hits so, so hard

Camo right to you,
On you baby,
Who drove that freight train,
A hunter, maybe?

Hey, I just killed you
So fast its crazy
Who drove that freight train
A hunter, maybe?

Your life just fell fast,
It was scary
From the distance,
A hunter, maybe?

You strut around like you're king
Think you're so bad
Think you're so bad
Think you're so, so bad

You strut around like you're king
I hit you so hard
I was that freight train.

I'm a hunter, baby!

Dwarven Drug Cartel Rounded Up.

DUN MOROGH, E.K. -

IN A SHOCKING display of force the DTF (Dwarven Task Force) has broken up six wings of the wide spreed Dark Iron Drug Cartel in the morning hours today.  Chief Duggan Ironside of the task force told reporters at a predawn press conference that "with Brewfest starting today we did not want the cartel to be peddling their illegal products to the people assembled trying to have a good time."

Some of the Brewfest revelers that where waiting in line for the events to start were asked what they thought about the bust.  "It is a good thing they stopped them, the dark iron dwarfs are always trying to cause trouble during brewfest... hic!" said one of the celebrants that seemed to have already started their holiday binge drinking.

When asked if he thought if the bust would stop the dark irons from disrupting the events for the forth year in a row Chief Ironside was not too secure in the thought it would.  "The cartel goes deep and wide.  All we did today was show them that we are not going to just let them disrupt the events, we are going to be preemptive and try to lock up as many of them as we can."

"I'll take them all on myself... hic!" yelled an apparently well inebriated reveler while the handcuffed dark irons where being marched into Ironforge as a few others threw some empty mugs their way.

Festival security adviser Fanny Barrelbottom, taking note of the events of the morning perp walk has decided that they will make sure to have extra cases of mugs delivered.  "Drunk people will be drunk people and who and I to tell them not to throw their mugs at the dark irons should they show up.  I'll just make sure to have as many of them as I can on hand in case they are needed."  She continued to add that with all the people drinking and all the events going on it might be likely they will ask the community for help with certain things such as making ale runs for the staff.

"As usual we are a little bit undermanned.  There are usually 100s of people here at the foot of Ironforge to celebrate morning, noon and night and there are only maybe a dozen workers.  I am sure some of the good people of Azeroth will be glad to assist us and make sure we have a steady flow of ale."  She assured us, almost not even remembering we where talking about the dark iron drug bust.

She kept talking as we moved to the holding center, seemingly having partaken in a bit to much of her ale this early in the morning like it seems everyone else has.

Grepal Stonelock, gun in hand and bear at his side, was tasked with keeping an eye on the caged cartel members and was kind enough to let us know that none of them would be getting out while he was on watch.  "I've gots me a hungry bear and an itchy trigger finger, if any of them move they are dead... hic!"

Chief Duggan Ironside summed up his press conference assuring people that "Your children will be safe here, no drug pushers will be allowed.  Your kids can get drunk in peace and safety."