By: Rachel Laraia
My History:
For many years I have suffered from mental illness, specifically anxiety, depression, and PTSD. It wasn’t until my adult years when I began acknowledging my mental illness that I realized how early in my life I began having symptoms of anxiety. As I look back, I remember having full blown panic attacks in grade school. I would have episodes of hyperventilation and excessive worry that could not be explained. In these episodes, I would try to yell for help, but my throat would tighten up and only hoarse squeaks would escape. I didn’t know this was abnormal, and I don’t think I ever explained these episodes to my parents.
In Jr. High I began feeling symptoms of depression. I thought it was normal for a teenager to feel down and moody. No one explained to me that my feelings of despair and loneliness were an illness. Adults would mention depression in passing at school, at church, etc., but it was just a word to describe “emo” kids (excuse my use of labels, it is how my teenage mind worked). It was a word that described someone seeking attention. It was never explained as its true definition with its layers of severities.
My first run-in with PTSD was when I was 14. My neighbor’s house caught fire and burned down around Thanksgiving. My dad came in my room in the middle of the night to tell us to leave the house. My sister and niece were sleeping in my room with me. We got out of the house so quickly that I didn’t even grab my glasses. I was stuffed into a car that was parked up the street where I waited with my baby niece. Without my glasses, all I could see was a red-orange glow growing bigger and encroaching on my house. I had no idea where my parents and sister went. I was alone with a baby, and my anxiety. Everyone ended up being okay, but I ended up with undiagnosed PTSD. For a few years after the event, I would panic every time the Christmas lights were on outside my window. The glow reminded me of the glow from the fire. I began excessively thinking about fire emergencies and my general anxiety increased.
I had several episodes of depression throughout high school. My anxiety was still present, but was not as noticeable or severe. When my mom took me up to BYU-I to begin my first semester of school, I had a panic attack. It was the first one I had since grade school, and this time I knew it was defined as a panic attack. I was walking in to Walmart with my mom when I started hyperventilating and had heart palpitations. I told my mom I thought I was having a heart attack. It subsided after a few minutes, but it left an impact on me. It was the first time I started to realize that maybe I had some abnormalities.
Through the rest of nursing school, getting married, moving away from family, my anxiety slowly increased. I knew I had an issue, but I never sought help. My depression and anxiety were cyclic. I knew that I would pull out of them, so what was the point of seeking help. I thought I had a “handle” on things. I just thought that I would have to cope with this on my own. It was my demon to slay. It was just a part of life.
When I was giving birth to Bella, events went south. After a prolonged labor, I was close to going back for an emergent cesarean section. The labor room was filled with different medical professionals. My nursing knowledge allowed me to understand the severity of the situation. At the last minute, Bella made her debut. She came out so quickly that the midwife had to catch her before she shot off the end of the labor bed. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally defeated. For months after the labor and birth I had flashbacks of the baby monitor beeping and showing drops in heart rate. My anxiety was at an all-time high. I would wake-up in a daze, frantically trying to find my baby. She was always in my arms during these moments. I withheld myself from sleep for fear that I would lose my baby. I was empty. I was in shock. I didn’t know what to do.
I began sharing some of these feelings with family and friends and it helped me to start healing. It helped me to begin processing the illness inside my mind. It helped me to feel closer to normal. When I became pregnant with Emma, my anxiety again took an upward spiral. I was afraid of birthing another child. I was scared that both the baby and I would die during childbirth. I would have panic attacks often. My illness was negatively impacting my family, my Bella. That sweet little toddler got the brunt of my anger. Anger that was unexplainable and
uncontrollable. I would spend hours at night clinging to my sleeping toddler, wiggles in my womb, and tears streaming down my cheeks. I became addicted to watching television shows because it took me away from my own internal struggle. I could numb myself. I could briefly forget the monster stirring inside of me, roiling to escape at any moment.
