Introducing...

Our new dog Barkley!! Haha! You probably thought I meant the baby didn't you? Well, it's not time for him to come yet but if you look off to the sidebar on the right you will see that it won't be too much longer before we are plastering pictures of him all over as well! 

Barkley is a Cavalier King Charles and we bought him from some people who rescued him from a puppy mill. He is so dang cute! We bought him mostly for pet therapy for Maddie. She's doing a lot better with things but still needs a little help. We are trying to use him as motivation for her to do better in her school work and control her temper a little. We've only had him for about two weeks and already we are noticing a difference. We no longer have the weeping, wailing and gnashing of tears-along with the blood drawn, scream at the top of your lungs and destroy everything in sight-battles that we used to when it came time for homework. Maddie knows that if she wants to take her dog for a walk her homework needs to be done on time and correctly. The first day there was no change. In fact, I had to stick to my guns and not let her walk the dog. The family took him on his first walk and she chose to stay home. As I was getting Barkley ready for the walk I could hear her in her room saying, "I hate my mom! I hate my whole family except for Barkley!" and other hurtful things. This is the first time she's said that she hates me. It hurt, but I knew she was just upset. When we got home we talked about it and discussed what the conditions were (again) and things have been good ever since. She's responsible for cleaning up after him, feeding him, brushing him, walking him-basically everything. She's doing a really good job so far and doesn't complain when I tell her she needs to clean up after his accidents. It's calmed her down a little as far as anger goes but we are still working on that. 

People think that I am crazy to even THINK about getting a dog, let alone actually get one!, this close to the baby, but dealing with Maddie's issues seemed to be the bigger problem. It was really causing some major contention in our home and I needed that fixed before I could even begin to think about dealing with these problems on no sleep and with a newborn. The kids really like him and it's brought some responsibility to Maddie that she really needed. Besides, just look at that grin! I hope that grin is a permanent addition to her beautiful face!

Brigham City Temple Dedication

Sunday, Sept. 23, 2012 was the dedication of the Brigham City Temple. This was Maddie's first temple dedication and I am so glad we were able to attend with her. I love sharing spiritual moments like this with my children! For one of their Activity Day projects they decorated white handkerchiefs with white puffy paint  so the girls would have a hankie for the dedication. Maddie was so excited to have it there with her and loved the part when we used the hankie. She was really well behaved and tried to listen as best she could. 

We went to my parents' Stake Center so they could watch the other children while we went with Maddie. 

I am so grateful for temples and that I live in an area that is so blessed to have so many within a short distance of me. I only have to travel a few hours to get to the farthest one and it amazes me that there are some people who have to travel days to get to their nearest one! Plus, it's basically a "free" thing for me to go and do because I don't have travel expenses. Some people have to save up for years and can only go once because of the cost of travel for them. It always makes me feel guilty that my goal is to go once a month and there are several months when I don't reach that goal. My goal should be to go at least once a week and take advantage of the wonderful opportunity that I have to do that! Hopefully this will inspire me to do better and to set a better example for my children. 

It was a very nice day and a great start to the week to share this with Maddie. I hope there are many more dedications that we will be able to attend with the rest of our children.

Game Night Halloween Party

This year for our Game Night Halloween party Jason and I went as the "Operation Game." He was the Dr. and I was the Operation Man. Please take note of the baby that I added to my protruding belly! Jason forgot to bring his special tweezers that I had set out for him so he had to use the salad tongs which are difficult to see in this picture. 

 Our friends the Tobey's came as the ever popular Hunger Games' Peta and Katniss.

There is a fabulous Couples Costume Contest going on over at The Dating Diva's website that I have entered Jason and I into. Please go there and vote for our picture so we can win the grand prize! Because you can vote for two I will also put in a plug for our friends as well. The voting starts on Oct. 16th and goes until the 30th I believe. The winners will be announced on Oct. 31. So don't forget to get your voting experience in early and spread the word to help us win!!!

**UPDATE** Our friends did not enter the contest so vote for the Cruella Deville and Dog Catcher because it is a decoy and doesn't get any votes! Or just vote once and vote for me!
 Vote HERE

8 is great!

Sunday Sept. 9th, 2012 marked the 8th anniversary for Jason and I. We celebrated by going to church and having a birthday celebration for Emma. Not very romantic but still a good day. Our first anniversary was celebrated by the arrival of Emma a few days before so we have come to the realization that our anniversaries will just have to wait on the romance while we are in the process of creating our family. But isn't that what marriage is all about? The joining of two people to create a loving family...well let's just say a family :)

Normally we would at least go out to dinner but with it being on a Sunday this year we didn't do that. We did, however, go to our friends house the night before and they surprised us with a steak dinner and grilled veggies with fresh homemade bruschetta. They didn't know it was our anniversary they just wanted to serve dinner but we counted that as eating out anyway.

So much has happened during these past 8 years that it feels like we've been married a lot longer than that. But I can honestly say that it has been a wonderful 8 years. We don't really fight or have arguments. Our ups and downs have been with life and not with our marriage and for that I am grateful! I'm glad I have such a wonderful man beside me to help me along the way and support me and love me. I hope I do that for him too. Half of our married life thus far has been me pregnant and having children which really doesn't put any woman into a good mood all the time, but I try not to get too carried away with my emotions.

