Chicken Scratch

An expansion of the previous post, though not the end by any means. Carlos and Gabe narrate; Gabe is the one in italics.



I have no idea where Maria found nopales in Montana, but she arrives carrying a fresh nopal salad with diced bell peppers, tomato, feta cheese, and green onions. I'm sure she would have rather made frijoles - with bacon - but she's thinking of me and really went all out. I'm pleased that so much of the menu is leaning Hispanic. There's fresh coffee brewing and arroz con leche for desert compliments of Andor, and tostones my dad made as appetizers.

Of course, everyone put their own spin on dinner. Lucas and Clare went traditional and brought turkey and candied yams. Tusan brought a fruit salad - not the nasty canned kind, but fresh made, with berries, melon, and tangerines. Yael was a good sport and came bearing a veganized version of matzoh ball soup even if she herself could only drink the artificial blood she'd brought. Haingo hasn't arrived yet and I'm curious if the cuisine is going to be British or Japanese or neither.

I really wish Riley and Reed could be here, but Riley works retail, and her store is having their Black Friday doorbusters on Thursday night because fuck working class peoples' families, am I right? The three of us had our own little private Thanksgiving meal earlier - Reed even tried some of my tofu turkey, hated it - but the potluck has to be at night because the animals at the wildlife center don't take a day off from eating, and besides, we invited Yael.

Rami and Jacob are technically invited, too, but neither of them celebrate, the former as an act of protest and the latter because he simply can't be arsed with human customs. I'm a little surprised Jacob didn't show just because Tusan is here; I still can't quite figure out if they're a couple. I've asked dad about it, and he always says, "It's complicated," and part of me wonders if it's complicated because she lives with him and not Jacob. But I honestly don't know if Jacob actually lives somewhere or not; I don't really get angels. I'm not sure anyone does.

"You should have let me carry that," my dad says in a well-meaning but totally ableist way when Haingo arrives with a basket clenched in her teeth so she can carry her dish and use her forearm crutches at the same time.

Her words are garbled by the handle of the basket, but she manages a pretty pointed, "Nobody helps me carry anything at home."

He puts his hands up in a my bad gesture and points her towards the kitchen so she can put hers with the rest. I'm not familiar with the smell of what she brought, and my sense of smell is crap anyway, but whatever it is it's meaty. Like she read my mind, when Haingo comes back into the living room, she grins and says, "Don't worry, I didn't forget you. There's vegetarian Shepherd's pie out in the car, too," then shuffles back out the door to retrieve it.

I wander into the kitchen where there is a basket full of little meat pies that I finally recognize the scent of as pork. Dad is grabbing stacks of plates out of the cabinet while Tusan gets cups together; it looks like way too many to carry at once, and when Gabe voices as much, she just snorts and says, "I work in food services, I think I can handle it."

"How can I help?" I ask.

"Silverware," Tusan says. "God, do we even own enough silverware?"

"Plasticwear," is dad's answer. "In the cabinet by the fridge, mi hijo," he says to me.

Tusan wrinkles her nose. "Seems wasteful for one day."

"It's Thanksgiving," he replies. "The whole day is about waste; like anyone's going to be able to eat all this."

"Challenge accepted," says Tusan with a grin. "And for the record, it's not about waste, it's about mass murdering birds. Did you know that nearly a fifth of America's annual turkey consumption happens on Thanksgiving?"

"Hey," I interject. "We're also celebrating colonialism and genocide, Tusan."

Dad rolls his eyes but he's speaking fondly when he says, "Ah, my social justice warriors. Imagine how happy the holidays would be without you both, wouldn't that be awful?"



We finally sit down to eat, and it's nice to have everyone together, or close enough; I remember when I was a kid and everyone was so close we practically lived together - hell, before me, a lot of the gang did live together. Now we all have jobs and relationships and lives of our own and we don't get together so often. But in a way it's nice, because it's that expansion from the inner circle that's brought in people like Yael and Rami and Haingo. It helps fill some of the empty seats for people who aren't with us anymore - better not to dwell on that thought. I start filling up my plate.

