Fame Costs

[18 Oct 2003|08:15pm]

[11 Oct 2003|09:33pm]

Pop Idol results.

All four judges predict Glen and Mark.

5th place, with 6.9% - Tina.
4th, with 15.1% - Glen. Wow. Total error by the judges there.
3rd, 17.5% - Danielle.
2nd, 20.3% - Mark.

Which means the winner is a total dark horse. With 21.1%, it's... Andy. Oh dear. That's a worrying sign. The Steps fanbase is clearly out in force. I sense a backlash.

But there's a twist! There's a wildcard show after all, bringing the total number of finalists up to twelve. Eight contestants next week, to be selectged by the judges... after the break.

Simon's not actually here, presumably because he couldn't be bothered. Anyhow, Suzanne goes through (unanimously, we're told). So does Rebecca. I can't remember who these people are. Why am I writing their names down? Kieran, the Scottish guy who was beaten by a mugger. I remember him. Sam, who looks like a mini David Sneddon. Danielle, from tonight's show. Joanie. Who? Glen, rather obviously. And Jason. Aw, no Tarek?

[11 Oct 2003|08:07pm]

[06 Oct 2003|12:04am]

I was, uh, out on Saturday and didn't watch the final until this morning... By which time I'd already heard from the news who'd won.

Obviously, it's great news that Alex won... the next question is what the single will be like.

Next!

[05 Oct 2003|03:15pm]

Fame Academy is over for another year (and possibly for good - we'll see), but the students are all out in the big wide world now, so it's time to look ahead to what the future might hold for these guys. With added awful mugshots!

I don't think we'll ever hear from Audley again. First out, he cunningly ingratiated himself with the rest of the Academy by setting up his London home as a refuge for each subsequent evictee. But he did so badly, and left so little impression on the public, that he's unlikely to trouble the public eye much in future. I'm sure God will look after him. Nick was even less memorable, but if he is remembered it'll be for seeming a bit unctuous on stage. I never did work out exactly who he reminded me of, but having a face that looked undistinguished and vaguely like everyone else doomed his chances.

Lorna told Claudia last night that she's doing workshops at schools now, which is very noble. I hope she does get into theatre, but I doubt FA will be much of a help in that regard. Still, there's no reason she couldn't be very successful in that regard, which would allow her to become a successful folk album artist in, say, twelve years' time. Long term prospects.

Gary, on the other hand, could well be strictly for the short term, if he goes anywhere at all. He's got a band behind him, he's writing songs with John McLaughlin, who has indeed written hits for Five, Busted, Liberty X and Blue, and he's excessively pretty and naturally cocky, all of which suggests he could briefly be very successful. That said, it wouldn't amaze me if he were to be the next Robbie. He's as good a singer, a better musician, and he's much prettier. The only test will be if his personality can take it, and when you think about it, Robbie's couldn't, and he's still Robbie.

Simone could have a top ten hit. If she gets to do the backing vocals on Louise's song. She's strictly session now, darling. Louise, on the other hand, has a near-guaranteed hit in the song she's lifted from Robbie, plus guaranteed tabloid footage thanks to Jenson and her status as the new low-rent Posh, and when it comes time to promote her first single, she's guaranteed an FHM photo spread. She's terrifically pretty, so she should be able to at least match Sarah Whatmore for saleability, if she gets the right song. The only thing going against her is that there's already an artist called Louise, and 'Louise Griffiths' isn't very pop. Maybe she can be Louise G, and join the ranks of Gina, Dario, Ali and, um, Debbie Mc.

Oh dearie dearie me. The Lurgan Lump and the Welsh Whinger. Not a career prospect between them, I don't think. James isn't likeable enough to do the Daniel O'Donnell thing (lest we forget, Daniel O'Donnell was a television talent contest winner, and is now a hugely successful artist among Irish grandmothers), and he's not got the right look or style to be a pop star. At best, he might be a session musician. Or a busker.

I have no idea what's to become of Barry. He has a better chance of doing the O'Donnell thing, assuming grannies can get past the serial-killer stare. He's been compared to the fat one from The Committments. Does the fat one from The Committments still make records? Hrm. According to Amazon, he released one in February of this year. I didn't hear about it.

