The reflective time of the year

Every end December calls for a reflection of the year with new visions and goals for the next year. The best things that happened this year are these:

1. My visit to Helmut Schmid in Osaka. Took me some courage to email Schmid that I'd like to visit. It was a fulfilling trip to spend an afternoon having lunch together and visiting his studio.

2. A new stamp carving skill I picked up with some practice and researching.

3. I read 17 books this year. (Got an email from Goodreads telling me so.)I think I've never read so much fiction since my secondary school days. Maybe I should do a book review of my reads this year. My last book for the year was George Orwell's 1984. A deeply disturbing book that I hardly comprehend of the dystopian society that Orwell has created. My favourite read this year was unexpectedly a book that I didn't think I would like so much- "The Lord of the Flies". An old classic that I thought I learnt some points about power, truths and fear.

4. Best movies I watched this year are Gravity and Frozen.

It's been more than a year since I started working and life has been pretty much a routine. Time flies too being in that routine. I guess if there's something I can wish to have, it's to have more time, it's to be more feeling and sensuous, it's to have more vitality and drive. I think I've lost quite a lot of these in the mundane. I was just watching the story of stuff again to remind myself that there are other things I can do during my leisure time than consumption.

My 2013 resolution was to make new friends and I think I did made 2 new friends. So that's a small accomplishment. *gives a small pat on my shoulder* 2013 was pretty much a year of struggle to find the kind of life that I want and getting used to the amount of freedom I have lost since I got my day job. I had new found fears. I also have more responsibilities and decisions to make. I also learnt new perspectives and accepted my routine. Somehow there's always this unsatisfying feeling that's sitting inside of me. Is it a desire to want to make things that I haven't been making? Or a distaste at the kind of desk job bounded life I've been leading, I'm not sure.

A while ago, I met up with some friends whom I haven't met in years and they were telling me how can I be so active despite being so busy with my day job. I could still afford time to pick up my erhu to make it for concert and I even have a small hobby running that I've been even commissioned sometimes to custom make a stamp. I didn't think these were any big deals worth mentioning but being told by someone else that they are made my day. So I AM doing something about my life other than consuming (though I'm not convinced sometimes).

Okay that being said I think my resolution for 2014 would be: Follow my instincts/bliss and to accomplish at least one thing that is out of my comfort zone. May the new year be better than the last!

Fangirl-ling strikes back

Happy Birthday Takuya Captain!

I've been a fan of Kimura Takuya since I was 19 and I'm 25 now.
A spontaneous skype session with my friends sparked from hearing about 5566 reuniting reminded me that I did birthday posts for my idol since I became a fan. Although I didn't do it for the past 2 years I'm still a fan! So spare me a moment while I'm in nostalgic fangirl mode.

Just a few days ago, I happened to come across Kimura's wedding announcement video on youtube and still find it as cool and moving as I felt when I first watched it. So I guess I'm still a fan afterall though not as obsessed haa. Although he's 41 this year and he's still playing idol roles like a kakoii android in this year's drama, it's okay, it's not that bad. Ideally I would be more interested to watch him play father roles in more serious dramas. He can do so much more than playing an android love story! I'm still hopeful that he picks better scripts next year, breaks out of his idol roles in drama acting, venture into more serious roles and break ratings in a bang as a professional good actor than just hearthrob Kimutaku. That's what I'd like to see him in. Prove your bashers wrong!

Ganbare Captain!
& happy birthday!
<3 ling

When "passion" fizzles out

"Most of the time people talk about getting motivated and “amped up” to work on their goals. Whether it’s business or sports or art, you will commonly hear people say things like, “it all comes down to having enough passion.”

As a result, I think many people get depressed when they lose focus or motivation because they think that successful people have some unstoppable passion and willpower that they seem to be missing. But that’s exactly the opposite of what this coach was saying.

Instead, he was saying that really successful people feel the same boredom and the same lack of motivation that everyone else feels. They don’t have some magic pill that makes them feel ready and inspired every day. But the difference is that the people who stick with their goals don’t let their emotions determine their actions. Top performers still find a way to show up, to work through the boredom, and to embrace the daily practice that is required to achieve their goals."

How To Stay Focused When You Get Bored Working Toward Your Goals

 But I think I need a goal first.