After Emma’s birth, which was easy as pie, she ended up in the NICU. It was a blessing in disguise. I was able to be around medical professionals for a few extra days. It helped me get over those few days post-birth when hormones are strongest. I was feeling great. My baby was healthy. My anxiety seemed to be under control. Then a couple of months went by. I was spiraling again. I let it go on for a couple of months. Then I looked at my two beautiful children and I knew that my decision wasn’t just for me. My family needed me to emerge from my fog of anxiety and depression. My family needed to have a healthy example from their mother. So I sought help.
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Mayo Clinic defines mental illness as a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors. Many people have mental health concerns from time to time. But a mental health concern becomes a mental illness when ongoing signs and symptoms cause frequent stress and affect your ability to function.
I feel that anxiety is a part of most other mental illnesses, and is one of the most common mental illnesses diagnosed. According to the Mayo Clinic, experiencing occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. However, people with anxiety disorders frequently have intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Often, anxiety disorders involve repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks). These feelings of anxiety and panic interfere with daily activities, are difficult to control, are out of proportion to the actual danger and can last a long time. You may avoid places or situations to prevent these feelings. Symptoms may start during childhood or the teen years and continue into adulthood.
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I will be referencing several talks given by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints during various semi-annual General Conferences:
“Like a Broken Vessel” by Elder Jeffrey R Holland
“We Never Walk Alone” by President Thomas S. Monson
“You Can Do It Now” by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
“Wounded” by Elder Neil L. Anderson
When liquid is placed into a broken vessel (plate, dish, vase, pitcher, cup etc.), the liquid will escape the protection of the vessel walls. A broken vessel can never be full. But with the appropriate patch work, that vessel can again be filled and serve its greater purpose. I saw a video (watch the first 12 seconds) on Facebook the other day that perfectly shows the healing of a broken vessel. There is a broken ceramic plate. The plate is taped back together then submerged in warm milk. The plate sits in the milk for a few days. When the tape is removed, you can see that the cracks have all resealed. There is no sign of blemish. At times, we may be like unto a broken vessel. We can be spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically broken. With the proper healing, we can again reach our fullest potential. That healing comes from the atonement of Jesus Christ.
Jeffrey R. Holland eloquently stated, “In striving for some peace and understanding in these difficult matters, it is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again. Of greatest assurance in God’s plan is that a Savior was promised, a Redeemer, who through our faith in Him would lift us triumphantly over those tests and trials, even though the cost to do so would be unfathomable for both the Father who sent Him and the Son who came. It is only an appreciation of this divine love that will make our own lesser suffering first bearable, then understandable, and finally redemptive. Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says, we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind.”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf declared, “We acknowledge that your path will at times be difficult. But I give you this promise in the name of the Lord: rise up and follow in the footsteps of our Redeemer and Savior, and one day you will look back and be filled with eternal gratitude that you chose to trust the Atonement and its power to lift you up and give you strength.”
Neil L. Anderson taught, “Pray with all your heart. Strengthen your faith in Jesus Christ, in His reality, in His grace. Hold on to His words: “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Remember, repentance is powerful spiritual medicine. Keep the commandments and be worthy of the Comforter, remembering that the Savior promised, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”
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I want to share how we can navigate the waters of mental illness and still maintain our faith in Jesus Christ. There are 5 important steps to figuring out our needs when it comes to mental health status. In each step, I will share how we can utilize our resources to not only guide us through mental instabilities, but how to also keep faith during those trying times.
1. Assess your mental status:
It is important for everyone to take time, on the regular, to assess their mental status. Just like all people should go to the doctor annually for a check-up, it is important to perform a self-assessment for mental health. There are many online tools that you can use to determine if you have a healthy mental status, or if you are walking the line of abnormal and should seek medical attention. Most Universities and Medical schools have these self-assessment tools available for use on their websites. Here are some links to tools I found useful online:
Mental Health America
University of Massachusetts Medical School
SAMSHA-HRSA Center For Integrated Health Solutions
Some things to ask yourself:
• In the past 2 weeks, have I more often been happy or sad?
• In the past 2 weeks, Have I avoided doing normal activities because I know they will make me feel nervous?
• In the past two weeks, have I felt more tired than usual?
