| Speaking Out |
|
|
| 01:18am 18/12/2008 |
| |
Hello there!
I have been living with/recovering from/relapsing into/battling through eating disorders for about 9 years now, and the climb is always uphill, with freedom and life my final goal, and reward. When I was 16 I spent four months as an in-patient being "treated" for anorexia in a place I likened (and still do) to hell on earth. When I was (mercifully) released and trying to pick up the pieces of my life I began assembling my journal entries and other rants and turned them into a novel, which would now --5 years later-- be considered "semi-autobiographical".
In the new year I will be attempting to find an agent/publisher for the book, entitled I Am Fat, and as I had heard many horror stories about young writers fighting for their unmarked manuscripts I began trying to think of ways to get my book noticed. One way I thought of was to create a website, with some background info on me, the project, and featuring some sample sections of the larger work. My hope is that people (preferably lots of people: know anyone who might be interested?) will comment on the site, with a few words about the book or even just why stories like these need to be told.
Because they do need to be told. The general public needs to understand more fully what living with an eating disorder is like for real people, without judgement, without hollywood glitz or media frenzy. And people who are suffering --people like you and me-- need to know, remember and hold on to the fact that we are not alone; sadly there is a vast community out there with the same problem, and perhaps together we can find the strength and will to come back to life. After all, if you did not on some level believe this, you would not be in this group.
If you could take just a few minutes to read a section or two, or even just to rant on my blog about E.D's and treatment, I would be so happy to hear from you.
The link is: https://sites.google.com/site/iamfatonline/Home
To leave a comment, please go to the Comments section and you will be linked back to my LJ account, to have your say. So have your say! Share! I will gladly listen, and with your help perhaps a publisher will catch on to my book, and this one small story will urge others to listen also! Never stop having your say.
Thank you for your time!
All the best and the brightest,
Nel |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 10:14pm 10/02/2006 |
| |
Hey everyone,
If anyone is interested in an eating disorder discussion / awareness / activism group based in New York City, email me at kolormehappygirl@aol.com
Thanks! |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| an idea... |
|
|
| 07:31pm 19/01/2006 |
| |
hey all! not sure who all checks this and how often...but i was thinking of ways to maybe get the lj going again. so maybe whoever wants to can post a comment here and introduce yourself...here's a template
~
name:
age:
location:
relationship to person with ed:
what type of ed:
i guess just anything you wanna put??
~
i hope this is okay with ya'll...and the mod =) if isnt i'm sorry...feel free to delete this. i just feel like we need to do SOMETHING. there are ppl out there really struggling trying to deal with this...and it might be very helpful to be able to come here where we can all relate and vent =)
i look forward to getting to know you all! |
|
| |
|
Read 1 - Post |
| |
| Eating Disorders Discussion / Activism Group in NYC |
|
|
| 06:08pm 19/01/2006 |
| |
Hi everyone!
I'm trying to start an eating disorders discussion group that focuses on societal impact - not a support group, but a discussion / awareness group. I have no qualifications for that, emotionally or educationally.
This is a discussion group for people who want to talk about eating disorders and body image and society...to speak out, speak to one another, lessen the shame as a means to feeling better about ourselves and having our voices heard by one another, in the very least. Its cathartic and revolutionary. The longer we feel ashamed, the longer we will be silent, the less we will speak to one another, and the less we will make change.
I'm just very frustrated that in spite of the commonality of eating disorders, they are so rarely talked about. I'm fed up. I want to talk about it personal experiences, social experiences, women's body image and roles throughout history...I want to try to collectively understand that eating disorders are basically handed to us on silver platters by our surroundings as a favorable solution to our "inability to control ourselves," that we are all susceptible, that it has nothing to do with intelligence, that you don't necessarily have to be skinny to have an eating disorder.
I want to explore the continuum of eating disorders - bulimia and binge eating on one end and anorexia on the other, the bulimic / binge eater wishes she could be anorexic, the anorexic has succeeded and continues to succeed but is never good enough, while the bulimic feels trapped in her cycle and the binge eater feels hopeless and trapped as well. Bulimia/binge eating and anorexia are charactures of society. This is how society is set up: "out of control" people are supposed to envy "in control" people. What defines "in" and "out" of "control"? How and why are men, in light of women's political and economic advances, trying to make women smaller?
I want to hear other's opinions...share personal feelings about their own disorders.
