Of Earth and Stars

thefridayfive

1. What decade did you attend/are you attending high school or college?
Mid-90s through early 2000s.

2. What clothing fashion from that time are you glad/do you wish went out of style?
Babydoll dresses. Every once in a great while I miss grunge before remembering that some folks just showed up dirty. Also there are far fewer folks wearing black lipstick these days.

3. Do you still listen to the music from your high school/college years on a regular basis?
Sometimes I spool up 90s songs at the gym or in the car, but mostly I find it playing in public spaces. Hearing "Sex and Candy" at the grocery store (the original or as a Muzak version) or NIN's "Closer" while at physical therapy have been a little disconcerting.

4. What hairstyle/hair color did/do you wear during high school/college?
In high school I pretty much wore my natural hair color, probably fried a little with Sun-In because we were not a family that could afford salon highlights. In college, I probably went through 20 different hairstyles, from long to bob to pixie. I tried the Rachel but on me it just looked like bad layering. Also my hair color went from bright blonde to deep auburn to dark black. An old acquaintance once joked that I would change my hair after every major life decision, and she wasn't wrong. It may have been my way of trying to combat the depression I was in.

5. What was/is "the cool thing to do" while in high school/college?
Gods, I have no clue what this would be, I was a social outcast. I came of age in a podunk area and being an outsider to them, wasn't able to fit in anywhere. I spent a lot of high school lunches hiding in my teachers' rooms as the cafeteria was brutal. I had my first child early in college/at age 19, which is an entirely different story unto itself, so I didn't have a typical experience there, either. That said, that is the age in which I discovered Livejournal, and met several lifelong friends. ♥

thefridayfive

1. What was the reason you began a Dreamwidth or LiveJournal account (or both)?
At the time (maybe 1999/2000?), I was working for an environmental nonprofit, and a coworker introduced me to the Livejournal site. I think they might have regretted it, as I was going through a stage of re-examining every belief I had ever been taught regarding religion, spirituality, sexuality, etc., and I wrote all the time. I changed journals there at least twice (maybe more), but settled as beuatyofgrey. I moved to DW not long after the Russian acquisition of LJ, and have undergone a few different variations here. I used to cross-post a lot, but I found the ever-changing format of the LJ site and the mods that made it more, well, modern internet...really no longer felt right.

2. How many DW or LJ communities do you subscribe to?
I'm subscribed to 39 DW communities, though the majority of them are very quiet. I haven't logged into my old LJ account in a very long time - my last visit there was simply to download and collect digital photos I had uploaded, which included many old grainy photos of my kids in their youth. I miss the old LJ communities vegan_cooking and fatshionista, though.

3. Do you have a favorite community or one you check out often to see what's new?
I enjoy awesomeers and agonyaunt, one of which provides encouragement, the other which provides advice (though I think sometimes I would never offer my own life up for examination by agonyaunt, because while the advice is sometimes quite lovely it also comes from our own limited understandings of the circumstances and decisions that led letter-writers to where they are.)

4. How did you pick your user name?
*sigh* It actually came from a quote by Neil Degrasse Tyson, which I used to have in a sidebox on my page before he was accused of sexual assault and before it became apparent that he is really quite full of himself. The quote was:

“The knowledge that the atoms that comprise life on earth - the atoms that make up the human body, are traceable to the crucibles that cooked light elements into heavy elements in their core under extreme temperatures and pressures. These stars- the high mass ones among them- went unstable in their later years- they collapsed and then exploded- scattering their enriched guts across the galaxy- guts made of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and all the fundamental ingredients of life itself. These ingredients become part of gas clouds that condense, collapse, form the next generation of solar systems- stars with orbiting planets. And those planets now have the ingredients for life itself. So that when I look up at the night sky, and I know that yes we are part of this universe, we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts is that the universe is in us. When I reflect on that fact, I look up- many people feel small, cause their small and the universe is big. But I feel big because my atoms came from those stars.”

5. If you could change your user name, would you?
Every once in a while I think about changing back to a temporary name that I used for fiction and poetry writing, but because I have already renamed my journal once, I think I am unable to rename again and it is impossible to revert to the prior name. But that's okay! I have frequently moved my journal and contents and identity throughout my life because I am constantly changing as a human, and my understanding of life and where I am at changes as well. For now, ofearthandstars still fits.

thefridayfive

1. What made you happy this week?
I managed to knock out a fair amount of tasks at work, and also achieved some monthly goals (planning for upcoming trips/birthdays). Feeling accomplished is good.

2. What made you sad?
I can't say that I've felt particularly sad over the last week, but I've been doing a lot of continued grieving over work and personal life changes in the last year.