There is a knock at the door and dad looks confused, then horrified; if anyone notices, they don't give any indication. Clare, in fact, has this big smile plastered on her face and pushes away from the table like she expected this all along. And apparently she did, because the next words out of her mouth are, "I hope you have a couple more chairs, because I have a surprise."

"Shit," my dad says breathily and glances a little frantically in Tusan's direction. She looks confused but not concerned, which makes one of them.

Clare's smile falters but that doesn't stop her from making a beeline for the front door, like she owns the place, and I guess in all fairness to her dad treats his house like everyone's home. Lucas and Andor have knowing looks on their faces but heaven knows the former isn't going to put the effort into getting on his feet for something his better half, third, whatever has under control. She is already opening the door and silhouetted against the silvery glow of the moon are three short figures, though one has a wingspan that takes up the entire frame and beyond. The smell of something that is unmistakable from my childhood finally reaches my nostrils; it's mandu with kimchi on the side. Which begs the question, what on earth is dad upset about?

"Sorry we're a little late; I'd blame it on traffic if I thought anyone would believe me, but to be perfectly honest, I have a bad case of old lady bladder."

Sun strolls into the kitchen with a bright smile that makes the generous creases in her face turn up all around; Amulwara tucks her wings and follows suit, Seok not far behind.

"Well? Do I get a hug?" Sun stares at Gabe expectantly, and where he'd normally be delighted to take her up on that, he's standing stiffly at the table with his mouth drawn in a tight line looking at... Tusan? Tusan, who has gone a few shades paler and is staring with her mouth lightly open to reveal teeth that look better for meat than fruit, eyes fixed on Sun.

"Phoenix..." I don't understand the tone of his voice, and I never hear him call her that unless he thinks they're alone. It's somewhere between an apology and a warning, and Tusan springs to her feet with her ear-tufts flattened and her tail puffed out big like a Halloween cat.

"Oh..!" She makes a strangled sort of sound.

"Wow," Amulwara comments. "So this isn't quite the reception we anticipated."

Seok, who is socially awkward when things are going smoothly, tucks the crimped, spindly rays of her should-be-wings to her body to appear small and basically hides behind her mothers.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Sun asks of Tusan, a frown bunching her brow.

Tusan's response is a bark of laughter and backpedaling from the table so quickly she knocks a chair over. Big, glassy tears well up in her red eyes and she sucks in a deep breath, looks at Gabe frantically, and says, "I'm sorry?" like a question, then bolts for the bathroom.

Dad looks back and forth from Sun to the closed bathroom door and back to Sun then curses in Spanish under his breath and puts his hands up. "Let me deal with this," then he follows after Tusan.

Everyone sits in stunned silence as he vanishes behind the door. It's dead silent, at least to me and Maria, but I can tell from everyone's rapt attention to the bathroom that they're all listening in on whatever conversation is transpiring. Andor finally clears his throat and says, "While I realize that eavesdropping is a bit of an inevitability given the company, perhaps we should at least make an effort at giving them some privacy?"

Sun has her arms folded and looks unsettled, which is fair. "I don't understand. Does she know me?"

"Maybe it's a werewolf thing," Amulwara suggests, then remembers the other wereanimals assembled and says, "Well, or not." She pecks Sun on the cheek, minding her sharp tusks, and says, "Don't let it spoil Thanksgiving dinner - come on. Let's have a seat."



By the time I get to the bathroom, Tusan is half way out the window. I ease the door shut behind me and sigh. "I didn't know she was gonna be here," I begin. "And I'm sorry. But - can you, you know, not run away?"

Perched on the toilet seat with their arms and head slung out the window, they call back to me in a voice that's cracked with crying, "No," then push up and over and out. A few stray feathers drift down to the floor. I rub my face and mutter fuck, then look out the window to the sight of them running across the lawn dragging their wings because they always forget they can fly.