I want to talk about how unconscious it is...how its not always "I wanna look like this actress, I wanna look like a model tee-hee" because that kind of thinking really belittles eating disordered individuals. Makes eating disorders out to be immature and stupid and shallow. I want to talk about how society's images are brainwashing, about Naomi Wolf and other eating disorder and feminist authors. I also have a few books on the biology of eating disorders and i'd be up to incorporating that aspects into the societal factor. I'm starting to really believe that the society is the pre-cursor for eating disorders in indviduals who are already vulnerable because of family and biology - but that society is primary. I want to hear other opinons, listen and talk and be empathic toward one another.
I want to discuss alternative, imaginary societies: what if obese people were considered the ideal? and people who were thin said to one another, despondent, "I'll never be that beautiful. I just want to be fat. That's all I want. Once I'm fat everything will be perfect." and people who were bigger than the "obesity standard" said, "I just can't stop gaining. I know I need to stop, but I'm not fat enough YET, once I weight XXX pounds I'll be fat enough, I swear."
that's the jist!
Let me know if you're interested. Thanks so much! |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 11:33pm 20/12/2005 |
| |
Hey, another person here who wants this community to become active again!
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this or if you guys can help me at all but here's my problem:
I'm a dancer and also a student-teacher at my dance studio. One of the classes that I teach is a teen class, it's one of my favorite classes to teach and I've taught it for a couple of years. Well this year, when classes started again after the summer break, one of the girls came back a lot thinner than she was before. She's been getting progressively thinner as the year has gone on. But she's not just skinnier than average..I can see her bones! She's got hadly any muscle left. Her attitude has totally changed too..she used to be one of the best in the class and always helped everyone else out. This year she is extremely negative, it's always "I can't" which normally isn't true, it seems like she has no self confidence anymore...and sometimes she physically cannot do thing because she hasn't got enough muscle strength. She has also started wearing long capri/yoga pants paired with long socks, and a long sleeved shirt to class, covering herself up, instead of the usual t-shirt/tank top and shorts like everyone else at the studio.
I'm really really concerned about her because I think that she might have some type of eating disorder, but I don't know how to help her. I feel that as her teacher it's my responsibility to say something but I don't feel confortable doing that because I'm only like a year or 2 older than her so it's..different...I don't know what to do. I'm worried for her. Can anyone help me? Advice? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Thank you so much!
*I might post this somewhere else too* |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 07:44pm 30/11/2005 |
| |
i am desperately trying to find a group where ppl are dealing with the same stuff that i am...does anyone ever check this journal anymore?? i noticed that the last post was a super long time ago... |
|
| |
|
Read 5 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 09:45pm 08/05/2005 |
| |
I am 17 years old and have watched my three closest friends all suffer some form of eating disorder. One friend in particular spent a year in hospital recovering from severe anorexia. At five foot nine she weighed five stone. I have another friend who has struggled with food all her life, and is losing weight again very rapidly. What I am about to post might come across as somewhat selfish, I have seen what Eating Disorders can do to people and their families, I am not stupid, or lack perception in any way. Except I can see my own behaviour beginning to mirror theirs. I guess what I am asking is this, is it common to develop an ED if you have friends who also suffer, particularly if you are very similar in personality? I apologise if this post upsets anyone, but to be honest I didn't know where to write this. Your advice would be much appreciated though.
Thanks,
Esta x |
|
| |
|
Read 5 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 05:26pm 10/04/2005 |
| |
mood:  confused
|
I am Bethany. I live in Michigan. I am 16 years old and my sister who is 26 years old is bulimic and at times anorexic. But shh. Noone but I know. I think that is the problem. I don't have anyone to vent to about this. I am recovering from anorexia and bulimia, which is very hard and at times doesn't look to be going well, but I know that I have to be there for my sisters sake. My sister is raising her 15 month old daughter and I don't think that the whole situation helps. Well, that is my introduction.. If you have any questions ask. I am pretty open..... Thank you and if anyone needs someone to talk to I am here.
<3 Bethany |
|
| |
|
Read 5 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 12:20pm 11/01/2005 |
| |
Please feel free to join my pro-recovery anti pro-ana community called "Perfection is a lie" I am the moderator - a recovered anorexic and bulimic specialising in eating disorders and will be happy to help where I can. I am looking for inspiring people like you to join, post, share your ideas for coping without an ED, living with those who have an ED and just helping others while we all help each other to deal with these terrible afflictions that may be hurting us or the ones we love. This is a new community but I know we can make it a strong one that can make a difference in everyone's lives who joins the url address is http://www.livejournal.com/community/goodbyeed/ . and the username is "goodbyeed" please join love Robyn XXX |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 07:19pm 16/12/2004 |
| |
mood:  content
|
Hi. I just found this community, after creating one of my own for Friends and Family of People with Eating Disorders.
