Naked Eye Query - Revised (4)

Dear Agent or Editor of My Dreams,

Sixteen-year-old Lucienne Bourdain has a prosthetic eye and when her mother lies about a conference, it spells out the truth in fancy script only she can see. To her surprise, she learns her mom has a secret boyfriend. If Lucienne’s mother lied about a boyfriend, could she also have lied about her father’s disappearance? And how did her eye suddenly start spouting the truth?

Losing an eye in the first place made Lucienne feel like a freak. If it weren't for her friends, she'd never leave the house. Now having eye graffiti in crowds causes major panic attacks. She needs to figure out where the eye came from and why her mother is lying. Most of all, she has to figure out how to get rid of the stupid thing before it drives her crazy.

Lucienne’s investigation reveals her mother isn’t the only one who harbors secrets. She doesn’t know whom to trust when everyone has a hidden agenda. Finding out her father’s killer is just the beginning. She knows too much and so do her friends. The person who used her mother as a pawn is after them, too. Only the magic behind the truth-finding eye can save them from the one person who’s the mastermind behind everything.

The story alternates chapters between Lucienne’s past and present. These mosaic tiles culminate to reveal several betrayals and one deadly secret.

Naked Eye is a YA contemporary fantasy at 68,000 words. I’m a member of SCBWI. My short story “Daisy” was included in the 100 Stories for Queensland anthology and my vampire short story “Allured” appeared in the upcoming YA Fangtales anthology. My short story “My Moment” will be included the Tiny Dancers anthology, coming in 2012. Thank you for your consideration of this manuscript.

Sincerely,

Theresa Milstein

http://theresamilstein.blogspot.com

Naked Eye Query - Revised (3)

*** Update 01/24/12 *** A new and improved version of my query can be found here: http://theresamilstein2.blogspot.com/2012/01/naked-eye-query-revised-4.html ***

Dear Agent or Editor of my Dreams,

Sixteen-year-old Lucienne Bourdain has a magical prosthetic eye and when her mother lies about a conference, it spells out the truth in fancy script only she can see. To her surprise, she learns her mom has a secret boyfriend.

If Lucienne’s mother lied about something so trivial, could she also have lied about her father’s disappearance? Lucienne’s investigation reveals her mother isn’t the only one who harbors secrets. She doesn’t know whom to trust when everyone has a hidden agenda. Only the magic behind the truth-finding eye can save her friends and herself from the one person who’s the mastermind behind everything.

Readers of Far from You by Lisa Schroeder will connect with Lucienne’s grief over her father and strained relationship with her mother, while readers of Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins will be swept up in the plot twists. The story alternates chapters between Lucienne’s past and present. These mosaic tiles culminate to reveal several betrayals and one deadly secret.

Naked Eye is a YA contemporary fantasy at 68,000 words. I’m a member of SCBWI. My short story “Daisy” was included in the 100 Stories for Queensland anthology and my vampire short story “Allured” appeared in the upcoming YA Fangtales anthology. Thank you for your consideration of this manuscript.

Sincerely,

Theresa Milstein

tmilstein at gmail dot com

Naked Eye Query - Revised (2)

**** Update 01/24/12 **** A New and Improved Version of the query can be found here: http://theresamilstein2.blogspot.com/2012/01/naked-eye-query-revised-4.html ****

Dear Agent or Editor,

While running with scissors, seventh-grader, Lucienne trips and loses her eye. By age sixteen, she gets more than she bargained for with her prosthetic one.

The morning after the strangest dream of her life, Lucienne magically sees her workaholic mother lie about a conference. The real story spills out in fancy script. She must figure out the truth behind the magical eye. The journey will lead her to an estranged family member, and reveal the secrets she’s always suspected her mother of hiding about her presumed-dead dad. Lucienne must decide whom to trust when everyone she loves harbors secrets. The truth will put Lucienne in danger. She’ll need to use the same magic that created her lie-seeing eye to save her friends and herself.

