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Men Donât Know. Women Donât Understand.
There is a form of sex education that exists.
It is an experiential, body-based type of sex education
conducted exclusively among women.
This form of sex education
is based on a method of bodily understanding
developed by a nurse
who worked in gynecology and obstetrics.
Among the participants,
there are likely women with very little knowledge about sex,
and others who are more informed.
I do not know the full scope of that program.
As for myself,
I received six private lessons
from one of the teachers involved.
Because of that,
what I experienced may differ somewhat
from the content of the general group lessons.
Rather than âdifferent,â
it felt more accurate to say
that the sessions were structured
to focus on deeper layers of the body.
In this text, however,
I will not go into the techniques or details.
That would complicate things,
and it is not necessary here.
What matters here
is a single premise
that was shared at the very beginning.
âž»
âMen donât know. Women donât understand.â
With this one sentence,
most of the discussion is already settled.
Men believe they know.
Women believe they understand.
But in reality,
neither truly understands their own body
nor the body of the other.
If this premise is skipped,
any discussion about the sex industry
will inevitably go off course.
âž»
Going and Working Are Not the Same World
When the topic turns to the sex industry,
menâs stories tend to follow the same pattern.
âI made a sex worker climax.â
âShe said I was special.â
âShe told me it was her first time.â
âI really understand the sex industry.â
The phrasing may vary,
but the structure is the same.
At the core is a self-image of
âI am specialâ or âI am someone who understands.â
But first of all,
the positions are different.
No matter how often one goes,
that is still the experience of the customer.
Now consider the women who work.
Five or six clients a dayâ
on busy days, ten.
They cannot choose their clients.
They respond to everyone in the same way.
At that point,
sense of distance,
how memory works,
and how people are perceived
are fundamentally different.
âž»
What Happens on the Job Is âManagementâ
What happens in the sex industry
is simply that the working woman
keeps her body in a state
that allows the job to be done smoothly.
It is not about being changed by someone else.
It is neither coercion nor domination.
In order to continue the work,
she learnsâon her ownâ
⢠where to relax the body
⢠where to switch modes
⢠how to reduce physical and mental strain
If this cannot be done,
the job cannot be sustained for long.
âž»
âLooking Like Youâre Feeling Itâ Is a Condition of the Scene
Appearing to have a response,
appearing to feel pleasureâ
these are part of the performance
that allows the time together to function.
It is not a matter of truth or lies.
It is only about whether the situation holds.
âItâs my first timeâ works the same way.
It is neither a miracle nor destiny.
It is a phrase used
to bring the situation to a smooth conclusion.
âž»
Men Donât Know. Women, in Truth, Donât Understand Either.
Men acquire knowledge through pornography or books.
But that is methodology,
not lived understanding.
Many women, too,
have never really looked at their own bodies.
When asked what they want done to them,
most cannot answer.
That is why this phrase holds:
Men donât know.
Women donât understand.
âž»
The Structure of Memory
Those who work
do not remember individual clients.
What remains in memory
are only unusual incidents.
Just as no one remembers
how many slices of bread they have eaten,
this is how memory works
in jobs that involve repetition.
What remains
is not the person,
but structure and repetition.
âž»
Conclusion (Positioning This Text)
What men describe as sex-industry experiences
are experiences from the side of those who go.
What working women see
is bodily management as labor,
distance,
and repetition.
There is no âspecial meâ there.
This is not denial,
nor is it an attack.
It is simply a matter of differing positions.
This text is the first piece
of what follows.
It is placed here
as a foundation.
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