• Have I lost interest in the activities I do for fun?
• In the past 2 weeks have I been moodier, angry, sad, or explosive?
• Have others mentioned that I have been more moody than usual?
• Have I been excessive in spending money, watching television, or exhibited other addictive behaviors?
Before, during, and after performing a self-assessment, ask Heavenly Father for guidance. Pray. Talk to him as if He is standing next to you. He can help you in the self-assessment of your mental health.
• Thomas S. Monson Stated, “Let your requests be made known unto God.“ And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.””
• Neil L. Anderson professed, “God did not create our spirits to be independent of Him. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, through the incalculable gift of His Atonement, not only saves us from death and offers us, through repentance, forgiveness for our sins, but He also stands ready to save us from the sorrows and pains of our wounded souls … He comes to us when others pass us by.”
• Remember, Heavenly Father knows ALL about us. He doesn’t have to guess our feelings, He knows, but you have to be willing to go to Him, in fervent prayer, in order to receive His assistance.
• Thomas S. Monson emphasized, “We were not placed on this earth to walk alone. What an amazing source of power, of strength, and of comfort is available to each of us. He who knows us better than we know ourselves, He who sees the larger picture and who knows the end from the beginning, has assured us that He will be there for us to provide help if we but ask. We have the promise: “Pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good.””
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2. Be willing to acknowledge when issues are present:
Jeffrey R. Holland reassured, “However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor.”
• Denial of mental illness can cause even more issues. For years I hid my feelings. I became reclusive, explosive, and extremely confused. I began to lose my faith because I felt like my prayers were in vain. Little did I know Heavenly Father had been answering my prayers all along. I prayed for patience, for the will to overpower my symptoms, and for this curse to be lifted from me, but because I was not willing to acknowledge that I had an illness, I missed Heavenly Father telling me I needed to seek medical attention. I ignored the simple principles of faith, and eventually began to lose faith. Because Heavenly Father’s answer was seeking medical attention and not some miracle healing, I was declining in my spiritual health as well. All because I was not willing to acknowledge that I had an issue. Looking back now, the road to healing I have taken, with the guidance of Heavenly Father, friends, and family, has been a miraculous one. I am not completely free of my illness, but miracles have occurred and I have regained a purpose in life.
Jeffrey R. Holland also stated, “So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.”
• As I was in the deepest crevices of my most recent mental illness, I forgot to utilize God’s power on earth. I have a loving and worthy priesthood holding husband, but I never utilized that unique gift. I wish I had. My mental illness had come between my husband and I too often. I ignored the tools he had to offer me in my journey of despair because I was so occupied with the anxiety inside my mind.
Thomas S. Monson reminded, “As our prayers ascend heavenward, let us not forget the words taught to us by the Savior. When He faced the excruciating agony of Gethsemane and the cross, He prayed to the Father, “Not my will, but thine, be done.” Difficult as it may at times be, it is for us, as well, to trust our Heavenly Father to know best how and when and in what manner to provide the help we seek.”
• As my mental health has fluctuated over the years, I have become a very untrusting person. Trust in myself, trust in others, trust in God. It didn’t matter where the trust was supposed to be placed. I became a chronic pessimist and it prevented me from forming deep relationships with family, friends, myself, and God. I am so glad to be able to breathe and trust again. There is a special depth of love that is created upon trust, and it truly is a miraculous form of love.
Neil L. Anderson warned, “We search for happiness. We long for peace. We hope for love. And the Lord showers us with an amazing abundance of blessings. But intermingled with the joy and happiness, one thing is certain: there will be moments, hours, days, sometimes years when your soul will be wounded.”
• Amongst the prayer, blessings, and trust it is important to remember that we do not know the length of our suffering, but we do know that God is always there. Never forget the love of God.
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3. Recognize and understand your symptoms:
In his talk, Jeffrey R. Holland mentioned being aware of the symptoms that arise from Mental Illness in order to prevent further damage, and being able to help others whom you observe suffering from those symptoms, and I agree.