The two guys everyone picked for the final; the last two guys not to make it to the final. Paris is being tipped for an international singing career (screeching falsetto is going to be really huge in 2004), and Peter already thinks it's his given destiny to be a huge rock star. It's really difficult to see anything redeemable about Peter now it's all over. He never really developed his voice or his performance style. He treated his girlfriend like shit, then treated Carolynne like shit, and ended up slagging off Alex in interviews, doubtless through sheer jealousy. I suspect he thought he was going to be the big alternative discovery of the show, the one who turned reality talent show expectations on their head, but he can't compete with Alex, and now he's pouting and acting the twat.

I actually wouldn't be surprised if Peter disappeared without trace, but he'll more likely have a brief career that's neither pop enough to appeal to his fans, nor indie enough to appeal to his market. He'll become a recurring joke in the pages of Heat, and then he'll disappear from the public eye, promising to everyone that he'll be back and we'll all be sorry/

Ah, Carolynne. I don't know what's to become of Carolynne. I'd buy her album, especially if it were a cover album made up entirely of soft rock 80s driving songs. She owes the world a version of Total Eclipse Of The Heart. But for all that she's gorgeous and has a wonderful voice, I'm not sure they'll know what to do with her. I think the world is ready for more femme rock, stuff that girls on drunken nights out slinging back bottles of Concorde can tunelessly belt along to at the tops of their voices while spilling out of their white stilettos into the gutter outside Edward's. The musical equivalent of Clare's Accessories. Will they - or she - have sufficient shamelessness to brand her appropriately? I hope so. A British Shania? I think we're due.

I imagine Alistair is even now in talks with Polydor about his future. As the Sneddon example has proved, the girls who voted for him will show their loyalty by buying the first single, but that'll fulfil their obligations, and thereafter they'll start to fall out of love with him. Whatsisface the A&R guy made it clear that he thinks Alistair's future is in songwriting, and I think most folks around him will agree. But, to be briefly charitable, there's bugger all reason why Alistair should settle for that if he doesn't want to. He's got a chance at a chart career, he might as well go for it, because the option to fall back on his songwriting isn't going to go away if he can still write the songs (and he did have a songwriting deal before he went in). So, we'll get one album, a few singles of ever-decreasing impact, and possibly a dismal follow up album, and then Alistair will follow the Gary Barlow route to becoming a millionaire.

Superstar! She'll top the singles charts, she'll top the album charts, and she'll break America. She'll appeal to the Avril Lavigne fans, she'll appeal to the gay audience, she'll appeal to the Tori Amos market. She'll sell to tweens, teens, twentysomethings and thirtysomethings. Dido fans and David Gray fans alike will love her. The bloom will eventually go off the rose, and she'll disappear for a couple of years to rediscover her spirituality. Then she'll come back as an album artist and age into graceful music industry seniority. When she dies, magazines will dedicate their covers to her and refer to her as a legend, and it'll barely be remembered that she started out on a reality TV show.

The last twelve months have seen singles releases by Sneddon, Sinead, Ainslie, Malachi and Lemar - the final five. Only Lemar still seems credible out of that lot, but I suspect Ainslie will come back, possibly earning credibiity on the back of Alex's success. At a conservative estimate, the next twelve months will probably see singles by Alex, Alistair, Paris and Louise. Probably also Gary, Carolynne and Peter. That's seven, which seems more than enough acts for one show to produce. I think Pop Idol I produced eight. (Young, Gates, Waller, Danesh, Whatmore, Garlick, Ribbons and Birkett.) At a stretch, we might also see singles from James, Lorna or Barry, but I doubt it. Ten years from now, Alex, Paris and Lorna will probably be the only ones still singing professionally.

Oh yeah...

[04 Oct 2003|11:49pm]

My sausages were excellent.

So, it's a glorious day all 'round.

And may I just add: Watched the BBC Three show. (Love Claudia.) Alex performed Is That What It Takes again. I was choked up. Sure enough, second go around, this song has already grown on me. I just caught myself humming it as I came upstairs.

And one more thing: According to 'sources', it was Alex 59%, Alistair 41%.