初老症状?

最近总觉得对任何东西都缺乏兴趣,或者是以前有兴趣的东西也开始觉得乏味了。为什么？Other than conveniently telling myself oh, it's because I'm getting older, I'm quite sure that's just a small reason to the why.
—
These days it's getting harder to organise my thoughts and write them down in a proper form. I feel lazy most of the time and just want to spend the day lazing in bed or watching shows/surfing on the internet — easy things that make me happy.  Either that or I find it hard to see things through the end without getting distracted or losing interest. It's probably what I've been feeling most of the time since I've started work. Though I spend my weekends I would say quite fruitfully, either going out, meeting friends, making an effort to try something out of routine or watching shows at home. But I still have that sense of dissatisfaction sometimes when I run out of things to do, that loss of interest in the things that I set myself out to do in a short span of time. I don't remember having these rather unsatisfied thoughts when I was schooling contrary to most people I think. So I'm gona try sorting my frustrations and find out why.

Is it the lack of time and freedom?
Yes and yes. My working hours are late and I barely have a few hours of free time before I go to bed. I miss having more me time, terribly. Then again when I have too much free time, I don't know what to do with it sometimes.

So could it be the lack of purpose, or a long term goal to work towards to?
I've often wondered what I want in the future. What I see myself to be, or want to achieve in the future. But even now I don't have the answers to these questions. I used to have very clear ideas of what I want in the future but now that I've sort of achieved them, I'm not sure what's next.

Is it a lack of self-discipline? In school there's always deadlines to follow so despite it being a difficult process, there's always closure and a sense of satisfaction and productivity that you did something. It could be that. So is passion/interest more than just strong feelings about something but also self discipline to keep it going even when you may not be feeling it at times? Be it in work or maintaining friendships I think whatever one does, you need to impose yourself to do it to get some form of satisfaction or pleasant feelings when it is completed/achieved. The trouble of going somewhere far or inconvenient to meet a friend or practising hard to play well a piece of music for example. The biggest obstacle is to impose yourself to get through the troublesome effort to do it and whether you get through it depends on your own discipline, determination and most of the time whether you think the end is worth all the trouble. So I'd have to admit most of the time these days I find the end not worth the trouble.

So what do I do? Either try to change something in what I'm doing now or accept the shortcomings of my working routine that I don't have the time and patience these days to figure out what I want to do in life? Then again could it be just a perception of my thinking that I ought to change first before thinking of what to do next? Instead of thinking about the time I lost while working, I have more money to spend on doing the things I couldn't afford when I was a student. Although I see having time is more important than having money to spend on things I couldn't as a student.. Or I should just simply learn to be contented with what I already have and am doing and think, that is great too?

どこでもドア

Where would you want to go if you had a dokodemo door? (A door that goes wherever you want to)
It would be nice if I could visit Japan whenever I want to.

I realise my "want" list gets lesser as I grow older and I don't exactly have much new "wants" either.
Does that mean I'm contented?
Not really..

Silly question

What's the value in beautiful things? It's been a while since I had this question in my head. When I wanted to be a designer, the possibilities of creating beautiful things excite me. Not that I'm not thrilled by the idea of making beautiful now, just that what's the point of it all? Then I thought about making beautiful things with meaning. After which I got so engrossed in getting the meaning right, I neglect my aesthetics. How important is beauty in portraying the meaning of things? Why do we pursue beauty?

Times when I was carving graphics, I thought about what these graphics can do other than it being a graphical representation of something we see in life that someone could also possibly like. I don't seem to be satisfied with that thought when I'm making things, be it in commercial work or other graphic stuff that I do. Is there any other value in that alone other than injecting meaning or purpose to it? The other day I was asking a friend whether he would get something that looks nice to him but isn't functional, he said no. Being a graphic designer whereby I create so many graphical visual stuff/junk every day, things that are just visually pleasant seem to have no other value other than it being pleasant looking if it is not functional/ has no message/ does not say anything.  But why are people also attracted to 'meaningless' pretty things sometimes then? Or actually subconsciously we relate to these graphics hence we are attracted to them? Say a shiny stone.

