Resist. Unlearn. Defy.

Dealt with assholes at work today. I'm done with all of it. Some days I just don't want to exist anymore. And some days I want to punch all of my idiot co-workers in their moron faces. And some days I get scolded for posting stuff on facebook that I shouldn't & then I immediately want to unfriend ALL of my co-workers because there's a fucking tattletale in the bunch who has nothing better to do than report stupid crap to the boss. Some days I want to run away. And hide. From all of the idiots and assholes I work with. Hardly a single decent one in the bunch. I've fucking had it. I'm just tired. Then I come home & have to listen to my stupid asshole neighbors fight or sing loudly and off key (sometimes the same song over & over for a half an hour).

I just don't know how much more patience for this world I have left in me. All I deal with every day is inconsiderate assholes. People that leave messes for others to clean up, when we are all grown ups and should know how to deal with that on our own. Fucking GROW UP! I work with people 15-20 or more years older than me that act like toddlers and piss and moan about "this person has this account" blah blah blah. Sales people are the LIVING WORST. They are constantly coming up & bitching about each other or whispering to each other in corners about this person or that person. Fucking A. These are grown ass men & women who can't just fucking pull up their pants and act like fucking adults about it.

I've just had it. And the sad thing is wherever you go you have to deal with this kind of immature & idiotic behavior. There's jerks around every corner in this life. I come across way more assholes or jerks than I do decent people. And I think that's what has made me this way. I have zero hope for the human race. Every once in a great while someone in nice or decent, but in this day & age it's few & far between. Makes me sad. Makes me want to give up. Makes me want to just forget this whole world. And be done.

I witnessed a turtle going at it on the side on another turtles shell this past weekend. And I can't stop thinking about it. Only for the sheer hilarious-ness of it.

It was amazing. :P

Missing my birds so very much. We lost Ritchie on February 8th and then lost Buddy this past Tuesday, the 19th of March. I opened up his blanket and saw him on the bottom of the cage just leaning against the side. Heart still beating, but barely hanging on. With Ritchie it was sudden & I wasn't home & I didn't get to say goodbye. With Buddy we just held him & decided to take him to the Animal Hospital to have him put down. It was so hard. And I got to hold him and say my goodbyes. I don't know which is worse to be honest. One way you feel you have more closure, but it seems to linger in your mind more. The watching him pass away part. He could only move a very little bit. And his one eye he was blind in was so bad at the end.

I know he is out of his misery and any possible discomfort or pain & that helps a bit.

I guess it just hurts so bad because we only really had them with us for 2 and 1/2-ish years. They were estimated to be about 2 years old when we got them in 2010 from the Humane Society.

I know no matter what that we loved them so much & gave them a good home & plenty of food & treats and fun toys.

It just hurts so bad. I mean you are never guaranteed a certain amount of time in life whether you are an animal or a human. I get that.

It just sucks to hear about other peoples Budgies being 10 years old and still going strong. Makes me jealous.

I'm trying to focus on the positive memories I had with them. But this healing will take some time. I was completely and utterly in love with those little parakeets.

I can barely get through each day here. I'm so bored and just altogether done with this place. All I want to do is be left the fuck alone when I'm here. Most of my co-workers completely annoy the ever-lovin' crap out of me. I work with some really "winners" who aren't even capable of cleaning a single dish or throwing away an empty cardboard box that a treat came in. Complete effing lazy morons. Disrespectful of anyone else. Can't even manage to turn a light off. We're talking some real mouth-breathers here. :P

I think I need to get the hell out of this place. Just can't stand it here anymore. All I get is moronic questions from the people I work with. Nobody has common sense anymore. Just want to punch things. Really punch punch punch things. I just have little to no patience left for these absolute fucking morons.

Ugh.

Everyday I just want to move far away & start over fresh (WITH Dan of course).

I'm sick of stupid bitches that think they know everything & have an attitude about it. Sometimes I'd really like to punch people square in the jaw. Good thing I'm going to work out tonight. I can work off some frustration.

I just hate people that have a fucking attitude like they are absolutely certain they are right about stupid stuff, when you know they are wrong. Just want to put people in their fucking place. Somewhere in a different universe I'm punching stupid people in the mouth :)

Had a sinus infection & after two different anti-biotics I still feel like I'm hanging on to some kind of sickness. :P For the past few days I have just felt sickly and "off". Light headedness today :(

For crying out loud. I JUST WANT TO BE HEALTHY!!!!!!

