What the hell am I listening to?

Subject:	When advertisement jingles attack.
Posted by:	salpal.
Time:	7:45 pm.

I'm not sure where else they're using these commercials, but I've seen them at least twice now during Jeopardy. They're for Steak-umm, which is a name that has always made me salivate. I wasn't even sure what they were singing until the last time I saw this ad because I never pay attention to those short little Jeopardy commercials, y'know. But I knew something was very wrong with it.

You can Steak-umm in the North
You can Steak-umm in the South
But the best part of all
Is when you Steak-umm in your mouth.

The sexual connotations seriously freak me the eff out. I'm even less likely to buy this item now than I was before.

It's the original jingle they used from the 70s. I'm not sure why they couldn't/wouldn't change it. It genuinely makes me uneasy. This is now a product I want nowhere near my mouth, thank you very much.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Kids, don't try this at home
Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	11:17 am.
Mood:	amused.

Jesus, Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood

She was drivin' last friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Goin' home to see her Momma and her Daddy
With her baby in a back seat
Fifty miles to go and she was runnin' low
On faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was goin' way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinnin on thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared, she threw her hands up in the air

(Chorus)
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
Give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder and that car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the back seat sleepin' like a rock
For the first time in a long time she bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been livin' my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
(Repeat chorus)

Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:	Shitty poetry attributed to Maya Angelou
Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	5:05 pm.
Mood:	amused.

Courtesy of Snopes.com. Snopes is a goldmine for shitty poetry.

Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:	Stone baby
Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	7:26 pm.
Mood:	appalled.

A poem about a lithopedion:

From here.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Mix CD for the one you love
Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	8:07 pm.
Mood:	bored.

If you were to make a Bad Lyrics mix CD, what would it have on it?

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Subject:	From Snopes.com's Glurge Gallery
Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	9:00 pm.
Mood:	amused.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Maintainer post
Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	10:42 pm.
Mood:	calm.

Heya,

You're all acting like decent human beings, almost too much so! Good job! But there's been some drama in some other comms I'm part of, and I figured I should post a few rules on the userinfo just in case anything comes up. So take a look. I'm allowing crediting of our fine authors, but no trolling of the authors' journals. If you do credit an LJ user, I suggest you friends-lock that entry, but I won't kill you if you don't. We'll see how that goes.

Oh! I almost forgot! I think our comm needs a new icon or two. If anyone would like to make one, submit it in the comments of this entry.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Filter and Michael Bolton
Posted by:	dzesyte.
Time:	1:15 am.
Mood:	nauseated.

hi everyone, i'm Jes from Michigan. yay for bad lyrics! he's a couple that come to mind

"Under" by Filter
I got empty point to make
It's about a faith
An empty point of view
It's stinky through and through

because "stinky" is hard-c0re

and here's a snippet from a Michael Bolton song. we hear about a million Bolton songs at work. i don't know the title of this one, but it's Michael Bolton, so of course it sucks

Not any woman can do what you do
Only a woman like you

it's so repetitive and Bolton-like that i want to cut my ears off. ack!

Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:	This sucks.
Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	5:31 pm.
Mood:	amused.

One of the members of another community was working on some idiot kid's water-soaked laptop. When the thing booted up, this was the poem found on the desktop:

Thoughts are the shadows of feeling,
always darker, emptier, and simpler.
I don't care if they're fake or real.
I just thank them for showing up at all.
I have black periods.
Who does not?
But they do not have me,
they are not a part of illness,
but a part of my being.
What am I saying?
I have the courage to have them.
It's four in the morning.
This sucks.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	11:54 am.

Lenny Kravitz - Lady Lyrics

I'm crazy for this little lady
I'm freaking for my little baby
'Cause she makes me feel good
She's so fine

Don't need all my other ladies
I'm beggin' for this little lady
'Cause I tell you she's cool
She's divine

I know she's a super lady
I'm weak and I've gone hazy yeah

I'm crazy for that lady
She's chic but she's not shady yeah
Sophisticated lady
And she makes me feel good
She's so fine

Never knew there was such a lady
That would make me want to straighten
Out my life at this time but I find
I'm thinkin' 'bout this pretty lady
I would love her good as my own baby (?)
'Cause you know she's no fool
She's refined

I know she's a super lady
I'm weak and I've gone hazy yeah

I'm crazy for that lady
She's chic but she's not shady yeah
Sophisticated lady
And she makes me feel good
She's so fine

Yeah
Don't you know she blows my mind
All the time
'Cause she makes me feel good
Like a real woman should
Yeah
She's so mine
Yeah

I'm weak and I've gone hazy yeah

I'm crazy for that lady
She's chic but she's not shady yeah
Sophisticated lady
And she makes me feel good
And she makes me feel good
And she makes me feel good
She's so fine

Yeah
Don't you know she blows my mind
All the time
And she makes me feel good
Like a real woman should
Yeah
All the time
Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah.

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Posted by:	kensson.
Time:	7:12 pm.

