Blindsided

Well, it's been about one  year since my last post, so it seems about right that I should be posting now.  Apparently, I can't keep up with this blog more than once or twice per year now, so it is what it is.  Drew being in full day Kindergarten is probably our biggest adjustment this fall.  He seems to be, mostly, adjusting well.  He loves his school, his teacher, and his friends. The day is long, and exhausting, and by Thursday, he's pretty much over it.  But, this too shall pass, right?  Haha...yeah...I can dream.  I am sure we have plenty of years of "But I don't want to go to school!" to come!

We also had his cardiologist appointment last Monday.  We hadn't been to see his cardiologist in 2 years, per her instructions.  I am always a bit nervous and hesitant before his appointment, waiting for the worst...the other shoe to drop.  I grow weary of people telling me "he'll be fine" or "look at him, he's so healthy, of course it's going to go great!"  I know they mean well, but let me remind everyone of his first year of life.  He was a chubby, pleasant baby who didn't "look sick."  Ever.  And he was sick.  Very sick, in fact.  So, I never take it for granted that because he "looks healthy," he IS healthy.

Of course, the hubs was out of town for this appointment (for a good reason, he was attending his grandfather's funeral!), so I was on my own with the 2 boys.  Emmett is quite the handful when he wants to be, and after 2 hrs (nearly) of being at the doctor's office, he was letting us all know that enough was enough.  I wanted to cry with him and say, "I get it, I do," but I had to remain calm and listen.  Listen to what?  Oh.  Yeah.  The reason for the title of this blog post.  Drew has something else going on with him...and his pulmonary valve is leaking.  *Yay*

Apparently, his aorta has developed something that is causing an "acceleration" of blood flow through the arch, into the descending aorta.  Let me just say...something being wrong with the aorta freaks me out.  I have known too many babies with undiagnosed aortic problems who are no longer with us, or are very sick as a result.  Thankfully, his has been caught...but what is it? NO ONE knows.  His cardiologist has no idea what's going on.  And, right now, since all his tests are "normal," she wants us to wait 18 mos before coming back.

*bangs head on desk*

Ugh

So, we get 18 months of waiting, and worrying, before we see what his heart is doing again.  Unless, God forbid, something goes terribly wrong sooner...which, of course, none of us want.  And, in 18 months, it might have disappeared, or grown, or stayed the same.  So, yet again, we're in "watch and see" mode.  Which is my favorite because I am not at all a control freak who needs to know exactly what we're dealing with.  If it does grow and develop, we'll go back to the geneticist.  If he's developing a left sided defect, along with his right sided defect, his cardiologist seems fairly confident something genetic is going on.  But, for now, we wait.  And deal with the emotional fallout of the appointment for us and Drew.  And then, we soldier on.  Because being strong is the only choice we have.

Bye Bye Casein

And bye bye dairy, as a result.

This coming week, I will begin my journey into dairy free living.  I am also cutting WAY back on the wheat/gluten consumption.

Excuse me while I throw a mini-tantrum for a moment...

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!

OK, all better.

Why? The reason is simple ...

I'm allergic to casein.

Yes, somehow after 33 yrs, it has been demonstrated that casein is actually harming my body and so, my beloved cheese is a thing of the past.  In its place, Daiya shredded varieties for cooking and trying to figure out how to make cheese from nuts without GOING nuts.  I refuse to buy the replacements for sliced cheese, not after the reviews I've read.  *yuck* I think I'll be OK with ice cream and yogurt, and I've already been mostly drinking almond milk anyway...it's really the cheese.  But, if my gut stops feeling like hell all the time, I'll take it.  If I stop looking 16 weeks pregnant everyday, I'll take it.

SO, why gluten/wheat too?  Again, the reason is simple ...

I bloat out like nobody's business if I eat carbs these days.  Even cutting out dairy, which I've mostly done at this point, even though it's not "official" until the 1st, isn't totally helping the bloat.  And again, I am sick of it.  So, I am going to limit the intake of gluten as well.