Is there any other value other than technical mastery when you draw an object so life-like, it's as close to being real? I think it's cool to be able to master a skill but somehow I don't seem to have much interest in that (even though I think it's cool). Maybe that's what I'm trying to find- value in what I think are meaningless / message-less pretty things?

 I hope I'm making sense even though these seem like very silly questions...

Local Production

At first I thought this song was written for this movie (That Girl in Pinafore) and just in time for National Day. But after watching the movie and some reading, I discovered this catchy tune was made all the way back in the early 90s by Liang Wen Fu. It was even banned from playing in radio stations just because of the few lines of dialect in the song. What a loss for our heritage. But the ban has finally been lifted now.

At first look "That Girl in Pinafore (我的朋友,我的同学,我爱的一切) has much resemblance to  Taiwan's 那些年，我们一起追的女孩 (Apple of my eye) - there's the growing up, skirt chase, dream chase, high school memories, playing truant etc. The movie could have a shorter and catchier title though, it's so hard to catch (and so corny!). Anyway my friend brought out a point that made me enjoy this movie a lot more than just the old school nostalgia- the decline of chinese culture/speaking in Singapore.

Then it all started to make better sense, even for the twist in the end which I thought wasn't needed to make the ending even more memorable. There was a malay girl in the movie who spoke better mandarin than the chinese boy. Mandarin speaking people seemed to be deemed as "second class" by a parent character in the movie. The daughter coming back home to seek her roots and remixes an old 新谣 into something more western.

It's sad to see dialects dying away and youngsters losing this bilingualism that I'm proud to have (or even trilingual if I know how to speak dialects but sadly I don't). I think we're all aware of that decline just that it's hard to stay bilingual if we don't use those both languages often. The lyrics in these 新谣 speak volumes of our heritage and I'm glad I can read and understand them.

Twenty five

It's a ritual habit for me to post something on my birthday so that I can always look back what I hoped to be at that point in time. Looking back, here are the list of things I hoped to achieve when I hit 24 last year:

I hope I don't get cooped up in my small publication design world not knowing what's happening outside. I hope I don't run out of energy to get curious and adventurous, I hope I don't run out of energy to have a life outside work. I hope I'm able to maintain all the friendships I've made. I hope to know more people. I hope to do things faster so that I will have more free time.

The thing that I felt I lost significantly when I started working was time and me time.Whenever I had time I'd be finding things to do or head out to catch up with friends. I think that probably won't be changing for a very long time. I am always thinking how else can I spend my free time more wisely and new? What else can you experience "new" in Singapore? Other than going to that new shopping mall there or this new shopping mall there. I don't want to think that I'm spending my working twenties shopping and eating. It's fine but there's gotta be more to life than that? It's also pretty easy to feel lazy to try new things.

In any case, rant aside here are some highlights of my 24th year in life:
At 24 I visited Japan, which was the one wish I've been wanting to do since I was young. It was very fulfilling.
At 24 I picked up a new hobby - eraser stamping. It started so spontaneously that it got addictive when I started to get the hang of it. I hope to do more things with this.

I always wished I had more time to myself and the time to be reflective. I hope I don't lose that in the future. I hope I don't lose myself in routine and work. I hope I can face my fears upfront and accept them. Be at peace. Be more well read. Be more comfortable in uncertainty. Be more open to possibilities and permutations. Be more accepting that there's many things in life that I have no control of. Be content and grateful for the things I have. Be happy.

I'm blessed to have receive cards, heartfelt well-wishes and presents from my friends even at this age. They mean a lot, so thank you.

Wise Words from my friend

----

Last night I had a dream that I tried skydiving. There was this place where they teach people how to skydive and I went for a trial. Unexpectedly it was more fun than scary than I thought it would be. Then it was announced that each person would have to approach an instructor for the real thing on a first come first serve basis. By the time I find the courage to ask, all the instructors were taken and in the end I didn't get to skydive. I was sad. What held me back?

After thoughts

The perhaps only bad part about my habit of reading on the train or generally while waiting has left me lots of awkward moments when I finish a good book. For example like finishing a good book in a crowded train packed with people during the rush hour, and there was once whereby I read a character's demise while I was queuing up for Fried Fish Bee Hoon. Well I often wished I had more time to absorb what I just read just so I can appreciate what has just happened in the book but given the circumstances when I'm usually reading, I guess it's kind of hard. So I'm trying to re-trace my thoughts now. Anyway I finished this book called "The Lord of the Flies" 4 days ago and I would like to write something about it before I totally forget.

