What I'm Learning From My Aspie

Marshall has Asperger's Syndrome. It's a form of Autism. I know calling him my Aspie sounds kinda strange, but it is a nickname for people with Asperger's. Marshall is in 2nd grade this year, and will be 8 in a few weeks. He can be the sweetest, most loving kid on the planet, but then in the same minute, something can make him angry, and he flies off the handle. He doesn't TRY to be angry and mean. He just can't handle the big feelings he gets. We are trying to teach him to control his emotions a little better. We are able to diffuse his major angry meltdowns sometimes, which is a HUGE improvement. He struggles to understand what to do in certain situations. For example, a kid at school kept irritating him. Marshall told him to stop, but the kid kept pestering Marshall, and even hit him. So, Marshall did the only logical thing he knew how to do: he followed the Golden Rule, or what HE thought was the Golden Rule. He did unto others as others did unto him. That is how he understood it. The boy hit him first, so Marshall gave him "Payback". We are working hard to help him understand that he has to report to a teacher if he gets hurt, and not hit the kid back. Oh, this is a tough time. He wants kids to like him, but they don't always do what he wants them to do. He has a script in his mind, and if they don't want to follow his script, he gets mad and doesn't want to play with them. He really WANTS to be social, but on his terms. All we can do is pray for guidance on how to teach him, and pray for patience. We need LOTS of patience.

Busy Summer

What can I say? Life is busy when you are a working Mom! I got a promotion at work, so now I open every day. It is tough getting up at 5am every day, but I do like being off earlier. It will be so nice to be home when the boys get home from school every day. I really do enjoy work though. Chick-fil-a is a good environment, and I have made such wonderful friends there.

Nate went to Scout Camp at the beginning of June, and since Brian is the Scoutmaster, he had to go too. It was such a long week for me, but I survived. Barely. It was so stressful for Marshall. He can't handle his Daddy being gone at night. Nate worked really hard at camp, and earned 5 merit badges.

This week we had a blast at Worlds of Fun, an amusement park in Kansas City, Missouri. It was SO HOT that day, and Nate and I started getting sick to our stomaches, but after resting a bit, and getting wet in the sprinkler, we felt better. Marshall LOVED all the big rides, but he says his favorite was Cyclone Sams. He went on The Detonator about 5 times, and everyone thought it was so funny that he was so little, and kept on riding it. Nate and I loved this ride called The Patriot. I loved being suspended in the air while we went upside down, and through corkscrews. We all had a great time, and enjoyed being around each other for the entire day. We don't get that much these days.

Happy Birthday Mom!

My mother died 19 years ago in January. She would have been 65 years old today. I really miss my Mom, and think of her often. I'm grateful for the 18 years I hadwith her on this earth. She taught me more than I realize.

When my youngest sister Stefanie got married, I decided to make a book for her, filled with memories of our mother. I sent out emails to many people, and got an overwhelming response. She touched so many lives, and made them better just by being there. As I look at my life, I can't help but wonder, hav

e I made people's lives better just by ME being who I am? I definitely have much room for improvement in that area.

One of Mom's dear friends (and college roommate), Sandy Lowe said of her, "She was a lovely woman; the kind I always wished I was: t

all, slender, clean , and very kind. You could see the kindness in her beautiful eyes. She had a testimony of the Gospel, of the Savior, and of the Atonement. Her words were always well thought out, and her opinions seemed wise."

Judy Peterson, Mom's closest personal friend from Naperville

wrote, "Things I remember about your Mom:

1. She was a morning person. She always had a hard time staying awake in the evening. She would begin to nod off about 9:30 at night, even when she really wanted to stay awake and visit. One of the first Christmases we knew you, your Mom was making this wonderful plum cake to give to someone. It was

late at night when s

he put it in the oven, and it had to bake for an hour. She tried so hard to stay awake, but fell asleep and didn't wake up until morning. The cake had been baking for 6 or 7 hours. It had shrunk to about a third of it's original size, and looked like a black brick. She was able to laugh about it."

I think that is so funny!! I have a hard time staying awake late at night too. I think laughing at my mistakes is a great idea because otherwise I might take myself too seriously.

Judy also said,

"7. She sure loved her kids. There was nothing more important to her

8. I can't even begin to talk about music. I have wonderful memories of YNS, singing in trios with your Mom, or helping our kids when they tried out for school musicals, etc. Then there was Nauvoo. What an experience! And do you remember the time we did a fireside up at the temple for all the temple workers?"

There are so many more memories, but even better than all the memories everyone shared perhaps, is her testimony. She wrote it down, and my Dad gave me us all a copy of it. She said, "One of the most challenging aspects in my relationship with Heavenly Father has been to imagine Him, His personality, etc, especially when I have not been fortunate to have a strong relationship with an earthly father. However, that hasn't stopped me from feeling close to Him. I know that He loves me unconditionally, that He blesses us all far more than we are worthy. I have no doubt that Joseph Smith restored the gospel in it's fullness in these latter days, and that *President Kimball is the mouthpiece of God today. I believe in the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon.

