To be called a mother

Our family has been passing around a cold that it seems a lot of people have right now. A few days ago Ethan and I were both pretty bad and I was holding and rocking him. He was pressed close to me and calming down and all the sudden I realized what an honor this was. That I was the one he wanted to hold him, rock him, be with him. That I was the one who got to bring this child into the world. All of people I am the one privileged to be called his mom. It really hit me at that moment and has stayed with me. I know I am very privileged to have been able to choose to have a child and have it happen when and how I wanted. I have never taken this wonder lightly but it has been imprinted onto my soul many times. I'm glad my cold is going away but I wouldn't trade this time for anything.

We are not a morning family

Jackson pretty much summed up my feelings about morning today when we stopped for breakfast at Carl's Jr.

Jackson: Can I get a shake?
Me: They don't have shakes this early in the morning.
Jackson: Then why did I wake up??

Really, if there isn't chocolate or shakes involved, what IS the point of being up in the morning???

Good boy!

Thanks for all the advice about the temper tantrums. I have tried using the 123 method (Thanks for the idea, Allie!) and it with some tweaking for our situation and personality it is working great. I stop, look him in the eye on his level and offer him three choices. The first is the one I want him to take, "You can stop screaming, go potty like I asked and then go back to playing" The second is the one he should want to avoid "You can keep screaming, go to your room and be bored" and the third is usually something I come up with on the fly and often makes no sense but he doesn't really listen by then so it is okay. This stops his tantrum and he usually ends up smiling and excitedly choosing #1 and doing whatever I wanted him to do. Hooray! The other great advice from Allie helps us parents the most. When we put him in time out those times he won't/can't calm down we leave him there until he stops screaming. We used to go in there a few times to try to calm him down/tell him to stop screaming, etc. Now he just has to do it on his own.

I still have to bend Ethan into his carseat sometimes but he is not doing it as much so that is also better.

The really are good boys in general, it's just hard when they both hit difficult stages at the same time. Too bad you can't freeze time for one kid while you take care of the other....

Pain in the ******

Both my kids are going through hard stages in life right now and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice to help me.

Ethan HATES to get in his car seat and stiffens his whole body so I almost literally have to stuff him in his seat almost every single time we go anywhere. I've tried bribery (you can have your sippy cup of juice!) and talking (I'm sure all he hears is blah, blah, blah Ethan, blah, blah, mommy). But nothing works. HELP!

Jackson has started violent temper tantrums. He screams and then starts to kick and punch and if his little mommy tries to take him to his room or away from his brother she gets kicked and punched in the process. I've tried talking (yeah, that didn't work) and time-outs (hence my bruises). HELP!

In a related note, last week I had 3 days of intense abdominal pain and finally went to the doc where I was diagnosed with an ulcer. Hmm, how could that be???!!

Little Miss Sunshine

I've come to realize lately that I tend towards the negative at first thought. The moment someone mentions something new to try or go, my first thought is "hmm, that might be hard/boring/take too long instead of thinking of the positive part. So I am trying to think positively and you know what, it is HARD for me!! I never realized what a negative person I was. I don't know that is negative so much as lack of confidence sometimes.

Anyway. Today I am trying. I was driving home and this teen swerves his skateboard into the middle of the road a few feet ahead of me. Immediately I think "Dumb Kid!! Trying to get me to kill him or what, stay on the side of the road!" I caught myself and decided, well at least he swerved onto the side of the road I wasn't on in the end so I could drive past him and at least I didn't swear out loud with my kids in teh car. See? I CAN do it! So I am going to try this, and Maybe I'll get one of those bracelets to switch from one arm to the other every time you are negative and see just how good or bad I am at this. Just call me Pollyanna (well, one in the works at least, right?)

Help I'm being held hostage by 2 tiny dictators!

Their language skills are rudimentary but their powers of persuasion are great with their stomping, screaming, body flailing (or stiffening if you are trying to stuff them in their carseat). They may be only 3 or 4 feet tall but they are not to be toyed with. Please help me to meet their demands which at this time seem to be to keep all the Fruit Snacks in the bag, DON'T you DARE let one of them spill out!!! and let them run around naked after going potty but they promise to put their pants back on after some convulted reasoning they have that seems to include the next Eclipse of the moon or Elmo coming to visit, whichever happens first. Maybe if these happen they will let Mommy live to their teens when the new "adventure" begins?