I love ya Babe and I look forward to what the next 8 years will bring...(hopefully half of it won't be more pregnancy and babies :) )

More of Em's B-day

We had family over for cake and ice cream on Sunday, Sept. 9, 2012. We had everyone come to Grandma Childs' house because our house is in the middle of some remodeling of a few rooms. Em wanted a Lalaloopsy Doll birthday. This was kind of hard to find because oddly enough they are really popular right now but there aren't any decorations or anything you can buy at the store. I didn't want to pay for downloads so I had to improvise a little.

The cake is just a strawberry cake mix. For the buttons around the cake I used bottle cap candies and added two little black dots for the button holes with black icing. As I searched online for ideas I noticed that everyone had used some form of a button in everything because these dolls are "sew" cute. So, this was my version of buttons.

The top of the cake is the most exciting thing for me because it actually worked!!!! I never have things turn out the way I want so I was so proud when this came out perfect! The details about how to do it are on my other blog fibbermigee.blogspot.com.

The cupcakes are leftover strawberry cake and a yellow cake. I just used leftover frosting and then added a few buttons.

I printed off some images of Lalaloopsy dolls and cut them out for cupcake toppers. This way everybody could see what a lalaloopsy doll looks like and they would understand the theme. Pretty simple but still took a lot of time. I'll be happy when I don't have to keep up with all the other "super moms" out there and I can just go back to normal homemade cakes in a pan with a little frosting that says "Happy Birthday!" But doing it this way teaches me new things and sharpens my cake decorating skills...if I had any :)

Em got lots of cool gifts and some fancy clothes and shoes. She had a pretty good day with her grandparents and cousins and family.

Emma is 7

Emma turned 7 on Wednesday Sept. 5, 2012. She wanted a Lalaloopsy doll for her birthday and they are hard to find! They have so many cute ones available but you can't find them anywhere! She wanted a Silly Hair Jewel doll but the only one I could find was on Amazon and it would take a month to get here and it cost a small fortune so opted for the mermaid doll whose hair changes color. She was very pleased as it was her second choice.

I checked her out of school and took her to McDonald's for lunch. It's tradition and the kids love it because I buy them a Happy Meal! She wanted Weiner Bean Pot for her birthday dinner. After dinner we went to Trafalga and played miniature golf. She had a fun time and I think she had a pretty good birthday. The family will be coming over on Sunday the 9th for cake and ice cream. She can hardly wait!

Brigham City Temple open House

Saturday, Sept. 1 2012, our family took a little trip north to Brigham City to attend the new temple open house. I love that the church gives everyone an opportunity to be able to walk through parts of the temple before it is dedicated. My kids thoroughly enjoyed it. Nathan always gets upset when Jason and I go to the temple because he cannot go with us. This time he had the chance to go inside with us. He was so excited when I told him we were going and asked with enthusiasm,"do we get to wear our church clothes?"

The drive wasn't too bad. The kids all fell asleep and I did too. I tried to hang on as long as I could but just couldn't make it. It was a cold rainy day...the first we've had in months! But that didn't stop us from going. Brigham City is famous for it's peaches and the architects and designers had incorporated peach blossoms and peach leaves into the designs. It is a very beautiful temple. Olivia was not as happy to be there as the other kids were. She just whined the entire tour about being "firsty" and wanted a drink. It was hard to divert her attention to other things. I was finally able to do it with mirrors, pictures on the wall and "sparkelies" which are the chandeliers. When we got to the baptismal font she asked what it was and I told her this is where we do baptisms for the dead. I think that freaked her out a little because she seemed afraid of it and kept saying, "No! I don't want be baptized." Normally she loves entertaining the thought of being baptized when we are looking at Maddie's baptismal scrapbook or looking at pictures of the Savior getting baptized. Then I realized what I had said and I figured she probably thought that if you do get baptized you die or something of that nature. Kind of amazed me that at such a young age she would put those two together like that.

On the way home we asked the kids what their favorite part of the temple was. Nathan said he liked the "wedding place". He especially liked the place where "married people kneel down," and the large mirrors where he could see a lot of Nate's and daddy's. Emma liked the dressing rooms and Maddie, of course, liked the baptismal font. Olivia once again expressed her disdain for that. We got talking about things and I realized that we hadn't asked Livvy so I said, "Livs, what was your favorite part?" "Cookies," was her reply. "What else?" I asked. "Drink of water," she added. "What else?" I asked once again. "Sparkelies." I don't know what Jason's favorite part was but I always enjoy the Celestial Room. It's so beautiful and peaceful in there. I also loved all the peach blossoms and leaves incorporated. Some of the architectural design was so intricate and beautiful.

As I mentioned before, it was raining outside. Sometimes it was just a little drizzle and sometimes it was raining harder. Unfortunately, it was raining harder when we were leaving the temple. So I didn't get a picture of our family in front of the temple. I just took one underground while we were waiting for the bus to come take us to our car.

I was able to take a few pictures of the temple outside right before we got on the bus.

And then I stuck my head out the window while we were in the car driving past and snapped a few more. On the way home we stopped off at our friends the Howell's house to have a BBQ and see their new home. They just recently moved to Clinton. Outside was a beautiful double rainbow that reminds us of the Love of God. It was a wonderful afternoon and I am so glad that we have these opportunities to do this as a family and share the wonderful blessings of the temple with our children! This year Maddie will be able to attend the dedication and I am so excited to have her join us. I hope she will appreciate it as much as I did my first time. I believe my first dedication was the Bountiful temple and I remember going to the tabernacle with my mom. What a special memory. I hope it's special for Maddie as well.

