Tough Stuff

Mark's time went by way to fast the last 10 days he was here. Thanksgiving, football games, lights at temple sqaure. We have no idea what happened to November. All we knew when he left on December 1st was that we wanted more time together before he had to leave. But no time machine was found before we had to say goodbye yet again. At least it wasn't for 2 years but it was again for a longer indefinite period of time. It was definitely a fun month. We had a lot of good discussion as time went on and got to talk about some important things I think. I am so grateful to his sister and brother in law who spent the money to bring him down here. They were so great to us and were willing to let me hold him captive most of the time. He may be coming up for New Years if he has a job that will allow him to do so. That remains to be seen.

Since Mark left this past Tuesday, it has been a crazy few days getting back into school work that I had put off. I was also faced with by far a very tough decision some of you may know about. I was offered by the field studies office at school to go back to Romania this summer as a facilitator and be in charge of the group that went. At first I laughed and said "yeah right. That's insane" as Mark and I are planning on getting married at some point this summer and that would occupy all of my time once again. Then I told my mom and she convinced me that it could be do-able. Because I miss those kids more than anything, she got me to start considering it. I called the girl back and said I wanted to consider the position. Wednesday and Thursday and Friday I turned and mulled over the situation. I wouldn't be paying for everything but it would cost me about 1400 out of pocket, I wouldn't be able to save, and Mark and I would be long distance up until the week before we got married in that case. I also thought of the idea, as much as my mother (bless her heart) assured me it could be taken care of by April, planning a wedding while working 2 jobs and NOT living at home sounds way too intense. I only plan on getting married once and althogh wedding planning in general is stressful, trying to do bridals, doing wedding invitations etc with Mark long distance is just too crazy.

So after two days of going back and forth, I finally came to the conclusion that as much as I miss those kids and would love to be back in thier lives again for a short time and see my favorite workers again, I decided that I went when I went for a good reason. It could be a great experience, but with my life as it right now, I don't feel that it's right for me now in my life. Last summer was a great opportunity. But leaving my family and Mark all over again would be too hard. I still intend to do some praying but I feel a lot more at peace, despite the heartbreak of never seeing those kids again, of not going rather than going. Immediately when I think of going, my mind fills with to do lists, deadlines and nightmares. I must give a lot of credit to Mark in all of this. Even when I told him at first I turned it down, he encouraged me to consider it. Even when it came down to me being gone all summer, he did not hesitate to tell me that if I wanted to do it, I should. He is so wonderfully supportive. I think most men who want to get married may be a little more posessive but he, like always, was 100% supportive and knows how much Romania means to me. I'm sure he's slightly relieved that I'm not going. But it meant so much to me that he was willing to let me go back once more even though it meant putting us 9 time zones away from each other for 3 1/2 months.

Perhaps this decision was harder to make as Valentina's birthday is next week (same day as Alexis’). I think of her every day still. I can hear her little voice as she grunts, gets into trouble, and walks around with her hands hanging up in mid-air and her little laughs. She and my "son" were the two biggest reaons to go back. I definitely would consider those two my favorites from this summer. That little girl has so much potential if only a family could take her...if only I could bring her here... Happy Birthday Valentina! I love you sweet girl! You are such an amazing ball of energy and curiosity. My hair hasn't been the same since I left Romania (...pretty sure it's thicker)

What A Stud!

So last weekend we went to Mom and Dad's to watch the BYU vs New Mexico game on TV. During the 2nd quarter, it started snowing...and it just kept coming down and down. Mark at that point had never really been in real snow (in at least a VERY long time). I was excited as I saw it start to accumulate out in the backyard. All he kept saying when he looked out was "That's a lot of snow!" So after the game, we went out to play/shovel the driveway. We got him a shovel and he went to town and shoveled about a 1/4 of the driveway...pretty sure he thought it was fun for most of it. But I'm sure if he had spent the last winter in Elk Ridge as I did, it would be a haunting hint of what is coming in the next few weeks until April....

Mark's been here since Halloween and believe me, it's been the fastest month of my life! He heads back to CA the 1st of December. It has been so surreal, and a ton of fun getting to see him just about every day. It's hard to say good night, or let him go and force myself to go study or go to class. Thankfully he leaves before finals so I have a little bit of time to kick myself back into gear! I haven't slacked too bad but normally, I wouldn't be just barely keeping up. We've had some fun adventures and can't wait to see what this last week holds for us...including him spending Thanksgiving with my family (or about 1/4 of it that will be at the house).

This semester has gone by pretty fast...I only wish I could believe winter semester will be as fast....but alas, winter is ALWAYS the killer never ending, no light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't Worry....

First, let me just say the guy on my left has no relationship to me whatsoever, other than we are associate RA's. This upcoming week is "missionary week" in the dorms. We have 24 different missions and paired up a girl with a guy RA. Someone decided it would be creative in the "mission call" letters to include a picture of the mission president and his "wife". So they did "couple pictures" today in class. As you can see, the hieght difference is awkward enough, but then they were trying to get us to do some silly pose like others either picking me up etc. Considering I really don't know this guy (though I should since we've been in RA class all semester), I was just fine with standing beside him. For missionary week we encourage the residents to live mission rules: no contact with opposite gender, in bed by 10:30 and up by 6:30, church music, and we're really pushing the guys to not play any video games for the week. They're allowed to choose which rules to follow. RA's are supposed to be the example...but due to exterior pressures, I may give in and not follow the "no contact with the opposite gender" rule as that will be the first week Mark is here. Hehe. I think it'd be funny to try but I doubt I'd last. And what a wasted week! Anyways, I'm on the committee for this event so it's been rather busy planning stuff and this weekend we're stuffing 700 envelopes with "mission calls" to distrubute Monday.

The picture of Cosmo is just one of the reasons why I love my job! Awesome ins! We had a dance-off activity between the RA's of each hall (I videotaped instead of participating) and they had Cosmo show up as one of the guest judges. Had I not been taking the picture, I totally could have high-fived him. Oh well. If there was no other reason to go to BYU, Cosmo would be good enough. What other college mascot can break dance at football games and is all out pretty much the most gangster cougar around?!

The Much-Awaited Trip

To Say the least, I think the weekend went well. He really didn't come back awkward...perhaps I was motivation in that. I think aside from a SLIGHT drawl here and there that comes out, his only bad habit is that he still says hello to anyone we pass on the street-- I laugh every time as people look at him a little funny when he does so.

It started off a little rocky as his flight got delayed so I spent all day being nervous and unable to eat for really no reason at all. I was relieved and entertained to later find out he was the same way (well maybe not eating part) but we were both really nervous and unable to sleep Wednesday night. Friday went pretty well. I think it was by Saturday wher we felt like things were back to where they were pre-mission days. It is different, we have changed and so our relationship and our behaviors/mannerisms are different a little. But not in a bad way. I really like the new "us" (hehe).


I have always been proud of him for his desire and decision to serve a mission. I've been so happy to have him back, and hear his stories and listen to him talk about it to me, and his family. My grandparents took us out to dinner Monday night (probably because they figured that was the only way to get me to spend time with them for more than 15 minutes while waiting for him to arrive). My grandmother asked him what the best part of his time there was. Now, if it were me, I would have said something like just the "learning" experience of it all. But leave it to a missionary to not care who he's talking to. Instead he answers that seeing how a person's life can change when they learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ was the best part for him. That's my boy! He had a lot of things to deal with on his misison, but from what I hear from companions and knowing his work ethic, I dont deny that he put 110% into the last two years. We are "officially" a couple as of Saturday. I figured the way things were going it was somewhat silly to ask but he later mentioned he was going to bring up the same topic as well. So it worked out fine. We had a lot of good (and really fun hehe) conversations this weekend, but much to my family's dismay, nothing on the serious topic of marriage. We referenced it a little here and there and talked about our futures and what our goals were. But I think we're under an unspoken mutual agreement we need some more time.
He will be up here on Oct 31 (earlier than expected) until Thanksgiving so we'll have lots of time to spend together and keep dating and reacquinting ourselves. But after that, we will be hopefully doing the Long-Distance thing until he finishes his last semester at Moorpark in May. Till then, we'll see!