3. What made you angry?
The news—from Kansas, from Minnesota, from EPA, from Iran, from everywhere. I'm so tired of terrible people being terrible.

4. What are you looking forward to in the next week?
My SO has a birthday next weekend, and we'll be celebrating that as best we can.

5. What are you not looking forward to?
My daily work is a bit of a slog right now, and it's hard to stay mentally motivated and engaged.

thefridayfive

1. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
At around 8 or 9 I knew I loved animals and wanted to be a vet, but then at some point I realized that the job required cutting into animals and seeing them in pain, and I realized that may not be for me. In late middle/early high school I was a high-acheiver academically and everyone told me that I should be a doctor, but I think I was more interested in science and math and at one point was seriously considering biology/ecology and/or meteorology. When I left for college, I had no idea what I wanted to do for certain, based on all the advice and competing interests, and it took far too long to settle on a major. I ended up turning back to atmospheric sciences, which are similar to meteorology but have more of an exploratory feel and also a direct impact to helping people. Hence I levelled out as an environmental scientist.

2. What is your proudest accomplishment so far?
At the most basic level, I have survived some awful things. Since this questionnaire seems focused on job/career and because I (unfortunately) have tied a lot of my self-image to my professional job, I would say... I was damn proud to be a part of implementing some of the first climate change regulation in the United States under the Clean Air Act and supporting subsequent climate regulation for the last fifteen years. Unfortunately, due to the consequences of November 2024, that is now all at risk of being ripped apart, which is devastating for a whole host of reasons. Where this country goes from here will dictate whether it ever survives/comes back.

3. What is your dream job?
I don't know how to answer this anymore. I had a dream job but it has been twisted and convoluted in the last year. I hate how environmentalism is politicized when it literally is about protecting the systems that support life on Earth. Sometimes I dream of becoming a park ranger, mostly because I want to be away from people and out in nature, but realistically that would require some level of BLET and also probably relocation, both of which don't actually appeal to me. Is there a place for a burnt-out and slightly-wounded person to simply take gentle care of the land and woods?

4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I cannot even begin to speculate after the last year.

5. What does it take to make you happy?
I actually do have a strong ethical core and I want to be doing work that aligns with that. This is why I have never set my sights on a higher paying job in industry (working for a chemical or oil and gas company would be much more lucrative). But I feel like it would present as much of an ethical conflict as my current predicament, and at least my current arrangement has a chance of turning things around for good (I hope).

thefridayfive

1. If you could change one life-changing event in the life of someone important to you, would you?
Yes, 100%, if only to take away their pain. Alas, I am not a time traveler, and we know about the risks to the timeline. So I can only hope distance and time will heal the wounds.

2. Which do you think is easier to do, being friends for many years, or being life partners for many years?
Isn't this one and the same? If a life partner is not a friend of the deepest sort, then what are they? If a friend walks with you through all the periods of mistakes and despair and growths, are they not a life partner? Of course, some friends, and some life partners, are with you for only the time you get.

3. Have you ever walked away from someone you considered a friend?
I cannot recall having ever walked away from a friendship, but I have lost them, and I have chosen to not pursue lost friendships that were creating more friction than joy. If that's walking away...well, I have learned that I do not have to be loved or even liked by others to have worth. I can move forward.

4. If you had to choose between telling the truth and hurting a friend or lying and making them happy, which would you choose?
I have withheld information, which is a form of a lie, but it was to avoid harm rather than to induce happiness. My mother's voice: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I am just a pretty terrible liar with a questionable memory, so I find the truth is easiest. I've also learned so much from a group of co-workers in the last year the importance of sticking around for difficult and/or uncomfortable conversations, which I think has made me a person more honest with others and more honest with myself.

5. Which would you rather hear--the truth which will hurt, or the comforting lie?
If I am trying to walk through life living my own truth, then I would like to see yours, as well, even if it's pointy.

thefridayfive

1. Did you get an allowance as a kid, and if so, how much was it?
I think my allowance started around $2-$2.50 a week. This also seemed to be around middle school time, so I would guess early 90s, for time/inflation reference. Needless to say, it was not a lot. I made more money by doing yard work or doing well in school, and was rewarded based on report cards.

2. How old were you when you had your first job, and what was it?
Probably 12-13, and probably baby-sitting. I was not good at it, but I was paid around $15-20 to watch 3 young children for a single mom at the time, and she would leave us alone for 7-8 hours at a time. Man, they were something.

3. Which do you do better: save money or spend money?
I am a saver. After many many years of living paycheck to paycheck and practicing "simple living", I do not have a desire to own many things or a high inclination to spend.