[04 Oct 2003|10:33pm]

The End

[04 Oct 2003|10:25pm]

2 comments|post comment

[04 Oct 2003|12:15pm]

In honour of tonight's final I have fixed my telly, and can now watch BBC1 whilst taping Pop Idol. Oh, the tension - can't miss a second!
And off we go...

Oh god, noooo! Did they just say that they'll be singing with Daniel Bedingfield later? Nooo! What are they trying to do to me?!

Ultima! The final! Part one!

[04 Oct 2003|07:39pm]

It's so exciting! Tonight, it all ends. Alistair goes home with his 'license to be David Sneddon for a year'. David Sneddon is taken out behind the Academy and shot. Alex goes on to become an international superstar. Carolynne marries a footballer. It all happens tonight! Sort of. And on top of all this, my cranberry juice tastes of watermelon.

Tonight, there's an extra panellist on the teachers' bench - the legendary Jonathan Ross! Oh, this should be entertaining.

Watson is phoning in his first vote for Alex of the night. I'm trying to persuade him to vote for Carolynne as well. Tonight's audience is most likely going to include thousands of viewers who've never seen the show before, and their votes could go any which way, but I think Alex will benefit the most, since she's the one with the most natural and instantaneous appeal.

We begin with Carolynne singing Man, I Feel Like A Woman. Wheee! And it's hardcore. Well, not really, but it's a great bellowing, stomping rendition that's like Shania on fi-yah. I love Carolynne. She's not rated as a future recording artist by many people who know of such things, but I'd buy her album. I think she has a terrific voice, plus she's real purty.

Next is Alistair singing If You Come Back. Yes, the Blue song. Excuse me, I have to go turn over my sausages. Here's a sausage tip for you, since Alistair isn't holding anyone's interest with a banal rendition of what I consider a low grade ballad even by the standards of Blue's ouvre. Instead of cooking your sausages on a moderate to high heat for fifteen minutes, as the cooking instructions generally insist, cook them on a moderate to low heat for an hour or so. You get a meatier flavour and more of that deliciously sinful black 'tar' on the skin. Yum num. My sausages should be ready in time for Claudia Winkleman.

Jonathan Ross is being nice to Alistair. I'm pretty sure Ross isn't a fan of Alistair, so this may be a tactical decision not to hand him the sympathy vote. Richard Park, on the other hand, is being 'honest' as ever.

Next up is Alex, who has had the time of her life in the Academy, hence they're playing I Had The Time Of My Life over her video clip. I don't like Alex's top tonight. Blue thing. Torn. Daft. She's doing Baby Can I Hold You. It's not her most emotive performance, and actually, Tracy Chapman's voice is one I certainly wouldn't want to compare her to. So, a bad choice of song, to be brutally honest. The backing track is also horribly intrusive and plinkety-plonk. Oh, she just kicked it up a gear, that was good. Much more passion. I hope her second song is better, though. Richard said it was a weak first 30 seconds, and he's right, damn it. I hate it when Richard's right.

Watson and I agree that Carolynne is the best so far tonight. He's voting again. Only 25p per call. Phone often! But not for Alistair.

The ex-students are here. Peter is still hell-raising, we're told. Louise has been given a song by Robbie Williams to record, which is old news, but hasn't been mentioned on BBC One yet. Makes a nice little testament to hold up in front of tonight's audience, though, don't it? Hrm. And James has forgiven Alistair for stabbing him in the back. How disappointing. He should have taken the opportunity to publicly condemn the little shit.

Back to Carolynne. Rehashing the Peter/Carolynne snogfest. Rehashing the B'Dingfield duet. I think we're due a bit more B'Dingfield tonight. Ah, and now we're rehashing Underneath Your Clothes as Carolynne's second song. Her favourite of the series, Cat tells us. The backing track sounds like a recording of a man in workboots walking down an echoing hospital corridor.

Every time the camera cuts to Alistair, he's scowling and looking like a weasel. You'd think the audience might be able to tell he's evil from that, but Sneddon always scowled when his competitors were performing too, and it didn't hurt his vote.

We're straight in to Alistair's film segment, so no teacher comments here. Alistair is wacky, remember. He does an impression of Richard Park that sounds like a random Scotsman, and he does the David Brent dance from The Office at the drop of a hat. Oh, that never gets old. Like people quoting Monty Python. Hilarious.