In the meantime, please send survival items for the Mommy like a spare bladder so she doesn't have to go potty, ear plugs and LOTS of chocolate. Thank you.

What did I do?

Jesse and I went to look at a car on Thursday. It is the same car my brother in law and his family has and gets a lot better gas milage than our Jeep. We took a test drive and then asked the sales guy to tell us what we could get if we traded in our Jeep and Jesse's Stratus, we were just curious. He told us and we said, nope can't afford that. He went back and talked to his boss and looked at our credit and came back with a lot lower number. Hmm, well we still have our 24 hour rule (Jesse and I try not to make any big decisions without giving ourselves 24 hours to think about it) so we will come back tomorrow. Then the BIG Boss comes over and somehow weaves this dream like state around us and tells us how much we will save not insuring two cars and don't you want to do this now and somehow it all sounded like, yeah! We NEED to buy this car NOW even though we were just looking, not planning on buying right away. So somehow we came away from the dealership with a new car. It is a Mazda 5 and a very cute blue color. It has 3 rows so Jackson can sit in the very back and not kick Jesse in the back. But now we have only one car (which we were already doing, Jesse never drove his car anymore) and a sligytly higher payment then we were doing before.

All I can think the last few days is that I made a mistake. I should have just kept the Jeep that was all paid off though it was 10 years old and going to need new tires and who knows what soon. We should have looked around more and maybe found a better deal. We should have kept our 24 hour rule and thought about it. And I just can't shake this sick feeling. I know there is nothing to be done, the car is ours no matter how much I might wish I hadn't got it. I just wish I could shake this feeling and enjoy the good things like the higher gas mileage, the zippiness of the car, the cute look. I just can't seem to do it though. Blah. I guess time heals all stupidity??

Anyone find a way to feel better about a bad decision you made?

Dude, you know you're in trouble when a sad Barney song makes you cry

All last week I was nauseous, no fever or chills or food poisoning to think it came from. I kept thinking it would go away but day after day this mild "I just don't feel good" This thought kept running through my head, you know it ran through yours as soon as I said I was nauseous all week. But.......I CAN"T be!! I have taken measures to ensure that not happening, I don't want more kids, sure I'd love a little girl but two boys is what I got and I think that is all I can do. But I've heard once you have two adding another isn't as big a deal, but where would the baby sleep? Can I handle no more sleep again?? Finally I took a pregancy test and when it came back negative (sorry to burst your bubble if you were thinking different) I have to admit I had mixed feelings but in all honesty it made it more clear to me that I am done. Our family feels complete. I really do love being pregnant and wouldn't mind doing that again, I just don't want to raise any more kids. Emotionally, stress wise, I am done. I feel a real peace that our little family is moving on to different adventures like keep theboys from killing themselves and each other while they jump from couch to couch and find 25 seconds to talk to your spouse in between the kids needing something. So maybe I needed to feel sick to feel better.

Quick thinking

Jackson is big into opposites lately. He asked me what the opposite of bridge was and I was trying to think what that would be, tunnel? water? I said there wasn't really an opposite and he said YES there is!! so I asked him what he thought it would be and he quickly said "A broken bridge!" yes, he is definitely a smartie and definitely makes his mommy laugh.

I've been bad about this lately because we've been busy. A few quick things I want to remember because honestly I have a hard time doing that with anything these days..

---Some kids sleep with blankets (When he was a baby Jackson slept with what we called his "arguing blankets" because he played and tugged and wrestled with them until he fell asleep) some kids sleep with stuffed animals, Ethan likes to sleep with books. One night he wanted to read a book again but it was time to lay in the crib, he was so mad that I put a book in the crib with him and ever since then when I lay him in the crib he says, "Book?, Book?" until I put one in with him.


--The other day Jackson was holding my hand and I realized he now holds my whole hand, not just the fingers because he is getting so big, made me a little sad. We are going bowling today with some of his preschool friends and I am excited to watch him play. He is excited mommy is coming to his preschool.

