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[05 Aug 2008|08:35pm] |
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mood |
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hey there! i'm new to this whole writing and whatnot idea, but i want to learn, so any feedback at all is really appreciated. this is one of my first poems.
i wish
i have a wish list
as long as my arm:
i wish everyone was happy,
and nobody would come to harm.
i wish had the courage,
i wish i was more brave.
rather than trying to
fall into in early grave.
i wish i had someone
who understands me,
not assuming i'm joking
demanding i smile happily.
i wish i could make sense
of this crazy world around me
and explain this deep darkness
that lives inside me.
but most of all i wish
and this is a big one
that all these wishes come true
when this poem is done.
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| Feedback Would be lovely! Be tough on me. :] |
[04 Aug 2008|11:02pm] |
I am sitting on a bench, facing the sun and the Arizona highway. My eyes are open. I dont' remember why I am here. I just know that my sunglasses bite into the side of my head- right under my temples- you know the spot. I just know I am sitting here, staring into the sun, and the sides of my head are hurting something awful.
I focus on tracing the skyline of the city infront of me with my dirty pinky finger.
It’s hell. I swear to god. I fucking swear to god-It’s hell.
There are two buildings. The light that refracts through my glasses makes the space in between them look like some sort of magnetic jungle. But with more drugs and more pain and more tears and more vulgar music ripping at my eardrums.
I passed by a kid this morning. He was sitting dying on the street of that city. And his father was there. He was looking over the child's should-have-been dead shoulder, screaming so hard blood oozed between his porcelain teeth.
I shoved my hands into my pockets and pulled my feet forward.
This wasn’t a city. This was hell. And if this was hell, nobody ought to've blamed me for just walking by. Nobody ever blamed me for just walking by, before...
Was that why I was here?
Is that why he was here?
I am sitting here on my bench. Covering up a long outdated picture of Lucas Arnold, Real Estate Agent. I'd had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Arnold once. Not that he had been in a particularly good mood, and not that I'd spoken a word.
But let me tell you- He didn't look anything like his picture.
(But don't blame him. It's all in good business.)
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| her eyes melt me |
[14 May 2006|03:18pm] |
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Hopefully it is obvious the subject is a woman's eyes ... This isn't really close to being done, but I would like some advice/insight. Thanks.
( Read more...Collapse )
any all constructive criticism or advice welcome, thank you
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[15 Aug 2005|02:28pm] |
+A Poetry Rating Community.
-Jazzy
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[09 Jul 2005|07:36pm] |
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[29 Jun 2005|04:22pm] |
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| New Member |
[20 Oct 2004|07:35pm] |
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Hi, I'm Mandie. I'm no one special really. Just another teen-ager trying to find my voice. I live in the suburbs of Philadelphia where I write my heart out. Livejournal is my poetry journal, though I occasionally have friends only posts for polls, surveys, and things of that nature. You know, those "post a memory of me" kinda things that have been floating around.
The following are three poems I've written recently. One that I feel is fairly good and represents me well, one that I need some work on, and one just for fun. Leave any criticism you like, I welcome it. Hence the reason for joining this community.
( read on...Collapse )
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[24 Apr 2004|05:03am] |
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hey. i've been writing poetry since i was a kid (i'm 20 now) so its been the way i've always expressed myself. my LJ has become my new journal (because i usually find myself in front of the computer). i don't think i follow any traditional style so my poetry has been referred to as confusing. they are all really short and most of them don't have titles... im not good with titles. yeah i'm pretty emotional, but i like feedback. the last poem is the most recent, the first one the oldest. ( read on...Collapse )
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| I'm new |
[28 Jan 2004|04:48pm] |
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mood |
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Hi!
I'm new. I'm 17 and from California. I write a lot of poetry. My problem is that I don't know if it's any good. I really like Sylvia Plath, Robert Frost, e.e. cummings, and Paul Lawrence Dunbar.
I want to be an opera singer when I grow up but I write a lot just for me.
I'd love to know what you think. Please be honest and tell me if you think they're awful. I don't post some of the ones I think are way too personal, although I think those ones may be the best ones. Anyway, here are my three poems.
( Read more...Collapse )
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[16 Jan 2004|07:46pm] |
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Did this community die?
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