It isn't a book I would usually pick up but I happened to have it. There is no romance, no adults, just about a bunch of boys who were stranded on an isolated island and how they lived there. I read how morals and human values degenerate when there's no governance, and how these boys became savages due to fear, and a hunger for power. It's a good book with no other romantic or complex relationship distraction, just plain watching how human nature deteriorates when there is no society, no rules. Sounds a bit depressing there but I think it's all quite realistic/relatable and I can picture some scenarios in real life.

(That's all I can say for LOTF? By the way I even had a dream about the events in the book happening like an action adventure movie in my head. That was how memorable the book is for me.)

----

3 days ago I watched "Lone Ranger". Again, not something I intended to watch at first but just happened to because it had the right timing and seats. I went in without much expectations having read some bad reviews, bad box office sales and it being a Western (hard to relate). But hey it ain't that bad! Not that I'm a Depp fan. But maybe I'm a little bias towards the "William Tell Overture" being used and the climax being "The Great Train Robbery (1903)"-like as a tribute to old Westerns. These were the best parts of the movie. Although it was long I wasn't bored at all, it was entertaining. Actually I'm a little sad it's not doing too well because I read up on the original Lone Ranger and the Red Indians after that. So the movie did raise some "Western" interest in me. Or maybe I got curious because of the abysmal criticism of the movie.

So yes, these are what's left of my diluted afterthoughts in effort to talk about what I've been thinking over the things I've watched/ read over the last week.

和时间赛跑

读书的时候老是觉得时间不够。
要是deadline可以再拖一天就好了。
如今做工了还是一样觉得时间不够。
有很多事都是瞬间有感觉想要做的,但因为太累或需要做其它琐碎事而拖延。
等到有时间做时却又没感觉了。
也抓不回当初想做这件事的冲动。
机会就这样错过。
时间也继续的流失。

所以要抓紧现在。
想做什么就做，
想写什么就写。
不想有任何后悔。
或许到了明天我已经忘了今天的感触。
但至少已轻描淡写在这里。

All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveller is unaware.

Visiting Japan has always been my dream ever since I was young. Now that I've gone and came back, I can now say that it was as beautiful as I've imagined. I didn't expect to love the rural as much or perhaps even much more than I like contemporary Japan. Actually I was a little disappointed by how much I thought Tokyo resembled Taipei because I saw Taipei first. But I try not to judge yet because I was only in Tokyo for a short bare 3 days and on a crowded weekend furthermore. The best part that made this trip was more of the wandering that I wouldn't have learnt without the good mix of weird people in the company who went onto this trip with me. I remember an interview of Kohei Sugiura who mentioned that the most important thing that we as human beings are losing is "the ability to be surprised". Raveling in the unknown just on feel with no fear and expectations opened up to so much more surprises and adventures. And that was something that I've always been wanting to learn and experience for myself.

Lake Biwa
Lake Biwa was a place I remember from watching a Japanese period drama called "Gou" set in the Sengoku period. The scene where Gou and her family stopped to say she'll miss when she left her home was the view of lake Biwa from their castle. Going to Lake Biwa wasn't part of the itinerary but when I saw a sign saying "Lake Biwa Line" at the train station and we happened to have no plans later on in the day, I knew I had to go there. It's a beautiful beautiful lake. We went there when the sun was setting and the sun light shining on the water sparkled. 

The sunset was of a desaturated blue orange hue resembling Monet's impressionist paintings. There was also a huge green field of wildflowers that a little girl was picking up flowers to give to her Dad who was sitting beside us. Watching the sun go down and the people from all walks of life pass us by was pleasant bliss. Then there's the occasional strong lake breeze that freezes my eyeballs cold as I'm eating ice cream with a nice pudding. 

--------------

Fushimi Inari Taisha
At first we decided to just climb further up the steps to avoid the crowd to take better pictures turned out to be a hike to the top of the hill that took hours. It was a cool hike with no perspiration. We wandered off from the tori gates and went into the forest where for a long while we walked with no people in sight. Somehow I prefer seeing these man-made tori gates built less structuredly with fauna and flora growing all over than those built in intense proximity at the entrance. I guess it's a good feeling to see nature intertwine with these man-made structures. It's a beautiful intervention.

