Meanwhile, on ApacheDug's Island.. there is meatloaf (finally) and Eve Plumb is paying a visit

Do you remember a few years ago (March 2023 to be exact) I blogged about getting a coffee table, as in should I or shouldn't?  Last night I was sitting here on the floor in front of my couch--my "island" in my apartment--wondering about it again.  I just like being down here, sitting cross-legged or legs stretched out.  It really helps prevent swollen feet and ankles.  

But I can't help wondering if it's time I got more civilized and got a table so guests will have somewhere to set their teacup down after I recover from this damn long covid and become social again.   

On the other hand... I've never been comfortable having more than one guest in my home at a time.  That will never change.  And I don't have any teacups. 

If need be, I have this sturdy hemp ottoman to set cups on, and a cool guest chair 

So what else... I finally decided to sully my sparkling oven with one of my big juicy meatloaves.  My cooking will never make it into Bon Appétit, but it was still pretty tasty.  I tossed in some baby carrots at the last minute.  I usually have corn or green beans with meatloaf, but these worked just fine.

Some chopped parsley for the potatoes and carrots would've been nice, but my meal was still good.  I put nearly half of this meatloaf in the freezer and still had plenty for meatloaf sandwiches this week. 

I was surprised at how little splatter there was in the oven, but in my ongoing effort to keep that shiny and clean, I wiped the insides down after it cooled.  I think I can keep it this way as long as I don't cook chicken or bacon in there.

And finally, look what I got today. I am such a hypocrite.  After I finished reading Jennifer Grey's book (her saucy autobiography) last week, I said "No more. My days on this planet are numbered, and there are better ways to spend my time than reading some tell-all from an actress who starred in one popular movie in the 1980s."

Then the very next morning while watching tv, I see Eve Plumb (who played middle child Jan Brady on The Brady Bunch) being interviewed on the Today show about her new book that just came out.  Another tell-all, another actress who starred in one popular tv show in the 1970s.

I said to heck with it, went online to Barnes & Noble to buy the ebook for my Nook, then changed my mind and paid the extra $5.00 and got the hard copy instead.

Why Doug, why?  I admit to having a thing for her, but that was 50 years ago.  Also, if I'd waited a couple years like I did with Grey's book, I probably could've saved a few bucks.  Oh well!

This one was different though.  I always related more to Jan than the other kids on the show.  I think a lot of people did.  

I do know when Jan was forced to get glasses (because she had to in real life) so did I, and I felt like we were kindred spirits.

Way back in 2015, I did a special "birthday blog" to Eve Plumb (with some pretty mental memes) you can check out here.

She also bears the distinction of being my last post on Facebook before I closed my account there in 2016.  I shared an article where Eve was donating her teenaged bedroom door to a pop culture art museum in California.  The door was covered top to bottom in 70s stickers and decals, and her parents left it that way, after she grew up and moved out. 

So I've just finished the first chapter of Eve's book, and it's a sweet and quiet read, nothing like Jennifer Grey's juicy word dive.  Eve writes she was a real surprise to her parents when she came along in 1958; they were in their forties and had a son and daughter in their mid-teens.  (She also says that aside from new carpeting, her parents kept the same paint, wallpaper, curtains and furniture in their home over 50 years, from 1950 to 2001.) 

There's lots of photos too, and Eve claims many of these have never been shared before.  I'm certainly looking forward to more of her story.

There must be a cursed tiki idol somewhere in my house—I mean, what else could it be

This past week I was supposed to go to Red Lobster with Evvie, Deb & around 20 others from the Lutheran Center.  I’d known about it for weeks, looked at the online menu a couple nights before, was all set for some fun times with friends and linquini with lobster sauce.

The day before our outing, I wrenched my back and couldn’t go.  It’s gotten a little better, but my lower back still hurts.  It’s not like I slipped & fell, or picked up anything heavy… so what happened?

I admit I’m not in the best of shape at the moment.  I spent the last 15 months with long covid, and have yet to resume any daily exercise.  I’m still dealing with relapses too, but they’re becoming fewer and only lasting a couple days.

But back in mid-March, I got the flu and was laid up for a good 8-9 days.  Made a shaky recovery, went to the Pittsburgh Aviary not fully well but was anxious to get back out there.  And exactly one week after that, got one of the worst colds in my life.  Coughed nonstop for 14 days & nights straight.