The Phone Call

In my last post I talked about a negative phone call that I had received. Well it wasn't negative per say, but it didn't leave me thinking positive thoughts. I had a voicemail that went a little something like this, "Hi Sis. Childs, this is Sis. So and So and this message is regarding me taking over your calling. I need you to call me." Ya, I was freaking out!!!! The Bishop had not even mentioned a word to me about this and I kind of thought the way she approached it was a little tacky and insensitive. Especially when I had just been rejuvenated and spiritually fed. I was gun-ho to tell the sisters about this new project and just had overwhelming thoughts of what this could do for them and our ward as a whole. Then I get this?!?

You know it's funny how life works sometimes. Wednesday I was talking to my SIL and complaining a little to her that I had so much to do in preparation for the baby and I just could not find the time to do it because my day was constantly being interrupted by people always needing something and needing it right at that moment. I told her that I had been thinking about talking to the Bishop and seeing how soon he was planning on releasing me and asking him to make it sooner if it wasn't soon enough for me. The next day I went to the GNO that I wrote about and had such a wonderful experience that I was ready to do this calling for another year! I was positive and elated and on a spiritual high...then I got that call the next morning and found myself completely deflated! I had a hard time controlling my emotions when I called her back. I almost didn't call her back but she actually called me as I was calling her and she still was as insensitive as could be about it...of course that's just how I felt. I'm sure she wasn't intending it to be like that at all. She told me it was going to happen in two weeks on fast Sunday. That gave me hope because that meant I had one more week to prepare myself and one more Sunday to give the sisters the challenge to be positive and what not. The Bishop had also given me a few food orders to do and we had a funeral coming up that week. So I had a lot of responsibilities to take care of before the mantel could be handed over. Even with all of these assignments the Bishop still did not say one word to me about this. Sunday morning came and I was getting things ready for church when the name that showed up on my caller id totally put fear and panic into my heart..."Bishop's Office." I knew what this call was going to be about and the anxiety swelled within me. Sure enough, the Bishop said he wanted to meet with me that morning and he was calling my counselors in as well. I said, "so you're going to release us today instead of next week huh." That took him by surprise because I don't think he knew that I knew what was going down. He said, ' uh, ya most likely." Total silence from me as I held back a sob. Yes I knew this day was coming but I thought it was coming later and that I'd have a little more time and so I was completely caught off guard...again. I sobbed the whole time I was in his office. I had Emma grab me three handfuls of tissue from the bathroom when we got to church and just silently wiped tears from my face the whole day. The Bishop asked the "old" presidency to bear our testimonies and then the "new" presidency to do the same during Relief Society. I of course sobbed all the way through that. A few people had said to me during the course of church, "Oh I bet you are just letting out a sigh of relief aren't you!" Or one sister said, "You're finally free." These comments just made me even sadder because I was not happy about this release. I was very sad to leave my sisters and even though I knew who the new president was going to me months and months ago, I still did not think she would love the sisters as much as I did or even take care of them in the way that I had. I told the sisters about some of the comments and said, "I don't know if I'm just weird and it causes me much sorrow to be released from this or if you are all just so excited to finally have me out of here," (which got a lot of laughs), "but I truly am sad and upset that I am being released even though I know it is the right time and it's somebody else's turn to be blessed by serving you." I continued on and bore my testimony and sat down. After church was over I felt like I was in a wedding reception line or something because almost every sister in that room came up to me to hug me and tell me that they loved me and what a good job I had done and the ways in which I had inspired them personally. It made me feel so good and loved to know that I had truly done what the Lord had asked me to do. I really did feel that the Savior was saying to me, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," through the love and tears of the dear sweet sisters. I still did not feel that the mantel had been lifted quite yet though.

Tuesday we had the funeral. I had made all the arrangements and tried to really go out in a high note. I played the piano at the funeral and it felt so good to be expressing my love one last time through music to the family in mourning. I went and did the luncheon working one last time with my compassionate service committee and the other sisters who are always so faithful in helping us. I decorated the tables one more time, spoke to the members of the family and gave them a card one last time, and enjoyed being in the service of my fellow man one last time. When all was said and done I handed the keys over to the new president and said, "they're all yours. Please take good care of them." And then I walked out to my car and drove home feeling for the first time a sense of accomplishment and release. I felt the mantle lifted and I felt completely empty.

I remember when my brother Bryan came home from his mission. He was so sad to be home. I remember my dad telling me about when he was released as a missionary and how my brother just cried and cried. That's how I felt. I felt that mantle lift and I had one more cry fest and then I was ok. Then I was excited to be with my kids and I was excited to not have my phone ring every 5 minutes and I was excited to get my house in order and prepare for this new baby. When we told the kids that I was no longer going to be the president Emma and Nathan cheered. I had already told Maddie before church started because she was having a rough morning and yelling at everybody. I told her that I really needed her to be good and nice today because I was being released as the president (her eyes lit up and her face a smile on it and she perked up) and that I was really sad about it (I had tears in my eyes and her face fell and she knew how hard this was going to be for me.) She said, "I will be good today for you mom. I'm glad you won't be the president anymore but I'm sad because you're sad." So when the other kids said they were happy about it Maddie announced she was sad about it. Olivia didn't have any idea what was going on. Jason was supportive and cried with me, encouraged me, hugged me and really took care of me that day.