(if advertising is not allowed, sorry moderator!)
no one has posted yet, but  ed_family has members that have eating disorders and can give any of you the "insider's view" and help you understand what your friend and/or family member is going through.
cheers to you all for trying to understand this disease that takes away so much of our lives! <33
-Jessica |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 05:23pm 29/11/2004 |
| |
Hey.
My name is Jak. More importantly, my 15 year old sister has an ED. I dont know much about it. All i really know is that, last year she had a very close freind who had/developed an ED. They would hang out or talk on the phone all the time, and always be together, always not eating. My sister used to be about the same weight i am (she was about 55kgs and about5'4") now she weighs something like 45kgs. She has become so small and her face always looks so, drained. I dont know what to do.
One night in June me and my mates were having a joint 18th birthday party. My little sister came and some of my very good freinds walked her home. She then told them about her ED (everyone suspected she had one) she cried and stuff, but i wasnt there.
She is so miserable i dont know what to do. She is getting much better recently though. She cuts as well which hurts me a lot. I used to cut when i was about 12 til i was about 14.
I dont want to ask her about the cuts or try to get her to eat, because then she might hate me for it. She always yells at my mum when she tries to get her to eat. My sister eats very limited kinds of food, she eats about once a day, probly somethign like instant macaroni cheese as well as energy drinks/caffien pills and lots of ciggarettes.
I feel so bad for her because i know how hard it was being that age (being any age between about 12 and 16 the world sux and everyones your enemy, especially yourself i think anyway) Things i have done to try to help are getting her to try new foods, things like vegan stir fries and stuff like that (i am vegan myself). I also gave her lots of writing i did when i was younger and also more recently which i know she often reads. She is getting better, she wants to get better. Sometimes i really worry about her so much so that i have to check on her to make sure shes.. there.
i feel real bad as if i've influenced her to dosome of the things she does. i never had an ED but.. i dont knwo. i feel fucking horrible for it. shes my little sister and she looks up to me like no one else. i dunno how i can help her without her hating me. how i can still be her freind but help her at the same time. my mum worries about her, and asks me about it but i tell my mum that shes ok. Because i know that if my mum tries to force hr to do antyhing, ti will just make thigns worse - she will run away, or get worse, becoem more sad.
thanx for reading. |
|
| |
|
Read 1 - Post |
| |
| Intro and Asking For Advice |
|
|
| 02:34pm 09/11/2004 |
| |
mood:  hopeful
|
I first want to say that I'm so glad that I've found this community. Thank you for being here. I'm a little nervous; I don't usually jump right in with both feet in a community, but I don't really know what else to do. Please bear with me.
My name's  melyxa and I've probably said more than anyone needs to ever know about me on my info page *g* ... the pertinent bit is that I'm 42 & the mother of a 12 y.o. son. He's the reason I'm here.
If I hadn't had a male friend in college who was anorexic, I'd probably not have noticed any of the emotional signs before they started to take a real physical toll. But I heard D. talking about control, and being "good enough," and when he was "allowed" to eat, and what he was "allowed" to eat, and all the other things that Steve talked to me about in college. If I hadn't known Steve, I would have thought D. was just making weird rules and had a self-esteem problem. He's 5'2" and doesn't *look* anorexic, but that's only because I caught the clues, so now my partner (rampallion) and I are very careful to make sure he's not fasting till 3 in the afternoon because "I'm not allowed to eat until I've finished all my work for the day" (we homeschool, and that has helped a lot as well).
There are complicating factors. My partner & I are both fat (I don't think that's a "dirty word" btw, so it doesn't hurt my feelings unless there's something else behind it). In my case, I'm both an abuse survivor (emotional issues) and I have an illness for which insipient weight gain is a symptom and I'm on meds that can contribute to weight gain as well. I've put the brakes on the insipient weight gain for several years now, and I'm working on the other stuff. My partner's an abuse survivor, who also got sucked into the "diet too young and gain more weight instead" cycle when she was about our son's age. We're not dumb, so we knew that eating for health and not for emotional reasons was going to be important to model for him right from the get-go. We knew that the worst thing to do was the whole "good food/bad food" thing, because that's part of how we ended up *fat* despite trying not to be.
