I have been anorexic for 23 years. I gained weight when I was pregnant with my babies, that was so so hard but it was a miracle I got pregnant as I was told by several docs that I would not bear children bc of my ED. I lost the baby weight in lightening speed and I do not gain weight. I am terrified of weight gain, always have been. This past year I have had a lot of things happen that worsened my PTSD..being retraumatized..I have been going through all that, new symptoms and well I suppose I went into survival mode. I am afraid to go out so yea I’m isolating severely, flashbacks, bad insomnia, feel deeply sad, severe anxiety, panic attacks and I started to eat things that I have never eaten before. I’m 5’4 and always weigh around 90 lbs..I go up to 95 and back down..now I am 122 lbs. I feel so ashamed. I cannot look at myself, now I am even more afraid of going places. I know there will be someone who will say something to me..like you gained weight oh thank goodness or they think it. I am very intuitive, a blessing and a curse. I feel disgusting like this, I cannot stand the feeling of being in my own skin. I am not at all egotistical, my ED isn’t about that. It’s hard to explain. I see beauty in all people, I am a kind loving person yet I am like this to myself. I have to lose it asap and I am going to, some people may say your killing yourself but by getting back to my normal underweight self I am saving myself. People who do not live with an ED do not understand how life threatening the deep depression and self hatred is. When we lose control and gain weight every issue we cope with is magnified a thousand times. Our bodies don’t feel like ours, it is all so much, it is suffocating..truly, I feel like I cannot breathe, I feel trapped, I am consumed with shame and sadness. So I must starve, I’ve done it most of my life, it isn’t hard to do. I have to do this so I can breathe again, so I can tolerate being in my skin. I have to starve this fat off of me so I do not drown in self hate and depression bc that could prove deadly. I do not need to eat, I know how to do this. I’m not proud of it, i am not bragging at all, I am just being honest, seems like honesty is becoming more and more rare in this world. This is my truth. I hate that I let this happen..I had no body fat, no breasts..I was comfortable in that state of tiny-ness..always. I need to be comfortable like that asap.





1

I started out at 217 ib, but through fasting dropped to 189 ib. But I still feel like its not enough, and I'm looking for someone who can hold me accountable and encourage me to keep going

Kik: LexIsNotOkay

Sorry if this post is weird, thus is my first time using live journal, Im not sure how it works

Find me on kik: daddycoaching and let me help you. Let's talk about what you need and how I can make you skinny and beautiful

Find me on kik: daddycoaching and let me help you.

hi everyone:) im looking for a buddy that will help me get to my desired weight and physical look and vice versa! my (screen) name is lana, add my snapchat @she_mkay if you wana b buddies, my cw is 116 pounds, im 14 y/o, my dw is 90, and i am trying the cotton ball diet currently:] im only taking buddies who r under 18 bc over is just weird lmao, love u lots

1

 i just want to be thin again 

I have just started a livejournal sorority called Alpha Nu Alpha for all of those with eating Disorders. Please search Alpha Nu Alpha or email me at anorexicjunkie@kittymail.com All 18 and up are welcome!!!

Hi guys,

So Halloween and the obnoxiously long month that came along with it is FINALLY over. I struggle soooo much with binging on sugar. Now it's November 2nd and I find myself fasting to "undo" the damage done. Because this is totally logical, right? I also struggle with putting myself down for my childish thoughts that have dragged me down into this disorder. I'm currently seeing a therapist to find where I'm going wrong in dealing with these thoughts and possibly, hopefully, fix my self esteem. ( TriggeringCollapse )

Love you all,
Ueruchan.

that garnicia didn't work for me but I didn't know they work by drinking water to puff tem up in your belly during meals-pretty gross. but yeah they were like nothing.