Even now, it brings tears in my eyes to close this chapter in my life. Jason put it very well when he told me that when you've invested three years of your time, life and sacrificed all for the people around you it's hard to let that go and not feel sad about it. Even though it's a relief to breathe again, you wonder what you are going to do with your life now that's in not totally devoted to serving the sisters in the ward. He told me to enjoy my time off because it won't be long before I get another calling and quite frankly I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me. If it is only to be a full time mom and devote all my time to having a new little one come to our family and spend time with my children then I will accept that and enjoy it. But if it is another calling in the church to serve then I will gladly welcome that as well.

Just so you know, I've decided to start my "positive revolution" tomorrow...when I can truly start my day with a new prayer in my heart and a deep breath of change. We started the rice experiment in our family but I haven't done well with that with the new change of command and meeting with the new president to orientate her a little. So, tomorrow is a new day-truly-and I will embrace it with open arms and a new positive outlook!

Billion Clicks

Last night I attended a GNO at the American Fork Hospital and it was so wonderful! The speaker that night was Hilary Weeks. I love her music and I just love her! I have really gotten into her most recent music lately and now I know why. Her music has been inspired by her recent "journey" and train of thought. She spoke last night about the power of positive thinking.

First, let me back up a little and talk about my own personal experiences these past few weeks. As everyone knows I am pregnant with our 5th child. This pregnancy has not been an easy one on all levels imaginable! Physically it has been difficult as I was the sickest I have ever been with not only pregnancy stuff but other stuff as well. I literally did not go out of my house or bed unless it was absolutely necessary for 3 months. That was very difficult seeing as how I had two kids in school and I am currently the RS President in my ward. Every moment I was home I spent in bed and we ate out for almost every meal. Emotionally it was a struggle because of the economic state the country is in. How are we going to afford another child? I want to make it VERY CLEAR that the decision to have another child was frought with constant prayer and discussion between Jason and I. It took us a year to decide that bringing another child into our family was truly what the Lord wanted us to do and then it took another 6 months to actually get pregnant. So just that alone was hard emotionally. But, I also have close family members who were also having a difficult time getting pregnant and staying pregnant. So when we finally got pregnant and found that everything was going well it was hard to feel so much joy knowing that there were family members experiencing so much pain with the same situation. Friends all around me were also losing their babies or having difficulties with pregnancy. I started getting paranoid about every little thing that had to do with the baby. I had anxiety about every dr. appt. wondering if they were going to tell me that my baby was no longer thriving. Mentally I started freaking out because I was trying to figure out how I was going to juggle my demanding calling, being pregnant and then having the baby and going through the changes that newborns bring. To say that I was stressed was an understatement, but I felt that I was keeping my composure pretty well. Until someone at church noticed that my countenance had changed. I just told her that I was beginning to feel burned out...but it got me thinking about just how in control of my emotions was I? Things spiraled down from there. For the most part I was able to just "gird my loins" and get through the day sometimes with a smile and happy attitude and sometimes with a sore jaw from "fake smiling" all day. But lately...I've been the Wicked Witch from the West! My poor husband and children just cannot do anything right in this world in my mind. Trial after trial seems to be falling on us this past month or so and while they have all been little, tedious, insignificant things, they seem like the end of the world when you are already down. I started loathing my husband and feeling like he was leaving everything to me to take care of. There are 4 bedrooms that need to be moved around and painted and put together and I feel as if I have had to do everything by myself. Move furniture, clean out the rooms, find a place to put it all and then put it all back together. If I had to be gone during the evening and he'd have to take care of dinner and get the kids to bed I'd be very grateful that he is very capable and willing to do that...however, I absolutely hated coming home to a sink full of dishes, the table not cleared and him sitting on the bed watching t.v.. My rage and anger would rise again and the loathing would start all over. My children were starting to get that itch of being bored and wanting to go back to school. All they would do is whine and fight. Our house was full of "weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth" and it was starting to get on my nerves! I would have blissful thoughts of just walking out the door and never going back...and then guilt ridden thoughts of how empty my life would be without them. This was what I wanted to be all of my life-a wife and mother in Zion- and it was discouraging me that I wasn't happy with my current role. I didn't have any energy or motivation to do anything. I was a zombie trapped in the shell of a woman screaming to get out. My children and I were no longer talking to each other-we were screaming at each other. I was nit-picky and criticizing my children about every little thing. I decided to talk to my midwife about getting on an anti-depressant. I was worried about this carrying over into post-partum depression and I wanted to nip it in the bud before it got really out of hand. I kept that a secret from my husband until I started reading some of the side-effects of the medication and decided it would be wise to tell my husband about it so that he could help "keep an eye" on me and help me notice significant changes in my mood. He told me that he didn't even notice that I was unhappy. I said, "really? You didn't notice that all I do is yell and scream at the kids and think that you and the kids can never do anything right?!" Ya, that comment from him didn't make me feel any better-only worse. I was only kinda-sorta taking the pills because I still wouldn't let my pride get the best of me.