And now I’m dealing with this back pain AND a swollen abdomen which isn’t too painful, but it is uncomfortable.  I’m pretty sure it’s related to my non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (which hasn’t bothered me much since I was diagnosed with it in 2018).  Ugh!

Remember when the Bradys were cursed?  Greg wore the tiki and had a wipeout while surfing; Peter told the gods to come & get him, and got a big hairy spider on his chest; Alice wore the idol and threw her back out during a hula dancing lesson

Here’s how I can tell the difference between belly fat and fluid rentention.  When I’m feeling chubbier than usual, I can do a good job of sucking it in when I’m out and about.  When it’s abdominal fluid, you cannot suck it in.  Why am I sharing all of this?  I’m sorry, I just had to get it out of my system—and if I can’t do it physically, I’ll do it with words.

This is a good reminder to cut back on the sugar (which may be giving my liver some problems).  At Christmas, Keurig sent me a gift-box of iced coffees, and I hated all of them EXCEPT the McCafe k-cups which I loved a little too much.  (Boy are they super sweet.)  I ordered a lot more of them, and got into the habit of having an iced coffee every night around 10:30 before bed.  Every night.

I know, I know… I used to have so much more discipline!

Well, I don’t know if I’ll be posting this.  If you’re reading it, you should probably act surprised.  I hope everyone has a nice Easter.  And I hope this time next year, I’ll be at my sister’s house, enjoying deviled eggs and spiral ham.

 

Hey it’s going to a good cause… right?

The other morning on the TODAY show, they were interviewing some of the kids from The Brady Bunch (Barry Williams who played Greg is now 70 years old) and I couldn’t help but stop what I was doing to watch. 

They were helping raise money for the charity No Kid Hungry with a contest:  for the price of a $25 ticket, you’ll be entered into a drawing.  Five winners will be selected, and those winners (and their guests) will be flown to Los Angeles for a tour of the Brady Bunch house recreated by HGTV, followed by brunch with the Bradys in the house. 

What’s on the menu?  Pork chops and applesauce, of course.  Hotel accomodations and meals are included in the prize.

I know a lot of bad things are happening in the world right now, this country included (more like this country ESPECIALLY); but as someone who grew up with this show, I’d love the chance to see that house in person.

Having lunch on the premises with the kids, including Eve Plumb (who played middle daughter Jan)?  That’s the icing on this groovy cake.

I’ve shared this story too many times to count, but will just once more; the night this show premiered in September 1969, I watched it with my family on our new Zenith Colormatic console tv.  Afterwards our mom said to Dad “What I want to know is, who do they think is going to watch this #%^&?” 

Dad pointed down at the floor, us 3 boys and 2 girls and said “Them.” 

(A few years later when Mom gave birth to our sister Courtney, we’d be just like those Bradys, kids-wise.  Three boys, three girls.)

If you don’t already know, five years ago the owner of the real home (used for filming exterior shots on the show) passed and her son put the house up for sale.  Several celebrities stepped up with offers, but HGTV got the house for 3.5 million dollars.

They spent an additional 2 million dollars ripping out the interior and recreating an exact duplicate of the Brady house, right down to the vintage… everything.  It was a summer-long series on HGTV, and the most-watched HGTV show in the history of the channel.Say what you will, but I dig this pad just as much now as I did 50 years ago; if they handed me the keys to the house, I wouldn’t change a thing here!

After the renovation series ended, HGTV put the house on their website where you could study every square inch of the interior if you so desired.  I’m sure many of those obsessive fans did just that and hey, do you know I spent over 3 hours on there and could find only one clock in the entire house?  A small alarm clock on Alice’s nightstand in her bedroom off the service porch.  Isn’t that crazy?  The one clock I mean… cough

I guess I should include the website where you can buy your own tickets, click here.  I’d say good luck, but you know I wouldn’t mean it. 

 

 

When it comes to aging gracefully… er, 5 things I’d like to see before I go

This past Tuesday night while brushing my teeth, I felt a sharp pain in my lower right back.  I stood there at my bathroom sink, praying please go away, please go away…  It didn’t go away of course, just increased in intensity.  I KNEW what it was—kidney stones.   When I was having all those issues with my left kidney in November & December, my urologist told me I had them on my right side too, eventually we’d have to address that issue.  I guess that time had come.