Ugh.

Serenity NOW!

Just feeling out of it & a bit lost lately. Started taking something for anxiety, but I'm only a week in & working up to a bit of a higher dosage as well. This summer has taken a toll on my body. Just haven't been feeling well at all & now I feel like I'm getting a cold or something as well. Sucks. Just want to feel healthy. So sick of being stuck in this mess of a body.

At least last night I got some stuff done around the house. That made me feel a little less lazy & icky. I need to start doing little things to work out around the house, because it's been so gross outside & my breathing has been shitty all summer w/ the nasty weather & no working AC in my car :/

I feel like I'm waiting to magically feel better by taking these anxiety pills. Don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling. Just feel so "blah" every day. And sick of it. I wish I could just run away from this job. Every day just feels so boring and bleak. Just paying the bills. And living paycheck to paycheck.

Hoping for some change w/ the health situation. Going to start forcing myself to do at least some little workouts at home so I can feel a bit better that way.

Last week's weather took a real toll on my asthma. It was awful. My doctor's office had given me a sample inhaler (which was really nice of them to do) and I used it up wayyyyy too fast. So when I called them to refill my prescription on my inhaler and they were really worried about me because I had used up the sample one so fast. So they ended up also calling in a scrip for Prednisone, which is helping things, but is also making it really hard to fall asleep :/ Oh well.

Went out to breakfast with my Mom & Grandma again yesterday :) Liking our new tradition. Makes us keep up with each other & we pre-plan the breakfast dates so we can't just let it go. All 3 of us have a horrible tendency toward being anti-social. So this way, we can't do that. And it's always a nice time. Yesterday, my grandma had me in tears. We got toward the end of the meal and she handed me an envelope & I looked inside. It had $50 in it. Well, things have been extremely tight in our house lately & I had been staring down the barrel of a very long week with about $30 in my checking account and hardly any groceries in the house. Needless to say, I was a bit emotional and very thankful. I of course tried twice to hand it back to her, because of my stinkin' pride. I haven't asked a family member for anything in a very long time & I just don't really like to. Just because of how much I relied on them throughout my college years and even some years after.

But Dan & I went right out yesterday evening and spent that money on groceries for the week. So I am very thankful to have that kind of generosity in my life. I hate the feeling of needing help. And Dan & I always manage somehow, but lately it's just been tough. And I'm not out gallivanting and spending money on unnecessary items. It's just a whole lot of bill paying and trying to catch up with things. Like still owing the dentist and my Aurora/medical bills. I should be so lucky to be able to go buy fun things :P haha

Well, this next paycheck is at least NOT a rent paycheck, so I should be able to pay off the dentist and get some other bills a bit more caught up.

I just really want a new bike. If I could manage to get everything caught up, that is my goal. I have the strong desire to ride a bike outside. I just miss it. And my old bike is just too rickety and rusty. So that's a big goal I have. To get a new bike. Fun fun. We'll see when I am able to afford it. I'm willing to buy used as well. So I'm not too picky. But I know I want a cruiser, not a mountain bike.

Ended up making my doctor's appointment for tomorrow at 11AM. They might have to change the rescue inhaler I'm on. We shall see.

Is like talking to a fucking brick wall. SO sue me if I actually care about my rights as a woman. So sue me if I give a fuck about asshole politicians attacking those rights. So fucking sue me if I care that he is trying to impose his religious views on everyone when we don't all believe what HE BELIEVES. It makes me sick & NO I'm not going to just sit the fuck down and shut up about it and WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. This man has proven that his is NOT for all the people. AND HE MAKES ME SICK. I refuse to just sit back & take it. Some people may be more complacent about all of it, but I can't be. I just can't be.

FUCK COMPLACENCY.

Recall efforts for Scott Walker have failed. And all of the comments about how maybe now we can all work together is absolute bullshit. That man will never try to “work with” the rest of us. He wants to push his religious beliefs on everyone and is trying to take more of women’s reproductive rights away. He just absolutely disgusts me. I have ZERO respect for that man. 2 more years of his closed minded bullshit. GOODIE! Can’t wait to not vote for him again in 2 years!