Making Choices

So, we've been talking more and more about wisdom lately. And I think what we've decided is that we often ask the wrong question when making decisions. Most people ask this question about a decision they are about to make, "Is there anything wrong with this?" And while that is a good question, it may not necessarily be the best; the one that steers us onto the path of wisdom and keeps us safe from our own foolishness. After all, the counselors will always remind you that it was your "best thinking" that got you to the point you are at, which is often why most of us need help...

(At this point I'm writing the end of my story and it sounds so real...let me remind you that this story is fictional. I have not been to Hooters and my integrity date stands at May 19, 2007)

I wonder that the best question to ask is: "Is this the wise thing to do?" I know that it sounds so cheesy and cliche, but I wonder that it could change everything? For example, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me making a trip to Hooters. I can go sit down and enjoy myself there purely (because we all know that it's so popular for the food and TV). If I ask the question "Is there anything wrong with this," then my filter would say "No!, Absolutely not, and to hell with anyone who says otherwise!" (the second part is mainly because I'm a prideful person, and if anyone suggests I could be doing poorly, I get mad...ohhh vanity...) And so, I sit...enjoying my food and the TV right? I have no problem with the ladies who walk around in their little shirts and shorts that scream "Look at me, you don't even have to imagine me naked...here's just about everything I've got." And then I can go home after eating and watching a good game. But what about the images and the nature of man? A young woman said to me once, "I have a problem getting those pictures out of my head, it must be torture for a man." And so I sit at home, the images of what I've seen trapped in my mind, coupled with the fact that skimpy clothing is 100% foreplay for women. My wife's out for the night, can't have sex with her...what do I do, I take matters into my own hands...quite literally. Now, for me who has pledged to have sexual relations only with my wife, I have now done it in my mind with a few women from Hooters and got my jollies free of charge, thus depriving my wife. Now I've done something wrong!!!!
You see how the question can get us into trouble? There was nothing wrong with the restaurant, but it led me right to the edge of tempation, and pain and regret, for myself and my wife...It is almost impossible to stand on the edge without falling over. If I had simply asked "What is the wise thing to do," and stayed away from images that would prove tempting, I would not have ended up in my predicament...So much pain and regret stands in our lives...what if we lived our lives differently. I know some people who think that all men look at porn and masturbate...I don't think that is so, I've met a few now who have stopped and they're more normal and fulfilled in their lives than all the others. I wonder what it will take for us to trade life in a Sewer for life in a mansion?

Last thought...for all of the none ladies who read...not that I know of any men who do either...
Why is it that every woman assumes that her husband, father, boyfriend doesn't struggle with this? I can imagine a woman talking to her husband one night, "Honey, do you ever think of other women naked?" "No." "Do you ever masturbate?" "No." "Would you ever tell me if you did?" "No, it's hurt you and you'd kill me!" "Oh, ok..." (A little over the top, but that's what it comes down to.) If I'm nice with the statistics, 7 out of 10 men struggle with lust, fantasy, porn, etc. Remember 7 out of 10 is being NICE!!! (Meaning it's probably highter!!!) Why would a woman ever assume 1) that her man is automatically the 30% Really!?! Maybe so... 2) that this kind of thing is ok? I mean, what woman says, sure go do whatever you want, then come home after thinking of women naked and make love to me because they turned you on...

What will it take to break this cycle?

The Scope of the Problem

"Another way of looking at the scope of the prooblem is to picture a bell curve. According to our experiences, we figure around 10 percent of men have no sexual temptation problem with their eyes and their minds. At the other end of the curve, we figure there's another 10 percent of men who are sexual addicts and have a serious problem with lust. They've been so beaten and scarred by emotional events that they simply can't overcome that sin in their lives. They need counseling and transforming...The rest of us comprise the middle 80 percent, living in various shades of gray when it comes to sexual sin."

- From "Every Man's Battle"

Conversations

So awhile back I was sitting with a pastor and we were talking about the struggles men face. Now, I have a past, as I firmly believe that most men do, but this pastor said something that struck me. He told me, "Yet it (sexual temptation) is every man's struggle, but not every man is addicted to pornography (sexual fantasy, masturbation, lust)" I didn't know what to think of his statement, so I thought I'd let some of the statistics speak for themselves...

This is from the Barna Group website:
In a survey taken 19% of all adults surveyed admitted to intentional exposure to pornography. Bear in mind that this is 1 of 5 adults AND only the ones who would ADMIT it. Also in this particular survey, younger adults are twice as likely as older ones to be viewing it.
Now, my pastor friend would say that Christians are different, but 44% of the admitting people are what we would call religious (comprising Evangelicals, Notional Christians, Catholics and the like. 50% of those surveyed were skeptics (atheists or agnostics.) Remember that all of these were the admitted ones.
In other thoughts of the nation, 59% of adults believe that enjoying sexual thoughts about someone is acceptable and 38% thought viewing pornography was morally acceptable.

"But that only goes to show you how pervasive the problem of pornography is these days. Surveys regularly reveal little difference between the rates of pornographic addictions in Christian and non-Christian men. The Hart Report, a confidential survey taken by Dr Archibald Hart, disclosed that 61% of all married Christian men masturbate regularly. research also reveals that somewhere between 30 and 40% of the pastors standing in our pulpits visit pornographic Web sites each year, depending on which sources you choose. Leadership magazine, for instance, found that not only had more than one-third of the pastors surveyed clicked on an adult Web site, but 75% of pastors still hadn't made themselves accountable to anyone for their Internet use."
-Every Heart Restored by Steven Arterburn, Fred & Brenda Stoeker

And about lust, the root problem Dr James Dobson says this:
"Men are not very discriminating in regard to the person living within an exciting body. A man can walk down the street and be stimulated by a scantily clad female who shimmies past him, even though he knows nothing about her personality of values of mental capabilities. He is attracted by her body itself. Likewise, he can become almost as excited over a photograph of an unknown nude model as he can in a face-to-face encounter with someone he loves.
What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women

It's funny that whenever I or my wife speak with someone about our past, invariably one of the couple says, "Really? Us too!" So is it really as this pastor says? Is it just a temptation for all men, but few of them are really giving in? I'll let the evidence speak for itself and let you decide...