「いつもの牛乳買ってきて」の悪夢

上記を書いたから、日本語版も出来ないか試しました。助詞が重要とか、二人で会話していると「あなた・私」などを省略出来るなど確認。

省略といえば、LINEで飛んでくるお使い依頼は、当事者じゃないと分からないレベルに圧縮されています。

例えば「いつもの牛乳買ってきて」で通じるし、問題ないけれど、言いたいことを英語にしようとすると以下のように長くなります……。

違いがあるだけで優劣ではないけど、空気を読む皆様お疲れ様です。

1

"Could you stop by the usual convenience store on your way back from work?
I need some milk - the green-packaged brand we usually get.
If they don't have it, the orange one is fine too.
But please don't spend more than $4 on it.
If it's more expensive than that, maybe check the next store down the street?
But only if it's not too much trouble - don't go more than 10 minutes out of your way.
Actually, if both stores are too pricey, just skip it - it's not that urgent.
I'll pay you back as soon as you get home.
Thanks so much!"

2

"Hey, when you're coming home from work today, could you possibly stop by
that Family Mart near the station? I need to get some milk for tomorrow morning.
We usually get the milk in the green package - you know, the one
that's usually on the second shelf from the top. If they're out of that,
the one in the orange package is totally fine.

Just to be clear about budget - if it's the usual price (around $3),
definitely get it. If it's a bit more expensive, like up to $4, that's okay too.
But if they're charging more than $4, could you maybe walk over to the
7-Eleven next to the bank? I know it's a bit out of your way, but they
sometimes have better prices.

That said, please don't spend more than 10 extra minutes on this!
If both places are expensive or if it's too much hassle, honestly just
forget about it. I can always get it myself tomorrow. It's not super urgent.

I'll pay you back immediately when you get home - I have cash ready.
Thank you so much for doing this, I really appreciate it!"

不条理バージョン

牛乳なら笑っていられますが、今の時代いないと思いたいけど、ドラマとかに出てくる「うまくやれ」としか言わない上司の言いたいことを英訳すると胃が痛くなるやつです……。

"Listen, I need you to handle this project, but let me be very clear about the expectations:

1. Make sure absolutely nothing goes wrong - any problems that arise are your fault

2. Handle all the coordination, scheduling, and stakeholder management yourself

3. Don't bother me with details or ask for guidance - figure it out on your own

4. If the project succeeds, I'll be taking credit in front of upper management

5. If anything fails, you'll be the one explaining it to the executives

6. Work overtime as needed - this is your responsibility now

7. Don't expect additional resources or budget approval from me

8. Just... make it work somehow. That's what I pay you for.

Good luck!"

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