Do you have a brother or sister?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone ask Hannah that question. It may seem like more than it actually is being I cringe every time I hear it.

Luckily Hannah just says "no" and leaves it at that. She's never asked me about a brother or sister or begged me for one. I'm extremely grateful for that.

But I'm pretty sure one day she'll ask me and it'll break my heart to tell her that it just won't be possible. That until she gets to heaven, she'll be an only child.

Oh how I'd love to give her a sibling. I'd love it with all my heart. I know nothing is impossible with God but in this case, it would take quite a huge miracle.

Let's not forget about my "scrambled eggs" that apparently can fertilize but that's about all they are good for. Not only that, but due to Mark's health condition, we were only approved for one child. To be quite honest, I can definitely see their reasoning on that. As much as I do think it's discrimination in a way as anyone could get sick at any time and I could get very sick just as easily, I do feel it's best for both parents and the child. There is just no way I could handle another child at this point and it wouldn't be fair to anyone in our family to add another child.

Still, it would be nice to at least have an option. Pregnancy? Nope. Adoption? Not a chance.

It can be enough to tear my heart in two.

I know with all my heart Hannah has siblings in heaven waiting for us and I can't wait for that day.

But it's so hard right now to hear someone ask Hannah if she has a brother or sister and she shakes her head no. One day I know she's going to tell me she wants a sister or a brother. She'll wonder why she doesn't have one when everyone else does.

I think Hannah would make an amazing sister. Such an amazing sister. She's already an amazing daughter and has saved me in so many ways. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Growing up I always wanted 4 kids. 4 was the perfect number in our family and I loved it. I wanted my kids to feel the same or hope to feel the same.

I wish with all my heart I could give her a sibling so badly.

One day I just hope she understands---I may not have been able to give her a sibling on Earth, but she has more than she could ever imagine waiting for her in heaven.

Trip to Hawaii

Recently our family took a trip to Hawaii with the exception of Mark. :( The flight would've been too much for him and the air quality and temperature in Hawaii wasn't good for him either. It was hard to go without him but we all knew it was for the best.

We had so much fun. Oh, I just love Hawaii. We went to the Big Island.

I took about 350 pictures. I won't show them all but I wanted to show some of our trip.


My beautiful Hawaiian girl


Drinking coconut juice


Me and my nice set of coconuts


Swimming in the ocean






Swimming in her "Hannah pool" as she called it :)




This was done right next to the sign that said "No jumping in water and no horseplay"....we left the men in charge while the women went shopping. Big mistake!


Hannah up on stage


We got leid!!


Watching a beautiful sunrise


My whole family



Hannah learned how to hula :)




One of my favorite pictures of Hannah. She LOVED the ocean and water.


Hannah's last hula in Hawaii. :( We had so much fun and are definitely ready to go back anytime. Just wish Mark could join us. He was the only thing missing, although he was a BIG part. It just wasn't the same.