I feel I can never repay the Savior for the debt He paid for me through His atoning sacrifice. I have felt His influence time and again in my life. There is no joy sweeter than the presence of the Spirit of God. I have experienced it on many occasions, and I Have no doubt as to the fact that there is a Godhead, there being three separate entities therein. They are very real and are axioms for us to make them a part of our lives."

*President Spencer W. Kimball was the Prophet when Mom wrote this. Today, President Thomas S. Monson is our Prophet, and the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Trying to Finish My Goal

I'm trying to finish up my goal of getting down to my ideal weight. I joined Weight Watchers, and so far I'm doing really good. I've lost 15 lbs so far (in about 7 weeks), and I only have 2 more to go until I get to my 10% weight loss goal. My ideal weight is between 128 and 160 lbs. That is a huge range, so I'm not sure what I actually will get to. I'm just glad I am back to what I was when I moved to Missouri.

Cultural Celebration

We are getting ready for the Kansas City Temple Dedication. The Open House has already started, and we look forward to our tour at the end of the month. As has been the case with all new temples recently, the youth will be performing in a huge Cultural Celebration for the Prophet, other General Authorities, and the public. Nate is REALLY excited about this, and has even discovered that dancing is actually pretty fun! He is dancing to a new version of Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree, as well as The Maple Leaf Rag, and I think one more, but I can't remember what it was. YouTube has a clip of the Popcorn Popping song. It's just a clip advertising the whole CD, but you can get an idea of the song here. The kids will also be singing a song called Arise. It's the Mutual Theme Song this year. I think they are singing "We Believe", but I don't know how that goes. I'll have to ask Nate later, and post a link for it.

What a wonderful opportunity this will be for Nate though. He will get to attend a Fireside the night before the Celebration, where the Prophet of God will speak to the youth. He is really looking forward to that!

Positively Wonderful

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I talk to and about my boys. Too often I'm complaining about them, or frustrated with them. I was reading an article in The Ensign Magazine, (a magazine put out by our Church) called "Taking Time to Talk and Listen". You can read it here.

My family is so important to me, and I don't think I do the best job of making sure they really know I love them. It hasn't been easy having a child with an "invisible" disability. I have always second guessed myself, especially when people tell me they never would have guessed that Marshall has Asperger's Syndrome. I guess got so caught up in the feeling of having to find things wrong with him that I forgot to look at all the good he does. He is such a great kid with tons of potential. Don't get me wrong. We still have big battles, but things are better than they used to be. Sister Wixom said, "Talking, listening, and encouraging do not happen quickly. They cannot be rushed or scheduled-they happen best along the way. When we listen, we see into the hearts of those around us. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of His children. Imagine if we could get a glimpse of the individual plan for each of our children. What if we could know how to enhance their spiritual gifts? What if we could know how to motivate a child to reach his or her potential? What if we could know how to help each child transition from childlike faith to testimony?"

I've decided to memorize (again) 2 Nephi 25:26. In this scripture, Nephi, a prophet in The Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ, tell us, "We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ..that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

I will take it one day at a time. I know I can improve. I have been SO BLESSED to have a beautiful family, and I need to stop the negative talk, and look for the good in my children.

Home Away From Home

In November, I got a job at Chick-fil-A. I really like it, actually. I usually work full-time, so Nate has had to take care of his brother after school a lot. I usually just work days, but sometimes I work until 7 or 8pm. With one car, it's been challenging to work out our schedule of getting Brian and I both to work, but so far we've managed. I've made some friends there, and we have a good time working together. I love the meal benefit they give us there. We get a $6 meal allowance. What could be better than working in a great environment that is closed on Sunday? Getting free food, that's what.

I'm off to work, but while I'm gone, I'll be singing this song by Tim Hawkins-

Click HERE for the Chick-fil-A Song since I can't seem to embed it today.

Nate's Choir

Nate just started his 2nd Semester singing in an audition-only choir at the University where Brian teaches. It's called Griffion Junior Singers. His Choir Director speaks so highly of him. She says he is a leader in his section, he always knows his part so well, and she loves having him in the choir. We applied for a merit scholarship for this semester so we won't have to pay tuition. I really hope he gets it! One of the things I had to submit for his application were two letters of recommend. His director wrote one, and Bro. Roger Hale, 1st Counselor in our Bishopric, and a Music Professor at the University wrote the other one. I think I need to paste those here so everyone who reads this can know how awesome my boy is.

I am writing this letter of recommendation for Nate Bucklein, a Griffon Junior Singer

who is seeking a scholarship to pay for his enrollment expenses for the spring semester,

2012.

Nate has been in Griffon Junior Singers for only one semester, but has proved in that

short amount of time that he deserves a merit scholarship. He is a leader in his section.

He comes to each rehearsal with his part learned and often memorized. He has a natural

talent and sings with purpose and intelligence. He listens carefully to instruction and

implements all my requests with attention to detail.

When we performed in December with the St. Joseph Symphony, a member of the

audience came to ask me his name because she noticed his polished performance. He

stands out in performance and is an asset to this group.

