| Fatal |
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| 07:13pm 24/01/2007 |
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mood:  SuckEE
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Lets talk about killing / Murder innocent eyes / Make the world see how horrible it is
Cry, whine into my ear, tell me im great / Insane! / Your bad with your satan tattoo, Im better when I say FUCK YOU
The shadows on your face are ruining my life / you are my depressant.
I ripped the strings from my body, whats to play with now? SHIT words forcing me to rip your dreams apart, How horrible is your world? / when I cant breathe I will smoke some more. / I am drowning in a tube with acoholic books saying NO, NO NO.
NO, FUCK YOU, I can be... / the prettiest of all devil spawned angry girls / I can make life black with my fingers prying at every sore.
Am I great? Am I insane? I told myself no more...
Whats the word for failure kissing the blood you drip for a second wind? / Nail to my brain that you really care, but Im losing hope / The world is insane.
Cry to me, whine to my ears, tell me I suck/ Just a black fatal mark on your chest / Im bad for you, my satan tattoo, It'll be better when I say FUCK YOU |
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(ill have to kill you harder) |
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| Manson My Marilyn |
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| 02:31am 29/11/2006 |
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mood:  whatever
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Turn me Dirty,
Create me to nobody.
You don't know Just who I AM.
I was pretty,
but now I am nobody.
Forever Dirty and no one
wanting to be somebody.
Bake me pretty, colour me nice
make me somebody so Im not Dirt.
I am nobody wanting to be somebody.
But I know I don't know Just who I AM.
Create me to somebody pretty my coating.
Fix my dirty mind, dirty self.
So the time will see how pretty I can be
and time will see you melting my fixtture to Somebody.
Now Im somebody, a pretty somebody.
and you want to be me.
But you are Dirt,
A Dirty nobod.
Feeling nobody and killing the time you spent fixing me.
We want the feeling Back. ¤Niji¤ |
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(1 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| head ruSh |
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| 01:33pm 18/01/2006 |
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The fucking floor is spinning around and around
but I can't look up because your face is there
I pound my head with my fist for an exist
so I turn around and run
You were my savior, the better of two evils
now you are my depressed little bunny
Self inflicting self esteem thoughts
make me slit my wrists
The world came to an end to show us how to treat
other people and shit on their faces
The moon came down and sucked our souls when
we sleep with dried tears down our cheeks
This shit was good, now it sucks so much
your getting stale and Im pounding harder
I never left, or ran, or killed myself
but now I have an excuse
To withdrawl my mind and caring eyes
the eyes that tease and never please
your burden is done and now prosecution
Walking away for a new evolution.
The world has ended to show you how to treat
other people and shit on their faces
The moon came to you and sucked you soul when
you slept with dried tears down you cheeks
-Niji |
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(5 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| Your Eyes Question |
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| 11:25am 15/11/2005 |
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mood:  Dead
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Now look at me, I can't look at you for one second
Which scream burned worse? When you loved her or hurt me?
But wake up, baby, and everything is aright - we have forgotten what happened last night.
And nothing is wrong, I can smile back..but my head is spinning worse and worse with every word.
The burden of Truth rests on the prosecution alone. I am the burden... its the truth, prosecute me.
If I can't hold on, please don't blame me, I haven't walked away - you still have to see.
If we go anywhere, just know, it wasn't alright, I woke up and smiled solely from pain.
Because holding on is the hardest thing, and looking back at your scared face just burns.
Slip my pills to my hand and drop the bottel, I can't see anymore...I will die with this thought in my head..
Of last night where you said...
You lose everything good...I went thru shit, Im still here.. But when I swallow I will be lying on the floor twitching.
So don't say I love you more then anything, because my hands are sweaty and I am dropping from this bar of hope. |
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(3 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| cut short |
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| 11:29am 14/11/2005 |
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mood:  sick
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When I said you looked good baby
I was thinking possibly or maybe
We could head back to your crib
Not where I live you see
My situations quite sad
I'm still living with my mom and my dad
But really I'm going places
Even though I'm seeing three of your faces
Please, God, let's not resort to mini-mall parking spaces
Encounters with police, with my hands in the air
Encounters with police
Why ask if you don't care
I just had no idea that this would be lasting for just one single moment
I just have to say, you look so goddamn good
I give you crazy mad props, because I know I should
OK, I'm a bit intoxicated, but really I just graduated
And from where my hands are situated
Obviously, I'm growing more and more infatuated
Just wait, please wait
We could be like onions and peppers
In a sleeping bag fajita
We could be anything you want
The way you're busting out of that wife-beater
And I know it's a bit uncomfortable here in this 2-door seater
But you're just the right size,
And I will always feed you and feed you and feed you
If you were driving next to me
Say, on the LIE
My eyes would become so engaged
I'd float unconsciously
Into the HOV
Kill myself, the guy in front of me
His inflatable passengers of one, two, or three |
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(2 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| lets all get high |
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| 07:37am 11/11/2005 |
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mood:  anxious
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Tonight is going to be a good night, this morning (now 0737) I woke up and said bye to Jamie and then ate some Good food instead of shit like McDonalds...when you work all the damn time its all you can spare with lack of time. Anyway, now Im about to smoke - I have work at 12: and get off at 8p. YES. Thats why its a good night. Sunday we are going to Jax to see Honarary Title, hopefully if I can get off work damn early enough...I have to talk to the Dean about it today. Speaking of which...lets all get high. |
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(ill have to kill you harder) |
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| Chick-chi-chickeeeennn!!!! |
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| 12:17pm 10/11/2005 |
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mood:  g0000d
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Im dying my hair right now, pretty colours...but Im also keeping to the usual...you know, black and an odd shade of red/orange. But my hair finally grew out from when I gave myself a crew cut a year and half ago...lol, damn, I was fucking ugly. HERES TO DEPRESSION!!! WOOO!!!