I really, really just want to have some fucking turkey.

When I leave the bathroom, everyone is sitting at the table passing around their plates for their share of our own little culinary United Nations pretending all politely and bullshitfully that they didn't overhear our conversation, and I'm glad that not much was said because I'm going to have enough explaining to do as it is.

"I... ah... I'll be right back," I say and head for the back door.

"Gabe?" Sun asks uncertainly.

"It's fine," I wave her off. "Really. And hey, it's good to see you."



Dad never acts like this. He's always pleased as punch to see Sun, and not much gets between him and food for that matter. I wonder if I should follow him outside - I'm wondering, for that matter, why he's going outside, given than Tusan hasn't emerged from the bathroom yet. But something tells me that something deeply personal is going on, the way the two of them will sometimes abruptly stop talking and give me a guilty look like I just caught them making out or something when they're just talking. So instead I just shovel more tofu mandu and kimchi onto my plate and pretend we're having a normal Thanksgiving, or as normal as this menagerie gets. This is Yael's first year sharing in the festivities and she's looking really regretful as she sips her synthetic. Maria looks equally uncomfortable.

"I think I should see what's going on," Sun announces through a mouthful of matzoh.

"That," Amulwara says decisively, "is a positively awful idea. Enjoy the food."

A little less direct but sensing an upcoming conflict nonetheless, Lucas clears his throat and says, "So, Sun, how was the drive up?"

"Who is she, Carlos?" Sun persists. "I'm certain I've never met her, but the way she looked at me..."
Haingo pushes sweet potatoes around her plate with her fork, ears tucked back. Something weird is going on.

"Tusan is Gabe's... roommate," Andor explains.

"He never mentioned her," Sun says with a frown.

"Odd," Andor remarks. "She's been living with him for close to a year now."

Haingo's potatoes are doing laps around the perimeter of the plate; she coughs and excuses herself.

"Oh - I'm pretty sure the bathroom is occupied," I remind her.

Haingo shakes her head. "Right, you didn't hear the window open."

"Window?" I look towards the back door; dad is still gone, and putting two and two together, I realize he must be following Tusan. "Jesus, really?"

"I'm going to see what's going on," Sun says, getting to her feet.



"Trent," I say emphatically when Phoenix and Tusan don't get a response.

They turn sharp on their heels with a tooth-bearing look. "Do not call me that, you asshole. What if she hears you?"

"What if she does?" I snap back. "You'd have to tell her the awful truth? That the person she loves is still alive? Do you have any idea how dirty it feels to hide in your lies all the time?"

"Then don't!" They bark. "I can leave today just... don't make me do this." Their voice goes small and desperate with the last words.

"I don't understand." I shake my head. "Of all people, Sun can relate to what you're going through. Why won't you just talk to her?"

Their talons clench at their sides. "Because it's better when I'm gone, for her. Don't you understand that? I was a mess, Gabe, but in her eyes I died a hero. Think of it like a sad book that ended right; you don't need a fucking sequel if you got it right the first time."

"Tell that to her," I hiss. "You weren't here for it; you didn't see how she mourned you - fuck. How we all mourned you, Trent."

"Trent is dead!" They howl, then look over my shoulder with an expression of absolute horror.

"Ah, fuck," I mutter, because I know who's standing behind me, and I know who probably overheard the whole
thing.



Amulwara looks square at Lucas, points with one massive hand, and says, "Okay, spill. What's going on with the monkeybird?"

Lucas swallows a mouthful of turkey, hard, and evasively replies, "I'm not sure what you're talking about," without looking her in the eye. But of course he knows what she means just like the rest of us do; Lucas can always read the room, and chances are he knows all of the nuances of whatever Tusan was feeling right before she bolted. And I'd make a fair bet it's a lot more complicated than it looked.