Long story short, I called 911—got a pair of paramedics who kept reminding me they couldn’t give me anything for the pain everytime I cried out, got taken to Mercy Hospital (at my insistence), was doped & wound up staying 3 days while waiting for 2 stones to pass—a day longer than necessary because I passed out while signing my first release.  I woke up back in my hospital bed with a FALL RISK band on my arm.

I laid there thinking: since leaving UPMC at the start of 2015, this was my 12th trip to the Emergency room, my 7th ride by ambulance, my third extended stay at a hospital. 

What the heck is going on?  In the 28 years I worked as a computer analyst, I’d been to the hospital exactly ONE time, when I broke my leg in 2002.  

I know that time spares no one, but let’s face it—I am not aging gracefully.

Last May, my left leg swelled up to double it’s size from the knee down.  It stayed that way for 2-3 months too.  I should’ve had it looked at, but frankly I was doctored out—and afraid they’d tell me I had 6 months to live

I don’t want to make light of these health concerns, and I realize things could be far worse; but to be honest it’s been difficult for me to stay upbeat about things in general.  With all these medical emergencies and the chronic TMJ, I’ve been struggling with some serious bouts of depression. 

It’s also gotten me to thinking a lot about my parents deaths (my dad died when he was only 63 years old, my mom at 64) and sometimes I can’t help but wonder, at the rate I’m going, if I’m going to even make it to my sixties. 

Death, if you’re listening—here are 5 things I’d very much like to see before you tell me it’s time to go.

1.  The Brady House rebuild

Ever since HGTV bought the “actual” Brady house and began construction on its interior to match the original show, I’ve been watching the Youtube snippets with bated breath— “They found the 1969 avacado green refrigerator with the water & ice dispenser in the door!”  “The original manufacturer of those orange formica counters is still in business and has those countertops in stock?  Groovy!”  

C’mon Death—this reality series is set to premiere in September 2019, PLEASE LET ME REMAIN HERE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE THIS SHOW.  It’s only 6 months away, is that too much to ask?   If it helps, I’ll probably have a heart attack when the house is completed and the original Brady kids take us on a tour!

2.  A Democratic president again

When I told my friend Danielle that I’m partial to Kamala Harris winning the Democratic Primary, she said “Black AND a woman?  Did you forget where we live?  This is the land of hillbillies and rednecks!”  

She has a point, but I remain hopeful.  While I’d be over the top to see ANYONE with a hint of decency & compassion in the White House (I’ve just ruled out Trump and every GOP politician btw), I think Kamala would be the perfect bridge between moderate & progressive Dems.  (I’d happily vote for Joe Biden though.)

C’mon Death—it’s only 2 years away, it’s not like I’m asking for the moon here.  And I’ll make your job a little easier—if Trump somehow gets re-elected, I promise to knot something around my neck and hang myself in my bedroom closet.  Your job will be done.

3.  Donald Trump sent to jail

Death, if you’re going to let me live long enough to see a Democratic president, you might as well stretch it out a bit further and let me see some justice get served—I’ve no desire to become a ghost & haunt Mar-A-Lago, but if this dictator-wannabe isn’t in Federal prison or getting his trump roasted by the Devil himself, then I am NOT ready to meet my maker.

4.  My first Social Security check

Seriously, I can’t stick around long enough to collect my first check?  It’s not like I’m waiting until FRA (full retirement age).  I plan to sign up early—like 5-6 years from now.  Hey, I’ve seen that FICA deduction on every paycheck of mine since my first job as a dishwasher at the Olde Southern Pancake House in the summer of 1978.  Let me have this.

5.  My 50th Social Security check

What, you’re only going to let me collect ONE?   I deserve more than that!

Well, if I have to go back to the hospital soon, so be it.  I think they like me.  During my (second) check-out, while I was standing at the nurses station signing various release forms, a hospital worker wheeled a food cart from the last room and parked it next to me while he went into the restroom.  On the cart were 3 full breakfast trays.  I said “A couple of the patients didn’t want their breakfast?”  Deanna (the nurse) said “They got early releases, before the breakfast trays were distributed.”  I said “So these go back to the kitchen & get recycled into tomorrow’s meal?”

