Hello to those perusing my journal!

I write a lot of fic. I've put off making a masterlist because I am constantly writing something, and sometimes that productivity has meant there's more fic than personal stuff in my journal. That being said, this is a personal journal, and none of the fic is locked, if that's all you're here for.

To make it easy for readers to navigate, here are some handy places to find my stories if you don't feel like looking through my pairing or fandom tags. :)

My Firefly fanfiction, mostly River/Jayne and some Simon/Kaylee.

My Harry Potter fanfiction, mostly Draco/Ginny and Katie/Marcus.

My Inception fanfiction, mostly Ariadne/Arthur, Ariadne/Eames or Ariadne/Arthur/Eames.

My two Tin Man epic-length stories: The Edge Of Dawn and its sequel To Rule The Zones, because I don't know how to do anything halfway. Main pairings are DG/Cain and a threesome in both.

Other fic that doesn't fall into the above categories. This includes Mirrormask, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Push, Tin Man and a smattering of other random fandoms. I blame the Porn Battles for a lot of them, actually.

Or, if you'd rather see all of it at once, I have my profile at Archive Of Our Own, where I crosspost all my fic, since it's a multifandom archive. As of March 2, 2011 I had over 250 stories. April 4, 2011, there were 300 stories. As of February 7, 2012 there were 375 stories on the archive. As of January 14, 2013 there were 400 stories there. As of March 27, 2013, there were 425 stories archived. As of April 2014, there were 450 stories. As of June 11, 2015, 500 stories. As of October 1, 2015 I hit 525 stories. On February 18, 2016, there were 550 stories. As of July 19, 2016, there were 580 stories. This changes all the time, since I'm constantly writing something. :)

Also, I have a published novel! This You Can Keep is available for purchase via Lulu or via Amazon if you prefer ebook format. It's a story about love and grief and vampires, with large doses of sex. I would greatly appreciate any comments if you have them. :D

Well, it was probably inevitable. The nurse mentioned someone was pissed at me and messenging her online about it and mentioned "This won't be the end of it."

Sigh.

Well, if it's easier for someone to demonize me and make me into a horrible soulless bitch, go for it. Does it sound horrible that I'm too tired to care or worry about it right now? An addict lied to me, abused medication I gave him inside of a few days, possibly went to jail, and might be the one they said was suicidal yesterday.

And as I type this, she checked the state's jail records online. He's been sitting in jail a while. So it could be just drama in a small town kind of thing. Or it could be something that eventually will come back and bite me in the ass. I tell people all the time I make a convenient bad guy. So there it is.

My third no show intake this week! The day isn't quite as bad as Monday, but hey. I consoled myself with two donuts out of the humongous box that someone brought in. :D

I think I'll write more Avengers Academy fic. I'm only up to the Spider-Man event, after all... :)

ETA: Of course once I hit "post" the intake showed up. And oh my god, this poor woman. My heart goes out to her, and I feel so bad for her sake. She needs more than medication, but culturally it's taken a lot to get her to even come in for medication. Her story makes me want to cry. :(

Title: Dreaming Aloud
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanoff
Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: Written for the FY buckynat 2017 mini bang. The lovely art is by Jes!
This is also vaguely a sequel to Walking After You, but you don't necessarily have to read that first. It's Civil War compliant, Peggy was found, Team Cap is in hiding in Wakanda, Bucky was thawed, and Helen Cho was in Wakanda to help with that process which is why she couldn't help Rhodey recover from his injuries. And now, onward to the buckynat! :D
Summary: Anxiety and grief have their place, Dr. Yelba told him when he broke down in one session. There is no shame in tears, in memories, in feeling. We must find a place to keep them, before they get overwhelming.

Bucky found his peace with Natasha, in ways he never thought he would

Dreaming Aloud

I have seen ONE patient in my office this morning. ONE. So I could do telephone testimony in a incapacity hearing, did chart reviews, answered messages, signed a packet of scripts, and cleaned off my desk of material that's been here since at least October. WHEE!!!

There's something about a cleared off desk that feels wonderful.

I have old journal articles in the filing cabinet, as well as therapy things I had hoarded over the years since training, but I can put them together in a little bit. I am treating myself to my lunch a little early, then I can do that or go through my patient list and discharge the ones on the launching pad to get it under 700.

I know my quotas are going to take a hit after today, but whatever. *I* was here!

Title: Better Living Through Chemistry
Series: #2 in Avengers Academy
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Pairing: Loki/Natasha
Rating: PG (for innuendo, because Janet's not as innocent as she looks!)
Summary: There's only one chair to read books at the library. And only one spot to work on potions or chemistry experiments. In this school, it's also a time honored tradition to gossip about classmates and try to fix each other up.