He's doing... I forget what it's called. I'll Go Wherever You Will Go, or something equally toady. He starts flat. He drones. He's nasal. Let's see how my sausages are doing, shall we?

Mm. Doing quite nicely. Turned up the heat a little. They're probably cooked through by now, so it's all just cooking for flavour now.

Alex! Doon McKichan is a fan. I like Doon, she was the second best thing in Celebrity Fame Academy. She's doing Beautiful again, which I think was one of her best performances. I know the 'better than the original' thing has become a bit of a cliche, but much as I like the Aguilera version, Alex's version has a lot more sincerity. While Alex sings, play Spot The Celebrities In The Audience. Lenny Henry! Johnny Vegas! Will Mellor! Dawn French! John Thompson! Hrm.

That was a much better Alex performance. All the big-eyes-at-the-camera stuff, bucketloads of pathos. Wonderful stuff. Best of these three performances. Alistair is such a talent also-ran in this contest. Not that the public have noticed.

Ah, here's the teachers' comments. David seems to favour Alex. Robin explicitly favours Alex's performance. Carrie also plumps for Alex. Jonathan refuses to say who he thinks is going home at the end of the show. Richard praises Carolynne, calls Alistair adenoidal, and says Alex could "sell the 100,000" to get Beautiful to the top of the charts. Bit of back-handed comment on the state of the charts today, there. Oh, and a slapdown to Pop Idol from David, there. "Any one of these guys would win any other television talent show out there." Well, I almost agree. Alex is easily going to be miles ahead of anyone on Pop Idol. Carolynne is better than anyone I've seen on Pop Idol so far. Alistair would be right at home on Pop Idol.

Over to Claudia for a taste of the students' final week. They visit the London flat that one of them is going to win. Looks perfectly nice. It isn't the same flat that Sneddon got, which is a shame. That would have been hilarious. Sneddon's year is up, isn't it? Next, the students perform at Birmingham NEC. Big crowd, or just a very dark room? You decide! Alistair - get this - does his Richard Park impression for the audience. Oh, my aching sides.

And... it's results time! The final two are... drum roll please... Alex! And... Alistair. Damn. No surprises, but there was a chance, there was a remote, tiny chance, that Alistair wouldn't go through. No such luck. Carolynne seems unfazed. God bless 'er.

Be back later for the final final, and a full report on my sausages.

[01 Oct 2003|12:36am]

Recognise any of this lot? No, me neither. Well, not the majority anyway. There's annoying Tarek, of course, who we'll hopefully get rid of, and Fat Lass #2, the not-so-fat one. Will she suffer because we've already got one Fat Lass? Is there room for two in the final?

wheeler, is the Jamie your Jamie? I have no idea who he is. If so, looks like you were right about them saving him for the FA final. Perhaps he's a secret weapon of some sorts.

Blimey, doesn't Elizabeth have a lot of run away hair?

[29 Sep 2003|05:29pm]

No, we can't disqualify Marc simply for being a blubbering idiot. However, it will be interesting to see how the voters react to this.

Under the front page headline "Pop Idol Thug Crying All The Way To The Bank", the Daily Record informs readers that Marc served twelve months in prison for assault after mugging somebody when he was a teenager.

Marc and his friends attacked Mr Terry Kiernan, "battered him, stabbed him and tore off his clothes, then stole his clothes, watch, wallet and house keys. The gang got Terry's address from his driving licence, went to his home and ransacked it. They then drove off in his car. Terry lay for hours before a passerby found him the next day. He spent a week in hospital with stab wounds to his liver and spleen, broken ribs and severe bruising." Marc was convicted after being turned in to the police by his own mother.

Of course, it's a conviction from several years ago - but this sort of publicity won't win him many public votes.

[27 Sep 2003|11:04pm]

Pop Idol result: Can we disqualify Mark for being a blubbering idiot? The tortured, "Mum!" was taking it just a little bit too far. Having said that, I haven't laughed as much since American Idol was on and they would have their group wailing sessions at the end of each show. Waaah!

Fame Academy result: As predicted, but still a relief. Didn't know which way Alistair was going to vote. I still don't know who is voting for him, but I hope I don't meet them in a dark alley. Incredibly glad to see Carolynne in the final, though!

Alistair really is going to win, isn't he? Dull is the new black.

