On April 1st, while we were standing around waiting for the building owners to Coe for the catering order they had put in for a 6:00 AM pickup, and decided to do a prank for April Fool's day. We printed a sign that said that as of April 2nd, we were becoming a Starbucks location.
It was pretty successful, as pranks go! Mostly, people got it. Sometimes, people got mad, and this too was gratifying.
I've been trying to be more productive on my time off, but I keep getting trapped under a sleepy baby. And also I don't actually want to do anything.
I joined the Y the other day. They have hours where they provide up to 90 minutes of childcare. If the baby doesn't hate it too bad, I am pretty excited to try it.

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Snow day today. I did almost nothing, hung out on the couch with Matt and the cats and dogs, later took a nap. I opened up the carpet tiles I ordered a while back, and it turns out, they're pretty ugly, but I stuck them to the floor around the bed anyway. It's a whiff of call center chic for the home. Should've just gotten rugs like normal people.
I can't ever do anything. The dogs are too sleepy.

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My soccer hooligans! I am waiting a few more minutes for my phone to charge (my realtor gave me an iPhone! Now that's service!) and then heading to Bethesda for my state board exams in cosmetology. I HOPE YESTERDAY'S MASS SHOOTING DOESN'T COMPLICATE MY TRAVEL PLANS. Ugh. Matt's DC office is right by Navy Yard, but he wasn't there yesterday, and all of the Navy people I knew from derby seem to be OK. And Bethesda isn't even near South East.

Anyway, cosmetology. I am ready. I spent yesterday feverishly packing and re-packing my kit, so I would not leave one tiny ramekin of goop behind. Miss Ni, who is full of ideas, told me to pick out a good luck piece and look at it or touch it and silently say, "Help me, Miss Ni!" if I get stuck. Am I better than the simple country girls she may more generally encounter? I am not. My good luck piece is a particular necklace.
Jesus, be a cosmetology cheat sheet!

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Baby dumplings, I am somewhat using tumblr now, and I don't get it. But, borninabeautysalon is my tumblr name.

I have had two clients today, and that's probably going to be it, which is bad for my wallet, but good for chillaxin. I did a fundraising even for Moveable Feast last night where we peddled bikes on trainers on the avenue in Hampden, and my quads are sore, and I am on the verge of one of the delayed-action hangovers that began a few years ago. Great for productive mornings after a night of carousing, bad for functioning the following afternoon or evening. I have to stare at screens, while there's still time!
I got voted back into Charmington's, so I'll start retraining when their schedule and mine will allow it. What is a week-end?

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Ooh, my test out was today, and I cut this sick-ass grad bob, and the other cuts were fine, too, so did I collect all the Pokemons? I won't know 'til Tuesday.
Things were not a waking nightmare this time.

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Cat door update!  One cat has taken on the role of Warlord of Upstairs, and has taken to blockading the less-aggressive cat in the basement.  I noticed her lying in front of the door, and periodically just reaching her paw in and swatting.  Sure enough, Isabel-Waffle, my sepcial kitty, was on the other side.  Oh, cats.  I think my strategy of giving them treats near the catdoor has backfired.  I'm sure they'll sort it all out, though. 

I worked a cafe prep shift at Oh God It Burns O'clock this morning, and then had a hair class at the salon.  It was a Sebastian class, so a lot of it was a little infomercially for their products, but they had some interesting cuts,and some fun updos that a friend described as "Audrey Hepburn from Mars."  I'm into it. I am always looking for things to do to my hair for work,  the stupider the better!  I feel that my imaginary clients may not find the styles to be entirely wearable.

Tomorrow I apprentice with Judy, one of the salon owners, for the first time.  It's a thing!  My cheerful acceptance of crappy tasks is paying off, y'all.  I am looking forward to it because it is kind of a privilege, and because it means I will get to spend more time actually standing around watching her work with impunity, because that is what her apprentices are supposed to be doing when they're not shampooing her clients, mixing her color, etc.  On the other hand, watching many hair-related processes, no matter how much I need to know how to do them, is objectively boring.  Like, sort of mesmerizing, but sort of really super-boring.  Imagine watching someone knitting for an entire workday.  But, whatever.  The name of the game here is to actually learn fast and also appear to learn fast, so that I can test out and get time on the floor sooner rather than later, with sooner being like, "When I've been there a year or so" rather than "When I've been there somewhat longer than a year or so."  A couple of new apprentices started a couple months after me, and if I don't want them to DRAG ME BACKWARDS in my little salon timeline, I have to kind of demonstrably excell past them.  We'll probably all still test out at the same time, no matter what, but I do better when I'm in secret competition with people.

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I am in the back seat of a derby filled car heading back to baltimore from ft. Wayne indiana. We are in Ohio and it is going to be a long night. The gentlemen were the team that did not win in three out of three bouts, but they had their moments.
I did some internet announcing, with speech rather than typing. I am not too fond of hearing my own voice on the mic, but it just blends right in with my overall discomfort with life itself. I think I did pretty well. If there is one thing I love in this world, it is my own jokes. As well you know.

This weekend almost made me want to play roller derby again, even though I know I would need a lot more time and a personality transplant first.