--On the other hand (pun intended) Ethan will now let us occasionally hold his hand when he walks by us. He has had a hard time letting us hold his hand when he walks because he wants to go MUCH faster than us

Get it, Mom, get it?

Jackson likes to tell jokes. Some of them (well, most of them) don't make any sense but they make me laugh really hard. My latest favorite (which he made up all by himself) Why did the banana eat the Oreo Blizzard? Why? Because he wanted to be a banana split! Get it, mom? He adds this to the end of most of his jokes at which point he must, repeat, must, state "Yes, I get it, it's funny!" Sometimes I am required to add slapping my knee or pounding the table to ensure that I indeed found the joke absolutely hilarious, which makes the whole thing even funnier. Posting these little things really has helped me to slow down and enjoy my boys more sometimes. There are still definitely times I am very glad to have them go visit Grandma for a few hours so I don't have to play one more made up game or hear one more scream for MOM! But there also times I take a close look at Ethan's sweet face and marvel at his little nose and mouth and how much like his daddy they are or look at his long, reddish eyelashes and think how the girls will go crazy for him. I look at Jackson's LOOOONG eyelashes and his amazing green eyes and remember again how darling his dimple is when he smiles. I try to remember to enjoy the huge mess of toys that appeared mere minutes after I spent an hour cleaning up the living room because one day they will be gone and I will miss the crazy bright colors boucing cheerfully around the room and the odd things the boys decide to make their toys (the latest is the pots and pans that have been transformed into Super Hero hideouts and garages for toys and are ALL over the house playing these roles). This is a season of life I am so grateful I am able to experience with two great boys, one I know not everyone gets a chance to have which makes me squeeze my boys a little tighter when they decide to slow down and snuggle with mom for a minute.

The birds and the bees and the sea monkey???

So I thought it would be cute to get Jackson sea monkeys a few months back. There is a reason we don't have a real pet and that is my past history of forgetting to feed things. So last week I decided I'd throw out the tank when lo and behold I saw three little "sea monkeys" swimming around. I excitedly showed Jackson who was thrilled to watch them swim. Then a few days ago he wanted to look close so I pulled them close for him. Then he asked "Why are two of them stuck together?" I was throughly confused (I know, I"m a little slow) and went for a look myself. I was pretty sure I knew what was happening now but honestly a little confused because I didn't realize "this" was part of the sea monkey experience for kids to view. So today I put into Google "why are my sea monkeys stuck together" and up comes a bunch of links. Yup, we could soon have up to 20 more little sea monkeys swimming around. Now I just have to distract Jackson from wanting to look at the tank for a few weeks (yes, WEEKS for heaven sakes sea monkey WHY???? do you take that long?? Doesn't the girl sea monkey get seasick...)

What? Who? Why???

There's a reason I didn't "grow up" to be a teacher and that's because I can't teach. I have a hard time explaining something to someone. I understand something completely but trying to get the other person to get to my understanding is something I just can't seem to do. But of course when I grew up to be a Mommy teaching came with the job. I know you aren't supposed to lie to your kids but I feel like I am sometimes when I try to explain a concept to them that I am not completely sure I really know. Like how CAN an octopus grow back an arm if it gets taken off? (Thanks Wild Kratts for telling us about that) and I feel horrible because sometimes I can't exactly remember some Book of Mormon stories so when I tell them I think I may be making some of it up, am I going to be struck down by lightening? So far Jackson just accepts my explanations and I guess when he gets older there is always the Internet (the filtered version of course).

Positive response

I consider one of my main jobs right now to be building Jackson up, giving him confidence, telling him he is special and worth it and a GOOD person. Because soon enough he's going to have other people trying to knock him down and I'd better get this in while I can. Today I was rewarded with somethign that makes me feel like I'm doing a pretty good job. Jackson was walking down the hall singing/saying "Go Jackson, go Jackson, he's the smartest boy in town!" over and over. It's like getting a great evaluation at work but a lot cuter.