Results Time Again, Tara-Diddle

[27 Sep 2003|10:28pm]

But first, My Reflection, a song written and performed by the final four. Sounds like they stole the backing track from Clocks. Alex doesn't look like she's enjoying it. Peter apparently needs the loo again. I think Alistair has forgotten he's on stage. The whole thing rather petered out, but not a terrible effort, I suppose.

Cat's lipstick is hideous! Aaah! How did I not notice that before?

This is a looong show. I just want the results! I guess I'm not watching Byron tonight. OK, the two saved by the public are Alistair and Alex. Actually, I'm just guessing. Let's see what Paddy says. He says Alex. He says Alistair. Well, that was worth twiddling my thumbs half an hour for.

I imagine Peter's going home, but it could be a split student vote, in which case Park probably gets the decider, and it's likely to be Carolynne going home.

Alex votes for Carolynne. Loyalty. See that, Alistair? And Alistair also saves Carolynne. Phew.

So the final is Alex, Carolynne and Alistair. See you next week for the horror that is the victory dance for David Sneddon II.

[27 Sep 2003|09:30pm]

Pop Idol results:

The lines are still open! Give us your money! It's all going to charity. No, hold on, it isn't. "We've had the most calls so far this series tonight." Well, it's only Heat 3! Apparently it's very close.

Predictions: Fox goes for Mark and Roxanne. Nicky: Mark and Roxanne, with Sam as a third. Pete guesses at Kieran and Roxanne. Simon: Mark and Roxanne. So that's unanimity on Roxanne and a clear majority for Mark, then.

5th, 7.7% - Suzanne.
4th, 10.7% - Kieran.
3rd, 19.4% - Sam. It's looking good for the predictions, then.
2nd, 23.5% - Roxanne. That's a pretty high vote, considering.
1st, obviously, is going to be Mark. And he's got 28.2% of the vote. Yup, it's Mark. Aww, he's crying again. Don't like him at all. Roxanne can stay, though.

"Mum!" blubbers Mark. Oh, sod off.

[27 Sep 2003|08:39pm]

I'm not commenting on Pop Idol in any detail tonight because the crowd they've got in completely disinterests me. I watched it, as usual, and they were all ok. Apparently the strongest heat so far, but well.. not in terms of caring about them. The gobby girl from Liverpool is shite, I mean really terrible, Keiran is still irritating and I don't really care who goes through. My top two would be 16 year old Roxanne and the girl who got to the final 50 last year, Hayley I think. There are two boys who were also meant to be strong - one of them wants to be Will Young so much it hurts and the other is weird looking. Not arsed, really.

Pop Idol results in a bit. Let's hope for a better crowd next week.

[27 Sep 2003|08:41pm]

Thanks to Tivo, it's time for the thrilling world of Pop Idol.

Ant & Dec do their intro routine. Here's the green room, full of happy contestants. We'll soon sort that out. And let's go straight to work.

Kate loves music and wants to make "every drop of life matter to me." 'Kay. What in the name of god is she wearing? She looks like a canary crossed with Xena: Warrior Princess. Kate does a competent enough rendition of "Show Me Heaven", which is a song I actually quite like, against my better judgment. There are obvious problems with her voice, which needs considerable training, and she's never going to win in a million years.

Fox says she sang well but didn't perform brilliantly. Nicky: needs more passion. Pete: overcome by nerves, but still did well. Simon: not good enough. People at home will have made a cup of tea after 30 seconds. Kate cries to Ant & Dec. "It's hard. It's really hard." Does this show go out of its way to recruit emotional cripples?

Amy is a dancer. Or she used to be, but that's the only interesting thing they could find to say about her, I assume. Her outfit, as she says, is tiny, although she just about gets away with it. "Get Here." Hey, she can actually sing. This is pretty good.

Fox: Performance was affected; not a pop singer. Nicky: Song too big for you. Pete: You look stunning. Simon: Backing singer. There's some truth that she's probably not what they're looking for. Amy's boyfriend is a large skinhead.

Kieran is the ugly one. He's tried to glam himself up a bit, poor lamb, but it's just not in him. He's got a good voice, admittedly. "Goodnight Girl", if you're wondering.