He's not that different to what I imagined him being. He's come back with quite a sense of humor (which is great for me!) and we are more open about things than when we were 19-- crazy how that works. But he's still the same handsome guy I met 6 years ago and fell in love with over a period of 3 years. Regardless of my insecurities, I feel confident when I'm with him that I really don't need to be as worried as I am. I love this boy and am excited to see what happens in the coming weeks and months.

October 2009 is here!

Many people that have blogs usually fail in some way or another. Some never post pictures, some start and never update, some never have anything exciting to say....like myself. Being home now is harder to have pictures...I'll have to work on that as well. I just need to get married and have kids so I have more exciting things to post about other than my nieces and nephews (despite their adorable little faces), and school. But yet, I find myself addicted to the blogging world and feel inclined to share my hum drum life with those who care to read. I guess that's the nice thing about blogs rather than personal conversation: you can skip over what you want!

Today I had lunch with a roommate from last year. Sometimes because I struggle with conversation, I worry that I am anti-social and too quiet. But days like today where we sat for over an hour at the Cannon Center talking was a good convincer that I may be quieter at times, but I am certainly not incapable of making conversation. Despite what my family may think about me talking TOO much and guys that come to sit by me who think I don't talk enough. (what can I say, guys show up and I clam up-- they're 18 year old freshman anyways...not all that interested)

School is...going. I had 1 test this week (research methods) and am taking my finance test tomorrow afternoon. Next week I have my Sex Ed test and then the week after that is my religion test. If it counts, we have a test in jazz next Thursday on the Hip Hop routine we've learned this week. The semetser isn't too bad. I stay fairly busy, but not impossible to get ahead.

Being an RA is still under the category of fun. I admit I need to work on dropping by rooms to visit more but most girls would rather me not. My girls are really sweet and when I talk about "my missionary" they squeal like...well, a bunch of freshman girls. They're so excited...hopefully I don't end up being the poster child for failure in that category. It doesn't appear to look so from Mark's letters =)

He comes home in exactly 2 weeks. In reality and it just doesn't seem real. I'm not sure when it will set in...maybe as I'm packing or boarding the plane. Turns out his flight got bumped up so we won't be flying at the same time anymore from SLC, but I'll still be seeing him later that night once he's released! It's really funny to think how I've daydreamed and fantasized about this day for over 2 years now. And now that it's finally almost here, it seems impossible. Has it really been 2 years? (For the record it will be 775 days since I've last seen him on the 15th...two years and 1 1/2 months). We are both nervous to see each other again. I think this may top the nervousness we had with holding hands and kissing put together (sorry dad, yeah we've done that)! And just for those who want to know, IF anything happens, nothing major will take place until after April....just sayin'. I've had it up to my ears with people joking/teasing about being married by Christmas. It's a problem called money...amidst other things.

Romania Hangover

Today I had a few memories come back to me today throughout the day:

1) In my Sex Ed class we were talking about the importance of educating people. Not so much on "abstinence only" or "safe sex only" side debate but how we need to get kids to understand that what they do affects people more than they think. He mentioned teens that get pregnant and still do risky things that affect their babies. I immediately thought of my little girl Vallie. Not only did her mother drink with her, but her younger brother also has FAS. Several other kids in the orphanage have similar sad stories where parents made poor choices (incest, affairs etc) that resulted in these kids being there. While some are there just because of mere chance, that statement never hit more home to me than today, and I wanted more than anything to get on my "Romania soap box" and share that with my class...but I didn't. Instead I just spent the last bit of the class back in Romania, thinking about my kids who were just getting up for another day without BYU fetele to play with them.

2) While walking down a hallway, (the JFSB) someone was whistling which carries very loud and long in the long, tile, bare-walled hallway. For some reason, the notes I heard, and the distant echo I heard, it almost sounded like the chime that would go off just before a train would arrive or depart at the train station in Romania. As ghetto and totally communism-era those trains were, those were the best trips in a little booth with 4 other fabulous girls talking for the 8 hour trip we took to Brasov while we traveled through the beautiful countryside.

3) After teaching Vallie how to say "ta-da", it became part of my regular vocabulary myself. Sometimes I even catch myself doing the arms with it...the sad part is that I do it, and no one hears me because I say it quiet like she did. And if they do, people figure I'm just being....wierd I guess. It's fabulous to be back with my Romania girls and be able to imitate our kids mannerisms and they know exactly who I'm referring to (not in a mean way of course).

Some days, I really miss Romania, and I procrastinate my homework to once again go through my orphanage and apartment pictures. I've seen them time and time again, and they never get old. Other days, I feel heartless as I feel like I am dealing okay with this and I hear of other girls in my group who struggle seriously with adjusting and coping. My heart goes out to them as I wish I could feel the way they did so that I can better support them and understand. I am grateful I have been able to mostly carry on with life while still missing my experience, but sometimes, I feel like I was never sad enough.

Counting My Blessings

I must admit there are a few things keeping me particularly happy-namely the idea of going to see Mark the weekend he comes home in about 5 weeks. But today, I was on my way up to campus to meet a good friend and I was thinking about how happy I am. I really thought it would take me a while to be happy again after leaving "my kids" behind in Romania. Perhaps I've just tried to ignore the pain and emptiness amid the crazy life I've jumped back into. But here are some things I've realized I'm so blessed to have right now:

1) Great classes this semester. Some are less thrilling than others but overall, it's going to be a great but busy semester
2) I have some great girls on my floor. About half of them consistently come to meetings and they haven't told me I'm crazy or an idiot yet so I guess I've done pretty well in hiding my oddness
3) My roommate is FABULOUS. I guess after the lessons I learned this summer about patience and acceptance, this my reward! The dream roommate. She's even got a missionar who's been out for 8 months in Mexico so it's nice to have someone to swap stories with.
4) I have friends again!! ..okay I've always had friends but living at home last year made it hard to hang out. But now with extra money on my meal plan card, it's even better and I get people wanting to come over a lot more often haha.
5) My supportive family. They are so positive and encouraging. It's great to have such fun family gatherings such as yesterday with Labor day. I think the highlight was playing soccer outside with my nephew. It was only about 5 minutes but it was so fun to play with him!

Life is slowly starting to pick up. It's tiring being up at 6am 5 days a week but it makes it for very long and stress-free afternoons once classes are done.

How's your job?

I seem to get that question a lot. Part of it is due to the fact that I have 12 fabulous friends from Romania that I run into every day--a new one that is. So far, it's pretty cool. I'm really not doing so great with memorizing names. I know faces mostly but not names. we not only have a "list your girls" quiz, but we have to know what rooms they're in too. Crazy. This is the part of being an RA that I fail miserably at. In the last two weeks, I have never made so many signs and hung up so many fliers! And we have no clip art in the word on the work computer so our signs have to be creative. Usually I end up copy and pasting from google images.

My roommate is fabulous. It is so refreshing to have a minime around after 3 years of dealing with differences. I think I'm getting rewarded for finally learning the lesson this summer: that it wasn't just THEM that had problems.