I am forever haunted by Des'ree. I had a roommate who thought she was great. He was a non-native English speaker, and I tried to explain the awfulness of:

"I don't want to see a ghost / It's the sight that I fear most / I'd rather have a piece of toast / and watch the evening news"

but he was having none of it.

I shall also point everyone back a hundred years or so to the terrible genius of William McGonagall:

"Meanwhile the French troops did advance in disorganised masses, / But as soon as the English saw them they threw aside their glasses."

Here is where to go for more of the same. My favourite thing of his is at the beginning of his Reminiscences, where he begins the second sentence: "Well, I must say that first man who threw peas at me...". Not only did someone throw peas at him, they did it more than once and it's the most important thing he has to reminisce about.

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Subject:	Faith Hill
Posted by:	artfuldodger.
Time:	10:17 am.
Mood:	confused.

I work in an office every day where they have a small waiting room, so I get bad pop pumped into my brain for nine hours. These Faith Hill "The Way You Love Me" lyrics are causing my brain cells to die.

If I could grant you one wish
I'd wish you could see the way you kiss.

Now, if she's granting the wish, wouldn't that mean she wasn't the one choosing it? So how come she's granting her own wish while saying she would grant the significant other the wish? And who would waste a wish on seeing how they kiss, anyway? That's like saying "show me what I look like when I'm asleep". But really...she's granting a wish to herself. She says so. Yet she says she granting it for the other person.

My brain hurts.

That is all.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Posted by:	inner_moppet.
Time:	3:58 am.

I've been lurking on this community far too long. J'Lo gets my bid for some truly awful lyrics.

"I'm down to earth like this
Rockin this business
I've grown up so much
I'm in control and loving it
Rumors got me laughing, kid
Love my life and my public
Put God first
Then can't forget to stay real
To me it's like breathing"

In addition to a complete lack of general coherence to her thoughs. Why does she have to remind herself to "stay real", if its "like breathing" which is an involuntary response?

Also on the J Lo tip...

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

There is so much wrong with this. First, its hardly romantic to have guy tell you, you don't need pride baby, you have me. But even better is the horrible missuse of a common homilie; "Time is of the essence" means hurry. I'm not even sure why that last line bugs the crap out of me, but I twitch everytime I hear it.

Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:	Gary Puckett's My Hero! Haha!
Posted by:	angelicvoice.
Time:	2:53 pm.

This community is rocking my world. I mean...I love Dave Barry, music (I'm a music major), and making fun of lyrics. Has anyone noticed that, besides Gary Puckett's ingenious lyrics, all his songs have the same tune??

Well...let's see. I guess I should post some bad lyrics, especially since I'm new to the community, right? I hope whatever I post hasn't been posted before.

Here's a little something that I thought of off the top of my head. It's not the worst ever...but...it's from a song that kinda annoys me. This is from "If You're Gone" by Matchbox 20. Not only are the words kinda dumb, but, it's just too repetitive, musically.

"I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much?"

Yes...you talk too much! Shut up!

Comments: Add Your Own.

Posted by:	iaido_imp.
Time:	10:15 am.
Mood:	Disgruntled.

"It must be yo ass, cause it aint yo face"

Nelly-Tip Drill

That's why I hate rap..

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Spam
Posted by:	linguafranca.
Time:	7:59 pm.
Mood:	amused.

Spam Poetry

Better than most original poetry I see nowadays. Enjoy!

Comments: Add Your Own.

Posted by:	tefl0nknight.
Time:	7:28 pm.

I'm like ray charles dawg, I don't see none of y'all
I'm blind to the fact that half of y'all rap,
and I'm outrunnin y'all
-Dammit Man, Pitbull

Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Posted by:	enigma00.
Time:	6:44 pm.
Mood:	sarcastic.

Hello there! I'm new. I thought this community sounded like fun, and I also wanted to bring to people's attention the following lyrics by Linkin Park:

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware

If he's become so numb, and can't feel her there - THEN HOW HAS HE BECOME SO MUCH MORE AWARE?

Probably because it rhymes. *chuckle*

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Subject:	new here
Posted by:	ingredientd.
Time:	8:54 pm.
Mood:	granola bar-y.

"My name should be robin banks the way I be robbin banks"
-Some Wyclef song not sure exactly which one

"You ain't from russia bitch, so why you rushin?"
-Pimp Juice by nelly

"My girl is long and tall and straight/
and she goes great/
with hot wings and cold beer"
-some country song I heard while I was in north carolina

Thats it from me for now.

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Subject:	Inaugural Post
Posted by:	thirtysilver.
Time:	10:02 am.

Hello. I am a new member. Being a poet and a songwriter, I can be picky about lyrics I hear in popular music. It seems that lyricism is a dying art, at least on the pop scene. There's too much emphasis on being seen, and too little on being heard.

From "One Thing" by Finger Eleven
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

From the fragmented and ill-conceived "Straight Out Of Line" by Godsmack:
there's no reason
there's no compromise
change in seasons
living the high life
I don't know you
so don't freak on me
I can't control you
you're not my destiny

And, lastly, my favorite lyric of all time.
From ICP:
My shit went gold! I got fat nuts!

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