( Better Living Through ChemistryCollapse )

Names redacted to protect the not-so-innocent (namely me) I just got this message that was sent to the clinic director:


“We are grateful that * was put in our daughter's life to help her through her difficult journey with schizophrenia. It is very unfortunate that there are so few psychiatrists available in our area to treat so many affected with mental illness. Please let her know she is a blessing and appreciated... (Sometimes, the doctor gets the 'blame' when someone doesn't respond to treatment in our time frame. We seem to feel the need to put it there because there is no other place to put it... * has a way of making you think rationally in an irrational situation. Her calm demeanor & personality gives us the strength to be faithful - patient.) “



“* is an asset to this community. Her knowledge of medications, willingness to work with us. Consider our experiences with our daughter are invaluable.”



It's good to be appreciated. :D

I haven't really updated much on the personal front because there hasn't been much. Or, there hasn't been much that seems worth updating when I've been getting so tired.

Jedi has been doing great integrating into our family and our last training class is tonight. I've slacked a bit in the training in recent weeks, because more often than not, trying to sit on the floor and do sit ups after running through some exercises means I fall asleep on the living room floor. I've even gone to bed early a number of nights. I still probably could use another day's worth of hours of sleep.

Work is work. Lots of intakes lately, lots of follow up. Admin can say we're not doing enough, but hi, it's psychiatry. Insurance pays for shit, half my population is on medical assistance that pays for shit, and breaking my neck to try racking up anything isn't worth it. I meet whatever quota they set on visits anyway, so I'm not changing how I practice. Whenever I point out things like that, it gets dismissed, maybe because they really can't change the payment contracts, I don't know. They make it clear that I'm pulling my weight, but the constant harping on finances is grating. I know they don't want me to jump ship and go anywhere else. It's pretty sad if the recruiters open with "Your long tenure is impressive" when I haven't quite been here seven years. But since most places do two year contracts with their bonuses and then phase it out, I guess it is. I like who I work with, I like most of my patients, I like my home and neighbors, my kids are happy and comfy. I do have plenty of options even if I'm not here, within an hour's drive, and everyone knows I don't mind driving. So they probably humor me.

Maybe I'm getting salty about this because of the upcoming EMR change. The therapists are panicking, because the test domain doesn't work well, and the NP barely can even use the one we have right now. But she felt bullied into signing off on the one training day we had. I refused; five hours of poking at something that only halfway worked isn't enough training to be competent to create a trustworthy medical record. I will not be bullied and cajoled into signing anything I don't agree with, I will not budge, and that is that. I'm not too worried about it, because I learned the current system on my own. I'm sure poking at a working server will help, so I'm not wasting any emotions over it like my colleagues do. Then again, I'm more comfortable with computers and such than they are, so that's probably why I don't have to worry.

I'm sure it'll all be okay eventually. Maybe I'm just burned out feeling and salty because of everyone else's distress. Or absorbing the distress of my patients; sometimes I get so brain numb that I stare at a computer screen and can barely write or create anything for the Pathfinder game on Saturdays. Too many dumbass kids that think they'll be fine with drugs, or that overdosing isn't such a bad thing, or that they can quit on their own even though they haven't been able to for the last ten times they tried. Or the depression that's hard to treat. Or insurance denying payment for meds and requesting all kinds of records in an appeal just to deny it again.

The field can be utterly soul crushing, and not because of the patient load.

Title: Welcome to Campus Life
Series: #1 in Avengers Academy
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Pairing: Natasha/Tony
Rating: G (no, really!)
Notes: I have been playing Avengers Academy since April 2016, mostly because of how adorable college-age Natasha Romanoff is. This game has utterly consumed a hefty chunk of time and sanity; I started with the GOTG event and have sunk real world money into buying premium characters and rarely speeding up actions to get characters before the events ended. I have screen capped this game like crazy, to the point where I actually developed a callus on my fingertip from pushing the button so often. O_o This of course also inspired really random situations, and the fic practically writes itself. So when I started writing AvAc fic for Yuletide 2016, I figured why not actually write it? :)
Summary: Natasha isn't sure that joining Avengers Academy is a good idea. But there's Tony Stark and Janet Van Dyne to contend with, and they were definitely better than they appeared at first glance. Most of the time.