Educate yourself. Even if you have done your self-assessment and are not experiencing any abnormalities, it is still important to understand the different types of mental illness and their symptoms. There may be a time in the future where you will slip into an abnormal pattern of mental health and it is important to be prepared to act quickly.
• Mayo Clinic’s guide for identifying mental illness in children
• Overcoming the stigma of mental health
• General mental illness information
If you have already experienced mental illness, it is important to write down the specific symptoms you experience and share that list with your family and closest friends. The more eyes looking for those changes, the more likely you will be able to catch your declines before you are in too deep.
• When I was pregnant with Emma, my anxiety was at an all-time high. I was afraid of giving birth again since Bella’s birth was so traumatic. I decided to share my feelings with Pedro. I talked to him about what warning signs to look for, and how he could help me in those moments. It definitely helped having another pair of eyes watching me.
Remember, you can also pray to Heavenly Father and let Him know you are aware of your symptoms. Ask Him to help you to recognize your declines early on. The more you talk about your symptoms, the more you come to understand them, and the easier it will be for you to manage times of mental decline.
BrenÃĐ Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston. Her body of work focuses on the study of courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. BrenÃĐ Brown has many best-selling books outlining her research, has spoken at several TED TALK conferences, and also has audio recordings of other conferences at which she has spoken. My personal favorite work of hers is the audio recording, “The Power of Vulnerability” available on audible.
• In her work, The Gifts of Imperfection, Ms. Brown quotes Pema ChÃķdrÃķn (an American Tibetan Buddhist) stating, “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It is a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
• I shared this quote with my sister a few weeks ago when she was questioning me about my childhood with anxiety. She asked me what would have been most helpful at that time in my life, and so I shared that quote with her. Just having someone there to recognize my symptoms and to help discuss them with me in a safe environment would have changed my world. Yes, having someone to just listen to you and not try to solve your problems is amazing, but for children and teens discovering this crazy world, they need someone to guide them through their feelings and help them put words to the monsters inside. When we show our children we are willing to talk to them as equals, their perception of the world improves.
• BrenÃĐ Brown stated in The Power of Vulnerability, “No one reaches out to you for compassion or empathy so you can teach them how to behave better. They reach out to you because they believe in our capacity to know our darkness well enough to sit in the dark with them.”
• It is important as parents to take the time to define mental illness for our children. They understand more than you think, and they will appreciate your willingness to teach them and help them put their feelings into words. Sharing your own experiences and feelings will help children and teens understand that they are not alone. Be open with them. Let them ask questions. Be there to sit next to them in the darkness of their feelings.
▪ The most important gift we can give to our children in this mortal life is emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
▪ Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) is a term created by two researchers – Peter Salavoy and John Mayer – and popularized by Dan Goleman in his 1996 book of the same name. Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions, and recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others. In practical terms, this means being aware that emotions can drive our behavior and impact people (positively and negatively), and learning how to manage those emotions – both our own and others – especially when we are under pressure.
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4. Communicate with others:
Holding your feelings in is scary, lonely, and unnecessary. Seeking help and opening up is freeing, empowering, and essential.
We have to share our feelings with others. Take a step into that vulnerability. I mentioned earlier that the more we share our feelings, the more we come to understand them. There is something about talking out loud to others that just solidifies our understanding.
Jeffrey R. Holland implored, “If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation.”
BrenÃĐ Brown emphasized in The Power of Vulnerability, “You cannot numb those hard feelings without numbing other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes a dangerous cycle.”
• I numbed myself. It is so true, you cannot selectively numb. It is impossible. Over the years of numbing, I became a shell. It was easier to just numb everything, but it was lonely, miserable, and not worth it! It is taking time, but I am slowly coming back into a state of wholeness. I am opening up more, and am feeling more of the joy life has to offer. It deeply saddens me that I numbed myself and lost out on feeling so many joys over the years.