Work in two hours...this schedule kills me, for me and Jamie hardly ever see eachother anymore. :( But I know it will get better with time and at least we still have eachother.
So...The Lisa Experience, should come by more often. Last expreience was fun almost likfe good old times..I miss those days, man. HA, Im such a softy...LOOK WHAT LOVE DOES TO YOU! Naw,dawg, Im straight...::cough::
Anyway, Im tired of this LJ so Im leaving, later. |
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(ill have to kill you harder) |
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| INSERT |
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| 10:52am 08/11/2005 |
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mood:  fine
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pLay my song, pLay on pLaya>>>SING IT BITCH!
Yo Lisa, stop sleeping...you are not here and Im forced to clean the house until u get here...because I am the HOUSE WIFE! You are going to show up Ill be in a polka-dopt skirt with my hairs tyed up.
Alright, THIS IS BORING. payce |
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(1 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| 11:46am 07/11/2005 |
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mood: good...yet tired
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So here it is, I just wrote HUGE post and LJ fucked up and didnt post it, so fuck it. The person who reads this is LISA so I will simply direct my thoughts to her rather then 'just anyone who reads.' Well, I already told you about me and Jamie looking for a place in PO or DB, but I DID NOT tell you WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!!
A wittle baby kitten!!!!!! Maybe I can name it Lisa and pet it and love it like my very own. ha ha ha..ok, that was weird. Has Jamie told you about the brick wall idea yet? We are going to put up a brick wall in our yard, lol. Its going to be SO FUCKING GREAT! But shit, Im done with this, later. |
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(1 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| 09:54am 11/10/2005 |
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mood:  no money
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Has it only been five weeks?
If I can go through everything in my car deap enough I may be able to find a few quarters to buy a burger with and eat something. ;) Aiming for a second shift job today (with no exp...bad thing)at a circle k. Yes, it has come down to this...me working at a gas station. I need money, I need to eat. Maybe I should have waited to move out until I have money to support myself, but I figured I could just wing it.
Thirty dollars left in my bank account and I have about to withdrawl twenty more if I get this job so that I can have the gas to get to it everyday. About a half hour more and I am off to the interview, hopefully. I have to call DeAN first and talk to him about it...sad world.
I think that if my family were better people I could be a better person right now. Or maybe its them who have made me exactly what I am and there isn't anything that should change? So have they helped or hindered? Are they pro or antagonists? And why are my dreams so strange and violent? Why is it I am interrpert others yet not mine? Do I not know myself? Well then, who am I? What am I?
Oh well...time to clean up the beer bottels... ¤Niji¤ |
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(2 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| Fuck Crazy Hectic Life of Demonic Lies and Secrets |
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| 12:07pm 31/08/2005 |
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mood:  very ANGERY and stuff
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Theres a club you an join. ((Lice)) Well, yes Life sucks.
Chimaira show rocked, and so did Six Feet Under. And also, I must give out mad pointes to the MushroomHead show. I haven't been on Livejournal actually in a long a time. What has happened since then? Quit my job like a fucking dumbass, and now I am too poor to buy my cigarettes. But when it comes it Powerman 5000 this Saturday I will just sell my soul to go. I always find money for shows, I must because I love them.
Fuck, what is so crazy about life right now? No beer, few cigarettes, grudges, fights, misunderstandings, no money, no life, shitty car which is about to blow up, and a shit load of loneliness. What makes life feel so hectic? Just because you only cry in the shower doesn't mean no one hears you. And demonic...I am a spawn of lies and secrets. My dad died how? And you never told me, why? And I am not supposed to be mad? WELL FUCK YOU!
Everyone is slipping, everything is slipping, my life is fucking slipping away. Some can look a me and see easy ways out, trust me that I looked hard and right now I only see one way fucking out of what I can get myself into sometimes.
How do you deal with you depression and anger? Do you drink and smoke until you can't even feel your body anymore? I concor with THAT logic. But it kills memore then I can ever say, it kills US. I am not just one person. I hate my fucking life, I am just waiting for the cab driver who promised me I didn't have to pay his cousin to drive me off of a cliff. We all know I would never have the guts, but I think of it often enough.