Which brings me back to last night. Hilary talked about a statistic she read that said we think 300 negative thoughts a day. She wanted to put that to the test and decided to conduct an "experiment." She bought herself a clicker and clicked it every time she had a negative thought (at least to the best of her ability.) After a week of clicking every negative, gloomy or depressing thought she had she noticed that she felt...well, negative, gloomy and depressed. So she thought about what would happen if she turned the experiment around and clicked every positive thought she had. I'm sure you know the outcome of the experiment...it worked and she felt more positive and energetic and happy than she ever had before. She talked about how she started sharing this experience with others and how they started doing it in their own lives. Some teachers were doing it in their classrooms and would set a goal. When they reached a certain number of clicks in the classroom they could have a party or treat. She told a story of a young woman who had done it and the impact it had on her life. That story made me think of my Maddie. She has a temper like me and is a constant yeller. I wondered what would happen if I did this with her and how her attitude would change. I thought of our family doing it together. One woman decided to devote to making healthier choices and clicked every time she took the stairs, or parked further away, or chose a healthy food to eat instead of junk food.

Hilary created a website called Billion Clicks and started a revolution of positive thinking. Her goal is to get a "billion clicks" and it has spread throughout the world. 30 of the 50 states are involved and a few countries around the world as well. I am joining this revolution, as well as my family. I'm even thinking of getting the Relief Society sisters involved...at least as a challenge for a week. Think of the impact this could have on the world if we all thought positively! I'm just excited to think about the changes it can have within my own home and within myself! I decided to start right away even though I don't have a clicker yet. Of course, they moment I decide to be positive something negative happens. I got a phone call this morning that really tested me on being positive...but I can't talk about it yet...in a week or so I'll share what this phone call was about.

She also talked about the "Rice Experiment" which I will discuss at another time and let you read about it on her blog. Go to www.billionclicks.org to learn more about this and to read all of her inspirational stories. You log on and record your clicks on the website. You can even share your journey and personal experiences on there. If you are on FB you can go to the American Fork Hospital page and "like" them and get the link to Hilary's talk last night. They posted it on youtube and it is well worth the time to listen to it. I hope you will join me and my family in this revolution!!

Nathan is the Fantastic Four!!

It seems like only yesterday I was in the hospital in intense pain waiting for the anesthesiologist to give me that dang epidural so I could push and get my baby boy here. Unfortunately, that blessed epidural never came. Why? Oh, because my husband and the anesthesiologist had their eyes glued to the t.v. screen as Michael Phelps was making history in the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics. By the time that was over it was too late for me...but my baby boy came anyway. He made history in his own way and we are enjoying him to do this day!

Nate is really in to Buzz Lightyear and all manner of Superheroes lately. His favorites being Mr. Incredible, Spiderman and Batman. He only knows the name of Iron Man because of his cousins but he claims to like him too. So it only made sense that we do a Super Hero theme for his birthday this year. I made cupcakes for everyone instead of a big cake. I made one "super" cupcake for Nate. He just couldn't let go of Buzz this year and wanted him on his cake. I tried my hand at making cream filled cupcakes. They turned out all right. I rolled the cupcakes in nerds to add some fun flavor and color. The super hero cakes are the ones filled with cream and the Toy Story cakes did not have cream, in case there were any crazies out there who didn't want cream in their cupcakes.

Nate got a lot of Super Hero stuff. A Batman outfit, a batman guy, an Iron Man costume (supposed to be for Halloween but right now it's a dress-up) some soccer stuff, some batman jammies, some hiking boots (to which he exclaimed that he had wanted those all his life) and his aunt made him a copy of the Buzz Lightyear movie which he's watched a hundred times since! He came out with some pretty good loot!

He got a big boy Buzz bike from his mom and dad. He's enjoyed terrorizing the neighborhood on that and likes that he can go really fast! He's such a sweet boy and I loved celebrating his special day with him!

First Day of School 2012

It's hard to believe that it's already time to start another school year...but nevertheless here it is! Maddie is in 4th grade this year and Emma is FINALLY in 1st grade! She has been waiting for a looong time to be in school all day and eat lunch at school. This year I actually had fun going school shopping. In fact I got a little crazy and may have bought to much (if that's even possible) but I want my kids to enjoy going to school and getting ready for school. This morning the girls were up before the sun was! They were so excited to go to school that we were ready an hour before we had to leave. This will only be the case for the first week of school. I'm sure that by next week we'll be back to draggin them out of bed.

I love Shelley Elementary!! They make the first day of school so fun for the kids. It can be scary going back to school and having a new teacher and new kids in your class. But when you come to Shelley and you hear the music "Celebrate good times come on!" you can't help but feel excited and happy to be at school. When Em gave me a hug before turning to walk to the doors it was kind of a lingering hug and she seemed a little timid. But she turned around and had a smile on her face as the teachers and faculty greeted her with cheers and smiles waving the American flag. This year the theme for school is Champions in learning and they played off of the recent summer olympics. As you can see in the picture, Olivia is getting into the spirit of the first day of school. Watch in the background as she tries to just walk right in with all the other kids. Brother, unfortunately, spoiled her fun.

Yet another close call!