• The numbing has deeply scarred my relationship with Pedro. He lost me. I has a wisp of who I was before. I worried daily that He would leave me. Even I wanted to leave me sometimes, but Pedro held fast to me and never gave up on me. There were many days I thought that my family would be better off without me. They did not need my decay eating away at their lives too. I thought that if I just left, they could move on. Luckily, I never left, and I instead found the help I needed to become a light instead of a black hole to my family.
• I have been taking medication now for almost 2 years and it has greatly helped pull my mind out of the fog. But adding therapy to my regimen just a few months ago has been the saving grace. Being able to have someone who is specially trained in mental illness captain me through my feelings is exactly what I needed. About a month ago, I found my love for serving my husband return. Feelings of resentment dissipated and I regained that deep love for him that only comes from selfless service.
• I have found my faith returning quickly, and the happiness that comes from this gospel is amazing. That relationship with Heavenly Father is amazing. You don’t realize just how empty you are until you regain your faith. The spiritual communication that comes from prayer is so freeing.
• As quoted above, Thomas S. Monson said, “Let your requests be made known unto God. “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.””
On the topic of communication, it is always important to remember not to be judgmental. Just because you may not understand exactly how that person is feeling, does not give you the right to dismiss their feelings. Those feelings are very real to them. Making fun of or bullying someone will never fix anything. I was bullied in grade school and junior high. The things said to me destroyed my sense of self-worth. Because I was not emotionally intelligent and did not know how to decipher the trials of my life, I bullied in retaliation. That is one of my greatest regrets. It is never okay to hurt someone else because of your own pain. Every day of my life I try to make up for those mistakes. I actively pray and look for simple ways each day that I can serve someone else. These actions cannot change the past, but they can change the future.
A couple of weeks ago I challenged myself to listen to the Book of Mormon in its entirety in just seven days. It is something I have always wanted to do. As I read, I began wondering if maybe Laman and Lemuel suffered from some anxiety. You never really know the reasons behind others actions. But I can testify that mental illness makes us do things that seem silly. Just like Laman and Lemuel still denying God time and time again, even after seeing an angel. We are all mortal, and we never know what darkness curses the inner workings of each person on this earth. With that said, we should not become complacent with the inappropriate actions of others. But we can respond in a kind and positive way.
• Thomas S. Monson informed, “As we read and ponder the scriptures, we will experience the sweet whisperings of the Spirit to our souls. We can find answers to our questions. We learn of the blessings which come through keeping God’s commandments. We gain a sure testimony of our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, and of Their love for us. When scripture study is combined with our prayers, we can of a certainty know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true.”
• Scripture study helps us to understand the patterns of righteousness and sin this mortal existence puts us through. We learn new things each time we read. The spirit of the Lord reveals specific information to us through the scriptures during our times of question. As I listened to the Book of Mormon in seven days, I realized that 1. I definitely comprehend information when I listen to it out loud, and 2. If I were to summarize the overlaying theme of the Book of Mormon, it would be that the atonement is always there. Above all else, what should be remembered is that we can repent, find comfort, and be healed through our Savior Jesus Christ.
• Neil L. Anderson stated, “Wounds of the soul are not unique to the rich or the poor, to one culture, one nation, or one generation [or gender]. They come to all and are part of the learning we receive from this mortal experience.”
I have been watching the Good Doctor lately, and I loved when Dr. Shaun Murphey, a surgical resident with autism, stated, “When you think you’re alone, you’re not.”
• There is always someone out there for you. But you have to be willing to communicate in order to find those people. Heavenly Father included.
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5. Evolve with your mental illness and take courage:
D&C 98:1-3 says, “Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.”
• Even though this journey has been difficult for me, I am better because of it. I have gained a deeper understanding and compassion for others. I have become an advocate for those who suffer from mental illness. I feel like I have found a greater purpose in life. My prayers for patience have been answered. My endless pleas to be stronger than my illness have been answered. What I once viewed as a curse, is now a strength. A strength that I can use to better the lives of others. My experiences have expanded my spiritual, physical, and emotional knowledge. All because I accepted my illness. Because I chose to be me and not my illness. Because I had support and love around me. Because I never fully let my faith and hope go. I faltered, but I held on to that spiritual lifeline.