We had no plans most of the time and it turned out that the days we decided to head to places impromptu made the best adventures. It wouldn't have been the same if we planned them.

Summer Vacation

As much as I don't want this beautiful vacation to end, this soon shall pass too. I've learnt things I didn't know of myself and of others, overcame unknowns and I feel spiritually refreshed and fulfilled. Although I didn't complete some of my desired tasks to do in Japan, I guess that would mean there will be a next time.

I love that my companions for this trip are all so different yet we respect each other's differences and acceptance to be ourselves no matter how bizarre or weird.

I love summer. I love my beautiful memories with Japan.

这个是。。缘分。
我非常庆幸的缘分。

If I were the Mars mission selection committee..

I was looking at the videos of people applying for the Mars mission and thought they all look too eager / excited to go. Did they forget they ain't gona be coming back to Earth for good? I was looking for someone who'd talk about that aspect of the mission.

So I was thinking if I were the Mars Mission selection committee..
I would choose someone who's been through tragedy and is done with his purpose on earth with no more attachment yet finds it a waste to kill off his life by jumping off a building and hence decides to dedicate himself to science for the good of the human race in this mars research.

Sounds like a good protagonist for a sci fic movie eh?
---------------

You have no idea how apt I chanced upon this song just when I needed it most.

The Quality of Conversations

It's always interesting to talk to my AD because he can spin a random common topic to something further. We were talking about dog food and it led to how chickens were processed before they become our KFC. Saying this is interesting's because I'm kinda bored of hearing complaints about work, what's delicious to eat, the newest shopping mall or where is it cheap to get something. Maybe because most of our lives really do revolve doing these things - shopping, eating and working. Isn't there anything else?

Nowadays conversations are getting shorter? Sometimes it's hard to continue it further when you're not knowledgeable about the topic being spoken? I don't want to be too quick to judge. I feel that myself too when my AD talks about dog food but I don't own a dog so I just listened and tries asking questions, looking interested. Sometimes I wonder if it's because where he lives is happier, the pace of life slower so he can appreciate all these small little snippets of life knowledge a little better? Or is it just the attitude we choose to take or just having the basic curiosity to want to do / know more about this world that we live in?

Quote

Chance upon this quote from a friend's blog and felt quite strongly for some of the statements.

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway." 

-Mother Teresa

"Windgliding"

I have this sudden desire to want to try a Flying Fox after reading a particular chapter in this book called "Divergent". The character 'flew' down from a 100 storey building and it was being described so dauntlessly cool, it made me want to give it a try. But of course not from a 100 storey building. I did it once from a 4 storey building when I was 12 in an adventure camp and I remember it was fun. This is literally "windgliding"!

Ling Sans

笑傲江湖

滚滚巨浪　红尘纷乱
滔尽英雄汉
笑里藏刀　人心难料
无奈世态皆炎凉

知音难寻访　痴心愁断肠
多情总被无情伤
风云多变幻　缘聚又缘散
浮生若梦一场欢

My attempt at translating this paragraph of lyrics:
( 老师如果您看到可要见笑了。)

人生漫漫路遥长
A life's journey is long and hard
看透繁华落尽见真章
You will see the truth when u see through the world's materialism
豪情肝胆照　千杯醉难倒
A hero's heart fears nothing;
not even a thousand cup of wine will make him drunk
伴我逐浪迎风笑
He rides the waves with a laugh in the wind.

---

我想做这种英雄豪杰。

普通の日曜日

Even though this was the job i've dreamed about doing since i was 15 years old, as with many other things in my life I got used to doing this, adapted to it and ultimately it became boring. I suspected I could do more using the language of design, something outside of promotion and advertising. 

Hi Mr Sagmeister,

I feel the same.

Sincerely,
Huiling

I hope to visit Sagmeister's Happy Show some day!
Photo from http://www.minimallyminimal.com/

The Artist is Present

I'm strangely intrigued by this artist.
How she felt sharing a minute in silence just by looking into the faces of so many strangers with this huge amount of people looking.
How people would fly from all over the world to sit.
I wonder how all these strangers felt looking at her like this.
I'd love to sit if she performs this in Singapore.