"Bullshit, you know exactly what I'm talking about," Amulwara says. "A reaction like that must still have your teeth buzzing you felt it so hard."

Clare gives her a sour look and says, "That doesn't make it any of your business," and for a moment I think I'm about to watch two of the most badass ladies I know duke it out in the middle of the table all over the Thanksgiving spread. But Lucas hates conflict even more than he hates talking about being a Sensitive, so like he does for everything, he bellies up and interjects with,

"She must know Sun."

Amulwara scowls. "I've been with Sun for the better part of her adult life. I think I would have remembered a feathered ape with blue tits being a significant person in her past."

"Perhaps they only met briefly," Maria suggests, and gets a look from half the room like, what are you doing here, again? as the newest and only full-on human among us.

"Unless Sun took a shit in her cornflakes, I don't see how a brief meeting would have caused a reaction that over the top. I mean, she jumped out a frickin' window," Amulwara gestures the bathroom emphatically. "I know Sun has a bit of a temper, especially since... well. But I've never seen anyone running scared like that before."

Lucas shakes his head. "She wasn't scared."

"Why run, then?" Amulwara asks impatiently.

"She loves her," Lucas answered quietly.



Tusan doesn't even wait for Sun to gather up her jaw and make words with it; they remember they have wings and spring skyward kicking up a flurry of pine needles. I consider, then reconsider, just grabbing their tail before they can make a getaway, but I'm not confident that, in the heat of the moment, it wouldn't get me taloned. So instead I just watch helplessly as they rise above the treeline and take off in the direction of who even knows. I wish I could say fleeing a problem was unlike them, but then I remember how Trent wound up in Montana to begin with.

And now I'm exactly where I don't want to be, which is alone with Sun. I can't even get up the nerve to look at her; shoulders slumping, I don't turn around but instead look at my feet - I didn't have time to put shoes on and my socks are covered in pine needles - and say, "Look..." and I don't know where to go from there because "I'm sorry" feels trite.

I'm waiting for that hell-hath-no-fury temper, but she's just silent until I finally turn around, and when I do I can see she's fighting back tears and I wish she was mad. Instead in a real small voice she just says, "A year?"

I rub the path of the mohawk I don't have anymore - old habit - and answer, "Yeah," making it sound as much like sorry as I can.

She chews her bottom lip a moment then says, "Am I the only one who didn't know?"

I shake my head. "No. The only others who know are Jacob and Haingo."

Something about that makes her jerk like she's been slapped. I can't figure it until she says, "Did Jacob know, or did he tell xir?"

I want to tell her that Jacob has some kind of special demonic radar for reincarnates, but I think I've lied enough. "They told xir."

"So... he wanted to be with Jacob again." There's an implied but not me in it. A single tear rolls down her wrinkled cheek.

"It's not like that," I say hurriedly. "It's... complicated. They didn't want to tell anyone. They didn't want to tell me. But it was one of those things, I just knew. And with Jacob, well, xe was threatening Haingo, and they weren't about to let something happen to their daughter."

Ah, fuck. I forget sometimes that living in Utah, Sun is out of the loop, and as much as I thought she already knew, her expression says otherwise.

"Haingo is Trent's daughter?"

I really wish I had Lucas handy to translate, because I can't read her emotions at all right now.

I sigh. "Shit. I really haven't kept in touch enough since he died, huh?"

She smiles wiltingly. "Nobody has."



"Can you repeat that a little louder for the folks in the what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about section?"
Amulwara is glaring at Lucas like he is somehow to blame for the entire evening going sour. He looks like he is mulling over something - must be, because normally Amulwara has him giving every signal of appeasement in the playbook, but he is just frowning with his brow scrunched up and a distant look on his face.

Andor rests his hand over Lucas's and gives a reassuring squeeze.

"Amulwara. I think you need to calm down."

