Ho Ho Ho

This Christmas has been such fun to see the holiday through new eyes. Everything is super exciting to them:  putting up the tree, seeing so many presents accumulate, making $ to buy gifts, candy mania, Santa, singing, all the fun gatherings, and the lights everywhere just astound them.  What joy to take Kalkidan to the Nutcracker and hear her gasp at every scene. But, I think our most memorable moment was taking all the kids to temple square to see the lights and live nativity.  They weren't used to being that cold and to warm up we took them in to see the "Christus" statue.  As we ascended up the ramp they just stood there in awe for a moment before making their way through the crowd to touch His feet and stare up at the wounds in His hands.  It was just beautiful to see them stroke His feet and then bow their heads.  Ebenezer went in the back of the statue where there were no crowds and started praying.  A reverant moment amidst the choas of the crowds...symbolic of what life seems to be.  A moment I will never forget.

grateful, grateful, truely grateful

Have you ever seen a sweeter Pilgrim?

the short of it:

During this month of "crazy-days" I think I have grown more than the sum total of my past 300 months.  It is during the storm that we are asked to not just weather the storm, but to lean-in and look at how and why and accept the challenge as a direct blessing.   Definitely easier said then done.  For me, some days have come down to me just enduring another 20 minutes and other days it is as if the heavens open and I feel directly "guided and taught".  At the end of the day our family has bonded more than I was expecting in just a months time.  The attachment of adoption is hard earned and the love grows daily.  I can now see how other adoption-moms say that they can't distinguish the love they have for their bio and adopted children.  This Thanksgiving time for me comes from such a place of humility and gratitude for the love that has developed and grown between my new children, my old children, my husband and myself.  It is, in short, the miracle of adoption.

the long of it:

(I wrote a huge list of specifics about dealing with tantrums, and fear, and food issues and my own anxieties,  but then the Internet went out and all that was deleted.)  So, I will just let the record state that while this has been the most difficult month of my life--I cherish it will all my might.  I have come to rely on the angels of service that surround me like my dear mom-in-law that tutors Ebenezer everyday for two hours, invites us for dinner, calls me to talk specific game plan, teaches four kids piano lessons and loves her new grand kids so dearly it makes me weep.  And for friends that email me, laugh with me, and tell me they are praying for me.  I have also come to rely on my amazingly strong husband that keeps us laughing despite his intense life of a new business and new kids.  All of the kids have such loving and talented teachers that I know were hand-picked for us at this time.  I also have relied so desperately on the Holy Spirit of peace that speaks to me in moments of chaos or anger and tells me that these moments are learning moments and will be short-lived.  I have seen true miraculous emotional healing in these kids' hearts (and my own).  Their resiliency gives me strength in the face of our own enormous change of life.  Here's an example: when we have been harried trying to get out the door in the morning ( I challenge any of you to get nine kids out the door--fed, clean, properly clothed, and hair ((oh, the hair)), and homework papers done) the kids will always say, "pray, Mom".  We pull over and say a prayer and then instantaneously that sweet peace comes back that gives us perspective and reminds us to be our best selves.  How can I ever be angry or resentful with kids like that?  We have a lot of growing to do and I have a lot of patience to gain, but so it is--it's good.

When I feel overwhelmed (an hourly event) I have to remind myself that there are a lot worse jobs than to mother nine of God's beauties. I just have to look at how I felt about them just 30 days ago and how I feel about them now.  Love is our greatest gift and the one I am most thankful for this season.  Happy Thanksgiving!

First week down

the short of it:

The children are amazing and are happy.  Sleeping has been good (which is a special blessing from above) the eating and communicating has been difficult.  The hardest part for me is to not look back at what life was before I was being hen-pecked to death.  I am very needed, every minute of the day, and it is down-right exhausting.  However, the sweetness of all the new experiences and joys they experience overrides my exhaustion.  We recovered from the 30 hour trip home quickly and life is back to full speed--i.e.  dance recitals, church meetings, school performances, carpool, basketball teams, Halloween!.  The children love it, life is a party right now.

