Those Left Behind

my best friend Rosie died of cancer in september...she was 23. I miss her every day. Id do anything to see or talk to her again...she'll be in my heart forever.

She was called Jessie to her friends online, but her real name was Lynn, she died Thursday night in suspisious circumstances and her mum has been arrested on suspision of her murder, even though it was assisted suicide...she was very sick, but she will forever remain in my heart and many others.

_chaotictears_ We miss you, we love you, go to the angels and be not in pain anymore.

News article about her death

Im Katarzyna. In 2005 my cousin/best friend was killed in a car accident. She was just 17 years old. She wasent wearing her seatbelt when the accident happened and she was thown out of the car as it flipped. It's been a little over three years, and I still can't move on...

If you could only see me now you would be so disappointed. Living everyday to want to die the next. Not eating anything when it is necessary. Losing everyone who was once close to me. Anorexic and not caring about myself, only others who need my help. 

I am sorry. If I could only explain to you the pain that I suffer everyday thinking of you. If I could only fix everything. I might have been able to save you. I would only be delaying the pain longer. I am sorry for everything that you see.

I just want you to know that I am trying to recover. I have good days only to come home and realize nothing is the same and nothing will ever be okay. I miss you. I love you. I am sorry.

I think the hardest thing for me is that I never got to say good-bye.

I have suffered two deaths in less than one week and it has brought much damage. I deal with it as if nothing has happened on the outside, but on the inside I am dying. I have never felt such loss in my life. I have lost many, but not two at the same time. I have been suffering inside, but no one knows. People don't realize what death does to some people. It has been about a week before her death and about two weeks before his. I miss them and will always think of them no matter what.

Dear Mom,

One year this coming Wednesday. One year ago you changed me forever. You left a hole in me, like a jigsaw puzzle missing that one piece right in the center. Sometimes I hurt so much it feels like their is an animal inside of me trying to rip out.

I hate you. I love you. I miss you.

And I can't even find the words.

Love,
Me

It's been nearly a year ago.
It's just so sad, knowing what life was like with her in my life.
It's sad, knowing what life will continue to be like without her in my life.

A year ago, last January, my Grandmother died. No one is certain what caused it, but I'm certain that her emphazema due to smoking was the bringing of her downfall. I know it's not healthy to still be this effected by it, but I feel bad. For nine years of my life I was no more than a mile away from her. I loved her dearly and she did I. But after I started going to college we slipped further and further apart.

It's not my wish that I had spent more time with her, I know I Was doing what I thought I wanted to, and she understood that. I just wish I had taken the time to chat with her, even if it was only online. So few have a chance to know their grandparents, REALLY know them. Even fewer can do so, so easily. I hate myself every day how much I took that for granted, because now it's gone. Her birthday would've been just last thursday (10/12), and so I reflect on this all.

Godspeed gram, we all know you're doing much much better now.

I lost my best friend almost exactly a year ago. Not because she passed away, but because we had a falling out. She was the one person who truly understood me. I still see her everyday in the halls at school, and she silently walks past me as if I don't exist. I miss her and what's so bad about it is that she's so close I can brush up against her but we're still miles away. I cry a lot when I think about her. It's hard to mourn someone who's still alive. I don't know how to get past it, but it's eating me up.