Please feel free to ask for further information as needed to support Nate Bucklein for a

merit scholarship.

Respectfully,

Karen Heyde-Lipanovich

Director, Griffon Junior Singers

Premiere Choir

Awesome, huh? Here's the letter from Bro. Hale--

I would like to enthusiastically recommend Nathan Bucklein as a recipient of one of the merit scholarships to sing

in the Griffon Junior Singers. Nathan is a remarkable young man that possesses wonderful leadership qualities.

He comes from a musical background and I am confident he will carry his musical heritage into the Griffon

Junior Singers program.

Nathan has conducted our church choir which consists primarily of adults. He treats people with professionalism

and respect. He also has a wonderful ability to sing and adapt to those around him in the choir.

I am confident that you will benefit from his continued participation in this wonderful ensemble.

Please free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Respectfully,

Roger H. Hale, Ph.D.

Assistant Professor of Choral Music Education and Voice

Missouri Western State University

I am so proud of my boy!

Temperature Talk

Our after dinner conversation went like this last night.

Marshall completely out of nowhere asks, "Where is the Synagogue Thermometer?"

Me: "What???"

Marshall: "A Synagogue Thermometer! (He gets upset pretty fast when we don't understand what he is asking.)

Brian: "A Synagogue is a place where Jewish people go to worship."

Marshall: "No. A Synagogue thermometer!"

Me: "What are you talking about?"

Marshall: "It's the opposite of Fahrenheit."

There was a loud, "Ooooohhhhhhhhh" from the rest of the family at this point.

Me: "Marshall. I think you mean Celsius."

Marshall's response: "Oh."

Jenga

For Singing Time today, I've decided to play Jenga with the kids. I'll use my "HOPE you get a turn jar" (a flower pot I was given that has the word HOPE painted on it) to choose helpers. I printed the temple cards from previous issues of The Friend, and had them laminated. Then I printed the kids names on them in permanent marker. That way, if they move, or graduate from Primary, they can take their temple card with them.

So, I'm going to write the words for the song, "As a Child of God" on the chalkboard, and then set up my Jenga game on the table. Every time a child pulls out one of the Jenga pieces, we will erase one of the words for the song, and we won't sing that word anymore. They still have to think about what the word is because they have to keep going with the song. When the tower falls, we will sing the whole song (even the words that have been erased will be sung again).

I'm still kind of in the planning stages on this one, so if I change how I do this, I will do another post about it.

I want to incorporate a little more understanding of the words, not just memorizing. I want to get the kids to think about the words and apply them in their lives. I don't want there to be such a focus on the activity that I forget the purpose of Singing Time. The Sharing Time outline says,

"Music in Primary should establish a reverent atmosphere, teach the gospel, and help children

feel the influence of the Holy Ghost and the joy that comes through singing."

So, how do I maintain a reverent atmosphere, but still allow the kids to do wiggle songs, and play a game? What are your thoughts on this subject?

Battleship for Primary

I'm the Primary Chorister in my ward (a congregation). I think it's a blast! There are tons of awesome blogs to read for fun and creative ideas to teach the songs. Today I chose to do Battleship. I got the idea from a blog called, "Diving Secrets of a Primary Chorister".

Here is what my board looked like. It's not as good as I hoped, but it will do. I used Tempra paint, but I guess I should have tried poster paint or something. Then, my loving husband Brian, helped me make the game pieces since he knows Excell and Power Point better than me.

I divided the poster into 9 rows, and 7 columns. That way, I had a nice border. I realized after I painted it all that I forgot to put the letters and numbers on both sides. Whoops! It worked anyway. As you can see from the picture, I put the numbers 1-7 across the top, and A-E down the side. There is a teacher supply store here in town, and they laminated my poster board for me for $3. I got 2 packages of Sticky-Back Velcro from Wal-Mart (in the craft/sewing department). I cut the Velcro into squares, and put the soft side on the poster board. After printing all of the game board pieces on cardstock, I took them to my Primary President's house to laminate (she bought a laminating machine). I put the rough side of the velcro on the game pieces so I could attach them easily.

This is what the finished product looks like. I made a key, and printed it on cardstock. This was one of my layouts. The black circles represent the 1st verse of "As a Child of God." The yellow circles are the 2nd verse, Blue stands for the 3rd verse, and the green ones are Sea Mines. When you hit one of those, you get to do a fun song. For Junior Primary, our fun songs were "Popcorn Popping", "Roll Your Hands", and "Give, Said the Little Stream". For the Popcorn song, every time the kids said the word Popcorn, they had to pop out of their chairs. For "Give, Said the Little Stream", I had them stand up or sit down each time they said "give", and they had to clap every time they said a word that started with "S". The kids really loved it! Senior Primary didn't do "Roll Your Hands". I figured they would feel too babied, so I had them do "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes."

When the kids hit one of my ships (black, yellow, or blue), they had to answer a question about that particular verse of the song. This was such a GREAT way to get the kids to sing the same song over and over, but still have fun. I'm actually really pleased with how it turned out.