you listen to trash

dp2010.newformsreview.com/seven/

How many times am I going to say 'yes' when I mean 'no'? How long is it going to be before it's too late and my life is ruined? He has too much power over me. I don't want to leave him but I'm scared I'm not going to have a choice soon.

Was caught in the rain today. Enjoyed it. It kinda felt like home again, though I rarely ran through the rain at home, so it's an odd thing to feel.
Ava's mum died today. Brain cancer. Even though Ava and I haven't talked in months (it's been even longer since we were civil to each other, ha) I feel like I should say something. But what do you say to someone you haven't spoken to and still don't have fond memories of?
I made my mum promise not to die.
Diane's grandfather's funeral was today, too. And I was assaulted on the bus. There's something about me and men on buses, this is the second time it's happened. I'm trying not to think about it.
Despite all this, I am in a great mood and I think it's been a good day. Hm.
I got 3 pieces of assessment finished, too. Yay. 2 to go.

I feel creatively blocked. Like the inspiration for greatness and motivation to finish assignments and write on my novel (I'm a fucking cliche) rather than sit online refreshing my facebook page is trying to reach me but there's a giant cork-type thing stopping it so instead I have to make do with the tiny dribbles of inspiration that get through. I mean, I have 7 assessment pieces due next week. I should be fucking writing my 2500 word history essay or editing my other history assignment or writing study notes for the ed test or even doing the goddamn presentation powerpoint cos really it'll take me maybe 20 minutes. But instead I'm doing barely any of this. I'm writing an lj post in the hope I will somehow become magically unclogged. I dunno. This sucks.
I'm getting another essay tomorrow and I know I'm fucked for it. I work really hard in English but I know I'm fucked for this essay. I dunno what I'm gonna do, except maybe cry myself into a ball of nothingness and write it the night before - HINT: EXACTLY the thing I DON'T wanna do this semester slash year. Fuuuck. Fuck.
I'm gonna miss my little brother's 16th birthday party on Saturday. Looks like being the best party ever, damn him. At least I'm working two days this week - better than the 1 shift a week I've been getting recently.
My relationship's looking up, though. That's my one shining beacon in an otherwise dark and gloomy outlook for the coming weeks. Also, I' not pregnant. Hurrah. Dunno how Andrew would've taken it if I was but we weren't okay.

Fuck I'm tired.

Today was better. Feeling a bit better about the situation and a whole lot better about myself. Still. I am only eating Batman nuggets and fruit loops tomorrow and until I feel 100%. Apparently this works.

Today I'm super homesick. I 'm nauseous and tired and can't stop crying. I also can't shake the feeling that if perhaps I wasn't in Sydney and was at home instead or even in Brisbane which is familiar and closer and so much easier to escape from I wouldn't be hating myself half as much as I am right now. Even looking at myself makes me feel ill.
I hate that I get like this. I hate that when I'm down I'm so far down I don't think I'll ever get back up. And I hate being dizzingly happy cos I always end up ruining something somehow.
I also hate that soon (maybe tomorrow, maybe after a conversation or two) I'll be fine again and this will seem like nothing. I fucking hate hormones, and I hate excuses and right now I hate me too.
Fuck.

So New Years was rather rocking. Highlights were definitely freezing to death in the pool, Top Gear, cookie dough and PINK. Man I love pink.

Also, I think my toe may be broken. Ah, the injuries you encounter as you attempt to win somersault competitions in the pool.

UAIs suck.

All in agreeance say "aye"

While I'm hunting/ procrastinating about Modern on Thursday -

What's your favourite quote?