Sensory Overload

I am a genius! I think this year I am going to be awarded with the MacArthur Genius Award. (look it up- it really exists!) So how many knives and other banned weapons have the police found searching people in subway stations. I am going to go with not too many- as proven by the "serial subway stabber." (my own coinage) Really we all know how I feel about the "random" bag search- so pointless. So here is my new idea. There will be a booth right in front of the turnstiles. Everyone must go through the booth. The booth will be like the screening booth at the airport that puffs air at you and tests for explosive residue. But my booth will be different. It will be testing for Body Odor. If you register above a certain number the booth will have a mechanism that won't allow you to go through the turnstile and will politely and discreetly ask that you take another mode of transportation that day- preferably one with no other people. This idea came to me this morning while I was only breathing through my mouth for 4 stops until I could take in the sweet smell of the steamy, stifling 72nd St. subway stop. I kept looking around to see who the culprit might be but everyone looked pretty clean and well kempt. That is why this booth is such a good idea. Usually when you ride the subway you can tell by sight who the smellies are and avoid sitting there. This booth will weed out the well dressed smellies and make for a more pleasant MTA experience. Ok- now who wants to finance this project?


STOP!! YOU ARE BEING CHARGED WITH OLFACTORY TERRORISM!!!

The Hunt

Has anyone ever noticed that apartment hunting is like dating? You show up at the apartment not knowing what to expect from the people and from the actual apartment. The initial hello is AWWWKWARD.
Me: Hi
Them:Hi
Me: Ummm... I am here to see the apartment.
Them: um... okay. I guess we'll start with this. um.... do you have any questions.
Me: Um... yes. Is it always this weird when you show an apartment.
Sometimes you get there and you know right away you do not and cannot live in this apartment. But you have to make small talk and look interested until they stop talking and let you inch your way to the door. Kind of like on a date when the guy shows up and you know in that instant you would rather be getting your legs waxed. You sit and nurse a drink and then feign exhaustion. They are really one and the same. Faking interest!
Then afterward do you have to send an e-mail that you are not interested or can you just blow them off?

MY APARTMENT MATES OR PREVIOUS DATES?