I woke up this morning to the sweet smell of...burning rubber...wait-what? Sometimes at night when the air conditioner is on it smells like burnt rubber. But this morning it wasn't on and I hadn't left it on all night so what else could it be? I searched the house frantically trying to find the source of the smell. I could smell it in my office which is located upstairs in the very back corner of the house. I cleared away the plugs and cords and sniffed around but still couldn't place where it was coming from. My kids thought I was weird walking around the house sniffing the air and the corners of the house running up and down the stairs and into each room. I told myself I was being paranoid and got to work on my usual daily activities. Nope-I can still smell it and now it's starting to give me that choking sensation and affect my breathing. I have been doing a lot of laundry lately so I went down stairs to check the dryer...again...not there...the fridge? Nope. The dishwasher-ooo gross! Nope-that has a different smell. Better turn that one on! I still haven't turned on the swamp cooler because in the back of my mind I'm scared that it will catch on fire or something. So I wait some more...try to get my hubby's opinion-drat! Not at his desk! So I just decided to let my paranoia get the best of me and I call the fire dept. to come and check it out. They bring in their fancy gadgets and can't locate the source but they head up to the roof to have a look at the swamp cooler just in case. Turns out that while they cannot confirm that this is where the smell is coming from it definitely is a fire hazard and could catch on fire very easily. It definitely needs to be serviced (which let's be honest probably hasn't been done since the dang thing was put in!) and cleaned up a bit. Let's see this house was built in 1959 and it's now 2012 so it could be as old as 53 years-yup probably time to have it serviced!

While we can't be for sure this is where the smell was coming from it is probably likely that this is where it came from and even then-the smell is what led us up there in the first place to notice that this is a potentially dangerous and hazardous machine! Because of my deep roots in the gospel and the fact that I try to think of the Lord in everything, I can't help but thank Him for this wonderful smell that alerted me to danger and where it could be lurking. I am so glad the swamp cooler didn't catch on fire but if I'm now smelling that smell even with it off-that's not a good sign. I'm glad we caught it before it could get any worse and I hope that we'll be able to follow through and really take care of it (a.k.a.-get central air maybe?) Yes I am turning this into a gospel experience because I truly believe that angels are watching over my family and our house. This is the second time this year that we have had a fire scare and I can't help but wonder if it's the Lord's silent pleas to get us to focus on this or prepare us for a disaster. While it is hard to be on top of everything all the time I am truly grateful for these warning signs and hope that I will continue to listen to them and act upon them. I may have been paranoid about this smell but you can never be to careful when your family's safety is on the line! While I do want to get out of this house and into a nicer, bigger, newer one-I certainly don't want to see it burn to the ground along with all of my possessions and risk the safety and lives of my family. Let's see if we can't find a more positive alternative!

Facebook Posts

I decided to delete and deactivate my FB account because it was driving me nuts. I spend way too much time on there, there is nothing of importance on there, my bro. and sis. keep posting profanity and I get sucked into way too many heated discussions that just get me into trouble. So I pulled the plug! Went cold turkey! Get thee behind me Satan! The temptation is no longer! Anyway, I did post some funny things my kids said and good moments that happened that I didn't want to forget. So I copied them into this post so that when I print my blog I will have these forever. I try to write down the things my kids say and do but with all of the technology of this day and age I find that I no longer "write" but "type" them in a place for all the world to see but for me to forget. So here they are more for my knowledge and keepsake than for yours but you are welcome to read them.

Happy Mommy Moment of the day: Maddie found some change around the house and just kept walking around looking for more. She found .95 and asked me if she could give it to the "fast." I asked her why and she said, "Well, because it's fast sunday and I know that the money goes to help those who don't have any money or who don't have a lot of food and I have 95 so I want to give it to them." I found 5 more pennies to add to it so she'd have an even dollar and she filled out the slip all by herself and gave it to the Bishop. She did this all on her own and I am very proud of her! (Feb. 5/12)

While eating lunch with my little 3 year old boy he said, "Mom, I want a baby brother that is not a toy. One that says words like me." Uh oh... (Jan. 30 /12)

My God is truly a God of Miracles...my hubby just fixed an electrical appliance all by himself!..and it works! (Jan 21/12)

We told our kids that we were going to the temple for FHE tonight. My little boy ran downstairs and got into his church clothes (complete with tie and everything!) all by himself. I felt pretty unworthy standing next to him in my jeans and t-shirt! (Jan. 30/12)

Today I had heard, "Hey Mom," about a bazillion times too many and so after we dropped off the last child from carpool I calmly told my children that we were going to play the quiet game and that no one was to say my name until we got home...two seconds later my son said, "Hey Cara,"...couldn't help but smile and laugh and kiss my little boy! (Dec. 13/11)

Em told me earlier that she has been working out downstairs. She came up the stairs and said, "Phew! It sure is hard to walk up the stairs with these big muscles!" (July 19/12)

I asked my son to bring me some more toilet paper because it was all gone in the downstairs bathroom. He came in and said, "Mom, I couldn't find anymore little ones so I brought you a big one." I looked to see that it was a roll of paper towels...ya that should be real comfortable! (July 14/12)

ust told Nate that his dad is going to be one of his coach's for soccer. Emma asked him if he was excited. He replied, "No, I want a real coach!" (July 6/12)

Nate: Dad, you're really good at finding stuff. But you're not very good at fixing them. (May 21/12)

My son had better be the next Jimmer with all of the early morning dribbling sessions he does at 6:30 in the blessed a.m! (Feb. 16/11)

While stopped at a red arrow, my five year old wanted to know why we weren't going when the light was green. I explained that we were turning and the arrow was red. She said: Oh, are we turning left? Me: Yes we are. 5yo: How did I know we were turning left? Me: I don't know how did you know? 5yo: Cause my Holy Ghost told me. (Jan6/11)

Fish died. Lived about 4 years which is eternity in this house! Now...how to tell my daughter...I sense a good old fashioned Bill Cosby fish funeral happening tonight! (Jan. 10/11)

Emma: I wonder why my room doesn't have a door? Nate: Because Heavenly Father didn't make it that way. (Oct. 18/11)