I have two books that will be assisting me in the journey, "Go Dairy Free" and "Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight," as well as countless blogs, Pinterest pins, and posts on Babycenter (really, what board type doesn't exist on BBC?!).  I am guessing I'll be on here a lot more now, as I know I'll need an outlet for my struggles along this journey back to health.  I need to stop feeling like crap, help my thyroid out, and lose these ridiculous 10lbs I gained for no reason whatsoever...except my body hates dairy now.

One last WWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

OK, over it.  Onward my friends...into unchartered territory...

The One Where I Catch Everyone Up

WOW.  THAT was a a LONG time between blog posts.  For goodness sakes!  My last post was in January of this year?!  REALLY?  I can barely figure out Blogger now, to be honest.  Sheesh!  Well, I will try to catch you up in one, non-ridiculously long, non-boring blog post.  Or, at least that's my intent!

1) March, 2012 - celebrated Emmett's 1st birthday and Drew's 3rd heartiversary

2) April, 2012 - purchased new home

3) May, 2012 - celebrated Drew's 4th birthday

4) June, 2012 - sold our former home in record time -- 2 days!! Closed on new home

5) July, 2012 - received keys to new home, began work making it our's

6) August, 2012 - Lived it Uh-hup in ATL for the Thirty-One National Conference!  Moved into our new home!!

7) September, 2012 - Drew began 4-year-old preschool and Emmett started back in his CMO room one morning/week.

8) October, 2012 - helped at and attended the 2nd Congenital Heart Walk...got to introduce Dr. Delius, the man who saved Drew's life! :)

In between all of this, my thyroid reared its ugly head again.  SO, here I am, up 10+ lbs since April (between April and June, actually) and finally going to a person who will listen to me, order the proper testing, and treat me appropriately.  But, to be honest, I feel disgusting.  It's not just the weight, it's all the other symptoms (which I won't go into here, some are far too personal) that goes along with it.  I feel like all my hard work, my months of boot camp (which I am still doing by the way!), my commitment to eating better, etc, was all for nothing.  I just can't win the battle of the bulge.  Of course, it could be that I am allergic/intolerant to some things, so I am also being tested for that.  We shall see where this road leads...

I can't promise I'll be on a ton, but hopefully it won't be nearly one year before I write again.  I don't have tons of time these days to write, but it is therapeutic for me, so I need to try.  I am loving our new home, loving seeing my boys growing up in such a serene setting, with so much room to run and play.  I am loving everything with my Thirty-One business, and feel so blessed to be celebrating 3 years tomorrow!  I love my team to pieces, and the company is just beyond amazing.  I am loving my husband...and we are in harmony once again, after a very stressful summer of moving and house stuff.  It is a wonderful life, thyroid crap aside.  I just miss writing....and I miss all my blog friends.  We shall see what the future holds, but I hope to be on here more.

Til the next post ...

The End of 2011

I haven't really been up to writing much lately. I've been busy with my family and with the holidays, and getting on the blog was last on my list. It's an outlet for me, which is why some of my posts are depressing, or slightly negative, or what have you. It's where I go to work out what I am feeling. Where I head to share my joy and ideas. Impersonal? Perhaps a bit. But, somewhere out there, someone else is going through something similar and maybe my words can help them feel a little less alone.

The day I wrote my last blog post, I had the great pleasure of "meeting" a woman who had been following my blog for some time. I had no idea. What fun it was to swap emails and see how much we have in common. And I mean, we have A LOT in common. It was also a little bit fun, kind of like I have my own "fan" or something. Hopefully that doesn't sound pompous, I don't mean for it to. It was just ... nice.

The day after my last blog post, however (well the night after and the day after that night), brought a whole other feeling altogether. A friend of mine from high school passed away suddenly, and without warning. Adding to this heartbreak, her infant daughter also passed away later the same day. I am not going to talk at great length, or in great detail about it, because I want to respect the family; but it was life changing. It was one of those moments when you really step back and realize how fleeting this life is. How fragile it is. And how, in an instant, everything you love and have prayed for can be gone just. like. that.