She said “Oh no… everything on those trays is disposed of.  Nothing is returned to the kitchen.”   I said “But—but those fruit cups are sealed, so are the apple crumbcakes and oatmeal packs and juice jugs!”   She said “I know!  All tossed.”   I said “Can I take them home with me?”  Deanna said “Seriously?”  I said “Yes, us single guys have no shame.”

Dr. Jackson (who was standing on my other side, looking at his clipboard) said “Doug should I scoot down to the Marriott and get you some soaps & shampoos?”  The other nurses laughed and I told him that wouldn’t be necessary as I filled my bag from the trays.  The food service worker came out of the restroom then, and the doctor said “Chnta, is the soap pump still on the wall in there?”  Chinta nodded yes with a confused look on his face, and Dr. Jackson looked at my bag of salvaged food and said “Okay… I was just making sure!”

And that’s the way they all became… The Little House & The Bunch

I recently watched a 1977 episode of ‘Little House on the Prairie” where Mary goes on a trip with her Pa, and who do they meet? 

Mike Lookinland, aka Bobby Brady from the Brady Bunch.

Melissa Sue Anderson played Millicent on his show, you remember don’t you?  Three years earlier she gave Bobby his first kiss, causing a puberty-stricken Brady to see skyrockets.  (Do people still say skyrockets?)

LHOTP is my friend Danielle’s favorite show, and seeing how we’ve had discussions on 70’s fare like this and the Bradys, I saw it only fitting to combine the two families and make her some Brady-LHOTP strips! 

Now this is the sort of goofy-ass thing you share with your friend and no one else, but her husband Josh liked ‘em too, so as long as you know these aren’t meant for mass consumption…    

(Click on each strip to see full-size)

That’s all, folks! 

A belated Happy Birthday to another lady in red—oh Eve, I could never forget you

Yes I know what you’re thinking, but it can’t be helped. Jan’s always gotten the short end of the stick when it came to Marcia, and that stops here and now!

Shortly after I posted my badass tribute to Maureen McCormick I remembered that Eve could hold her own when it came to firearms—didn’t I just see her in something recently?

Yep! In 2013’s “Blue Ruin”, where she played the whacked-out hillbilly sister of a man sent to prison for killing another man’s family. When her brother is released from jail and becomes the target for revenge, here comes Eve, guns blazing!

Eve Plumb was born on April 29 1958, 57 years old and just look at her—she’s one hot dish. Just a couple weeks ago in fact, I was telling my sister Shawn that her character Jan was my secret favorite, much to her surprise. (If you had a 53 year old brother still talking about the Brady Bunch, you’d be surprised too!)

Anyway, there’s this great image of a trigger-happy Eve from Blue Ruin…

I’M NOW GOING TO CREATE BADASS EVE PLUMB MEMES UNTIL I RUN OUT OF IDEAS OR SOMEONE STOPS ME, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST—OH AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY EVE

That last one was an actual Jan Brady quote, y'know--okay, I'm done   

Happy Birthday to the lady in red: Maureen, you’re as badass as ever

It’s 3:14 am. I have no business being up this late, but here I am sleep-drunk and writing a blog. (It’s not exactly a smart move, I tend to come up with some crazy-ass things when I’m up this late…) Okay where was I?

Oh yeah--a couple days ago my friend Danielle alerted me to the fact that it was Maureen McCormick’s birthday, she couldn’t believe our Brady gal was almost 60. (She turned 59 on August 5.)  Man, she looks amazing!

I was all prepared to write a nice, boring tribute, slingin’ the same old hash like every other respectable fan—then I came across an interesting pic of a pistol packin’ Marcia Maureen from 1977. What the—?!

It’s from an obscure honky-tonk movie titled Moonshine County Express where Maureen and her 2 sisters (no, not Jan & Cindy) seek revenge after their moonshinin’ daddy is taken down. It’s not available to own, rent or stream (which is just as well I suppose, based on what I’ve read).

Still, I hate seeing such a great image go to waste….

I’M NOW GOING TO CREATE BADASS MARCIA BRADY MEMES UNTIL I RUN OUT OF IDEAS OR FALL ASLEEP, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST—HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAUREEN!

Okay, I guess I've done enough damage--good night!