Fans of Far from You by Lisa Schroeder will connect with Lucienne’s grief over her father and strained relationship with her mother, while readers of Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins will be swept up in the plot twists. The story alternates chapters between Lucienne’s past and present. These mosaic tiles culminate to reveal several betrayals and one deadly secret.

Thank you for your consideration of my 68k-word YA contemporary fantasy Naked Eye. A synopsis and complete manuscript are available upon request. This is a multiple submission.

I’m a member of SCBWI. My short story “Daisy” was included in the 100 Stories for Queensland anthology and my vampire short story “Allured” will appear in the upcoming YA Fangtales anthology. I’m a substitute teacher in the Cambridge Public Schools, which gives me ample opportunity to observe teenagers in their natural habitat. Thank you for your consideration of this manuscript.

Sincerely,

Theresa Milstein

tmilstein at gmail dot com

http://theresamilstein.blogspot.com

Naked Eye Query - Revised

**** Update 01/24/12 **** A New and Improved version of the query can be found here http://theresamilstein2.blogspot.com/2012/01/naked-eye-query-revised-4.html ****

Dear Agent or Editor,

While running with scissors, seventh-grader, Lucienne trips and loses her eye. By age sixteen, Lucienne feels like a freak despite having a prosthetic eye and wonders if the sloth Jeremy tripped her on purpose. She wishes she knew the truth.

One morning Lucienne can not only see through her prosthetic eye, but magically sees her mother’s lies. Losing the dad she loved to cook with was bad enough, but being stuck with her workaholic liar mother is intolerable. The eye reveals the secrets she’s always suspected her mother is hiding about her missing dad. Lucienne must decide whom to trust when everyone she loves harbors secrets. And Lucienne must dig for untruths that may upset the house of cards she lives in. The truth will put Lucienne in danger.

Readers of Far from You by Lisa Schroeder will connect with Lucienne’s grief over her father and strained relationship with her mother, while readers of Inside Out by Maria V. Snyder will be swept up in plot twists. This manuscript is written in the first person from Lucienne’s point of view. It alternates chapters between Lucienne’s past and present. These mosaic tiles culminate to reveal several betrayals and one deadly secret.

Thank you for your consideration of my 66k-word YA contemporary fantasy Naked Eye. A synopsis and complete manuscript are available upon request. This is a multiple submission.

I’m a member of SCBWI. My short story “Daisy” was included in the 100 Stories for Queensland anthology and my vampire short story “Allured” will appear in the upcoming YA Fangtales anthology. I’m a substitute teacher in the Cambridge Public Schools, which gives me ample opportunity to observe teenagers in their natural habitat. Thank you for your consideration of this manuscript.

Sincerely,

Theresa Milstein

tmilstein at gmail.com

http://theresamilstein.blogspot.com

Naked Eye - Query

*** UPDATE, 06/24/11 **** Elana Johnson critiqued my query. As a result, it's been altered. Please view the UPDATED query: http://theresamilstein2.blogspot.com/2011/06/naked-eye-query-revised.html

Dear Agent or Editor,

While running with scissors, seventh-grader, Lucienne trips and loses her eye. By age sixteen, Lucienne feels like a freak despite having a prosthetic eye, and wonders if Jeremy tripped her on purpose. She spends time alone with her fashionista-friend Morgan and next-door neighbor turned boyfriend Orion. Too bad Orion and Morgan can’t stand one another. Lucienne is happy to hide behind Morgan’s loud personality, and her BF keeps her anxiety attacks under control.

One morning Lucienne can not only see through her prosthetic eye, but see people’s lies, and can no longer hide. The eye reveals the secrets she’s always suspected her workaholic mother is hiding about her missing father. Lucienne must decide whom to trust when everyone she loves harbors secrets. Is it more important to dig for untruths that may unravel life as she knows it or should she keep the house of cards upright?