I get paid about $68/month. But I also get free rent, and the top meal plan. I get $11 put on my meal card every morning to use anywhere on campus, any ammount at any time. What I don't use accumulates. Well with family being so close and never going to breakfast and skipping other meals and just eating vending food, or /pb+j on ritz, I am almost always up to $50 in excess. Once you hit $75, they just stop putting money on till you use it, so it's sort of a waste of money you could use. So I went to lunch today, saw I had $54 on my card, and then proceeded to go to the Helaman Halls Creamery and spent a whopping $9 on paper towels, tissues, lifesavers and shout. Not that I really DESPERATELY needed it, but I knew I could use them at some point, and I wanted to use some money so I didn't feel so rediculous when the machine reads my card balance. It's kind of nice to spend money that's my own but not out of pocket. If only I could convert $30 or so into real cash. Oh well. It's also been a nice way to get friends =)

Out of finance fears, knowing I probably have another plane ticket to buy for Christmas time (hopefully!) to CA, I've turned to self prostitition!...aka Plasma donating--haha. I figure I'll try it once and if it's not too horrible, why not make a little money off of helping others? Dont' get me wrong, I don't mind donating blood for free and just getting that good feelign inside, but compensation is nice too...come to think of it, I actually always wonder if my blood HAS ever been used....

Unde esti? (Where are you?)

I meant to update this more than a week ago. Needless to say, that did not happen with everything taking place.

Romania was awesome! It was a lot easier to face leaving for home once I said goodbye to my kids. I still feel lonely and miss my kids a lot. But being home has forced me to realize that life has to go on and that I will just have to keep them in my hearts until I'm back with my Romania girls for reunions and I'll be with people who honestly do understand my experience. It's frustrating people I tell say "oh..cool". No, "cool" doesnt even describe it. But what else can you do?

Cheriss got married 4 days after I got back home. It was such a great day. It rained so most likely they weren't to happy that there weren't many temple pictures. But it made for a relaxing afternoon. We actually had about 2 hours to sit and relax until pictures at 4:30 (aside from Dad and Mom who had to run home for Dad's forgotten tux). The reception was fun as we danced it up the normal "Wyckhuyse style". I think the best part was watching Spencer and Ella bring the house down with their awesome dance moves.

I’m now living in Provo. I’ve finished the crazy week of RA training. It was long and tiring suddenly being thrown back into a school-like setting after all summer, but it was very useful information and some fun activities. We went to Camp Williams in Lehi and did their army obstacle courses and did repelling off a huge tower. Our girls start moving in mostly on Wednesday and I cannot wait to start back in school again, bring that GPA back up and busy myself…until October at least. I'll have to post pictures of the dorm hall when it's finally decorated.
And finally, now that I’m out of Romania….

Mark comes home in 55 days! I’ve started running, determined to be back to where I was Winter 08 in Idaho. I started last night running for the first time, did some crunches and felt sore today—such a good feeling. Got plenty of work to do but, hopefully I’ll just be so dashingly beautiful to him after 2 years and 2 months that he won’t care about the few extra pounds. He's put on about 30 since he left, why can’t I put on like 5? (Notice the difference betweent the MTC picture on the left, and the pictures on the right I got in April and May of this year..I like the change!)

Observations and Thoughts

The above is what happens when you are making snickerdoodles and decide that the batter is too dry as you hand mix it. So out of impatience waiting for a response from a more skilled cook, you decide to just add some milk to the dough. The result? Snickerdoodle pie. Tasted like the cookie, only it turned out more like a thin pie crust.....

Each day this past week, I felt the clock slowly ticking down. And with 5 days left, I'm sure it will get even worse. I've struggled this past week as I deal with feeling ready and excited to go home back to a country of which I took for granted until now, but dreading leaving my children at the same time. I read some of the older child write ups from past semesters and read further back than I originally did. I assumed that previous ones more than a year ago wouldn't matter because the kids are so little they've changed so much. But then as I looked again, I realized that other interns were saying that my little Vallie could do all the things we've prided ourselves in getting her to do. I'm not sure how many were regular, but I was soon angry at myself. I felt like I had let her down by not taking more time to learn more about her. Had I know, maybe we could have pushed her futher sooner and made more progress. But as I talk about this, good friends are here to remind me that despite this, look where she started. Even if she did regress, Mellie and I brought her back. She waves and says papa now. And she is 10 times better with controlling her aggressivenes. She has moments still where we just have to leave her in her bed for a few minutes, and I still get scratches on my arms, but its still so much better than where we were in May.

It's hard to think about leaving these kids without any BYU girls to follow until January. I worry what will happent to them. How much longer do some of them have that are in worse shape than others? Sometimes its just so sad and it seems so unfair that they have to suffer. But I believe that Heavenly Father sends angels to be with these kids. He has left them here for a greater purpose than any of us can understand. He will not allow them to suffer more than what they have to, and one day, they will return to him and receive their fully deserved and earned exhaltation. I can't wait to see these kids again on the other side of the veil and hug them again. I can't wait to hug Egore, talk with him, and no longer see him struggle day after day, bored of being tied into his wheelchair. Sometimes I wonder if these kids ever had a chance at being able to walk. Was that hindered when they were tied into wheelchairs and left to lay in beds all day? Not being a med student, I don't know for sure, but I often question the profound ammounts of feeding tubes, wheelchairs and mush that is fed to children because of rotting teeth. Was this laziness, or unpreventable in some degree?

As I was cleaning and organizing my suitcase tonight, I came across this quote we got before we came here. I understand it a lot more now. If I have done nothing at all to help them in their development, I hope that I can be remembered as being a person who gave them love, and brought joy into their lives for a few hours each day.

Many people familiar with the effects of institutional care will say I have gone too easy on them. Lives have been ruined by the tyrannical rule and lack of love in such places. People have been scarred for life....It is important to point out tha tinsterspersed with this trauma were moments of great love and affection. From the gentle kiss of a young nurse, to the soft hand of a caring
nun, it may well be the case that theses were the moments that preserved my sanity and gave me somthing to live for.

--Paddy Doyle

The End Is Nearing

Last week was rough. With every passing day, I felt like I was growing more and more attached to my kids here. Then today, I realized that next week is our 2nd to last week here. Monday and Tuesdays always go by kind of slow here, but the next thing I know, it's Thursday and I'm wondering where the week went! It's probably no surprise to anyone but me that I really am starting to feel emotional about leaving. The entire time I've been here, I thought it would be hard but that coming home would be a big motivator. And it still is, but now I'm leaving more uneasy about the future of these children.

I've realized the potential and quick mind my dear little Vallie has. I would give anything to see her put in a decent school with qualified, patient workers. She's come from saying 1 word when we started, to now saying the following:
1) Pa pa (bye bye) and waving
2) Soft-- usually she thinks it means the opposite and its a good indicator when she says it she's about to attack. But she does a soft motion on her face..so she knows
3) Aye! (well half of the word aici for "here" when we play peek a boo)
4) Ta da! (my favorite)
5) La la la (she doesn't even really babble so this is a big one!)
I must admit I feel guilty having an obvious favorite in the room. But she's made the most progress and is just so energetic and lively.



Leaving was something we knew what happened from the beginning. But I didn't think it was going to become this hard. It's something I never really thought about: what are these kids going to think when one day, we don't come back and they might realize that it's been more than just a weekend without us. Will they be mistrustful of the next interns that come in the Winter because it's been so long? Maybe they won't even notice. It also hurts to think...do my kids really know me? Or is the open friendliness that a lot of orphans display when they have never had one attachment figure?


I think the hardest thing is just not knowing what it's going to be like when we really do leave in 2 weeks, coming home, and adjusting. Life as it stands right now does not leave a lot of time to sit and stew over it as I'll be thrown into my sister's wedding that weekend and then moving to Provo for my RA job. But in the down time, I know my mind wanders and I'm fairly sure I'll be looking over my pictures endlessly remembering this awesome experience. Totally worth the furstration, debt, stress, and heartbreaks.
This baby really needed a bath, but she was so tiny and cute. Sorry for the blueness. It was the lighting in the room and I didn't want to use flash with the door/window for the nurses to see. We get these pictures somewhat secretly.