---

I dislike how my days are so easily forgetable.
I couldn't remember the last movie I watched without much thinking back.
It's not very meaningful that way isn't it?

By default

I think I've been dissatisfied with life lately. Seeing my work becoming some kind of a routine; having less quality conversations with people. I question myself what's there to look forward to? Watching dramas and movies seem to have become things to pass time by. I thought being a graphic designer was my dream but boy why am I getting bored?

Hello I'm only 25? What's with this imminent gloom outlook I have in mind when thinking about the future.
I did a little googling and realise I have anticipatory anxiety insomnia — excessive rumination, worrying about the uncertain future. At least I've come into terms with whatever it is that I'm having a hard time coping with. I found some solutions off google which seem helpful. It's not gona be easy but I will try to fight it.

http://www.practical-anxiety-disorder-advice.com/anticipatory-anxiety.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/debunking-myths-the-mind/201101/anticipatory-anxiety-the-suffering-and-solutions
http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/treatinganxiety/2010/08/fear-of-the-fear-how-to-combat-anticipatory-anxiety/

Sleep Anxiety Journal

For the past two nights my anxieties have cripple me of sleep.
Thinking about the responsibilities I have the next day and how a lack of sleep would affect my performance. The more anxious I am about falling asleep the more I can't. I'm angry, I'm anxious, I'm worried. Sleeping became a chore? Maybe I need to take meditation classes to learn how to control my mind and relax.

For the time being, I'm trying very hard not to be stress if I really don't fall asleep again.
Strange how I always struggle to stay up to do my assignments and can fall asleep whenever I want to despite being so stress about my projects. I don't even know why I'm feeling stress right now. Expectations? Fear? Attachment? Desire?

For my past insomnia records, I have lost sleep when I get excited, got home late from karaoke, sense of loss, a broken heart, longing...

I want to hear some assurance words right now and somebody to tell me everything is going to be fine.
But I guess this has always been my lone battle with the gigantic insomnia monster.

What's gona happen if I continue to lose sleep like this? I'm trying hard not to feel anxious imagining the worst. Probably the root cause of why I can't sleep tonight. Oh fuck it. I need to learn how to shut my anxieties off.

The Best Divorce

It's only been 2 episodes and I'm sold. Saikou no Rikon (The Best Divorce) is witty, it is funny, it has details and goodness what kind of dramas these days still do alternate scenes for its end credits! Sakamoto Yuji is an awesome screenwriter.

"It's suffering. Anyway... marriage is a long-term torture". These are words uttered by Hamasaki Mitsuo, while at the dental clinic. He is a salaryman, working with a vending machine company. His career is not going smoothly, his health is failing, everything is tough-going for him. Most of all, the thing that causes him the greatest suffering, is his wife, Yuka. Married for over two years, he is not sure if he loves his wife, but one thing is for sure, they do not seem to be compatible in anything. One day, he bumps into his ex-girlfriend, Akari, with whom he had lived together for a short time and who has since married another man, Uehara Ryo... This drama explores the complex issue surrounding marriage nowadays. It especially focuses on the people from the 30's age group, which is referred to as the "confused age". Sandwiched between the "senpais" who cannot seem to get married, and the "kouhais" that are not interested in getting married, the thirty-somethings are said to represent the current state of confusion over marriage in Japan. By depicting their immatured attitude on marriage, this light-hearted drama hopes to shed light on 「What is marriage?」 and 「What is family?」. --Fuji TV (dramawiki)

The 4 characters aren't exactly the best kind of hero or heroine that you wish you'd want to be with like most dramas. The main character is neither suave nor any cool. He is fussy, self-centered, has OCD, and oblivious to what people thinks about him. He's also not good at hiding whatever his intentions are- saying he's not angry when his wife ate his favourite dessert he bought all the way from afar when he clearly is. Totally unromantic —the first thing he messages his wife when there was an earthquake was : Is my bonsai ok? His wife is his total opposite — sloppy, clumsy, honest, loud but at least down to earth. It's all funny when we look at how they quarrel over the most trivial things and even filing for divorce took a rather an epic fail procedure due to their disagreeing personalities.