It has changed how I view my life. Things I used to worry about, fret over really, now seem so stupid. It has helped me to appreciate my husband, children, siblings, parental figures, cousins, friends, nieces/nephews, aunts/uncles, etc, etc, more than I already did. I hold my babies a little tighter and try to let little things slide more these days. After all, what does it really matter? In the long run, what matters is love. Showing love to those you care about. Making every day count. Never giving up on yourself, your dreams, your family. Going after what you want, without apology. Embracing all the fun there is to have in life. Being kind and good to others. These are things I learned from my friend over the years. Even the years when we weren't in communication with each other, I remembered these lessons. They were brought back to me when we reconnected...and in the aftermath of her passing. And these are the lessons I am going to take with me now.

So, 2011 went out on a pretty sour note overall. Most of it was truly great. After all, the year brought us our amazing little Emmett, and I am so grateful to God for giving him to us. However, the last month was rough; especially so for people I care about. I am praying for peace and blessings for them in 2012.

*Facepalm*

That last post was not quite it. I forgot the best piece of news from the last month or so, and since this blog started off as a way to keep friends and family informed about Drew and how he was doing in his journey with CHD, I would be remiss if I didn't post about his latest appointment.

We hadn't been to see his cardiologist since May, 2010. At that appointment, she told us we didn't have to come back for 18 months. Then, when we had Emmett and he had his echo, she seemed surprised by that. But, I digress. We went to his appointment about 2 weeks ago. I was sick to my stomach that whole week in anticipation of it...and yes, it was the same week that E fell down our basement stairs. OF COURSE!

So, we get through all the testing, etc, and his cardiologist comes in. She is asking question after question - to Drew this time - so this part was pretty entertaining, to say the least. Finally, she exams him and then, gives me the news. He is doing wonderfully. His surgeon repaired the PS in such a way that his MPA is staying open, only slightly stenotic (still considered mild). He has his murmur and his left axis deviation still, probably always will, but for now, he is doing amazingly well. His heart is "fabulous." Furthermore, we do not need to go back until November...2013! PRAISE GOD.

Please believe me when I say I do not take this blessing lightly. I know how fortunate we are. We are extraordinarily blessed that a) Drew's CHD was caught when he was young, b) we live where we do with the exemplary pediatric cardiac care our metro area has, c) he was monitored closely, d) his surgeon performed a relatively new technique, allowing more of his own tissue to remain -- thus allowing for his valve to grow with him and continue to stay open. We are beyond blessed. Drew is healthy (outside of what's going around this season -- he's had croup a third time as well, and E currently has it a second time!), active, funny, and most importantly, here.

God is so very good.

Catching Up

Well. It's been some time since I posted here, huh?

In late October, we were fortunate to be able to go on a mini family vacation to Great Wolf Lodge. Drew has a BLAST. We had this trip planned for awhile, but only told him of it the day we were going. Bill was called out of town on a business trip a little bit south of the Lodge, so we decided to go with him and then, visit my family in Pittsburgh. We spent a whirlwind 22 hours in the 'burgh, but I am so glad we went! We got to visit with many relatives in that short amount of time and it was well worth the extreme exhaustion I suffered from the entire next day!

Great Wolf Lodge was oodles of fun! Drew loved the water park (as did Emmett), and he loved the arcade and other activities just as much -- especially the nightly story time show and dance party. I would recommend GWL to families with young children, and would suggest packing your own food and drinks as well. It really helps to keep the trip affordable, and cuts down on crappy eating. We only purchased dinner while we were there and brought everything else. We left GWL with a "gift," however - Drew came down with the croup for the second time our last night there. And Emmett came down with it about one week later. Good times!

Just as we were coming out of the sickie haze that seemed to plague our house, I messed up. I asked Drew to get his shoes on for school and went about brushing my teeth without realizing that Drew getting his shoes meant the gate being open. Emmett's latest talent is crawling, and he's fast. Naturally, since I wasn't being as attentive as I should've been, he found his way to the stairs. And down he went. 11 stairs in all. One sickening thump after another, followed by screams, as panic rose in my body and I ran from the bathroom to our basement landing.

I would love to tell you I handled the situation calmly. That would be a lie.