Little High, Little Low

Mornings have been absolutely great with my kids the last few days. I was worried yesterday being stuck inside all day because of the rain (believe it or not I used to hate going outside here), but it was great. Friday I had the three girls in the room on the floor giggling and climbing all over me (flying solo that day....my hair was a hopeless mess by noon). It was a blast. Monday I discovered they all like to be thrown up in the air...unfortunately there's a good weight difference between them too. Vallie gets the most air as she wieghs mabye 20 pounds. The other girls are alittle more chunky and harder to lift but hey! I could work up some arm muscle in the next 3 weeks!

At the apartments in the afternoon, Jena and I have been able to merge afara (go outside) with the copii. Usually it's great. We swing, we watch them walk around and it's a pretty chill 1 1/2 hours. Recently we discovered another park nearby with rocks instead of dirt and trash on the ground so we took the kids there. It's a bit more popular and today there were more kids than normal. With more kids and only 2 swings, there's more to fight over, and more toys for the kids to try and steal. Because the kids are obviously different in appearance, the kids are afraid of them, and even some of the parents stare at them like their freaks of nature or something. I'm not as attached to these kids as my morning kids. But it still boils my blood. I think I felt more hurt by the rejection than our kids did. I felt like I experience the pain of a mom who has a child with disabilities who can't make friends because he is different. I wish I could have gone over to the parents in my "oh-so-fluent-Romanian" and say "Look, yes these kids are different. But it's not their fault. Give the kids some slack, they don't have a lot going for them in life." It's amazing to see how different people view kids with disabilities here in Romania in comparison to the US. Kids still get teased but the US is so much more accepting. Romania is working on it with the development of special prep schools in attempt to later integratethe kids, but it has a long ways to go.


A picture from our Monastery trip back in early June. The lady on the right back row is Mario. She is a social worker here in Romania that BYU hires. She gets us all the "hook ups" we need to do what we need to do. She's awesome! And yes, that is all 13 of us American girls that are currently terrorizing the country for the last 2 1/2 months.

Is This The Real Life? Or Just a Fantasy?

Some moments, I really still can't believe that I'm living where I am. It's just so crazy, breathtaking and shocking all at once. If there's any major excursion I contemplated for the age of 21, it was a mission (NOT marriage believe it or not). Honestly when I first heard of the country, I didn't even know for sure where it was. Sometime, look on google earth and go from Utah to Romania...you'll see it's a long ways off!

I was surprised to realize that since coming back from mid-semester retreat, I have little to no time for anything and it's only going to get worse as in the last 4 weeks we have we have closure
assignments, child write ups, brigance re-testing, our own research to start writing about etc. In the daily mix between 9-12 and 2-5/4-6 (M,F/T-Th), there's journaling, eating of course, sleeping showering/cooling off, and scripture reading. It doesn't sound like a lot but it gets late so fast here..much like tonight.

My kids are awesome. This week has been really great. Today was insane as the kids went bazurk from being inside all three hours because of the rain. But it's been so fun. I think the best (despite the awkwardness), is the daily greeting I get from Vallie: runs to me, wraps her arms around my legs, and puts her head against my knees which is about the level of my pelvic bone...lovely I know! I struggle sometimes as a lot of the kids I work with are filled with so much energy and have no way to let it out. But when I get my one-on-one time with them, it's so fun! Who knew that a kid could learn to understand/recognize songs like Wheels on the Bus, Little Cabin in the Woods, and Popcorn Popping and do the corresponding motions in a language that's not evern their own? I talked to my parents last sunday and I spent probably a good 20 minutes telling them about all of these kids...and could have done much more I'm sure, so just a fair warning to others for when I get back. I'll sound like the abnoxious returned missionary who is always telling stories... )

You can hear mostly me here in this video but the little girl laughs a little bit too. She's quite a ball full of energy. A few weeks ago, she got angry and decided to pee on Jena.....

Sapte Scari Hike ( 7 Ladders Hike)

Hence the name, we did this hike with the missionaries from Brasov on their P-day. It has a beautiful trail that is surrounded by trees, river and lush grass. Then after hiking a mile or two perhaps, you go up 7 ladders of various heights. I wasn't a big fan of the first part, but for some reason, climing on these rickety ladders and......safe bridges wasinvigorating to me.

On the road again...

Okay so Brasov was AMAZING! BEAUTIFUL! INSPIRING! It's a big tourist city so it actually took people by surprise sometimes when we whipped out a little Romanian here and there. We ate some authentic food. Since being there I have developed 2 new obsessions 1) Mamaliga- corn meal turned into an oatmeal consistency 2) Fornetti- pastry/doughnut type food that is filled with sweet cheese (brunza dulce). I even skipped my friday longosi to get Fornetti instead * gasp*

I am sad to say that I really didn't get enough pictures to do the city justice, but here are a few.

Part of the main city square with old looking buildings. Behind be is the Black Church which caught fire in 1600's that is still standing today. Strangely enough, it had a painting that very closely resembled the ensignia for our high school....

This is Pelis castle where King Carol I lived during the summers in the 1800's. The next few and last kings of Romania also lived here. Down the road is a mini castle called Pelisor which he built for his daughter when she was married. We toured both and the insides were breathtaking!

The Hollywood-like Brasov sign. We hiked up to it Sunday. See the video for the beautiful view!

Dinner on Monday night. Underneat the egg is Mamaliga. Around it is meat which, on the English menu was translated as "Special minced meat".....Pretty sure I ate some veal...but whatever looked questionable, I I left on my plate. Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it!

life as it currently stands

I feel I've been here long enough (2 months) to know what I like, and say what I don't without sounding homesick (though I'm sort of counting down till August 10th).

Things I Don't Like

• Living with 4 girls in a small apartment with little privacy wears on me.
• Romanians stare/glare at us no matter how small of a group we travel in. We look like freaks of nature to them or something.
• Customer Service does not exist here. Only at Kauffland can you sometimes find a checker who will smile and say hello/goodbye
• The twilight bark that goes on every night from 11pm until 4 am. This makes sleeping with windows open almost impossible.
• Being so far away from my family and friends
• Feeling dumb when I try to communicate and can't with people due to language barriers.
• I have trouble sleeping if I go to bed before 1am (which it's 1:30 now)
• Rum Cake...or anything Rum flavored
• Not being able to go to a doctor when I have an ingrown toe nail, or a toothache from what I'm pretty sure is a cavity they failed to find in April.

Things I Do Like

• The Branch here has awesome members
• Cute little ladies with gold teeth at the piata that sell gross/wierd cheese
• The piata itself and how it works (people sell fruit from their farms to provide income for their families)
• The exchange rate is still 3RON/1USD
• My kids I work with!
• Getting letters from my missionary (as always)
• Emails from family members
• The fact that I'm getting better at cooking...even from scratch!
• I can have a bad day at home, but still go and love my time at the orphanage or "spital"
• Little by little, I can read more fluently The Book of Mormon in Romanian!
• Maxibonne ice cream bar/sandwhich thing I tried tonight for the first time
• Longosi
• Pretzels from the bread booth by the tram station

I agree with another one of the girls in what she said today. The experience here is great, it's something I wouldn't give back for...well all the money I spent getting here. I love my kids and the memories I have from being here. But at the same time, I'll be ready to go home in August and get back into my normal life with school.

Happy Birthday Cheriss!