Music man

Jackson likes to sing a lot lately, just randomly breaks into song sometimes. He sings real songs like "I am a child of God" and "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" but also makes up little songs. It is so cute. It's funny that when I hear other kids singing it can be hard to listen to their off-tune, high pitched little voices but when my own starts up, it is darling. He has such a sweet little voice. In general he is a very sweet kid and tries so hard to be good. He also has great "moves" (his word) when he dances that make me laugh so hard.

I know this sounds bad officer....

We were using our GPS the other day and Jesse was playing around put the directions in German. So when we were supposed to turn it said something that sounded like "drie" maybe? Ethan was excited by this and started chanting "Die, die, die!" happily from the backseat. We laughed really hard which only encouraged his behavior so he now repeats this phrase randomly throughout the day. Good thing we don't plan on being investigated for any crime in the near future, they'd interview Ethan and throw us in the slammer!

Not quite

Jackson heard Barney say thank you in German the other day. He asked, is that Spanish?" I said, no that's German. He says, "Oh! Germs! Like when I pick my nose!"

I don't believe this was listed in the job description...

Things I never did before I was a parent:

Laugh so hard so often or want to cry so hard so often.

Check the bathtub before starting the shower for bathtoys, books, pants, balls, etc. that have been thrown in by a bathtub loving toddler.

Check the oven before you start to heat it for pans previously used for "pretend cake in the real oven", toys, Batmobiles, etc. that are currently being stored by an imagnative four year old.

Repeat myself three million times only to be responded to with "What did you say again, Mommy?"

Use cleaning gloves and tongs to get a bouncy ball out of the toilet that had not ,ahem, yet been flushed.

Have very strong feeling of dislike or love for Elmo depending on the day

Crave and fantasize about sleep.

Buddies

The boys honestly seem to like each other (most of the time) and that makes me so happy. Before I got pregnant with Ethan I saw the second "Chronicles of Narnia" movie and there is a scene where one kid is getting in trouble and the others rush over and though they are not sure what is happening and who is in the right they immediately defend and stand up for their brother. I cried a bit because that is exactly why I wanted a brother or sister for Jackson, someone for him to stand up for and have someone stand up for him and to enjoy being with.

Talk, talk, talk

Jackson sounds so grownup sometimes, it is darling. My favorite today was "By the way Mom, I think you are doing a great job."

I love Ethan's little hands and looking at them today I am so sad they are such big boy hands now and have lost the baby chubby fingers look. Putting him down for a nap today I was talking about all the things we had done, saying "We played outside and saw Grandma and ..." Then Ethan starts babbling saying gibberish and then saying AND very clearly and then more gibberish then very clearly AND, so cute how he copies me.

How does this work?

I love the way Ethan is fascinated by figuring out things work. He loves to try to get the lids back on things, stack things and turn things off and on and off and on and off and.... He is saying cheese in this picture and I love the way it sounds and how his little mouth looks when he says it.

Jackson loves to learn too. His thing lately is every day phrases I've never really thought about. Everything from "What's shakin' bacon?" to "I don't care" What does "care" mean, mommy? Um, well it means you care about something or, um, yeah. It's like trying to describe an orange to someone without using the word orange.

These magic moments

When I was pregnant with Ethan I was already pretty sure this would be my last baby so I ordered myself to enjoy every magical moment of pregnancy (and try to block out all the yucky ones, who wants to remember the throwing up?) So I would marvel at my growing belly daily, enjoy the little and then not so little kicks and punches and tickles.

Now that the boys are getting older I realize I need to remember daily to enjoy THIS magical time (and block out the bad ones like the fact that Ethan is now trying to kill himself on various furniture in the living room. Friends have reminded me lately that though these times are hard they also fly by faster than we realize.

To that end I am going to try to write down at least one thing I loved about the boys each day.

Today Ethan learned "hug" though he says "guh" he understand the motions and says "oh" like how cute because that is the noise we make. He and Jackson hugged and it was so cute. When we fold our arms to say prayers he folds his little arms too and then says "amen" at the end. Every time we fold our arms now he gets ready for a prayer.

Today while we were grocery shopping I looked back to make sure Jackson was following the cart and I saw he had his hands shoved in his little coat pockets, it was darling and made again realize how quickly he is growing up.