Fox: A touch pub singer. Image needs work but pretty good. Hair is a mistake. Nicky: Bit too reserved, great voice. Pete: Best voice in the competition "by six miles." Bad song choice. Hair awful. Simon: Likes Kieran's image. (?!?) Thinks Kieran will get an underdog vote for not being a conventional pop song. Kieran is delighted by most of this.

Adverts.

Michael looks about fourteen. "I absolutely love Mariah Carey. She is just the most amazing singer." Michael looks like the victim of a bet among the stylists: How Gay Can We Make Mikey? Very boy band indeed. They've put a ton of echo on his mike. He misses a note badly. This is awful. What the hell is this song? Terrible, terrible, terrible. Silly twirly bit at the end proves his Carey infatuation.

Fox: No sex appeal whatsoever. Nicky: A little bit karaoke. Peter: Passionless. The twirls compensated for the lack of emotion. (Just like Mariah Carey.) Simon: Hated the original, hated your version more. Michael: "I thought I did a good job." Simon: "Well, Pinky & Perky in there will cheer you up."

Michael still thinks he was good. He's wrong. Ant politely asks whether he should have done a toned down version with fewer frills. It turns out that that WAS the toned down version, compared to his early rehearsals. Dearie me. Michael's mother calls the judges a bunch of wankers.

Rachel is that loudmouthed Liverpudlian who never, ever shuts up. Rachel considers it a triumph to have made it passed the initial audition "without having a nervous breakdown and without weeing myself." I get the impression Simon has put her through in order to get some entertainment value into the heats, rather than because he thinks she has any real hope of winning. She's doing "Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay", complete with hand movements to emphasise the way the ships roll in. Rachel is all about personality, and this is a laid back song that doesn't play to her strengths. Mind you, she does have an acceptable voice, so it's not impossible to see her holding an audience.

Fox: "You didn't sing that particularly well." Nicky: Brilliant personality which makes up for the weakness in the voice. Pete declines to comment, and basically says she should never have got through the heats. Simon starts to disclaim responsibility for putting Rachel through. Simon: "You sung it terribly." Rachel still can't quite believe she made it past the first round audition, so she's entirely unbothered by any of this.

Hayley looks like a children's TV presenter at an awards ceremony. She's the one who was also in the final fifty for season 1. Apparently the last year hasn't taught Hayley how to sing without breathing really audibly into the microphone. She also has the teeth of Esther Rantzen. She's not going to advance any further this year. Jesus, that was a weird chord. Was that deliberate?

Fox: "A lot better than I thought it was going to be." Nicky: "You're better than you think you are." Pete: "Full marks." Simon: "Very difficult to criticise... brilliant." Hayley is stunned by the praise, as am I.

Adverts.

Roxanne is bouncily enthusiastic and has the theme tune to the Banana Splits in her video package. Hey, she's not bad. She's doing "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. The tuning is a bit dodgy on occasion, but I like her voice. Quite full. Does she have a gospel background? She's got that kind of tone to her voice.

Fox: Pretty good. Nicky mentions that she's 16. "Tremendous." Pete: "Thought you did that rather well." Simon: "Sensational. You are the one to beat." Yeah, I'm with Simon. She's a mile ahead of anyone else we've heard tonight. Roxanne can't believe everyone's being so nice, and bounces deliriously backstage. She's another one who never really expected to get this far.

Sam. "Jamie Oliver is my idol." Well you can fuck off then, can't you? "He's just a real inspiration to me, and I think he is for many people." Sam even has Jamie Oliver's hairstyle - only crossed with the lead singer of Kajagoogoo. At least they've put him in different clothes. He's doing "Walking In Memphis", which is a slow build song and not a good choice for this format. His voice is quite good, I'll admit.

Fox: "Very cute." Nicky: "The dark horse... you could well make it." Pete: "A bit So What." Simon: "One of the most naturally talented people in this competition... We're blowing the competition away from the first series... You should go through."

Adverts.

Suzanne. Hey, she's wearing jeans. She's not in a dress. How hard did she have to fight the stylists over that? "I'm most worried about being humiliated by the judges." She seems pleasant enough. She kind of looks like one of the Appleton sisters, only with the voice of a stage singer. I don't even recognise this song. I'm not sure it's a pop voice, but she'd be very good on stage. Dodgy tuning on that last note there, although she corrected it.