Christmas 2006

Today my little sister is turning 19. It's crazy to think how old all of us are getting. It's hard to believe my ever-faithful Barbies and People House playmate is turning 19 and getting married in 2 months (less than that!). Happy Birthday kid!

This week was a little bit of a struggle for a lot of different reasons. Sometimes I try to be like Mark and just laugh at the stupidity of people and lack of thought that often goes into decisions before they are made. But unfortunately, some days I just can't get over little habits, comments and actions that go on around me. Some days I think that I'll be miserable for the rest of my internship. But then some ray of light comes: I feel like I'm making progress with a child, I realize I've crossed off more than half of my daily goals, I read the scripture and feel at peace, or sometimes just have some alone time to get lost in my thoughts (much needed lately).
Not that I had any magical spiritual prompting to turn to this section in the Book of Mormon, but I came across it in my reading this week. (Goal is to read the whole thing by August and so far, so good). I thought it had a lot of application in all aspects of this experience.

Alma 7:23-24

And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated, full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.
And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.

Along with my scipture study, I try to read a chapter in Romanian. It certainly takes longer and is more of a challenge. But it's interesting to read. Some words I recognize, have a slightly different meaning than the English version. It puts words and phrases in a different light that help me understand it a little more clearly than before. I love the scriptures, it's just a shame that when I'm bound up in school, I can never find time to do it on a consistent basis like now.

Breathe in, Breathe out

Sometimes, I really wonder how important it is to give people the benefit of a doubt. In a group of 13, you'd think we'd have that constantly. Surprisingly, its been pretty good so far. But tonight at our weekly meeting things fell apart.
Somewhere between Rachel getting frustrated at the usual problem of no one willing to stop talking without being asked, and girls getting uptight about the change in length of our upcoming midsemester retreat, tensions rose, voices were raised, and it was probably the worst moment thus far for our group. I voiced how tense the room felt and with several agreements, yet no one taking blame for childish behavior, we said a prayer which seemed to either help bring the Spirit back into our meeting that started out great, or make everyone awkward and embarassed for our behavior as a group. I think a number of people were hurt and others were misunderstood trying to be blunt and get their point across. It was misinterpreted as angry and defiant I think. Perhaps we all needed to take a minute, calm down and try to approach the situation in a calm adult-like manner. I think now, everyone still feels differently about who's right and wrong in this situation. But it definitely felt like a family tonight with everyone having such different opinions and trying to make everyone happy to a reasonable extent.

Apparently we're all going to Brasov now for midsemester retreat. I was looking forward to Constanta but suddenly our group of 5 disappated to 2 and since we can't travel that small, Rachel and I got out-voted. Some girls want to travel to both, but since I still have football tickets to buy and a plane ticket for CA sometime in October, the excess price is not feasable. My dreams of swimming in the Black Sea and relaxing on a beach are gone. Not to meantion the awesome Mosaic Museum, Roman Ruins and cool lighthouse. I suppose Brasov will be cool but I kind of wanted to get out of the city for a while. There's nothing more freeing and relaxing than the wind across your face as you squish your feet deeper into the wet sand. Brasov seems to have similar things as Constanta so why doesn't anyone want to come to the Black Sea...that seemed to be where everyone wanted to go to begin with. But wait Brittany, if it's the same, why don't you just come to Brasov? Argh. Sure there's the Hollywood-like Brasov sign we'll probably hike to and....more art museums. But I really had laying on the beach for an afternoon or so working on my oh so needed tan rather than relaxing in a hostel. I got really worn out at Bucharest with all the endless walking to and from sights, and then more walking around museums and such. Let's hope we can find a happy medium....

Some thoughts for the end of week 7 (8 weeks left!)

To those who read my blog, thank you for your love and support. If I could just have a video camera 24/7 and a mind reader, that would be a lot better for you all to understand occurences here. When I first got here, I thought "what have I done?!" But now, I'm in the routine, and when I have bad days, I think "tomorrow is a new day".
In regards to my last post, I fed my little Egore the next day. He was pretty good for a while but then he just started smiling and laughing and wouldn't let me feed him. Lots of the kids do that when they know it's not a worker (either by touch, sound or sight). At least he wasn't acting afraid, just playing. So the worker had to take over, and I was to take my little Vallie to "pat" (bed). Like most kids, she's got these tiny chicken-like legs and arms. When she walks she looks like a puppet with her hands up at her shoulders, or ready to cluck like a chicken. I admit, she's probably my favorite, which surprised Mario the other day since she's the most aggressive. But trust me, she's a cutie...I'd bring her back if I could.

This quote has been circulating around us interns as it is a good reminder when we get so depressed seeing these children suffer day after day.
President Boyd K. Packer (LDS church leader) said:“Remember this! The line ‘And they all lived happily ever after’ is never written into the second act [of a play]. That line belongs in the third act, when the mysteries are solved and everything is put right. … “Until you have a broad perspective of the eternal nature of [the plan], you won’t make much sense out of the inequities in life. Some are born with so little and others with so much. Some are born in poverty, with handicaps, with pain, with suffering. Some experience premature death, even innocent children. There are the brutal, unforgiving forces of nature and the brutality of man to man. We have seen a lot of that recently.“Do not suppose that God willfully causes that which, for His own purposes, he permits. When you know the plan and the purpose of it all, even these things will manifest a loving Father in Heaven”

Seeing so many children suffer, many of us, including myself have struggled in thinking how unfair it is, and why God allows it. But I know that this is part of His plan and that while these beautiful children suffer, there are angels beside these children comforting them. I am grateful for the chance I have to try and be a source of that peace and hope that in the resurrection, I will see them, give them a hug, and finally have a real conversation with them. I've also come to learn to look beyond an outward appearance. Some are misshapen from failed abortion attempts, disease, or from being in a chair their whole life. Most of them have rotting teeth/bad breath from lack of dental hygeine. But these children are currently the light of my life. Underneath lies an amazing child who has overcome and suffered a lot. Show me a normal person who could do that and still laugh and smile every day.

Big girls don't cry....unless they're an intern in Romania.

Today was the first time I really wish I could have gone home and called Mom and Dad and just cried. But since it’s 3AM their time, and it wouldn’t help them feel any better that I’m miserable, I really couldn’t….which makes it even harder. I’m probably more emotional this week than normal anyways, but today, all the negative parts of the orphanage just stuck out to me.

We went inside for lunch and I got to feed Egore. I started to feed him and it went well for the first little while. But it’s been a while and so I’ve forgotten the little tricks I’ve learned from feeding him. In attempt to get him to swallow more than just play with his mush, I put the spoon further back into his mouth and tried to push down on his tongue to get him to swallow (I forgot I do better just putting it on the roof of his mouth). Well, I think I put the spoon in too far, and pushed down too hard and he choked. None of the workers seemed to notice or care, but he was gasping for air for a minute or two. I felt horrible. I told him I was sorry and rubbed his arm for a minute and then tried to continue to feed him. But when I started back up again, he wouldn’t open his mouth. I felt like I had lost his trust that we’ve built up since the beginning. It was like he was saying, “Hey, I’m not going to be treated that way by you.” He knows the difference between a worker feeding him and an intern. Anyone can tell the difference between patience and force-feeding. It took quite sometime before he would open his mouth to wear I could just scoop it on the roof of his mouth and he’d eat it that way. I kept trying to coax him though as he’d revert back to refusing to open his mouth. “Egore, you don’t want the workers to feed you, trust me”, but no luck. The worker came over and saw I was struggling. She told me to put the spoon further back in the mouth like I had done before. Then I felt even more guilty. Maybe I had done it wrong. What if they don’t go back that far, and I was being overly aggressive when I didn’t need to be? But because of my poor Romanian, I didn’t know how to ask if she was pushing down or not. He was clearly unhappy and the worker taking over didn’t help the situation. She didn’t even finish feeding him his lunch and there was still a ¼ cup left. She just tipped his head back, plugged his nose, and poured milk into his mouth. I felt tears begin to sting my eyes as I heard him choke and gasp for air, but she wouldn’t let up until it was completely gone. When she was done, she sent me back with him in his chair to the room. I tried to hold my tears back as we walked down the halls. When we got back to the room, I just tried to hold him close, and tell him how sorry I was. I really wanted to let myself go and just cry, but I couldn’t just leave for no reason. And what would the worker say/think? He seemed turned off to me for the last half hour we were there, and rightfully so. Mellie was sweet and tried to reassure me telling me I’m good at this and I can do this. But I still felt like the worst person in the world.

