Boise Weekend Recap

1. Excellent driving time -- 4.25 hours -- and no speeding ticket
2. Tom read 2/3 of Harry Potter Book 2, all of 3, and 200 pages of 4
3. Mom and Dad got lost on the way to the hotel
4. Uncle Alan had the flu
5. My little brother can swim all by himself in the pool
6. But he swallowed a lot of water and got kinda sick
7. We listened to some great live music
8. We took a walk by the beautiful riverside
9. The bar gave us 3 free drinks
10. Ate breakfast at an adorable cafe called The Egg Factory
11. Met a very friendly dog who drove a taxi
12. Visited with loved ones
13. Enjoyed our mini-getaway

Adventuring

All this warm weather is giving me antsy pants.

I feel the need for long walks that lead to nowhere.

I want to pack a weekend bag and dash off with my lover.

The open highway is calling my name, saying,

"Remember the sunny car,

your feet on the dashboard,

the radio blaring,

your book open on your lap,

the only distraction is the waiting adventure."

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The Youth List

Things I will do today to keep me young for tomorrow:

1. Sleep on my back
2. Moisturize
3. Drink half my weight in ounces of water
4. Hug my puppy
5. Love my husband
6. Eat an apple
7. Read a good book
8. Gab and cackle with my friends
9. Organize my time
10. Forgive my shortcomings
11. Drive fast with the radio loud
12. Wear sunglasses
13. Laugh heartily at anything I find funny
14. Take a nap and then go to the gym
15. Sing show tunes
16. Brush and floss my teeth
17. Daydream

How to Be a Good Driver

Recently, I have been reminded of what a good driver I am and thought that I should share with the world some tips on how to be as great as me on the road.

• Always speed -- except in school zones.
• Try to stay out of the fast lane. That's where people get pulled over.
• Don't be afraid to change lanes. A lot.
• Always check your blindspot when you change lanes.
• Wear sunglasses to improve visibility.
• Take advantage of "stop time" by checking Facebook, playing Words with Friends, or texting.
• If it's yellow, you can make it.
• Don't be afraid to use your horn.
• If someone wants to go faster than you, just get out of their way. I hate people who think it's their job to regulate my speed.
• And last: always wear your seat belt. ALL THE TIME.

The State Song

My husband is so silly.

Do you know the "State Song?" It's this song that you learn in elementary school that teaches all the names of the states in alphabetical order. In good keeping with the educational system, we practice it at our house. After all, we don't want to be deprived of Thanksgiving dinner like Ross because we can't remember the 50 states.

Anyway, we're driving home the other night and he keeps singing it over and over. Everytime he makes a mistake, he begins again. It took him almost the entire 15 minute drive home to get it perfect. The Ns in particular were giving him trouble.

I hate this song now.

Parking Wars

I have new neighbors, well, neighbors period. Our apartment complex is just beginning to fill up. We've had blissful quiet and free reign of the area for the last 4 months. Now we have neighbors. And on the one day we have the old car out for the day, they steal our parking space. It's not technically 'ours' but we park there all the time -- it's right outside our door. They live on the other side of us and the distance means that the space shouldn't be theirs. They park this huge, disgusting truck in a space meant for cars. Their little hooky towey thing sticks out into the road. I hate this. So for the last two days I've been stalking the slot in the hopes that I can slip the car back to its home.

Today: VICTORY!

Shortly after 10:30 this morning I just happened to peek out the window before hopping in the shower. I was actually looking to see if the truck was still there, but lo and behold, I saw two people walking past the apartment. These mystery people are said neighbors. I run downstairs and crack open the front door. Yes, they are in fact entering the monstrosity and then driving away. Ah ha. I quickly jump in the car and return it to its established parking spot, where it will sit for the next week, proving to the new neighbors that that parking spot is OURS. Eat our car, people we don't know.

Driving Therapy

I have a family history of driving. If we went on vacation as a family, we drove. Sometimes, on weekends, we would all jump in the car and start driving around -- not really sure where we were going. We'd end up at a lake or in the mountains or at a lake in the mountains. One time Mom and I took a windy road up a mountain, only to become slightly stuck. I was super scared at the time, but we made it back down safe and sound and with a pocketful of hilarious memories. After my senior year the two of us went on a road trip to the west coast. We drove A LOT and it gave us a chance to talk and think and just be. My mom started to teach me to drive when I was about 13. I didn't just jump on the road; I began with backing the car out of the driveway and back in. Then, I progressed to driving on back roads on the way to and from Granny's house. I have been driving for longer than most people, which is what makes me a great driver (no tickets, no accidents -- minor parking lot incidents aside) and what makes me love to drive.Driving is therapeutic, especially at night. The quiet, dark landscape. A good song on the radio. Headlights beaming the way. Little traffic, little stopping. Just speed and constant movement -- that's the key. Whatever may be wrong -- something at work, something at home, something personal -- try going for a drive alone and in darkness. The rolling car allows for thoughts to become still. The mind stops pacing and becomes settled. It settles into, not necessarily "clarity," but peace.