Fox: "Well done." Nicky: "A really difficult song, but you did quite well." Pete: "You sound a bit like Whitney Houston." Simon: "Nobody will ever do that song better than Whitney - why do something where you will always come out second best?" Suzanne seems happy as she returns backstage - she seems pleased that she wasn't assassinated.

Mark. "My life's totally changed since my first audition." Really? He's been taking singing lessons, which you might think would be a fairly obvious start. He's a Catholic boy. Is that a deformed toddler on his T-shirt? Very corny mannerisms, and an extremely boy-band voice. He's doing "Easy", by the way. Not a solo artist, but it's easy to see him as a band member.

Fox: "The best performance of the night." Nicky: "Very good." Pete: The audience have a tough choice this week. Simon: "By the look of you, you think you've got through... Good performer, one of the strongest vocals we've had. I think you outsung Kieran." Mark bursts into floods of tears for no discernible reason.

Results in just a bit.

[27 Sep 2003|07:31pm]

Penultima!

[27 Sep 2003|07:28pm]

Four become three, like in that Spice Girls song, only different. Get a little bit closer baby, put it on, put it on.

Tonight, the phone lines are remaining open throughout, which is an odd move. Make more money and damn the consequences? Or are they showing the contestants in order from least votes to most and hoping this will level things out a bit and make it more interesting? It's a theory. Let's see how it plays out. The other change is that there's no teacher vote, only a student vote, which is a shame. If there'd been a teacher vote, Alistair might be going home tonight.

Carolynne is up first, which fits my least-to-most-votes theory. On BBC Three, Carrie said that Carolynne was the only one not doing a classic song tonight, but I think I Don't Want A Lover is a bit of a classic, and a pretty good choice for oor lass. Ooh, very 80s backing noises, but they forgot to turn on the mike for a line there, and she still sounds too quiet. Have they checked the levels here? Is that a real thing, 'checking the levels', or is it one of those things technical people make up to fool non-technical people into thinking that they actually can't fix everything with a good kick? (You can fix everything with a good kick. Don't listen to their lies.)

Caz is wearing another all black ensemble, by the way, but it's a trouser and jacket combo, which isn't all that flattering. Same awful glitter eye make-up as last week, too, but less ostentatious this time. Liked that a lot. Love Carolynne's voice. Park didn't think it was good enough, but Carolynne's unfazed. Carrie and David are impressed. Robin thinks it lacked something. I'm not clear what, and neither is David. Lacked whiny blandness, perhaps? We all know who Robin's favourite is.

If my theory is correct, Peter is next. Who's next? Peter! Peter has been naughty this week. He's been arguing with Kevin. At the risk of enraging the block-caps troll who heckled me last week, Peter's turning into a total prima donna. I dread to think what he'll become if he ever does anything that actually earns him a bit of credit.

Peter's singing Something, the Beatles song. And it's alright, actually. Could have been a lot worse; easy to butcher a song like that. But he gave singing a go, and it was his best attempt yet. Not actually singing, but what can you do? You can't expect miracles. Park says he was as bad as Carolynne. I think we're getting a one-note performance from Park tonight. David says Peter has star potential, but the vocal was disappointing. Haven't heard that one before. Robin called it 'nice'. Either Carrie is sweating like a pig, or she's spilt glitter in her fake tan. Carrie thinks Peter's fans are too cool to vote. Not too cool to heckle me in block capitals, though. Snarf.

It's Winklemantime! It's the Peter/Carolynne love story, destined to be broken up tonight, and the soundtrack is... I Think We're Alone Now. We're also getting a recap of Peter's phone call from his girlfriend, in which he delivers the immortal line, "It doesn't really feel like we're going out anymore". Smooth, Peter, really smooth. That should cost him a few votes.

Next up, the students' tedious Vote For Me films. Peter does wacky. Carolynne does a recap of her 'vote me in to the Academy' film. Alistair gets the most screentime, like he needs it, doing his amateur dramatics comedy routine, complete with his David Brent dancing and his Richard Park impersonation. Stick with the classics, eh, Alistair?