The gargoyle gives the quet a positively venomous glare and snaps back, "I don't need a man telling me I'm being too emotional, thanks." Directing her attention back to Lucas, she demands, "Now what do you mean, she loves her? They're total strangers."

Andor pushes to his feet and is ready to physically put himself between the two, and I can only imagine what that fight would do to the room or, hell, the whole house. But Lucas touches his arm and doesn't shake his head no because he's never been that assertive, but the please in the look gets the demon back in his seat.

"You're right," Lucas says. "Or you're half right. Sun doesn't know her; her reaction to Tusan went from neutral to baffled. There was no recognition. But Tusan definitely knows Sun. And she is in love with her."

"So, what, Tusan has been stalking her or something?" Amulwara looks towards the back yard, I imagine contemplating what she'd like to do about it.

Lucas shakes his head. "No, stalkers feel like..." He wrinkles his nose and makes a face like he doesn't want to dwell on it. "I'm not talking about an obsession, or even a crush. What Tusan was feeling..." He glances at Clare and Andor. "The kind of love an established relationship is built on is different."

Amulwara throws her hands up. "So Tusan is in an established relationship with Sun, who has no clue who she is and has never met her before today. Okay, that makes sense."

Lucas shrugged. "You asked me to read the room. Don't ask if you don't want to be told." He seems to realize he just popped off about halfway through and the volume of his voice does for him the cowering he can't physically do in this form; by the end of the sentence the words are tucking their tails.

"Maybe they knew each other in a past life," Maria suggests, and I think she meant it in the way people talk about their horoscopes or call themselves old souls, because she is Catholic and doesn't believe in reincarnation even though we all know better first hand. But as soon as she says it, everyone slowly goes quiet and still as they drift towards the same conclusion in unison.

Quietly, Clare says, "I thought Gabe and Tusan were together, but she's with Jacob, isn't she?" She looks to me for an answer.

"I can't tell, honestly," I reply. "But - yeah, they're close."

"Why does that matter?" Asks Yael, not following the situation as well as the rest.

"Angels are like incubi," Andor explains. "They do not choose a second mate if their first dies."

"But there's probably a different rulebook for reincarnates," Amulwara says, shaking her head. "Well, then. If that's who I think it is out there, I'm killing him a second time on Sun's behalf." She stands up and flares her wings as much as the cramped space allows, and I'm a little concerned she means it literally.



"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Sun doesn't sound angry, she sounds wounded - and that's worse.
"They made me promise not to," I reply. "I wanted to tell you, trust me. I wanted to tell everyone. But I mean... I don't know, isn't doing that kindof like outing someone? Or is that stupid? Shit, Sun, I don't know." I desperately want someone to tell me I did the right thing, because right now it doesn't feel like it.

She closes her eyes long enough to take a deep breath, then looks at me. "You're probably right. But I really can't help but be hurt. This is... that's just a hell of a big omission, you know?"

"I know," I say, rocking back on my heels. "So where do we go from here?"

"I'm not sure," she says, staring off in the direction that Tusan vanished, and now she finally looks angry, which is the Sun I'm used to. "I'm sure I'm supposed to be the bigger person and let him go and sort through his shit before we try to talk, but what about my shit?" She unbuttons her pants. "Fuck it, I'm following him."

I turn away to be polite as soon as I realize she's stripping to shift. It's not that I'm squeamish about nudity, just - when you spend a good chunk of your life letting people objectify you for money, you learn the value of a little privacy. I don't look back until I feel the electricity of her change subside, and then I'm staring at a wolf that's gone from black to silver in the years I've known her. I want to tell her it's a bad idea, but I know there's no convincing her otherwise, and if I was in her position? Yeah, I'd be knocking down the doors for answers, too.

She trots a few yards away then looks over her shoulder like, you coming? I shake my head no; this conversation isn't for me. And I have a feeling I have a whole house full of guests who are going to be looking for answers. So, resigned, I head back inside as Sun vanishes into the night.