Who doesn't think of it? This world is nothing more then a Fucking Crazy, Hectic Inhabitant of Demonic Lies and mother fucking secrets. leave me
p.s. this is no pleasant road trip for me, at first I thought I fell out of the car completely, but then I relized NO, I am stuck with myself inside of a mirror looking onto my life and not doing a thing. But I could have when I had a chance, the chance is gone and I am chained to vines and cries. My car broke down anyway, so I am not fucking going anywhere.
p.s.s. How do you make omlets? I am craving. |
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(2 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| i hate fucking life |
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| 07:03pm 17/08/2005 |
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mood: tired as fuck
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Wow, yes...life sucks when I am sober. I am losing my job because I wanted to quit but I didn't feel like putting in a two week notice and working there for two more weeks, that is ridiculous. I need a cigarette like crazy but Im not sure if I should start smoking today. I had sergery on Monday and I can't smoke for five days after that, so I think I should just wait until my mouth heals more but I want to smoke. I need to get things off of my mind, I need to do something.
Last night was crazy and I need to recooperate from those brownies. I may be a little traumatized but it is nothing a little more smoking can't fix.
I don't know if I am being ignored but no one is calling me or picking up their phones. My phone is also not working well lately for some strange reason. I have been missing calls completely, the phone just doesn't even pick them up at all and I have no idea anyone called me. I have nothing to do tonight but some offers would be nice.
I feel lonely, I feel tired, I feel bored, ignored, and ignorant. I need a new job but Im not sure if Bob Evans will hire me. I am not sure that anyone will hire me. Working at Hot Topic would be pretty cool because then I can get my lip re-pierced and I can dye my hair however I want. But I think I am to 'normal' for them. I don't want to look like an idiot like the people who work there do look like. And the chicks are always so fucking ugly so yes, maybe I SHOULD work there. It would so society some good. But driving all the way out there every day would suck. |
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(ill have to kill you harder) |
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| chikies and dogs |
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| 09:26am 14/08/2005 |
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mood:  starving marvin
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Last night's party was fun, I wish some people weren't being lame though. There were a lot of people that showed up and some of them I did not even expect. We had to go out and get more beer after a while because no one listen's to me when I say two and a half cases is not nearly enough. Then after we got my mom's boyfriend doing a beer bong on video camera the crashed and we sat outside smoking. Every time I waked outside someone was rolling a new one.
Well, that was that and now for today. Going to Fuel tonight to see Mushroom Head. This will be fun, we shall smoke before going, of corse. The more things that I do the more I can keep my mind off of stress and depression and how mean I am to people. Until then...I must find food. |
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(ill have to kill you harder) |
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| birthdays suck too |
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| 12:23pm 11/08/2005 |
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LIFE SUCKS. How cliche? Very. But its true. Life fucking sucks. Its my birthday and I woke up feeling a alright an hour ago. Man, time flies when you are depressed. Because I don't want my day to be wasted on depression, I don't know what to do. But I am feeling very depressed. |
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(3 i thought you were dead | ill have to kill you harder) |
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| 01:52am 30/07/2005 |
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Some day everyone will know my name from way or another. And its going to be awesome. Check it out, cousins..Im going to be famous around town. It'll be the day, man. And in my future I will prosper. I will live long and prosper, yo-lon true. -star treck....so what? check it..Im telling you. You jsut waht. |
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(ill have to kill you harder) |
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| damn you |
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| 02:48pm 22/07/2005 |
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mood: hateful
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saidi the great [2:46 PM]: what are you doing
Nakedhikne [2:46 PM]: well, i just killed my grandmother, so I am online trying to figure out a good place to hide the body.
</font>saidi the great [2:47 PM]: hmm
saidi the great [2:47 PM]: dig a hole in the grave yard
saidi the great [2:47 PM]: they will never think to check there
Nakedhikne [2:47 PM]: yeah, thats perfect
I made breakfast this morning and it turned out horrible. Eggs=gross, bacon=gross, toast=gross. So I ate a muffin=it was alright. Well, I already lost my sense of smell, now comes the taste of shit whenever I eat something. It sucks. I wonder if or when I will ever be able to smell like a normal human being. Speaking of normality. Life sucks here. five more weeks until I move. Then life will be spledid, and as perfectly normal as I can simply ask for. On my way home from Ocala last night at 1030, I was thinking...but, now I forgot what I was thinking so, Ill end that subject.
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(ill have to kill you harder) |
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| Nothing is Good |
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| 11:41am 12/07/2005 |
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mood:  alright, though rushed
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Serenity? I ask,
have I ever known?
Flaws all around,
all I have shown.
Your fake words
sicken my gut.
I'll step up,
and end this rut.
Look around,
Earth in flames.
Yet all you do
is throw the blames.
Mother, I care,
though not enough.
These dark nightmares,
are far too rough.
Fool my pain,
Im not selfish.
I'd know serenity,
but life is hellish.
Look again,
we are all insane.
One wish I carry,
FIX MY MORBID BRAIN.
This one isnt that good, I just had to release some anger though. |
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(ill have to kill you harder) |
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