This manuscript is written in the first person from Lucienne’s point of view. It alternates chapters between Lucienne’s past and present. These mosaic tiles culminate to reveal several betrayals and one deadly secret.

Thank you for your consideration of my 67k-word YA fantasy Naked Eye. A synopsis and complete manuscript are available upon request. This is a multiple submission.

I’m a member of SCBWI. My short story “Daisy” was included in the 100 Stories for Queensland anthology and my vampire short story “Allured” will appear in the upcoming Fangtales anthology. I’m a substitute teacher in the Cambridge Public Schools, which gives me ample opportunity to observe teenagers in their natural habitat. Thank you for your consideration of this manuscript.

Sincerely,

Theresa Milstein

tmilstein at gmail dot com

The Mist Chasers Query **Revised**

Dear Agent or Editor,

Sixteen-year-old Eve and her best friend Adam are the sole witnesses to a badass mist that obliterates a Walmart. No longer can Eve feel cocooned in her small suburb. Adam joins Eve to follow the mist to its source, which leads them to Mother Nature who puts them on a ludicrous quest to salvage the planet before it reaches the tipping point. The godlike woman believes their biblical names are more than a coincidence and that Eve and Adam are the ones destined to save civilization from itself.

Eve can’t even win a debate with her brothers and freezes in front of a camera, so how can she spread Mother’s Nature’s message? She’s no modern-day Moses. Eve’s used to relying on Adam to be brave, but when he tries to kiss her, her rejection strains their friendship. And when Eve dates another guy, it makes things even worse. Mother Nature forces Adam and Eve to work together. It doesn’t help when Mother Nature won’t guide them, but has no problem spewing her wrath when they screw up. Can they deliver the message before the disappearances escalate and survival is impossible?

Thank you for your consideration of my 57,000-word YA fantasy The Mist Chasers. The beginning of chapter one is two posts down. A synopsis and complete manuscript are available upon request. This is a multiple submission.

I’m a member of SCBWI and am a substitute teacher in the Cambridge Public Schools, which gives me ample opportunity to observe teenagers in their natural habitat.

Sincerely,

Theresa Milstein

tmilstein@gmail.com

The Mist Chasers Query *Revised*

*** UPDATE *** There is a newer and better version of this query here:

http://theresamilstein2.blogspot.com/2010/09/mist-chasers-query-revised_29.html

Dear Agent or Editor,

Eve and her best friend Adam are the sole witnesses to a mysterious mist that obliterates a Walmart. Walmart is the first of many disappearances, which also include McDonalds, Hummer dealerships, and coalmines. Eve joins Adam to follow the mist to its source. The mist leads them to Mother Nature who puts them on a ludicrous quest to salvage the planet before it reaches the tipping point. The godlike woman believes their biblical names are more than a coincidence, and that Adam and Eve are the ones destined to save civilization from itself even if they are only sixteen. To make matters worse, Eve is camera shy and debate weary, but she’ll need to face both fears to succeed.

If that weren’t enough, when Eve finds out Adam has a thing for her she hurts him by insisting they remain friends because she has her sights set on her dream guy. When Eve's dream boyfriend winds up being grope-happy she dumps him, but instead of the breakup easing tension between Adam and Eve, he wants nothing to do with her. Mother Nature forces Adam and Eve to work together. But a betrayal by a Harvard professor who misleads the President about nuclear energy may make their chances impossible. It doesn’t help when Mother Nature won’t guide them, but has no problem spewing her wrath when they screw up.

Thank you for your consideration of my 57,000-word YA fantasy The Mist Chasers. A complete manuscript is available upon request.

I’m a member of SCBWI and am a substitute teacher in the Cambridge Public Schools, which gives me ample opportunity to watch teenagers in their natural habitat. Thank you for your consideration of this manuscript.

Sincerely,

Theresa Milstein

tmilstein at gmail dot com