Snowed In

This could happen to you.

Scene: Friday, December 26th 2008. 9:00 AM. Snow. A fuck load.
Tom has just departed for work.

Ring ring.
"Hello?"
"I need you to come help dig me out."
"Are you kidding?"
"No. I'm not."
"Well, where are you?"
"Behind the garage."

Indeed. Tom pulled out of the garage and became promptly stuck. No plowermen had been by and the snow was up to the doors on the car. Now, we live in an apartment. We don't own shovels or snow removal equipment greater than a car scraper. And you must keep in mind that I am 5 feet tall. What help I was going to be in the situation was unknown -- and it actually turned out to be zero. I tried pushing the car while Tom pushed on the gas. I tried pushing the gas while Tom pushed the car. The car was well and truly stuck and I was cold.

Welcome father-in-law. Tom Sr. lives just a bit away and he drives a truck. So la dee da he comes to the rescue. I watched from the garage as Tom and Dad used shovels to save our car from imminent peril (that being snow) and then Tom brilliantly tucked the car back into the garage.

"Okay. Thanks, Dad," Tom says. "Can you take me to work now?"

Yeah - they can't leave - because now the TRUCK is stuck. Luckily, Tom Sr. has chains for just such a rescue mission gone awry scenario. I stood in the garage, watching as they both lied down in the snow, red hands fastening chains onto tires, and then watched with breath held as they drove away - hoping they wouldn't get stuck again or crash and die on the way to work.

End scene: Friday December 26th 2008. 10:00 AM.
Tom has just departed for work....again.

The moral of this story: Wow - snow really sucks ass. I hate you, snow.

Late to Work

Tom has a job that has the same days off as mine and the same hours. So, he's been dropping me off at work and then heading off to his. And I'm sorry to say, but he is not very good at rushing out the door. I hate, as much as the next person, being late to work, but even more than that, I greatly dislike the rushing around before you get to the car. I mean, once you're in the car, there's not much you can do except speed a little and hope you hit the lights right. But while you're in the house - gathering all the shit you need to last for 8 hours of boredom - it's all your own fault if you're late.

And now the craziness is doubled. Not only am I running around, but Tom is also. Yelling out to each other "where is this?" and "where is that?" and "what do you want for lunch?" Then comes the inevitable shutting of the door, only to realize that one of you has forgotten something, and then the inevitable searching for keys to re-open the door, followed by frantic galloping about the house. Grrr.

A Neeeew Caaaaaar!

After shopping and browsing around A LOT,

we finally have a new car.

And not only is it new to us -

it is brand new to the world;

a lovely 2009 Hyundai Sonata.

Korean, just like me.

How cute.

Get Lost

I can't see very well at night. I mean, I wear my glasses, and that helps, but my night vision is equal to an old lady. I'm not sure when or where it started to happen but it sucks. So, that said, tonight after work I went up to our friend's new house in Clinton. I've been there once or twice before but I've never driven myself. Nor have I driven there at night. Nor have I experienced my friend's lack of ability to give directions.

The only information I needed was "which exit do I take?" This is not difficult - you just have to tell me what number or what name the exit has. I was told to take the Syracuse exit. Such an exit does not exist. It says "Syracuse" on one of the side exit signs, which I could not see. The main exit reads "Antelope Drive." Hmm. So, needless to say, I passed the correct exit and called in a frenzy because I knew I was speeding towards "too far away." Phone call went as follows:

Me: I think I went too far. There isn't an exit that says "Syracuse."

Tom (distracted): Uh, you missed it? Where are you now?

Me: I know I went too far...

Tom: Let me get Alejandro.

Alejandro: Yo.

Me: I missed the exit - which one should I take now?

...silence....

Alejandro: Um, let me get my wife.

Oh my God - People - I am driving on the freeway at 75 mph! We must make quick decisions. It's not like I can just "pull over real quick" and wait for you to tell me where to go. Grrr. I hate nothing more than people who do not know where they live or how to tell people how to get to where they live. Of course, I stupidly forgot that my fabulous iPhone has GPS. I should have just asked for their address, plugged it into my phone, and followed its simple no-fail instructions.

