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Stef.

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d00d. [25 Sep 2007|11:28pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

FRIENDS ONLY.
cmnt to be added.
3 comments|post comment

i lost myself. [24 Sep 2007|11:29pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i used to appreciate and love life & everything in it. i used to love being outside, listening to music & being content by myself. i used to see beauty in everything, give everyone second chances, & be optimistic about everything no matter what happened.

what the fuck happened to me. i'm not myself anymore.

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headache. [28 Jul 2007|02:37am]
[ mood | blah ]

i've always taken pride in being a good person, but what i'm starting to realize is that i've really just thought of myself as a good person all this time - and i'm actually not.

i have no idea what i'm talking about.

4 comments|post comment

... [24 Jul 2007|09:12am]
[ mood | sad ]

damn i'm so fucking done with life hahaha no srsly.

3 comments|post comment

sweet. [20 Jul 2007|05:31am]
[ mood | depressed ]

i love how it took forever to hit me, but i just realized it now - i can't go to school without kim next year. i fucking can't, it's not possible.

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well. [13 Jul 2007|07:31am]
[ mood | sad ]

i hate reading through old entries and missing everything i used to have. i know if i ever lost everything i have now, i'd look back on those entries and feel like dying because i'd miss everything so fucking much. i can't even deal with thinking about losing what i have now, i'll never let that happen - i can't. i don't make real entries anymore, i hardly even bother writing. i'm out all the time and i don't feel like being bothered with anything.

i really fucking miss my best friend. when i was taking 2 of my 6 hours, i drove past kim while she was walking to 7-11 and i honked and waved at her out the window. that was the first time i've seen her since school ended, and i couldn't focus on anything at all after that - let alone driving for the next hour and a half. i just wanted to cry the whole time. i hate how i don't see kim anymore. i hate knowing that it's all my fault and i don't do anything to change it.

i need to start getting myself back together when august starts or something. no more eating so much, no more letting myself go. i look like shit and i feel like shit all the time, i'm always sick & i'm fucking unhealthy as hell.

i can tell this is one of those entries i'm going to be so unsatisfied with once i post it, and i'm going to sit here for hours wanting to delete it. but i never will.

4 comments|post comment

mm. [08 Jun 2007|03:40pm]
[ mood | tired ]

mr. tarver is a fucking douchebag.

three days of school left.

for anyone who's in gym.Collapse )

there's more videos but i'll post them later.

6 comments|post comment

fghfgh. [07 Jun 2007|07:55pm]
[ mood | sick ]

false alarm, still grounded though. not cool.

|
|
V

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dick. [07 Jun 2007|10:48am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

summer school, here i come.

thanks to mr. kennedy for being a fucking douschebag. he didn't have to do what he did, i fucking hate teachers that play favorites. he hated me from the beginning. now i lost my credits for the whole class within the last 2 weeks of school. i picked an amazing time to fuck up, right when i was almost out.

summer's going to be hell now. it really is.

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retard. [29 Apr 2007|05:14pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i love how on your myspace everything is "XXX STRAIGHT EDGE FOR LIFE" and there's all this shit about never drinking, meanwhile you were texting me on new year's drunk.

you're a fucking idiot.

2 comments|post comment

haha. [19 Apr 2007|12:30pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i really think i'm developing an anger problem.

2 comments|post comment

dumb hoeeee. [08 Apr 2007|11:23pm]
[ mood | angry ]

i don't understand how fat ugly cunts can be so full of themselves.

you don't mean shit to anyone, you stupid fucking slut.

i fucking can't stand people sometimes, i really can't anymore.

2 comments|post comment

ew. [02 Apr 2007|10:22pm]
[ mood | disgusted. ]

it's really cute when girls take trashy pictures in their underwear together and then put them all over their myspaces.

excuse me while i go throw up now.

10 comments|post comment

wow. [01 Apr 2007|01:42pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i need to fucking calm down.
& i NEVER can.

=/ [31 Mar 2007|11:40pm]
[ mood | sad ]

kim isn't coming back to school senior year, it really breaks my heart. apparently she told me a week ago but i didn't actually comprehend it. i didn't get it until she said it again in driver's ed the other day. i've cried on the bus for the past 2 days. i can't imagine going to school all next year without the person who i've been inseperable from for 3 years straight. i've been with no one else all the time but kim. i wouldn't have lasted in high school if i didn't have my best friend there with me, skipping class with me, getting in trouble with me, realizing we need to get everything back on track together. i feel like i have limited time until the end of this summer, and then my best friend is going to be taken away from me or something. i don't want to go to school without kim, i can barely even last when she's absent. fuck freshman year, things wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for everything that happened that year. whenever she isn't at school, people ask where my other half is. julia says it's like i'm missing a leg when i don't have kim with me. people think there's something wrong if we're not together. next year is going to be so fucked up; i can't graduate with the one person who helped me make it through high school.

i love us.Collapse )

yeah and even if i don't have kim to walk around the halls screaming at people with next year, we'll still get you out in public. you can't get rid of us, ever.

7 comments|post comment

yesterday / today. [29 Mar 2007|06:51pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

pictures/videos.Collapse )

there's more but i'll upload them later, i'm lazy.

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shiiit. [28 Mar 2007|11:23am]
[ mood | amused ]

so i just randomly found this, and me & alissa just died laughing. seriously my head hurts so bad from laughing so hard. oh my god.

"Is your child a Goth?

Presented by St. Mary's Church.

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church"

yeah, didn't you all know count chocula is a goth food? ahahah, ahaha.

9 comments|post comment

no. [24 Mar 2007|12:13am]
[ mood | upset ]

i really don't understand why i find it so hard to just be okay with everything. i hate how i fucking over-analyze every little thing, i hate constant fucking anxiety, i hate panic attacks over basically nothing.

i can't deal with it. i'm tired of making myself cry because i get overwhelmed by things that don't matter. i want it to fucking go away.

=/ [22 Mar 2007|06:56pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

mmm drivers ed.Collapse )

i hate today.
i hate this week.
i hate last week.
i hate the week before that.

i can't stop feeling like shit.
& i hate being grounded, and having it rubbed in my face.

4 comments|post comment

... [13 Mar 2007|09:06pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

ha, i have a tendancy to throw myspace bulletin tantrums.

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