This time last year.....

to those thinking of adopting

Last year when we were desperately seeking advice whether to go through with this crazy thing or not, I would've loved someone like me to honestly tell us what to do.  I feel obligated to give my two cents to anyone thinking of adopting.  It is, however, much like the advice we were given by those whose been there.

The super short of it:

Truthfully, the answer lies only within yourself and finding out what God has in store for your family.  Don't adopt for any other reason.

another short answer:

Yes, you should follow your heart and do it.  It will change your views on yourself, the world and love.  It will challenge your faith, your patience, your friendships, your priorities.  You will begin to see how BIG love can be and how SMALL things are the things that really matter.  There are millions of orphans out there with a million kinds of situations--sad situations, traumatic situations, but situations that can be changed through love, understanding, some $$ and time, and the power of God.  If you are willing to sign up for that kind of challenge and miracle---then YES do it.  Be strong. Be courageous.  Be willing to love as Christ loves us.

Is adoption for everyone? No.  But neither is anything else.  I firmly believe that God has a plan for everyone.   That plan is one of challenge, growth and love.  These plans vary as much as we individually vary and that is the miracle of having a Father in Heaven that knows us so intimately.   Only He knows the situations and relationships that will help us grow into the loving soul He knows we can be.

When we were thinking of adopting years ago I spoke with adoptive moms who told me the same thing, "...when you know they are yours then everything is worth it".  I don't think they meant it in a kind of ownership of the kid way, but in the way of owning God's plan for yourself kind of way.  When we realize we are following God's will, then we have strength to go through the high joys and sad lows of parenthood, and adoptive parenthood.

....and realize there is no such thing as a "perfect family".  Just a family willing to love each other despite it all, despite us all.

the LONG answer:

When the answer was clear to me that we should adopt, I took the path of least resistance which was to consent to adopting one child--a cute baby girl.  This is a very common approach I think and I'm sure I made the angels laugh with that one, but no way would I have set out to adopt four older children to add to my already 5.  God knows I wouldn't have even begun had I seen the kind of growth I'd undergo this year.   I read all the adoption literature and always thought "oh, I'll skip over this older kid stuff...I'm glad I won't have to deal with that..."  It all changed that fateful day in February 2011 when I happened to see my kids picture from a Christmas party held in Ethiopia.  From that day forward our lives have been turned upside down and without the strength of my husband and the reminder of the miracles,  I wouldn't have made it through this year.

Parenting a large family is work and being an adoptive mom is work, hard, hard work.  It is good work though and very blessed work.  The healing and changes and even the very process, for us, has been fast moving.  I think the Lord knows my patience can only go so far.  It is as if our lives were hand tailored just for us, and that is empowering.  The beginning months were crazy scary.  Some behaviors were scary and I didn't know how long they would last. I always thought to myself, "well, it's not as bad as what I read about..".  We have had some very sad times and moments when I think our hearts might just break in half, but the joyful moments out numbered those.  If I dwell too much on things out of my control, the future worries or just the very fact that I can never do enough then I get so overwhelmed that I crash.  Every time after those sad days come brightness and a closeness that is indescribable.  After the storm, comes the clarity.  We have had breaking points with each child, then as if a page turns we begin anew.  I know specific examples would be more meaningful here, and I will get to that someday.  For now, know that love and bonding comes day by day, as the positive experiences outweigh the negative.  It is a miracle unfolding daily--that is the blessing of parenthood.

We made a float for the fourth of July.  The kids and cousins threw candy and waved to the crowds as "We're Coming to America" blasted out our big van stereo.  I got so tearful watching the community cheer as I thought about where we were last year. Last year, we were sitting in the crowd anticipating meeting our kids in Ethiopia.  We had so much fear, apprehension, and doubt.  Now, a year later, we rejoice in the love and courage and sheer MIRACLE we have experienced.  Yes, we are so glad.  God is a God of miracles and love that we got to experience first hand.  I will forever be a witness to that.  They came to America and we became a new family.  Amazing, isn't it?

 Let me also witness to the fact that there are millions of children worldwide that need a family---there are beautiful and loving children waiting and praying for someone to love them.  If God tells you to adopt....by all means, do it.  Find your child, fight for them, love them and you will receive a kind of love that is only sent by God.  If God tells you not to adopt, then there are other miracles you need to be part of.  Seek for those and work for those.  God bless us all in our efforts to love and live more Godly.

Standing For Something

In our world of so many opinions, ideas, and persuasions I found myself asking  "what I am willing to stand up for?"  I'm not very politically minded and not able to debate too many subjects with conviction. This mainly stems from the fact that I see both sides to most arguements.  It is a talent curse that comes from being the middle child, the peacemaker, the easy-going gal in the gang.  Some people don't stand up for things because they don't like confrontation.  In my case, however, I feel as though I don't have that luxury--the luxury of keeping quiet to avoid confrontation.  I feel passionately and strongly about certain things because I have seen and experienced first hand so many things. Issues that I feel I can personally help alleviate. I feel as though I've been shown these things in order to stand as a witness for the truths I have been shown.  So, let it be known that I will personally stand as a witness to these things:

1. There are millions of vulnerable children in our world (near and far) that need a voice and need someone to care for them: educate them, clothe them, hear them, pray for them, protect them, feed them, and love them dearly.
2. Women, worldwide, also need help.  They desparately want to be loved, care for their children, feel good about themselves and make educated decisions.
3. Countries and societies will rise as the status of women and children rises. 
4. Emotional health, healing and well-being is first and foremost to any progress.
5. Strengthening families will result in the strengthening of societies (near and far) in all areas of government, economy, health, and education.
6. There is no place for greed or racism in humanitarian work or the building up of societies.  Greed and racism are the biggest stumbling blocks to any progress--be it education, health, or government.

And so it is so in my book.  I try not to judge others if these things are not apparent to them, because so many times I know that I just don't get what others are so passionate about.  Right now, I don't have a ton of time to work on these things in a world setting--my world is only 11 people big for this season of life.  But, let it written, let it be said, that I will stand for these things.  I will debate them, live them, and preach them because I have been shown them to be true.    Grow. Learn. Give. is a humble beginning to my work in this area.  Watch out!