The long of it:

I have seen emotional healing begin this week as Ruth is learning to trust me a bit more.  Her sweet smiles and all-day singing melt my heart.  She struggles with fear, but seems to overcome it quickly.  They are independant kids and are learning to rely on us and that we will be there for them.  Amanuel is trying so hard to do what we ask.  It is cute to see him sparkle as he does things for the first time.  He has come alive this week with personality and is a dear, sweet spirit.  Kalkidan has been such a mother and peacemaker to her sibs.  She is very social and loves all the people coming by and is the most loving girl I have ever known.  She had some very sad and emotional times while we were in Ethiopia, but since we've been home she hasn't looked back and has been the happiest I've seen her.  She was riding her scooter down the street and said to me, "I love America".  I said, "I love Kalkidan" and we hugged.  Ebenezer is also so happy and is trying so hard to please us and keep peace amongst the little ones.  The first thing he did when he got out of the van was to grab a bike and cruise down the street.  The freedom that represented to him was tear-jerking.  He is free.  We have loved having him around.  He is a peaceful boy that is relieved to be home.

This week has no doubt been the longest of my life.  Every minute seems like an hour.  I think it feels that way because I am ON....on duty, on task, every second.  But, it won't always be this way.  I have had lots of help and so many sweet moments that I cannot complain.  For example, sweet moments yesterday:  discovering maple seeds that look like helicopters when we throw them in the air, or Ebenezer and Ruth going "jogging" with me and discovering a pond with ducks swimming in it. Ebenezer fixing Ian's broken plane with bandaids, or Amanuel putting all the balloons back in Grandma's cupboard after first stuffing his pockets. Or Sam calming Ruth down when she freaked out when I left to go get Tess.  Or when they all tried to eat what we were eating and didn't insist on eating bread and eggs again.  Small and sweet....all of it.

and we've landed

Cleared for take-off

The SHORT of it:

We cleared the embassy and are leaving for Ethiopia on Friday!  We go from full-fledged panic mode to a calm excitement in a matter of hours and then back to overwhelming sense of panic.  We will see the children on Sunday and take them from the orphanage on Monday to go get their visas.  Yahoo!

The LONG of it:

The waiting and wondering and having absolute no control is brutal and excruciating.  We heard that there was one more appointment (the birth mother interview) the Embassy had to clear and they didn't have any openings until the 13th.  I was sad because I knew our three-month mark (since being with the kids and promising them we'll be back in three months) was that day.  So, I prayed while I ran up the trail  and while I was running an overwhelming calm came over me...a feeling that the day of Oct. 13th (the last day of Ebenezer's 3 month calendar he made when we were leaving on July 13th) would be significant.  I came home and told Dave that we better be ready because we will be VERY close to that three month mark.  He said "I hope your right".  He being very proactive about things wrote a very nice letter to the adoption department of the Embassy asking for them to consider us for any sooner opening.   He pleaded for the well-being of our kids who have been in the orphanage for two years now.  Well whatever happened there in that office--an opening cleared and that last hoop was taken care of on the 5th.  Last Thursday  I woke up and was making breakfast for my sweet sixth grade daughter while she told me about a dream she had of the kids.  She then said, "that must mean we can get them soon..."  As soon as she said that I went to check my email and sure enough it was the US Embassy saying we are cleared.  The last line of the email stated that the earliest date we can come get them is OCTOBER 13TH !!!  The date was in red and chills of gratitude ran up my spine. The thought kept coming to me, "God is in the very details of our lives".  Tender mercies from the Lord has been at every twist and turn of this adoption, and I will never deny that.

This adoption experience is so bittersweet.  The opposing "tastes" have been so apparent.  The joys are incredible and the sweetest I have I felt, but at every turn there is a sadness and panic that accompanies it.  There is bitterness to change and blending families and being orphaned and poverty and uncertainties of so many things.  Laughter and tears are one in the same for me lately.  So strange, but it is true.  The following days for me were filled with fear and the reality of me being responsible for 9 children, 4 of them coming from an orphanage--it is daunting to say the least, almost paralyzing.  But right behind that feeling is a peace and assurance God is blending our families.  And we will (and do) experience such sweet joy amongst the bitter.  It is the sweetness we seek, but we wouldn't know what sweet is if there was no bitter.  So, we keep experiencing that bittersweet---acknowledging the bitter and loving the sweet.


From institution:

To a loving home:  

Now that's sweet.....Thank you for all your prayers.  They have been our power.  We will especially need them these coming months.  I can't wait to share our next bittersweet adventures.