Note to self: save yourself grief and rely on yourself.

What's Old is New Again

When you sell / give away the majority of your belongings because you're going to China, you face the problem of having next to no belongings when you return. In particular, you lack a vehicle. At least, a vehicle you can drive yourself.

I never learned how to drive a stick (or 5-speed or manual, whichever you prefer) because when I learned to drive, we had an automatic. And now, I'm sort of handicapped into an automatic because no one owns something I could learn on. My father-in-law is loaning us his old truck to drive around while we get re-settled, well, let me say instead, for my HUSBAND to drive around. It's super irritating to have to be chauffered from place to place like Miss Daisy. I can understand more fully her absolute dismissal of the situation.

Lucky for me - fate smiled and our old car is available to us through a series of random events. Best of all, the old car is "new" and improved. Air conditioning now works, radio now works, belts replaced. How lovely.

A note on the chosen pic: I googled "old and improved" and this gem was #5. Why? Only she knows.

Buy a Ticket

Did you know that you can buy a ticket to Shanghai for a mere $1,450.00?

Of course, this price is per person, not including charges for extra bags and my ginormous suitcase which weighs over 50 pounds when stuffed to the brim with all my clothes.

Wow, we sure are lucky. I hate the airlines.

In a Rush

Traffic seems to have some sort of mental breakdown when I'm in a hurry. Today I was rushing to get to a Ladies Luncheon. I would not have been leaving late, if it hadn't been for a slight wardrobe malfunction. BUT, as I was leaving late, I was hurrying. A simple jump onto the freeway ended up throwing me into a slew of cars moving at 65 miles per hour. What the hell? The speed limit is 65. Why is the fast lane going the speed limit? And why are all the other lanes moving at the same rate? The freeway is transformed into a single moving body - traveling in unison.

It's a mystery. And this unfortunate phenomenon always seems to happen when I'm in a rush to get to my destination. There are few things I hate more than people driving slow. If you're too stupid and/or scared to drive fast in the fast lane - get out of the fast lane. If you're too stupid and/or scared to move out of the fast lane - don't get in it. If you're too stupid and/or scared to drive on the freeway - don't. Just don't do it. Stick to city streets and enjoy your leisurely pace to wherever it is you're going with plenty of time to spare. I, however, am in a pretty big fucking hurry. Please get out of my way.

It's Smart

I love the Smart Car. I don't care what anyone else says about the gas mileage or size. They are cool because they are adorable! Did you know that you can actually purchase (for the low price of $500) a set of interchangeable panels to make color swaps a breeze? I, of course, would like white (for regularness) and pink (for fun). See absolutely fabulous Hello Kitty Smart Car below...

There is a question, however. Would I actually drive a Smart Car? Probably not in America. Vehicles here are big - we acutally allow Hummers to parade around on public roads as if we are in a constant state of perpetual seige. A Smart Car would be no match against said Hummer. I would, literally, be smashed flat and unlikely to survive any head to head match up. And what about all those crazy semis? They speed around in the fast lane at 85 miles per hour - how would they see a teeny tiny (albeit super cute) Smart Car? No matter how smart the Smart Car is, when it comes to the road, brawns wins over brains.

But they are still the cutest car to date. I give it a +5. Hooray!

Driving Instructions

My mother started teaching me to drive when I was 13. It started with backing the cars in and out of the driveway. Then, she let me drive on the back roads on the way home from Granny's house. I went through driver's ed and passed my test on the first try. I have never been in an accident. I have never received a ticket. I consider myself an adequate driver.

Of course, I have my flaws. I speed, follow a little too close, change lanes often, and listen to the radio really loud. But I have my history to back up the fact that I am, despite anything else, a successful driver. This is my opinon.

Tom disagrees - vociferously. I hate it when he critiques my driving. I don't say anything about the way he drives...even when he's flipping people off or refusing to let them in our lane. Why don't I say anything? Because I trust that he can operate a vehicle with competence. His driving style may differ from mine, but a difference in type does not indicate incorrectness.

I have compiled a short list of reasons why he should, kindly, shut the hell up:

1. I have been driving longer than he has.

2. I state, again, the "no tickets, no accidents" clause.

3. I am more fun to drive with.

4. I always reach my destination in a safe and timely manner.

5. I can drive any way I fucking please.

If statistics can be belived, 50% of the population has an IQ below 100. I am the least of anyone's worries on the road.