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The house we saw today is cute as balls.  Cute.  As. Balls.  I melted into a puddle on a floor.  From that perspective, I did notice some potential water damage around one skylight.  Skylights are a curse.  But nice!  May you live in naturally lit and leaky times. The kitchen is better than it looks.  There's an extra little nook of kitchen, and some built-in storage.  The third bedroom is really small, though, and for some reason has a linoleum floor.  But, it has a closet, and one could fit a bed in there.  Were we to have two children, the smallness of that room would be a problem, unless a clear favorite child emerged early on.  The actual bedroom is for kids who don't fuck up their flash cards, OK, Drake?  Minaj is in the Geography Bee.  Are you in the Geography Bee?  I didn't think so.  
No joke, the house is so cute that all day I've been like, "Sticking to one kid might be cool.  Or no kids.  No kids might be OK."    Which, cool, because all the windows in that house need replacing, I'm pretty sure.  No bullet holes, but they're all old single-pane, with peeling paint in a few spots.  If that paint is not lead-based, I would be extremely surprised.
Earlier today, I was like, "We need to put in an offer immediately!" and I'm still considering it, but might enjoy seeing some houses that aren't 100 years old.  But what if they all are stupid, and someone buys the cute house away from us, and then somebody else buys every house in Baltimore that has a roof, and we have to move into one of The Greatest City in America's many roofless options?

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 Hey, Charm City. You may have seen this on Facebook, and re-posting fever may not help much, but if you live in the Baltimore area or have friends that do, please read this description of Phylicia Barnes, 16, who went missing a couple days ago. She was visiting from North Carolina, and doesn't really know the area or people here other than her family. She's not a run away.

She is one of my teammate's cousins. Like I said, I know the re-posting probably won't cause anyone to be like, "Oh, hey, I just saw that girl. She merely forgot to come home for two days," but stranger things have happened. She was last seen about 1:30 PM on Tuesday the 28th, near Reisterstown Plaza.

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The tasting party was great.  We had a great crowd, who descended on the food like a plague of locusts.  There was practically nothing left at the end of the night.  I think we raised some decent funds, too. 
There were problems, but no PROBLEMS.  People forgot things, or didn't make things.  We didn't have any music for a while.  People started showing up 10 minutes before our advertised start time, so things started out hectic, and got more hectic-er for quite some time.  There was a backlog of people trying to do their stock paperwork, and so a long line.   
But, ah, what a cakewalk compared to a bout!  Of which there is one tomorrow, so I should sleep.  But, man.  Great party.  I spent most of the time working and scurrying so didn't really get a chance to talk to people at length.
The food was excellent, and we made tons of it.  Everything went fast.  People complimented everything I made, except the vegetarian pigs n a blanket.  They don't know how I slaved over that homemade puff pastry!  (This is not a joke.  I know you can buy sheets of the stuff at the store, but I made it from scratch, because that is our deal, and it was ultimately cheaper.)
I kept to my timeline, and made things right on schedule after work today, even though I was seized by a powerful urge to stop at the mall and buy a new dress, and gave in.  Too much manic energy is what that was, but since that's more or less the only way I end up with new clothes, I went with it.  My new dress is a purple shirtdress, and quite flattering if I do say so myself.  Thank you, H&M, for making sure that 20% of what you sell is both cute and comprehensible.  It's all I need.
Now the cat is curled up on my lap, purring and shedding all over my new dress.   I need to set the alarm on the alarm clock, since I lost my phone, and I have an acupuncture appointment at 10:30 AM tomorrow.

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tasting party, etc.
The home show this weekend was tough, but bearable. Our booth was next to that of a huckster of telescoping flag poles.  She had an accent that combined the worst of the deep south and the midwest.   Every now and then, someone would come to buy up a flag or two and let slip that Glen Beck was their hero.  
I wish I had thought of selling flags.  

More about that later, if I dare.

Right now, I want to talk about the tasting party we're planning for Charmington's.  It's Friday, March 26th, at 8 p.m..  The purchase of one share of stock ($32) gets you and a guest (if you like) admission to a nice party in the home two of the cafe partners share in Bolton Hill.  We'll have wine, cheese, and a sampling of the Charmington's menu.  
Won't you let me know if you would like to come?

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Look at this fucking jumpsuit.
 Look.

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Charmington's
 Hey, all, I forgot to tell you: my colleagues and I are now going public with the name and location of our cafe.


It's to be called Charmington's, and it is located in the Miller's Court building at 2601 Howard St., on the first floor in the building's corner.  (We're on the other side of 26th St. from the Ottobar.)   We're opening sometime this Spring.  Please friend us on facebook if you're into that sort of thing.

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The most charming site I've seen all week

The Baltimore list of Notable Trees!

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Guess what?
I got the job! 

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Today's best career advice from Monster.com
The handshake sends a strong tactile message. Whether your hands are hot and sweaty or cold and clammy, you can try some tricks to control the temperature. To cool your hands, try running cold water on the insides of your wrists. Use hot water if your hands are cool. If you have particularly sweaty hands, try using a deodorant gel (antiperspirant) as a lotion.

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Text of today's winningest Criagslist ad:
I am looking for a part time nanny for my 3 children (20 months, 3 years ,5 years). In exchange, I am willing to teach and practice speaking english for a specific amount of time per day. I am flexible on the amount of hours per week and times of day. I prefer a spanish speaking woman. I will pay for your gas. Please reply with your cell phone number. Thanks.
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I will deign to speak to you if you watch my children for free!  Jump on this special offer.

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The new phone books are here!
Just kidding. The new Charm City Roller Girls website is up!  I want you all to know I gave my height as 6'20", but they changed it.  Boring.  Otherwise, new website is so much prettier than old website.  www.charmcityrollergirls.com.

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If you're looking for some internet to occupy you about 5:00 this afternoon (EST), go to www.derbynewsnetwork.com and watch the Philly @ Carolina liveblog.  I'll be typing about the bout in real time.  It will be like I am IM'ing the world!

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photo by Craig Lammes

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