To add to it, I went over to Gonzo who usually is an easy one to cheer up with. But today we realized that when we’re outside, he’s eating the paint off the walls by his bed- you can’t miss the teeth marks in the wall to prove it. So not only are his teeth the perfect example of what happens when you don’t brush and floss (worse than smokers), what’s left of them are green from the paint that I highly doubt is non-toxic.

Ironically, I've been reading my fellow interns blogs and thinking how lucky I am that I haven't had to deal with what they see a lot, but also wondering why I've been so lucky. Not wanting to sound extreme but I really feel like Heavenly Father pushed me to want that room because I don't think I really could handle what goes on in the other rooms as much. A part of me wants to go home and forget everything about this place at times. But there are so many lessons to learn from it all, too many to name, some I know I've yet to learn and experience.

Just Another Manic Monday.....

Ahh Monday! Refreshed and determined to get a day where my hair isn't pulled out by dear Vallie, we headed upstairs to Mickey Mouse hall. There wasn’t a worker for our room today today. I’m not really sure why either. The other MM room workers just took over and that was that. Changes really seem to affect Vallie the most. She was super aggressive today...like over the top, first week aggresssive which looked really bad in front of the workers for me. Pretty sure it was because she was out of sync with her normal routine. We also spent the whole time outside, and the last hour with kids who weren’t even “ours”. Working inside is much easier so we can focus on the kids and the goals we've set for them. I’m glad the kids get to be outside, but it’s really not that fun for them. The workers try to keep most of the kids tied into swings and hold the others that are mobile. I understand there are a lot of kids to keep track of, but it’s really not that stimulating for kids to be outside if they have to stay within 15 feet of the workers, keep their sun hats on (hopeless), and have nothing to play with. It's a never ending battle. The minute Vallie is left outside with a hat on and an intern, it's like a game to keep her hat on. And the workers look at us like we're the ones taking them off. Sheesh! I guess we live to tell about it though after....

At the hospital today, Rosemary and I went to the 8th floor to see the same kids we saw on Friday. The little girl was still sucking/playing with her glass bottle from lunch a little while before. I guess she's been there since Cosmina left. She's from an orphanage and has got to be in there for some sort of nasty cold or bronchitis as she can barely breathe. She has two pillows and a sheet on her bed. No toys, no pictures, no stimulation to keep this poor girl occupied during the day. I seriously thought of leaving Bert behind for her and just hoping he didn’t disappear in the next day, but I was pretty sure he would. I’m not sure if she anticipated me leaving but towards the end of the day, she just turned away from me and was content just laying there. We had to leave early anyways because our professor was calling us to talk about our goals we emailed her so it was a good time to leave when the nurse had brought her a bottle with milk this time (instead of pureed mashed potatoes or something like that). I went down the hall to the room Rosemary was in with the other little boy who is going to be sent to a "placement center" aka orphanage. She was feeding him and I took over. After spending a few minutes feeding our little monkey/skeleton/baby boy, we headed back down the hill towards home.

I was actually really proud of myself with the conversation I had with Roberta. I worried she would tell me my goals were to high, or that they were too vague. I still have some changes to make before sending the final draft in for a grade. But she seemed impressed by my goals. The trick is sticking to them. I'll have to work hard and if I make enough progress, show off by posting them in a few weeks :)

Stefana (thanks Sarah!) they say she's three.....which is either wrong or sad considering she wears a size 2 diaper...Mom's is that normal ? PS Yes that is Bert making a cameo appearance in the left side. =) So glad I brought that guy a long! Kids love him.
This little baby is bundled and you can't tell but he is a living skeleton...at 3 months! His shoulder width is the length of my two pointer fingers!...if that. He has long sideburns and the cutest brown crossed eyes ever.

My Kiddies!

I figure it's time to introduce you to the kids that I work with 5 days a week in the orphanage and at the apartment. Rest assured for BYU and their own sakes, these are NOT their real names...

Mariuta- 4 yrs old and has Down Syndrome. She loves bouncing on the yoga ball with me. Mariuta is quite the little mom. Today when another kid was crying and she was in my lap, she reached my hand up to his leg to rub it. The nice part about her aggressive behavior (biting, gouging with her finger nails), is her face tenses up and she makes audible sounds that are a good indication it's time to move away/put her down...sometimes I'm not fast enough though! Yesterday she bit me and I still have a bruised shoulder

Vallie- 4 yrs as well. She has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and has a very small bone structure and very aggressive which are results of FAS. She loves to pull hair and has succeeded a few times in pulling out as much as you would in a hair brush. I consider her to be my first abusive relationship.

Leah- just turned one and is the Princess. She is quite a chunky baby which is surprising since most kids here you can feel their ribs easily. From what I can tell, institutionalization has not affected her as much because she's one of the favored children and gets the most attention from workers.

Sid- 9 yrs. Blind and spends the day laying in his wheelchair or on the floor. He is the most naturally blonde kid I've ever seen in Romania. It's almost white. He has about the same motor control as an infant would and does not walk or talk. But all you have to say is his name, touch him and he'll give you a great smile. He hardly ever cries, but when you do, you know something is wrong.

Julian- he's about 7 or 8 I think. I don't think he can see very far, if any at all. I've never seen him out of his wheelchair. His legs are strapped down because apparently he's kicked hard enough it turned his wheelchair backwards. He was the first boy I fell in love with. He used to lean against me as I sang to him. He doesn't do that as much anymore perhaps because I don't sing, I try to talk to him. When he gets excited he gives this "heeeee" squeal.

Egore- 9-10 yrs old. He is a very observant kid. He can't see much but I've caught him following noises/people around the room. He knows when you come up to him and when you leave he protests. As long as he's not hungry, anything you do with him is rewarded with the best drooly smile and gurgly noises ever .

Gonzo- perhaps 7 going on 8. He's pretty tiny as well and spends his days laying on the bed in the playroom with a feeding tube. His legs are pretty twisted up, perhaps from birth defects but institutionalization hasn't helped either. He knows when you walk by and you just say his name like the rest of the kids and he loves it. Today I spent a good while with him just massaging his legs and feet. There is something to be said about nonverbal communication.

There are two other girls who are basically nonresponsive. One of them lays in her crib in the bedroom all day. I've gone in a few times I wish I could do more than sit and rub her back and talk to her as she lays in a crib. The other girl is about 10 and sits in her wheelchair eating her hands all day. (Its not uncommon to see thse kids with bite marks, and scars on their hands from that.) Melanie and I try to spend time with her too, but it's hard as she doesn't respond and doesn't seem to enjoy being touched.

These kids are amazing. I don't know if anyone will ever be able to understand it. But anyone who's worked with special needs kids knows. Especially institutionalized children, they need extra love and patience.

Pa pa! (bye bye)

(For some reason my comptuer has wigged out and made uploading pictures suddenly difficult...Dad's working on finding a cure for my poor computer. There are about 3 people who use my laptop so who knows what was plugged in or changed to make it suddenly freak out every time I look at pictures for uploading. So pretend this was posted Monday...)