Our ex (we are poly), D's father, has become extremely fat-phobic. He's gone as far as to tell D that I'm "not really sick, just too fat" and that if I'd "lose weight it would all go away" and that I'm being selfish by "pretending to be sick." He always makes disparaging remarks about what D eats, no matter what that is. It's either "junk" or "sh*t" or just too much, although now D tells me that he vascillates between that and D not eating "enough" too (talk about mixed messages!). He is not modelling very good behavior himself. He is allergic to milk products, but won't do anything about it. He has ulcers that he ignored to the point of needing surgery and now has esophogial problems because of his reflux. Despite this, it is usually *his* idea to take D out to eat all the "junk" when they get together. I'm not his wife any more; there's only so far I can go in asking if he's taking care of his health without him getting defensive.
The stickiest wicket by far is his wife. She used to be one of my best friends. I know you guys said "no drama," but it's kind of pertinent, and I won't make a big deal out of it... and you said not to be shy. When D was about 1, rampallion & I ran back into the house when she was visiting because we forgot the diaper bag, and found L (the "friend") and P (the ex) in bed together. That was the beginning of the end w/P, but it threw some things about L into a new light. L is very obsessive about both food and weight. She is very black & white about "good food/bad food" and very very stict about it... except when she binges on "bad food." Make no mistake, she's always been thin and I've always been fat, but if I binged the way she has, I don't know what I'd look or feel like. Her food issues have only escalated since P moved in with (& later married) her. They became pronounced when she was pregnant w/D's (half)sister, and haven't receeded much since. Their daughter has a lot of issues about food and control, what she will and will not eat, and a host of other things.
I'm *really* trying to phrase this in as objective a way as possible, because the important thing is helping D, & not my feelings. L is *very* critical about everything about D. She seems to behave as though he can't do anything "right" (according to D). L is very critical of me to him, and in particular my weight with regard to my ability to take care of him "properly." I've told her time and again that I'd be willing to discuss any aspect of his education she likes with her, but she does not talk to me and instead derides D without even really talking to him about what he's doing or reading or learning. She's already called him fat and lazy, even though he's not. Trying to talk to her about anything has been like talking to a wall, so I don't have very high hopes for talking about these issues.
The final spanner in the works is coming during the week between Christmas and New Years. P has made a great deal of progress dealing with a lot of his own issues (credit where credit is due), and has finally agreed to allow his mother to meet the children. He's been very very solicitous of what D needs and wants in order to make D comfortable with agreeing to even go in the first place, and so D said that despite his misgivings about P's mother (she was very abusive to P when he was growing up), he trusted P enough to take a vacation with him. P promised to take his brother with him, so the kids wouldn't ever be alone with her, and they're going to Disney -- a very public place with very good security. They will only be on "neutral territory."
All of that's good. Better than good. But this will be the longest amount of time that D's spent away from home, and the longest amount of time he's spent with P. Every time a visit approaches, and every time he comes home, D's food issues become more pronounced, along with stress and anxiety and anger. Needless to say, I'm concerned.
I don't know whether to speak to P about what I know before they go, or how to do it (if I should). I don't know what the best way to prepare D for dealing with this for such a (relatively) long time would be. And I don't know how to handle my own emotions in the way that would be best for D.
I think that covers everything. I'm sorry this was so long. |
|
| |
|
Read 7 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 01:19pm 02/10/2004 |
| |
hi. my names kristy, n i thought i'd join your community! heehee i am currently suffereing from an ed, but i mean i'm trying to recover! i have friends who're ana and mia. like its hard to watch from the side lines. cos i mean like when i watch my friends who have an ed i'm like omg!! wuit, n it hurts me n then i kinda kno what it feels like to be them, cos i'm putting them through the same thang! i hope this makes sense! haha
peace*love*n'joe |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 04:29am 04/08/2004 |
| |
mood:  sleepy
|
Hi all! I'm the creator and moderator of this community. :) I really hope that people find this and come here as a place for comfort and support.
I have one friend that is anorexic, one that is bulimic and one that suffers from both. It's really hard watching them harm themselves and feeling like there's nothing I can do to help. :(
Anyway, I just want to welcome everyone who joins to the community! |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
|
|