And Peter and Carolynne go to 'the Capital Gold Awards'. What the hell are they? "This year's Best Song Originally Released In 1974 is..." Look, Diana Ross and Marti Pellow were there! Clare... erm... Clare thingy, that bird who used to be on Brookie, she likes Alex. That's nice. Thanks. Bob Geldof and his daughters are Peter fans. Woo! God, I hope one day I can go to the Capital Gold Awards.

I've just noticed that Cat is dressed as a Moulin Rouge dancer this week. Hoo-er!

Next is Alex, which fits my theory and fills me with fear and dread about Alistair's ever-increasing popularity. That's the danger of getting rid of James, you see. Not that there was any alternative. Alex is sick of the Carolynne/Peter relationship, we're told. Me too! Adulterers!

Alex is singing I'm Not In Love. Incidentally, on BBC Three I saw her recording a version of Mad World, which I'd been thinking would be a great song for her to do, so maybe that's next week's song. This is also a great choice for Alex. Going to stop typing.

Typing again. Duh. Good stuff, but not one of the all time great Alex peformances, in my view. Carrie's said, "Whether your voters vote more than once, I don't know", which is a blatant hint that she wants Alex's voters to vote more than once. So, Alex voters, vote more than once.

Alistair. We're playing the 'I voted out my best friend last week' card for Alistair. The devious little shit wants sympathy for stabbing James in the back. Remember, he was first to cast a student vote last week, but when he cast his vote for Peter he said 'Goodbye' to James. He knew damn well what he was doing. He claims James gave him the nod to vote for Peter, and had 'as good as said' he wanted to go home. James, in his BBC Three interview, made it absolutely clear that this was not the case. His nod to Alistair had been intended as a 'stick by me, mate' nod.

Alistair is doing Jealous Guy, and he's wearing a black velvet frock coat. Haven't we seen this coat before? It doesn't give him any presence, it rather swallows him up. It's a coat that says, "I must apologise for the person wearing me, but take heart. He may be bland and boring, but I am a black velvet frock coat, so it's not all bad news." I've just heard the transmission manager across the office gasp in horror and mutter, "This is terrible. John Lennon must be turning in his grave". Since I can't be objective about Alistair, I'll let her comments stand for mine.

Carrie liked it. I'm guessing she doesn't want him getting any sympathy votes tonight. She even shielded her 'you're bland' indictment with a 'but that was a really good performance'. Robin still loves him. David thinks it was his best performance ever. But there's no holding back Richard Park, who is putting the boot in again.

Recaps. Liked Carolynne the most tonight so far, but we have duets and the group song still to come. First up, the lovebirds Peter and Carolynne singing the marvellous I Only Want To Be With You. Originally they were going to sing Let's Spend The Night Together, but they complained that they didn't want to sing that in front of their parents. It wouldn't matter half so much if you weren't copulating in the cupboards, would it dearies? This is quite a nice rendition, their voices match quite well, and Peter's reaching for those notes and getting most of them. Fun. It's not Dusty, but it's not White Stripes either.

Alex and Alistair next, doing Everybody's Talking. Generally, every voice sounds good with Alex; she's a great harmoniser. But Alistair's not coming out of this comparison well, I have to say. This is a much more contained stage performance than the previous, unsurprisingly, but Alistair looks like he's having to put some effort in to remembering to perform at all, whereas Alex lets her natural magnetism do the work.

Teacher feedback again. David makes my point for me, that Alistair was straining and Alex was effortless. Patrick puts his foot in it by saying that maybe Carolynne and Peter do "only want to be with...", and then lets it trail off. Richard Park hates everything and everyone, especially chocolate, tropical beaches, and little lambs in springtime.

And finally, all four students sing California Dreaming. Great potential for droning in this song if the harmonies aren't right. And sure enough, they're droning. Peter is having a fit! Someone put a wooden spoon in his mouth, before he swallows his own to... actually, never mind. Alistair really is out of his league with the other three here. I don't know what the voters are seeing in him, but I'd hazard a guess at MOR safeness. Carolynne and Alex sound excellent together. Better than they did on Love Shack. Drop the boys, for heaven's sake! Wouldn't it be nice to have two women in the final? Wouldn't that be freakishly unusual for a reality show?

That's it. I had a little love. I'll be back for more. See you shortly, shorty.