Today was an overall great day. Even though M was abnormally aggressive (usually Vallie takes care of that for both of them), we had some sweet moments with the kids while the worker just looked on and smiled. I think we're slowly gaining trust...or is that rapport? :) I also found out that M likes to color...Vallie just likes to make me mad by eating the crayons but I think M has potential to work on those fine motor skills. I love these children and wish I had more than just 2 months left of working with them.

At the hospital today, we headed up to the 8th floor. We headed to the left wing first so that we could just spend whatever time left with our little Cosmina on the other wing. She's been there since we started in May. The mom who has been in the same room as her saw us and told us Cosmina was going home today. My heart dropped at the thought of finally saying goodbye to this cute girl. We played with her for about 2 1/2 hours until the nurses came in and swooped her away. She was so excited to go she kept singing/bragging to her friends "I'm going home today". Sometimes we get lucky and kids come from the orphanage to the hospital or vice versa...she's sadly going across the country to another orphanage. A few weeks ago, I got a picture with her.

My Little Friend

I took a short video (she loves my camera so that's why she gets so excited when she sees it). I had to tell her un min (one minute) to keep her from getting upset. The end zooms in on her leg because a nurse walked by and I didn't know if she would get angry (she didn't thankfully). In my poor Romanian Grammar I ask her where she's going/leaving to today. I answer "a casa" (home) and she says "da" (yes). I then ask her if she's fericita (happy).

A Weekend Trip to Bucharest(i)!

We went to the capitol this weekend. We left Thursday night at 11:30 on a sleeper train and arrived Friday morning at 6:30AM. The whole weekend was amazing and is quite the blur looking back due to exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and complete amazament and shock to finally see what I've been hearing about in our prep class and in books. To see some of these amazing statues, monuments built during the Ceaucescu regime was amazing, but left a sick feeling at the same time knowing how many people suffered with hunger and cold as he and the rest of the communist leader party lived comfortably building a giant palace in his name.
It was also hard to see the street kids. In Iasi, I've seen a handful, some just begging. In Bucharest, there were more kids around inhaling aurolac (paint) in paper bags while sitting on the street. A lot of kids do "paint" because it takes away the pains of hunger and other things.

Despite the harsh street life you see, the sights were amazing! I got to ride in my first subway and train this weekend. I have now traveled in every type of transportation there is: boat, train, car, taxi, metro, tram...okay still waiting on the carriage but that's hopefully coming this fall. :)
I took just over 60 pictures...but here are some of the highlights.

The Funky Chicken Hostel (no joke) we stayed at. Downstairs, we stayed in a room with 4 sets of bunk beds that were like sleeping on wood with a light blanket under. We had to walk through another bedroom to get to and from the bathroom. It was awkward to say the least as the room smelled like liquor and they were all still out as we walked through to shower and get ready.

Had I stayed Saturday night, I would have shared our room with three Asian guys from Hong Kong....not sure but I think the honor code would have been in question with that sleeping arrangement!

The hallway of the sleeper train. Just big enough for one person to walk. You had to walk sideways to fit two.

Cismgu park...gorgeous. in which you can rent row boats for this little lake. It has tons of scenic places to sit. It is actually the park that Elder Ballard (I think) came with other officials to dedicate the country for missionary work in 1990 after the revolution in 1989.

Me on a swing...I can't remember the last time I went on a swing...I think just under 2 years ago! The best part was that they were hard swings so they dont curve around your hips...not that this one hides them either. They also had a playground in another area with a race car..I took a picture as it made me think how much Spencer would love it.

These are homes in Bucharesti. There are "only" 11 floors because at the time that these were made, elevators only went up that high. I'm sure Ceaucescu would have made them higher if he could to leave more room for his buildings. He demolished several thousand historic churchs, buildings and homes to make his own "legacy".

The "House of the People"....basically the biggest reason why Ceaucescu starved and froze the people of Romania so he could build this and not go into debt. Thie biggest chandelier in one of the main halls weighs 5 tons. It was not finished before his death/execution by firing squad. As the guide said "it has everything Ceaucescu wanted except statues and pictures of him and his wife because we do not want to be reminded of that cult of personality"...a very tactful way of saying "we finished this but did not do it for him, nor to we respect him as a past leader.

After walking around the surrounding park looking for this for almost 2 hours, we gave up, and hopped into a taxi, only to find it was just to the left and hidden to the left of where we started from at the beginning. (the lake was massive and in 2 hours never made a full circle)But dang, indulging in American food more than I should have was totally worth it. Shirt: 69 Lei ($23), Dinner about 30 Lei ($10) Plus split dessert (yay for real ice cream and real, soft brownies): 11 LEI ($4)= a total of

110 LEI= $36 spent...impossible at a US Hard Rock Cafe. Our waiter was pretty dang cute too. Other girls have pictures of him with us. It was funny we'd start to speak English and realize he could understand what we were saying...oops!

I'd also like to add, including transportation, taxis, and hostel fees, food, suveniers, and a few museum entrance fees, I spent just under 600 Lei= $200. Can I say, once again how much I love Romania!?

The Rum That Comes Back to Haunt Us

I'm 21 now. Most everyone knows that. And I'm proud to say that I have made it a whole month without being "tempted to drink". This is probably what will keep me from doing so:

I now work at apartments in the afternoons Tues-Thursday. The workers there only have about 5 kids to deal with and often give us food to eat. I was fed an orange yesterday and it was fantastic as usual (I've suddenly become addicted to oranges). Other girls had been fed wierd cakes with rum and other questionable items. Mario told us to be polite and either say no thank you (you can't say no to a Romanian unless your Romanian though! We tried it at the wedding we crashed on Saturday), or say you're going to take it home to eat later. Or if you're our facilitator Rachel, you chuck it out the window when no one is watching! :)
Today at the apartments we got fed something I think they call "Crap Cake" (not really...sorry for the word mom but it really was!). They used leftover Rum cake from last week's birthday party, mixed it with these wafers these kids eat and some milk or who knows what and made it into some moist unbaked cake/bread stuff. The worker gave it to me and it reminded me of raw meat almost. I hoped it was for the kids but alas, no the glass plate with two generous slices was for me. There was something about it that tasted funky. Jena told me it was rum cake.Ahh! Then I recognized it. The same flavor that was in the mistakenly bought swiss rolls here from Kauffland! I barely got down one slice without throwing up and put the other one in my bag for "a casa". The more I tried to eat it, the more gross it became. I really hope wherever they're getting that Rum from is out and that they can't buy more till August.

We were thinking how sad it is that we've been here a month and haven't had "gourmet" Romanian food. But in a way I'm sort of grateful...if I don't like it, I don't feel guilty about throwing it away right there or refusing.

One month out...and it's a little rough in the field.

I really ought to update this every day or so to prevent these repetitive long posts...but here we go!

Monday morning, I was more than ready to go back to work. They love just about anyone who comes in so I just pretend that their squeals of laughter as they come walking towards us is geniunely for us. :) V seemed like she had to be retaught everything and had reverted back to her aggressiveness (full time rather than part time). Even the kids in wheelchairs who don't speak to us didn't seem to respond to us as more than strangers. You may ask how that could be possible, but honestly, you sit with these kids and develop an unexplicable/nonverbal bond with them. I felt like "I" had really started to recognize my touch each time I greeted him and he'd rest his head against me as I stroked his head and held his hands. Perhaps it was only me, I'm not sure. I'd also like to add that V headbutted me in the mouth. I have a lovely cut on the inside of my mouth and a small bruise on my lip that isn't swollen, just looks like I haven't washed my face. Will it be like this after every weekend?!