( Welcome To Campus LifeCollapse )

Exhausted probably doesn't quite cover it, because I am but not at the same time. I'm running the Pathfinder game on Saturday nights now. I'm still going !!!! about it, because it's easier and harder than I thought it would be. Easier, because I normally make things up on the fly, and harder because I can't tell them what to do, though I can hint pretty heavily where I want them to go. Still, I thought they were going to go straight to the bigger town so I spent time mapping it. But no, they went to the ruins instead, so I had to pull up a map I found online that I had on hand at least. And then make up a treasure chest that no one was able to open. And have something good in it. Which apparently was *too* good a treasure for first level players. But WTF, man, I didn't expect them to go there, and I didn't expect to have to actually make something up! Maybe next time I'll have gold or jewels in there instead of full plate armor. Tho having it contain the sigil of the Dragon Queen's guard means they can't use this stuff openly. So there.

Anyway, I snacked way too much at yesterday's Pure Romance party, and stayed up late finally watching Crimson Peak. (OMG, this is just my kind of movie, and it creeped out Jason big time) I woke up with my 4 am alarm as usual, let the puppy out, started doing a couple of sit ups. Then I promptly fell asleep on the floor. Nick woke up, and I managed to change him while half asleep and set up a cartoon for him, then fell asleep on the floor again. I was even cuddling with the puppy for a big chunk of it. I only finally got up when Jason woke up, took a shower to wake up, and barely had a few handfuls of cereal as breakfast.

I should have put on a tae bo video or got my ass on the treadmill. I don't know why I think I can do floor exercises that early in the morning, because without fail, I fall asleep every single time. Every. Single. Time.

I should probably go on the treadmill tonight. Knowing me, I probably won't, tho.

Title: End of Days
Series: #11 in Walking Yggdrasil
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to Marvel, and I've incoporated some comic back story and mythology into the movieverse.
Summary: It's the end of the world as they know it, and Loki feels terrible.

chapter 1 on LJ, chapter 2 on LJ | chapter 1 on DW, chapter 2 on DW | On AO3


( Three – The End Is The Beginning Is The EndCollapse )

Title: End of Days
Series: #11 in Walking Yggdrasil
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to Marvel, and I've incoporated some comic back story and mythology into the movieverse.
Summary: It's the end of the world as they know it, and Loki feels terrible.

chapter 1 on LJ | chapter 1 on DW | On AO3



( Two – Unspeakable MagicCollapse )

I was in a rush yesterday to post stuff. But it's snowing again, so there might be cancellations today. We'll see.

But this weekend, I got a last minute Girl Scout cookie order from my parents, which I was kind of expecting. They order a buttload of boxes for themselves, and then for us as li xi presents for the kids. Apparently, it was last minute because they just got back from Hawaii. My brother had a conference there, so they decided to visit Hawaii at the same time as him, and do touristy things while there. His wife is still MIA; Mom doesn't ask after their business because of how my brother is, and all she knows is that my SIL is very career oriented. My mom hasn't even asked where she's working as a surgeon. I know there's no point in asking my brother, since the last times I did ask him about it he stopped the conversation abruptly.

Apparently, the boxes of clothes that Mom has been sending me has been for a purpose after all: my parents are considering selling the apartment and moving. It has to be cleaned out, which they're doing slowly but surely. My dad is planning to retire in a year, and they're looking for a relatively cheap house near my brother. Considering where they live now, my mom figures that the cost of selling the co-op will cover a house upstate. She's even planning to clear out the garden of stuff, and if she plans to have a smaller garden upstate, she'll just get new cuttings to start over.

Part of me feels a weird kind of disappointment that they're not staying where I grew up. Another is upset because they can't be bothered to visit us here (I know it's cold and we're not exactly a hotbed of activity, but we've lived here SIX AND A HALF YEARS and they've never visited once) yet they've been to Hawaii a few times, visit my brother all the damn time and plan to live near him. I'm the one with the kids and could really use the help. I'm the one that is left behind by them, yet they have the nerve to act like I abandoned them.

Just when I think they've burned out all my fucks, they find a hidden one to poke me with.

Title: End of Days
Series: #11 in Walking Yggdrasil
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to Marvel, and I've incoporated some comic back story and mythology into the movieverse.
Summary: It's the end of the world as they know it, and Loki feels terrible.

( One – The Worst Of TimesCollapse )

As in, our new golden retriever puppy, Jedi. :D

We picked him up from the breeder on Saturday after the puppy class, and we spent the day letting him get accustomed to our family. It didn't help that Jason and I had our gastrointestinal ick factor still going on. I think I lost two pounds from the diarrhea alone. The kids were fine, and liked playing with the puppy. We still played Pathfinder at night, which also worked well for taking Jedi out to pee at night.