• Neil L Anderson stated, “Even with your own painful wounds, you will instinctively reach out to others, trusting in the Savior’s promise: “Whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” The wounded who nurse the wounds of others are God’s angels on earth.”
When I was in the thick of my PTSD after Bella’s birth, I remember reading on a blog about a woman who suffered from PPD. She would tell herself often, “Today is not forever.” I began telling myself that, on repeat, all day every day for several months. It was those four words that reminded me that there would be an end. Today truly is not forever. It is but a small moment in time that, if endured well, will become a blessing of strength and wisdom.
• When I was in seminary, D&C 121:7-9 really stood out to me. It spoke to my depressed soul “My son [or daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.
There will be many ups and downs in this mortal life. These moments are just more extreme for those who suffer from mental illness. If you go through the steps I have provided, you will be able to navigate these hills and valleys with less difficulty. Mental illness is ever changing depending on life circumstances. Above all, don’t lose faith.
Dieter F. Uchtdorf enlightened, “Of all the principles taught by prophets over the centuries, one that has been emphasized over and over again is the hopeful and heartwarming message that mankind can repent, change course, and get back on the true path of discipleship. That does not mean that we should be comfortable with our weaknesses, mistakes, or sins. But there is an important difference between the sorrow for sin that leads to repentance and the sorrow that leads to despair. The Apostle Paul taught that “godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation … but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” Godly sorrow inspires change and hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Worldly sorrow pulls us down, extinguishes hope, and persuades us to give in to further temptation. - Yes, heartfelt regret and true remorse for disobedience are often painful and very important steps in the sacred process of repentance. But when guilt leads to self-loathing or prevents us from rising up again, it is impeding rather than promoting our repentance.
• Often times, exacerbated mental illness can come from inappropriate shame felt from our sins. I love that Elder Uchtdorf emphasized the difference between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow. There were several times when I was younger that I let myself wallow in my sins, which gave way to worldly sorrow and I was stuck in a vicious cycle that fueled my mental illness. BrenÃĐ Brown’s research on guilt vs. shame is so eye opening. She is so simple in her explanations. Simple though they may be, these explanations pack an impactful punch. I highly recommend reading/listening to her work. It will change your understanding of vulnerability, strength, and weakness.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I had a steady boyfriend. It came to a point where our year and a half relationship needed to end. I was devastated. I loved this boy, but I had so many people around me saying that what I felt wasn’t really love. I’ll tell you now, teenagers have the capability to deeply love others, so never tell them that their feelings of love are not real. Telling anyone that what they feel is “silly” or non-existent is scarring, unkind, and inappropriate. I became depressed for many months after this break-up. I completely lost my appetite, lost a lot of weight, had no interest in doing anything! I didn’t have anyone to guide me through what I was feeling. I love my family, and I had a good childhood, but my family was not emotionally intelligent. I did not have a priesthood presence in my home. We had wonderful men in our ward that provided priesthood duties when we needed them, but It was not a constant presence in our home. After four or so months, I came to a point where all hope was lost. I sat silently crying on the couch, feeling so lonely, cold, and defeated. It felt as if all my senses were dulled, and I was just floating there. I wasn’t really present, but I wasn’t totally missing either. Then, something amazing happened. I felt warm hands resting on my head and a surge of energy ran through my body. But no one was there. My family was either doing yard work or were not at home. I knew, without a doubt, this was Heavenly Father giving me a much-needed priesthood blessing. In my deepest, darkest moment, I was not alone. I learned that day, through a very tangible experience, that we truly are never alone. Someone is always aware of us. The veil was thin that day, and my heart was given a spark of love and encouragement that was so desperately needed. After that, I began to heal. My relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ grew to an all-time high. I began finding happiness again. I began to feel again. I found my own testimony. And at this point in my life, I was making life-long, trusting relationships with people whom I count as some of my greatest blessings still to this day.
• Deiter F. Uchtdorf stated, “Brethren [or sisters], our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward.”
• I would not have been able to rise up again without the support of a loving Heavenly Father.