The hospital was better. There were two babies (507) Jena and I went to see. The nurse told us "Nu poate in bratele" (no holding) so we just had to stand there and play with the babies. I hate it when babies cry and we're not allowed to hold them. 9/10 times, that's all they want. There was really no reason why these kids couldn't be held other than the nurses just want the diapers (which some end up stealing anyways to resell), and don't want the kids to get used to being held. I understand IV's, and casts, but just congested kids being treated as fragile or untouchable? Sometimes they need to be sitting up.

Today was another challenging day at the orphanage. V was a little better and she did ta-da upon request. I got her to say "ta-da" to a worker who was trying to get her to babble with her. The worker didn't even blink and went back to her"ta ta ta"....Arg! No recognition of a new word at all. She only wanted her to say what she wanted. I thought ta-da was somewhat universal and she'd be proud... apparently not. The workers also seem to think that the minute we start playing with these kids, they're our responsibility. So when they take off their sun hats, and run to places they shouldn't we "fetele" get in trouble. These kids are really good at getting into trouble too. They also decided to give me the hardest kid to feed lunch today. The result? Purreed mashed potatoes spat into my face and on my scrubs while a four year old terror is laughing. To say the least, this was NOT one of the momentous moments of the internship. Usually when this happens to us interns, the workers either look at us like we're stupid and don't know how to feed them (every kid is different- how would we?!), or they just laugh.

The hospital today wasn't too bad I guess other than there's never enough kids for 8 girls. I brought my IPOD for a little girl who's in a leg cast. When we showed up today, her mom was with her and when I told her I'd visit her tomorrow her mom told me she was going home tomorrow :( So Bree and I went to the 8th floor and they showed us to a baby boy. He was cute and just sat and held him for a while. I guess some other girls had already changed him. So when the other mom "told on us" that we had changed his diaper to the nurse, she was annoyed and just glared at us. The poor kid was wet! Some of these kids sit in dirty diapers for a long time, so we certainly weren't going to leave him like that. Another girl Alyssa also keeps getting harassed on another floor for more diapers. Today she found out that the hospital has diapers for him they weren't even using them. Sometimes it drives me nuts. We are using our money/donations from others, and some of these diapers are being stolen from these kids. We were told this would happen, but it still makes me angry. Some of the nurses are really blunt and rude. They show us the kids and ask "Aveti pampers?" Some nurses are honestly grateful but others....give a bad name to Romanians to say the least, very similar to the gypsies.

On the flip side, I got to webcam with Mom, Dad, Ella, Jenae (and Brock) last night. Knowing my family was home bbq-ing made me somewhat homesick amidst the struggles and problems of this week. I've never been so excited to see my family before!

I also got a chance to see what it's like to be a missionary. I went block knocking/street contacting with one of the sisters last night. We had every door closed in our face (some ruder than others), and the only person that really stopped to talk to us, just debated. It was a let-down to not have success like other girls. But it gave me a chance to see the rough side of missionary work. Which yes, not only made me more proud of my own missionary, and missionaries in general, but especially foreign speaking missionaries. We only knocked at about 10 doors, but at every door that answered, I shook nervously as I testified of God's plan for us, a living Savior, and the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. It's nerve racking to do it in English, but let alone, in a language that is not your own. How grateful I am for this gospel, for the missionaries who taught my mother, and for a loving Heavenly Father in whom I can turn to in prayer to help me get through rough weeks days like this.

The sign at the entrance to the Villa where we have church. (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)

Feel-Good Days

First off, I apologize for my previously distraught post. If you couldn't tell, I'm a little frustrated with my lack of capabilities to cook here. I admit I cooked fairly simple and quick dinners for the most part in college. So having to start everything from scratch makes it harder for me to think of things. I did buy some pork chops (half the price of chicken) and intend to try out a few different tweaks to flavor it some (including Aunt Eileen's orange/soy sauce pork chops..yum!) I'm also headed to the piata (pee-at-suh) tomorrow to buy more tomatoes (rosii=roshee), potatoes (cartofi=car+toff), bell peppers (ardei gras=are+day+grass) and oranges (porticale=porti+call+ay). Perhaps even some cabbage as I've learned I like that too! Tonight I attempted to make some jello/pudding from a package that was left from a previous semester. I'm fairly sure it was out of date as it never even set. Translating the directions was hilarious. The last direction told us to pour mixture into a dish with hot pancake water...no joke, and I checked that I put in the right words into the translator gadget. No wonder why cooking in Romania is so hard! :)

All this week at the orphanage, we've been playing outside from 9-11 until the kids go in for masa (lunch) and then are put down for naps. Today the worker told us that we couldn't go outside it was too hot. We thought it was hotter inside than out, but what do we Americans know? We're the ones that freeze our children and put ice in our water! When another worker came in that spoke English, she explained to us that one of the kids had a fever. Thus it was not the temperature outside she had referred to, but the fever a child had been running...this also made more sense because earlier I had asksed another child if they were sick and the worker said something about 46....oh her temperature. I get it!
So Melanie and I were stuck in the stifling room while the worker took the kids two at a time for a walk around the play yard. At one point, I was taking a little girl for a piggy back ride and ventured into the hallway. I'm not kidding when I say there was at least 15 degree difference thanks to the AC swamp in the hallway to keep the plants cool (yeah, nice!). A few minutes later, the worker came in and told me to take the girl away from the hallways because of the "current". The current in Romania is the belief that any movement of air (hot or cold) will get you sick, especially children. Thus, we are destined to swelter in the heat this summer. It's been about 75 or so outside and these kids are in long sleeves, tights for girls even under shorts and hats (okay sun protection makes sense with the hats). Most of the babies we hold in the hospital are sweaty too as they are swaddled in blankets...so we get to hang out not only with cute kids all day but sweaty ones at that....yeah, be jealous haha.

Despite the lanauge barrier, kids love it when we sing primary songs to them (quick plug: THANK YOU to all my primary teachers, and Elk Ridge Primary for re-teaching me songs). A little girl I work with who I will call "V" absolutely loves popcorn and is slowly picking up on motions (we use anything to distract her from pulling hair and being rough). Throughout the week she has picked up on some phrases we use to remind her to be gentle to others, and after repeating them 100 times, she starts to associate "frumoasa" with stroking someone's hair nicely. Frumoasa actually means beautiful, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

Today for some reason surpassed her understanding of frumoasa though. We were sitting playing with some blocks. I smiled at her and said "Ta da". Then I looked at "V" and said "V, spuneti (say) 'ta da'!" and spread my arms out as I said it. I repeated this twice and a moment later, she mimicked me and repeated in her quiet little voice "Ta da!" I never felt so proud. She doesn't quite understand the meaning or when to use it really. But I love to see her learning, and this is only the beginning! Unfortunately, I tried to get "V" to say it to the worker in the room later, but the worker was too busy feeding/cuddling with a favorite child and didn't seem to hear us. This obviously isn't the first thing she's learned from us, but teaching her how to be proud of herself just made me so overjoyed. I'd like to think after I leave, she'll understand it, and be able to do it and have people applaud her when she says it after finishing a project, getting dressed by herself, or acheiving something else....without future interns, it's doubtful, but I sure hope one day she'll get the attention and loving she deserves. All of these kids deserve so much more than what they get! They can all be pills at times, but what child isn't? It just seems harder because they're being difficult on top of having more difficulties and disabilities.



This sign translates to "Romania, I kiss you" When you "pup" someone it's the air kissing on both cheeks. Embarassing: I thought I'd be funny and send it to Mark and not tell him what he thought...but I misspelled it as "poop" (just as it sounds)....good thing he doesn't know Romanian! Who knows what he thought it meant!