My little boy pulled out three weeds with me and then asked me for a dollar! (June 21/10)

I just love potty training! I checked on my son who is taking a nap and found him naked...without his pull-up on...which he had pooped in before taking it off...sleeping on top of his blanket...I love potty training! (May 3/10)

Just finished reading the entire Book of Mormon with my girls! (Sept. 29/09)

Father's Day

This year for Father's Day Jason got a bunch of new pictures for his desk at work. The last time we were there I noticed that he had such old pictures that two of our children weren't in because they hadn't been born at the time those pictures were taken. I found a couple of cute ideas and decided to do that this year. Nate has been so into superheroes lately that I chose that for the theme. He loves to dress up as Hercules, Spiderman, Mr. Incredible, Puss n' Boots, and of course his basketball superhero-Michael Jordan. I made this cute little saying to go in a double frame with an adorable picture to go next to it.

Wish I knew how to turn that picture around!

The other picture I did as an 8x10. I found this awesome poem about walking with Daddy and so I put the poem in the middle and then had a few other pics to go with it. I thought it was tender!

You can't really see the feet in this photo so here it is in color and a little bigger.

I think Jason really enjoyed these pictures. The kids were so excited to give them to him. We also gave him a new Nike shirt so it wasn't a total bummer of gift giving on Father's Day and the kids gave him a couple of his favorite snacks as well. I gave him a "Trip Around the World." I got the idea from www.thedatingdivas.com. It's the "Passport to Love" post. So far we've taken a Caribbean Cruise and that was a lot of fun. In July we are going to London for the Olympics!

I'm so grateful to have married such a wonderful man who not only takes care of his wife but also his children. Jason is the kind of dad who plays with his children and will sit and let them climb all over him and wrestle with him. He loves to sit and watch sports with his son and he'll even sit and watch a girly show with his girls. He teaches them how to play sports and could spend hours outside kicking a ball or throwing some pitches to his kids. He's the kind of dad who has no problem taking all 4 children by himself and I know that if I can't be where they are that they will be well taken care of by their dad. He's never been afraid to change diapers, get up with a crying child in the night or even clean up after a sick child. He's the best kind of father a kid could ask for and it's no wonder that they are all "daddy's girls and boy." To my children their real superhero truly is their Dad!

Drum Roll Please...

Nate has wanted a boy from the very beginning. We asked him why he wanted a baby brother. He said, "so I can play fetch with him." And then after that his answers got much better. We asked

him what if Heavenly Father sends us a baby girl? He got very serious and said "No! I'll punch her in the face!" So, I guess we'll see what happens...

Mother's Day

I wish I could download my pictures so you could see the fabulous gifts that my girls made me! Maddie made a fabric flower pendant at Achievement Days (Activity Days? Whatever!) and a book of poems at school. Some of the poems she wrote herself and others she illustrated. Emma made me a plate at school and it now has a place of honor. These gifts just bring tears to my eyes. I love the homemade gifts the best. The girls were just so excited all week and couldn't wait for me to open their gifts. Nate kept giving me hugs and kisses and telling me I was pretty all day. I had a meeting that morning and when I came home Jason and the kids had made me breakfast. Omelets with all the good stuff: onions, peppers, bacon, tomatoes and Jason's homemade fresh salsa! The best breakfast ever. Jason also made dinner: Spare Ribs, parmesan potatoes, corn on the cob and baked beans. With all of that good food all day I gained a few pounds! Jason also had to speak in sacrament meeting and he did a wonderful job! The kids just let me relax all day and it was a nice day.

Saturday we went over to Liz's (Jason's mom) and Jason and her kids made her dinner. Carne Asada, grilled shrimp, homemade salsa, 7 layer dip, fiesta dip and fruit. They also made homemade raspberry ice cream. I think she enjoyed it and we had fun spending time with the family.

Monday we had a special FHE with my Grandma and my family. We celebrated Mother's Day there and listened to grandma answer questions about her childhood. She had so many funny stories to tell and as I listened I wished that I had grown up on a farm! Not doing all the work of course, just playing with the animals and having fun. I don't see my grandma as often as I should and I really enjoyed being with her and with my family. One of these days I'll have to leave my kids with someone and go over to her house and talk with her. We could talk for hours about books, memories, church things and just life in general!

Most mom's hate Mother's Day because it makes them feel inadequate or feel like they have failed as mothers. Not me! I love it because my kids treat me like a queen and just fall all over me on that day! I had a great day. I also enjoyed it because I am "becoming a mother" again this year. While this pregnancy has been hard and more difficult than my others, it has also brought me just as much joy to know that another little soul will be joining our family and that I am doing what the Lord has asked me to do as a Mother in Zion. I love being a Mother!

Maddie's Birthday and My Birthday

I think Maddie had a fun birthday this year even though she didn't get a party. I'm a mean mom and I don't do parties every year. We told the girls when they turn 8 they can get their ears pierced. Last year Maddie chickened out but this year she went for it! We started out at Claire's boutique in the mall and they wanted $55 to put little tiny studs in her ear. I said NO WAY! and so we went to Walmart and paid $15 or $20 on the studs she wanted. It even came with a matching necklace. She was so scared but very brave. She just kept talking about getting her ears pierced all day long and thanking her dad and I for letting her do it. She was so proud...and I have to admit that walking around the store afterwards I also had a huge smile plastered on my face. I don't know why but it was a "proud mommy moment" for me. She had a Tinker Bell cake, got lots of books, clothing and earrings for her birthday. Her birthday was on friday and it was also "Take Your Daughter to Work Day." So I checked her out early and we met her dad at AppleBee's for lunch and then the two of them headed off to work. Jason's work is so awesome and they do this whole big shabang for this. The kids get t-shirts, backpacks and all sorts of goodies. They do tours, activities and crafts all day long. She had a blast! I think she had a pretty good birthday.