4. Are people more likely to borrow money from you, or are you more likely to borrow from them?
The only people who borrow from me are my children, and then only people I borrow from are banks and the occasional credit card purchase (usually dental or vet coverage).

5. What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought?
By far, a house, but technically we don't actually own that outright yet? So after that, my education/school loans, and then a septic tank for this house we don't yet own.

thefridayfive

1. What's one of the nicest things a friend has ever done for you?
I have been given so much love by so many friends over my life, which occasionally contributes to my "I'm a bad friend" complex in that I feel I can't adequately return it, but notable memories: (1) A friend on here showed up with me on a court date for support when I was a demoralized shell of a person, to which I remain grateful to this day, (2) when my house was broken into many years ago (I don't exactly remember when, but it was during my single-parenting period, so between 2006-2011) and my laptop and savings jar stolen (we didn't have a lot of stuff to steal), a group of friends fundraised to help me purchase a new laptop, which was a lifeline for my work and my writing; (3) other lovely friends have sent gifts over the years, including homemade scarves, hats, trinkets, and otherwise, which are ways of letting me know I am loved. I am a sucker for handmade things because I know the labor that goes into them (and I'm really bad/unpracticed at such crafts!)

2. What's one of the nicest things a stranger has ever done for you?
Once in 1998 I was very pregnant and car-free and took the bus everywhere. One time I boarded the wrong bus and ended up in a rural backwoods area not knowing how to get back to the right route/stop for the right bus. I started walking down the two lane to try to get myself headed in the right direction for town, but was wearing a cheap pair of sandals and was moving slow. I don't remember why, but I didn't call my partner at the time, probably because he would have berated me for getting off the bus. A gentleman in a white van found me walking on the side of the road in the heat and offered me a ride. I was extremely suspect of the van, but his vibe seemed safe, and he took me back into town to the right area and dropped me off without issue. I don't remember much about our conversation, but he was a country boy with a young wife/family and could tell I was miserable in the heat, and he was honestly being kind.

3. What is a trait in another person that you instantly admire, and that draws you to them?
Someone who demonstrates thoughtfulness to the idea of diversity among circumstances and perspectives and is generous in the emotional, mental, and physical sense.

4. What is a trait in another person that instantly repels you, and prevents you from forming a close relationship with them?
Self-centeredness, close-mindedness, and especially behavoir that exhibits racist/xenophobic or homophobic/transphobic ideas.

5. Time to vent: tell us about something rotten someone has done to you.
I doubt there is much I'd feel comfortable putting in a public post. I had a falling out with a friend a few years ago that was painful, but I let it lie. I found out later that the former friend had been bad-mouthing me (and their incorrect assumptions about me) to others. I had really worked hard to not talk ill of this person, even though the breakup and loss of friendship was painful, recognizing that we grew in different directions, and coming to a place where I just wanted the best for them. I guess I'd thought they they would do the same, but I suppose I was wrong.

thefridayfive

There are two ways to handle trash and recycling in my region - the first being to carry it to a local convenience center yourself, with hauling of large items to the county dump, and the second to select a trash service that offers one or both services for you. It used to be that you had to pay for a permit for the convenience center, but a little while ago they determined that county taxes actually cover the costs of those facilities, and now they are open to everyone. So, I could do that route, but I do not love filling my car with trash to take it off, so we take advantage of one of the local services. They are quite nice people and they often put up with me running down the drive dragging a can as they pass the house and then meekly waiting by the road barely-caffeinated for them to stop once they've turned through the cul de sac. The recycling pickup is every 2 weeks, and trash pickup is once a week - which, for me and most of my friends, is the reverse of what we really need (recycling is always topped off first!) The only thing we don't have is yard waste collection, which is fine, most of my yard fellings compost naturally here, or we sometimes have a small bonfire (we only even burn natural leaves and limbs) for the things that need to be cleared for fire safety.

2. Do you separate recycling? What sort of stuff gets recycled from your household?

Yes, we always have, and I always encourage people to, as there has been an effort to revamp the National Recycling Initiative and improve the services available, even as there are understandable weaknesses and failures in the current system. (Other countries are so far ahead of the U.S. in this matter.) In our home all cardboard containers/boxes and most plastics are recycled, as well as aluminum, metal, and glass. We also have a local metals and scrap recycling center that pays by the weight that we sometimes use. Oils and car fluids can be taken to a convenience center free of charge. The hardest thing is used electronics - generally the acceptance days for these products run only once or twice a year. And we don't buy a lot of electronics, but if you miss the day you are stuck hold onto items for a while!

