WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?

Wait, wait, humour me just a bit longer.

Just a few basic things you might not know:

• I now live in Montreal! 
• I'm in my first year at Concordia University.
• My major, for now, is Sociology. My minor is Women's Studies (BEST EVER).
• I live in a pretty rad apartment with 3 of my friends from Toronto who also moved here to go to Concordia.
• Tilly, my obese black cat, also lives with us.
• Something, something, bicycles, something something, marijuana, something else, gaaaaaaay.

I GREATLY REQUIRE A HAIRCUT.

Bonjour, salut, sup.

In my continued attempt to return to frequent LJ use, I have changed the look of my journal.

WELCOME!

It took an obscenely long time to complete, I assure you. No, seriously, I don't know how to work the interwebs and I found it severely difficult and frustrating, but look!
The picture is a Natalie Dee cartoon, obviously, because she is a true genius.

I don't even know where to start! I really want to make a nice long UPDATE OF MY LIFE as a catch-up thing, though Teresina might be the only one who reads it (YAAAAY, I used this icon because you made it for me <3), but I ALSO want to update my user profile tingalingtang, and I want to make one of those snazzy "LOCKED JOURNAL OMG I'M REALLY COOL SO YOU SHOULD ADD ME BASED ON THE FEW DETAILS I'LL WRITE BELOW THAT MAKE ME SEEM LEGITMATE AND COOL ENOUGH TO WARRANT YOUR ADDING ME"
entries that will chill up on the top of my entries from now until forever.

Also I have some readings to do. Fuck, mang, why can't I get this enthused by my studies, even if they're interesting?

So it occurred to me the other day, aka three minutes ago, that I used to be attached to my LiveJournal account to a freaky extent; we were basically conjoined twins. What happened? When I did I stop updating or needing LJ?

The rise of the mainstream internet, my friends, social networking sites.

Journaling on a social networking/community site like PureRave, which I've been doing for the past few years, is a good time, but it gets repetitive and boring, and like Facebook, I never really want to "open up" or talk about things that are really meaningful. I simply have too many acquaintances on these sites who I don't think should be able to access every single thought I have or feel like sharing, even if the last thing they'd think of would to lurk my journal or notes or what-have-you.
It's not that I write really personal entries, I just prefer a tighter-knit communitylike feeling when I'm on the internet; Facebook is great for what it is, as is PureRave, but you don't really make friends out of the blue.

I suppose FB and PR are both extensions of my In Real Life social life. I use FB as a major communication tool; nobody uses MSN or e-mail anymore, but they're almost constantly accessible by FB. When I haven't had a cellphone or any phone I've been able to make plans and communicate with my friends over facebook with ease. But facebook also sickens me with its pillaging of our privacy and sneaky sketchery. I use facebook out of necessity, no longer out of appreciation.

PureRave is the next step toward community; it's a condensation or distillation of people on Facebook into a smaller community of people who have much more in common. They may not all be connected to the rave scene, but you can bet that they're at least affiliated with it or know someone who is in some way. We share event information, pictures, things we've found on the internet, and our thoughts through journaling. I prefer it to FB because of the journaling component.

I've been able to gain more intimate relationships with my IRL friends through what say in their journals: their experiences, what they might be struggling with in any aspect of their lives, their feelings about their days, opinions on books, movies, and so on. It's a great way to keep up with the goings-on of friends when you're out of town/province/the country. In comparison, Facebook has devolved into the "Like" button, where we don't even have to make the effort to type anything in and press send, we just click a button that gets all that hard stuff out of the way.

But PR journals remove a lot of the mystery from real-life relationships. When I meet up with a bunch of my friends we don't always know what to talk about because we already know, because we've already read one another's latest PR journals. Not to mention the number of really dumb entries people write, the frustrating amount of YouTube videos posted that no one is going to watch, and the entries so vague that they need not have been written in the first place.

I want a space on the internet where I don't have to censor myself because of what a friend of mine might think. I want a space to talk about friends or people by name and not have to fear the consequences that might come from someone telling someone else some misconstrued complaint or worry I had about a friend or aquaintance.

I want to be able to write about myself articulately and record my opinions unabashedly, and in return receive comments that are more substantial than "omg I agree", or "awww". Not that those previous were actual comments I've received...

I have rambled on for far too long; the moral of my story is this:
I AM RETURNING TO LIVEJOURNAL. I like to think of it as renewing my vows to my dearest LJ.
I'm going to update more frequently and actually try to improve my writing while I'm at it.

Whether or not someone reads this is another story.