Last night, I set my alarm for midnight, but I slept right through it. I did wake up at 3:30 am and I took him out then. He was dry in his crate, which is awesome, and he went pee right away outside. He drank a lot of water, so I tried to do sit ups and stretches to wait out when he would have to go back outside, but I fell asleep on the floor and woke up when Jason came out at his alarm. Oops. :D

Everyone has been feeling cruddy. No fevers, just aches and queasy feelings. I mentioned wanting tea with my dinner and that I wanted to go to bed early. Jason and Maddy sacked out at 6 pm, and the boys were playing Infinity for a while until their bedtime of 7 pm. But Jason had mentioned that there were towels still in the dryer, as well as another load of towels. So I started the other load and stayed up long enough to get that load done and transferred to the dryer. (I wrote smut. Are we surprised? No, no we are not.)

As soon as I get upstairs, Jason wants more blankets because he's shivering and cold. I go back downstairs to get him some blankets. Around 2 am, Maddy comes into our room freaking out because she heard noises that creeped her out, even over the sound of the Star Wars radio play CD she's been listening to. I caved and said she could climb into bed with us, but that my alarm was going to go off at 4 am. She promised to exercise with me.

I shut off my 4 am alarm when it went off. She was half asleep and saying "Nuh" when I asked if she was going to exercise with me, and I was groggy enough to think I could catch a snooze. I shut off the 4:10 alarm and didn't get up right away, so I wound up falling back asleep. The 4:30 alarm went off and didn't wake me up right away. Then Nick got up at 5 am and came to our room because he wanted to go potty, then changed his mind and didn't want to. Zach apparently woke up when he made noise, and then he started freaking out because he didn't see Nick in bed and got scared that something happened to him and he started screaming. So I had to go take care of the boys and get their day started, because there was no going back to bed for them.

Jason wanted recognition for getting up more or less on time and helping in the morning even though he still felt sick. I stared at him like "Whut?" because I didn't get the sleep I wanted and still had to handle everyone. Like every Mom ever, basically. Then he told me that I didn't have to do the other load of towels and I could've gone to bed.

::headdesk::

Title: No Place For Hiding
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Fandom: Avengers Academy (video game)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kate Bishop/Natasha Romanoff
Notes: Written for AsterRoc. Happy birthday!
Summary: Natasha and Kate meet cute. And then...

( No Place For HidingCollapse )

Title: Marked
Series: #10 in Walking Yggdrasil
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to Marvel, and I've incoporated some comic back story and mythology into the movieverse.
Summary: Apparently, the Norns had been right when they told Loki that there were things other than Thanos to be concerned about. Now he can actually see what they're referring to, and he was never the type to sit idle.

chapter 1 on LJ | chapter 1 on DW | On AO3



( Two – In The RunesCollapse )

I don't want to jinx it, but today so far is fairly easygoing. So hey, have some fic! :D



Title: Marked
Series: #10 in Walking Yggdrasil
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to Marvel, and I've incoporated some comic back story and mythology into the movieverse.
Summary: Apparently, the Norns had been right when they told Loki that there were things other than Thanos to be concerned about. Now he can actually see what they're referring to, and he was never the type to sit idle.

( One – What Is To ComeCollapse )

Not exactly looking forward to today.

There's a lunch meeting where administration is coming in for the Providers meeting. (Oh, how I loathe that term. I am a DOCTOR, and I'm still paying off the expensive piece of paper on the wall, WTF) They had apparently started a board to determine if primary care/walk in docs are seeing "enough" patients or if they're meeting expected quotas of patients. And if they don't, they're expected to put in more hours or days to meet that quota.

This is shaming bullshit. I said so at our department meeting, and I plan to say it again today. It's a shame when my six and a half years working here becomes the lead-in for recruiters to say that the length of time I've been here is admirable. It's a shame when I'm seen as disposable and interchangeable as my patients. Psychiatry is the redheaded stepchild of medicine, not really taken seriously until we're needed, and even then our opinions mean fuck all.

I keep a patient list. I curate it and drop the names of those no show out of the clinic or simply don't return. That still leaves me with 681 active patients on the list right now.

Fuck admin if they think I'm not busy enough or working hard enough. This leaderboard bullshit is not on, and I am not going to participate in it. As in, they're going to make the already front desk staff keep track of even more stats than they're forcing them to, but I am outright going to tell them that I'm not going to look at that board. I'm not going to change my hours of practice when I'm already booked full from 8 am to 5 pm five days a week with a wait list to see me and not enough time to do the paperwork or letters asked of me. Because a lot of it CANNOT be punted off to the nursing staff, and they're already stuck with doing the prior auths and all the other bullshit that insurance companies and Washington wants documented.

And then people wonder why there's a deficit of doctors, let alone psychiatrists. Once they realize this is what medicine has become, they walk. There are better ways to make money.