3. Do you take things you don't need to charity shops, or give them away online, or sell them secondhand, or ...?

I drop less at charity shops now and most things I pass through my local Buy Nothing Group. I have adult children so many household items have been passed down to them secondhand.

4. Do you pick up litter in your local area, from streets or trails or play areas or parks? Have you ever found anything interesting discarded or lost in a public space?

Yes, I do. I'm a huge believer in trying to leave places (and people) better than you found them, so when we pack for hikes I usually have a couple of bags on us and make sure to pick up found items. Once got an entire opened pocket pack of Kleenexes, which isn't very exciting, but is useful. I also keep trash bags in my car for large items, and I'm frequently picking up dropped items along our lunch walks (usually things that are scattered on trash days, my street is pretty good about not littering.)

5. Are there "repair cafés" near you to help mend fixable items? Have you ever been helped by a community repair service or volunteered for one? Do you do any other kind of upcycling?

Not so much as there used to be, I'd love to see more in our area. Most of the upcycling takes place through the Buy Nothing Group. I once got a metal headboard for a bed that is becoming a muscadine vine trellis. I recently took a cabinet a friend was giving away and "updated" it to the look I wanted with contact paper. Little things, nothing amazing.

thefridayfive

1. What is something you collect? Why?

   I am not a big collector of things, I prefer simpler spaces and find too much clutter overstimulating. That said, whenever we go on a trip, we often pick up a piece of artwork or pottery as a souvenir. I do appreciate this because I can look at a particular piece and recall the memories of the trip that we found it on, and they are associated with good things.

2. If you could make one ice cream flavor, what would the ingredients be and what would be the name?

   A vegan rocky road ice cream, made without any coconut milk/oils/derivatives (so probably cashew-based). I'd call it "Unicorn Flavor" because such a thing is impossible to find - nearly all vegan ice cream has some form of coconut to make it creamy, which is why I haven't had any in about two years. (We did find one brand that was coconut-free but it was also "diet" and more like eating shaved ice, so a crime against nature, basically.)

3. What can't you go a day without?

   Coffee.

4. What position do you sleep in? *back, right side, left side, stomach . . . etc.*

   I flop from side-to-side all night like a slowly roasting eggplant. On my left side, my hip determines the length of the position. On my right side, my shoulder/neck determines the duration until the next flop. Aging is SO delightful!

5. What is your typical morning routine before work/school?

   Coffee while quickly perusing whether the world is still in flames. I have had better morning routines with fancy things like morning pages or meditation and/or yoga, but none of those have remained a long-term habit. I think in part, because my youngest is usually home fresh off night shift, and now L. is also home for the summer, and the energy in the space is not conducive to those sorts of centering/self-reflective habits unless I get up REALLY early (before either of them are up/home), and I am not a morning person by nature.

thefridayfive

1. What was the most sick that you've ever been?

   It would either be the time I had strep not long after having my Oldest kid, in which case I remember wondering if I might be dying as I couldn't leave the bed and had fever hallucinations, or when I contracted chicken pox as an adult in my late 20s because (surprise!) chicken pox vaccinations were not yet vogue when I was a little kid and I'd never been exposed (because maybe exposing your kid young was still vogue, but we moved around a lot and I was an awkward kid with few friends?). Anyway, if you have ever been covered head to toe in blisters (literally, I can remember crying while trying to find a way to lay my head on a pillow comfortably) while your vaccinated children run around in wildly energetic circles with only a tiny bump or two on their arm from the same illness, you will understand that chicken pox is not benign and actually VACCINES ARE GOOD.

2. What disease are you afraid of getting?

   This has changed over time. Currently I think it's Alzheimer's. I live in my head a lot, and if my head becomes not my head, well then, who am I, exactly?

3. Are you a big baby when it comes to taking medicine/shots for your illnesses?

   LOL, not at all. I give myself 5 shots a month to treat migraines and asthma/allergies. I used to be afraid of it, growing up with a Type 1 diabetic mother who gave herself shots all the time (when auto-injectors and retractable needles were not a thing). But that fear was also probably combined with watching a lot of weird daytime soaps/movies in the 80s in which someone was inevitably killed from an intravenous air bubble introduced by their jealous lover/son/etc. Young me understood that my mom needed the shot to live but also frequently worried if she might accidentally give herself a heart attack.

4. Is going to the doctor really THAT bad?

   Only when they make notes about your dysphoric mood (*grumble grumble*).

5. Would you have the flu twice a month if you were paid $1,000 for having it?

   Nope, nada, nopeapotamus. There's a reason we toast to our health!