I freaked out. Called 911 and had EMS come over because I at least had the presence of mind to understand that me driving him to the hospital in that condition would be a bad decision. EMS checked him out and advised us to still go to the hospital, where they called a trauma code. While my sweet boy was being poked and prodded, I was beating myself up internally. The kind souls on the trauma team saw through my pitiful attempts at being in control of my emotions and assured me they see this daily, it was not my fault, and these things happen.

I'd love to tell you these words comforted me in this moment, but...well, you get the idea.

We spent the entire morning in the ER for observation and waiting on the CT scan results...in addition, he needed to eat and keep the food down. Thankfully, he was completely fine and we were released in the early afternoon. Lesson learned, we installed a better gate that night. Mr Curious still crawls right over to it, but this time, there is no way he's going down any stairs because no one but an adult can open it.

So, there you have the "highlights" from the last month or so. We also celebrated Thanksgiving with Bill's family. We have much to be thankful for this year -- two healthy boys, a warm house, food on the table, clothes on our backs and employment. We try to be always mindful of our blessings, even when it's difficult. We are in the throws of the holiday season now, and that can be an especially difficult time to remember to slow down, be still and be grateful what with all the hustle and bustle and people forgetting this is supposed to be the "most wonderful time of the year." Of course, as Christians, we also recognize that the real reason we celebrate is not because of Santa, or presents, or even food -- it's because Jesus was born. Thus, my boys celebrate with a "party" for Jesus. We sing "Happy Birthday" to him and talk about the real reason for Christmas. Yes, we do Santa and have an Elf watching over them; we get a tree, and stockings, and presents. But, we also try to instill in them what we are REALLY celebrating.

I hope you and your's enjoy the many blessings of this holiday season!

My Bucket List

Yesterday was the Detroit Free Press Marathon. No, I did not run it - nor did I run the half-marathon OR the 5K OR the relay - but it did get me thinking. Would I ever WANT to run 13.1 miles?

And my answer?

Yes. Maybe. I think so.

To be honest with you, I am scared. Running was never my "thing." In fact, I hated it with a fiery passion until recently. My first Big House Big Heart turned me on to running, as I walked with Drew and watched all the runners fly past me and celebrate inside Michigan Stadium at the end. For the very first time in my life I thought, "wow, that looks kind of fun!"

As I wondered about the half-marathon, it got me thinking about all the other things I'd like to do in my lifetime - the important events I want to witness, the silly trips I'd like to take, the memories I'd like to make with my family. So, without further ado, here is my (current) bucket list of sorts (in no particular order) -

1) Watch my boys grow up and do whatever makes them happy in life (Dear God, don't let me outlive them. If You grant me nothing else in this life, I will die happy knowing I died before them)

2) Love on my grandchildren and rock them to sleep

3) Go back to Hawaii, especially Maui (*le sigh*)

4) Actually become a bone-fide runner (run a few more 5Ks, then move to 10Ks, then figure out if I want to REALLY do a half-marathon)

5) Get in shape and stay there

6) Finish what I've started - scrapbooks, sewing projects, etc ...

7) Find a career that really makes me happy in my core...and pursue it after the boys are in college

8) Go back to Europe and this time, visit Italy

9) See all 50 states for real (airports do NOT count)

10) Take the boys on a Disney cruise

11) Grow old with Bill, but not outlive him (I know, this one is weird - I just don't think I could handle it)

12) Watch my grandchildren grow up

13) Become more involved in my Church

14) See a day when CHD is as well known as other health issues, funding for research is great and better treatments are saving even more lives

15) Learn to cook ... I mean REALLY cook

16) Learn to dance

17) Learn to play the piano

18) Become conversational in Spanish again and learn to speak Italian fluently as well

19) Write something (short story, novel, series of essays, whatever - something!)

20) Be remembered as a good person - someone who was a true friend, a loving mother, a faithful wife, and a good human being who put others before herself

( I am, of course, continuously working on this one - I will ALWAYS be a work in progress)

I made add to this as the years go by, but I don't think I'll take anything off of it. These are the things that first came to me, and I think they seem fairly reasonable. Of course, some of them I know I have NO control over, but they're on it all the same.

So...what's on YOUR bucket list?