COOL.

the day my psychiatric diagnoses come cannot come soon enough. 
i have had enough of being ruled by my out-of-control emotions and fluctuating moods.

it's more than thinking i am crazy, though that happens often enough. 

i yearn for the feeling of stability. not that i am entirely sure of what that feels like.

only today the spectrum of my emotions has run from the desire to "beat the shit out of everyone in the world" (instead i furiously shredded some newspapers and hit a couch with a pillow) to just sitting and crying, to lying on my bed listening to the beatles in ultimate calm contemplation. 

i've had more than enough of my random crying for no reason (i know that's the depression wanting to be the centre of attention) and the perplexing anger that actually makes me walk around saying "i'm angry!" out loud. seriously what gives.

one of the absolute worst feelings/moods is the one that traps me between action and inaction, absolutely characteristic of a.d.d.- i'm frequently really hyped up and excited to do EVERYTHING. to read EVERYTHING. to learn EVERYTHING. to know EVERYTHING. but i do NOTHING. and that leaves me doing/ reading/ learning/ knowing NOTHING and feeling like nothing. i don't know where or how to start, so i don't. 

one of my favourite solaces (olol apart from drugs&drink) is listening to music that makes me want to cry. that shit's forreal.

TIS me
being a raging drug-induced insomniac.
wellllll.
it's okay, because i don't have work tomorrow, thank heavens, and this actually is how i'd like to be spending my time.

everyone around me seems to be coupling off.

couple couple. a couple o' couples.

i've got ... music. yay! at the moment i'm really into early 90s alt-rock; basically the pixies and the breeders. i sort of dive into the genre, reading as much as i can while downloading and watching videos & stuff, burning cds so i can listen as i bike since my ipod decided to cripple itself.

the bicycle is my mode of transport, rain or shine... i'm concerned about snow, though. it's been a warm november, but come winterwinter i will need to get to work somehow, and biking just might be out of the question.

oh weary dreary life.

at least i've got this computer, which is actually awesome since mine is in the shop getting madfixed & such. at least when roommates are otherwise occupied with, oh i guess, a significant other i get the computator.

pretty music is pretty, but some time i will need a warm body to snuggle up to. i just don't know when that will be.

or who it will be. mrr.

 i really hate my job.
it is difficult to describe how much i hate my job.
working fulltime at a shitty minimum wage job is the most awful shit evaaarrrr,
so i can't wait till after christmas when i will get a new one.
--i'm not gettin one till then because places hiring now are going to be seasonal only, so i would just have to get another job in january or something, and that's no fun. in addition, i am going away for a week around christmastime so it wouldn't be good to get a new job now/ leave the one i have. i may hate my job at timothy's as a coffee labourer (as i like to call it), but i will be going to THE BAHAMAS for Christmas :)
until then i have to work full time, so i have to go to bed to wake up early for m 9.5 hour shift tomorrow, LAAAAMMMMMMEEEEE.

whaaaat's good in the hood.
i haven't checked livejournal in SOOO long.
i do still love it though. and yalls, my lj friends who i still do care for.

things:
-i am moved out
-i work full time at Timothy's, a coffee place like Second Cup or Starbucks
-i don't go to school
-i have a life to sort out!

partaying it up in t-town!

trying to have some fun and not grow up.

Happy Birthday to Me. I'm now 19!
Hurray for legal drinking age.
Finally. It was about time.

i've decided to revamp my lj!
i miss being all obsessed with it, and i feel that if i reformat my journal, which i haven't changed in YEARS, get some new userpics, maybe even a new username, all will be much awesomer.

ps info:
-i'm taking a year off school because i hate it and am failing most of my classes because i literally never do any work
-my mother keeps dragging me to the doctor and it's driving me crazy. well, it was one time, but she won't leave me alone.

okay there are things i'm supposed to be doing right now, like study for my sociology exam tomorrow, so i'll peace out.

also i'm going to a blue jays game tomorrow with my friend, it will be funtimes.

I wish I updated my LJ more often.
looking back on the days when LJ was my NUMBER ONE site makes me chuckle.
it all stems from the 'hermit' of my username; when I moved to Calgary I really didn't have a great time making friends, or once I did meet people I didn't feel as though I could be myself. if you will.
so yay LJ, I found people who were awesome and vented a lot about life.

and then things changed again when I moved back to Toronto.
I got so immersed in my social life, catching up on the badass activities that my friends had been getting up to in the time I'd been gone. making a lot of new friends, gettin' in on the SCENES, ahahkillme.

there is a point to this- in the summer my loyalty changed to the evil ways of PURERAVE.
don't worry, I hadn't heard of it either. its own description:
Purerave is an online community of ravers, clubbers and party-goers. It allows for the unintrusive interaction of its members via instant messaging, galleries, journals, reviews, event listings, poetry and much more.

PR is sort of like facebook for ravers, as I like to think of it (I'm not a raver though, let's clarify), where a lot of people who are friends in REAL LIFE interact (in that way it's most like facebook). journal posts are generally short, lots of memes are involved, people complain about random shit and it's pretty low-key.

WHEREAS on LJ I always feel as though I need to impress someone. I know this makes no sense.

in conclusion:
I miss the LJ days, but I acknowledge things aren't the same anymore-- maybe I need a new username?

instead of maddethehermit i can be maddethebatshitcrazysleepdeprivedtool