• Neil L. Anderson said, “We each understand that difficulties are part of life, but when they come to us personally, they can take our breath away. Without being alarmed, we need to be ready. The Apostle Peter said, “Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you.” Along with the bright colors of happiness and joy, the darker-colored threads of trial and tragedy are woven deeply into the fabric of our Father’s plan. These struggles, although difficult, often become our greatest teachers.”
• Being prepared for these mental breaks is important. Adhere to a mental health awareness plan so that you will be able to use your experiences to help others. Evolve with your mountains and valleys. Be emotionally intelligent, keep faith, and stay strong.
Neil L. Anderson stated, “When telling the miraculous story of Helaman’s 2,060 young soldiers, we love this scripture: “According to the goodness of God, and to our great astonishment, and also the joy of our whole army, there was not one soul of them who did perish.” But the sentence continues: “And neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds.” Each one of the 2,060 received many wounds, and each one of us will be wounded in the battle of life, whether physically, spiritually, or both.”
Neil L. Anderson also said, “Look backward, remembering that you proved your worthiness in your premortal state. You are a valiant child of God, and with His help, you can triumph in the battles of this fallen world. You have done it before, and you can do it again. Look forward. Your troubles and sorrows are very real, but they will not last forever. Your dark night will pass, because “the Son … [did rise] with healing in his wings.””
• Just like when we learn something new each time we reread the scriptures, we can also learn new things when we look back upon our own personal histories. We can decipher the patterns of righteousness, patterns of disbelief, triggers to our actions, and what we would do differently now that we are wiser. We can apply this knowledge to our current situations and be able to cut down on wasted energy and emotions.
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There Can be Miracles:
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My hearts so full, I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles
When you believe
Miracles do not always come in the way we expect, but they are there when we keep strong to our faith and hold tight to our Father in Heaven. You are not alone. So many people love you. Take courage and communicate your needs. Your bishop is a great place to start. He may not be a licensed professional, but he can help guide you through your struggles, and help you find the help you deserve and need. Utilize your insurance and primary care providers as resources. They can help you find a case manager who can help you find a therapist suited to your needs. The great thing about case management is that one dedicated person is assigned to follow your case. They are there to help you make phone calls to insurance, to therapists, and other health care providers. When we are in the storm of mental illness, simple activities like making a phone call can be difficult. A case manager will call you and check in on your progress. I kept getting side tracked from calling to find a therapist. With little kids, starting a new job, trying to manage our home, and the distractibility of anxiety, it was really hard for me to focus on simple tasks. But once I finally had a case manager, I was able to begin therapy within just a couple of weeks because I had someone to remind me and keep me on track. Here in California, mental health care is based on self-referral. That means you have to be the one to find and initiate care. Finding help through a case manager is invaluable for someone who has mental health issues.
Thomas S. Monson promised, “You will one day stand aside and look at your difficult times, and you will realize that he was always there beside you.”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “There may be times in our lives when rising up and continuing on may seem beyond our own ability. Even when we think we cannot rise up, there is still hope. And sometimes we just need someone to look us in the eyes, take our hand, and say, “You can do it now.””
Neil L. Anderson testifies, “My brothers and sisters, it is my promise to you that increasing your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ will bring you added strength and greater hope. For you, the righteous, the Healer of our souls, in His time and His way, will heal all your wounds. No injustice, no persecution, no trial, no sadness, no heartache, no suffering, no wound—however deep, however wide, however painful—will be excluded from the comfort, peace, and lasting hope of Him whose open arms and whose wounded hands will welcome us back into His presence. At that day, the Apostle John testifies, the righteous “which [come] out of great tribulation” will stand “arrayed in white robes … before the throne of God.” The Lamb will “dwell among [us] … and God shall wipe away all tears from [your] eyes.” This day will come. I so witness in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
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Other helpful resources:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml
https://www.nami.org/
https://www.samhsa.gov/
https://www.eachmindmatters.org/
https://www.suicideispreventable.org
http://mentalhealthrecovery.com/
https://power2u.org/