What I'm surprised about this drama is that it doesn't stop there. There's another seeming dysfunctional couple with a different set of personalities. When you think you know what's gona happen, the characters surprise you when they complain about the person at the back when they talk to.. say the boss of the ramen shop when these characters are eating alone. You know those small talks when you bitch to people about these 'irritating' people in your life. That's what makes this drama so good.

Ok so much about the characters. Another point to like's that this drama has plentiful beautiful outdoor street scenes of Japan, cats, bonsais, dentists, tokyo bikes, plants, tatami houses with a view of Mt Fuji at the back and realistic small Tokyo apartments.

(Click to view the animated gif. Not sure why aren't they working)

Switching the light on and off to continue small talk how they'd go about telling their families about this to show there's some kind of hesitance to totally ignore each other after signing the divorce papers.

It's been a long while (2 years?) since I think I watched any drama this good to want to write about it. I'm glad good screenwriters are still around though rare. The show stars decent veteran actors though I haven't heard of some of them. Quite a number of dramas these days tend to go formulative one-monster-per-week-detective-solves-mystery or based on mangas or feed on the popularity of pop stars. I'd love to see more dramas reflecting societal topics.

(caps from tumblr under #saikou no rikon)

A sense of value

Maybe the best thing about being a print graphic designer is that on random conversations, the nice brochure that your friend was talking about was actually done by you, can really make your day. I suddenly like my job a lot more now. :)

Monologue

This is my rationale talking.

I'm not sure when will I snap out of this. Sometimes I'm fine and then sometimes on nights like this it gets started again. Although I've been telling myself many times that I should just let it go but my heart won't obey. I've never had my heart broken so bad that it's causing me to lose sleep. This is not right and I don't want people to worry about me. Even if I tried confiding in people, I'm still the only one who can pull myself out of this.

What do I do? I thought writing this down might help. If it calms down whatever hurt that I'm feeling.
It's okay. There are better things to do. It's okay you can be fine alone. You have friends. What's the problem heart? Why are you so not at ease?

It's painful because I fell down again on the same spot where I previously hurt myself before. So this wound goes way deep. So now it's oozing pus. Oh ugly.

I guess it turns out I'm not as strong as I imagined. I thought I could get over this in a few days. On some days it did. But whenever I come across things that remind me of you, my wound gets opened again. Asking myself questions that probably won't ever get answered. Like why did this had to happen to me and being bitter about this whole thing etc. Why was the timing so bad? Why didn't we work out? Detaching myself from someone I was close to is a painful process. I had to stop whatever talk I enjoyed with the person because I'm not supposed to be feeling this attached to the person because he's not feeling the same about me and force myself to open another life persuading myself that the future is gona be better because I will meet new awesome people when I'm not feeling it yet. Yes this is the part I have problems with.

I'm not feeling my life is better when I've just lost a close friend who was part of my life ranting routine. So it was to decide between living my life without this close friend poking round my life too often or fear getting even more attached to this friend if we continue to be close friends. Why do I have to go through such bad decisions like this, when whichever way I decide it's still a lose-lose for me. If only I didn't have this extra attachment feeling, things would be just fine. But I had it, so I have to face this bad shit.

It's okay. Shit happens. That's life.
I just need a bigger bulldozer to clear this big messy pile of shit.
It's just harder to clear than any other shit because it's so deep.
So I just need some more time and live with this shit for some more days before I clear it away.
And go to sleep bearing this bad smell for some more time.

New Year Resolution

I have only one resolution for this new year and that is... *drumroll*

Make new friends

I think it's important now that I've graduated from school. Chances of learning new things other than things work related and meeting people seem much lesser. What I will greatly miss in 2012 is school though. I miss learning things in a classroom, lessons taught by wise professors (eg. old friendly wise ones, Dumbledore-alike), chats with friends in classes. I miss film history class and those studio classes. I miss learning about obscure old films that I never would have watched if I didn't attend those classes. So if there's a way I can go about doing these things that I loved in school, life would be perfect.

My last year's resolutions were "Do more" and "Try new things". I think I did do more last year. Things like my fyp and some mini projects for my friends/penpal/ for exposure. As for try new things, I went cycling to Pulau Ubin for the first time and tried kayaking. Those were new things I've never tried before. So 2012's been pretty good; now move on to new adventures!