I also had a great day. My mom and Krista came down Monday and we went to this cute little bistro called Cravings Bistro. They have gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches and it was delicious. Mine was an apple bacon thing and it was mighty tasty! There's a little boutique attached to it called Bella Ella (well they share space I guess). We found so many cute things and made some great purchases. I don't get to spend that much time with my mom and sisters so I really enjoyed it. The morning of my birthday I woke up to my front yard decorated with banners, balloons and hangy down things. There's only one person who is that thoughtful...my first counselor Barbara Kemp! She is so sweet! The kids told me Happy Birthday about 100 times that morning and all throughout the day. I received many cards and gifts from friends and family. Jason came home and made me homemade cheese enchiladas because I had been craving those and kept asking him to take me to a mexican restaurant to get some. So he found a recipe, made them and they were BETTER than any restaurant enchiladas! He and the kids gave me Pollyanna on DVD. It was such a thoughtful gift because I was so sad when one of the kids I babysat pulled out the tape in my VHS. I love to watch that when I'm feeling down or when I'm folding laundry and cleaning. I was so happy to get it replaced! The kids drew sidewalk chalk pictures outside for me and made me many drawings and cards all day long. It was a great day. Later that weekend Jason and I went with my family to a play at Desert Star. "The Princess Bridesmaid." It wasn't their best but it was still fun and I got a fun shout out for my birthday.

I'd say we're two pretty spoiled girls!

Livin' like the Pioneers...not for me!

I've been trying to figure out why I can't keep up on my house work. Sure I have 4 very active kids, a demanding calling and absolutely zero energy, but that shouldn't stop me. I thought about the pioneers. They had to do everything, from scratch, all day long. They had to hand wash everything! Make their bread, butter, milk the cows, garden, butcher their animals, make soap, mend their clothing, MAKE their clothing all on top of sweeping and making the beds and all the other housework details. So how did they do it? I thought about that and came to the conclusion that they didn't have the distractions that I have today. Such as internet, facebook, and t.v.. So I decided to turn off my computer and t.v. this last week and see if I could do it. I thought to myself, "if the pioneers can do it then so can I!"

Monday morning I was feeling pretty good about it. I loaded the dishwasher and washed the rest of the dishes, cleaned the front room (dusted and vacuumed!) swept the kitchen floor, cleaned and vacuumed the stairs and landing and was just getting ready to do a load of laundry when I noticed a puddle of water in front of my dryer. Uh-oh! I looked up at the ceiling and sure enough there was water dripping down in a nice steady downpour. I knew that it had to be either the dishwasher or the kitchen sink and I wasn't happy about either one. So, when Jason got home he called his dad to come and help us locate and solve the problem. Of course that meant that the ceiling had to come down along with a waterfall into one of my new rubbermaid tubs (better than the floor I guess.) After concluding that the dripping was definitely not coming from one of the pipes in the ceiling they went upstairs to check the sink and dishwasher. They pulled out the dishwasher and sure enough there was a little pond of water underneath it. My father in-law turned off the water that goes to the dishwasher and I added calling the repair man to my "to-do" list for Tuesday. I was now stuck without a dishwasher and a full load of dishes to be washed. I thought, "I have to hand wash my dishes?!? This is not what I meant by wanting to be like the pioneers!" I immediately went out for pizza and paper products to live off of until the dishwasher was fixed so I could minimize the amount of dishes I would have to wash.

Well, the repair man couldn't come until Wednesday which made my Tuesday not so happy. We went out to eat again because I didn't want to dirty dishes to make dinner. Wednesday came and not only was the repair man coming some time between 9 and noon, but I also had a Dr. appt. at 1 that I really needed to shower and shave my legs for. Since I didn't get my shower in before the kids woke up I had to wait until after the repair man came so I didn't miss his call. He didn't come until about 11:30 (don't you just love that!) and the result of his coming I certainly could have done without! Basically, because of the hard water we have, the dishwasher needed to be laid to rest. It would have cost more than half of a new one to fix it but with the hard water we would have had the same problem in a year or so. So not worth fixing. Before the repair man left he told me about a list of a million things I needed to make sure I needed to do to my new dishwasher with the hard water. I was only half listening because I was trying not to blow up with the rage I was feeling at that moment towards a certain someone who shall remain nameless. Hard water? Hard water! This whole thing could have been avoided 4 1/2 years ago when we moved into this house if that certain someone would have just bought the missing part we needed to hook up our WATER SOFTENER!!!!! I have repeatedly reminded him that this needs to be done but does he do it? Noooo, and now we have to buy a new dishwasher! When we moved in we had to buy a new front loader washing machine and if the hard water ruins that too I just may go postal! So, I called this certain someone to let him know what the repair guy said but conveniently (and lovingly) left out the "I told you so!" remark that was just bubbling up to come out. I did, however, tell him that there was no way that we were hooking up a new dishwasher until that blasted water softener was hooked up! And so for an entire week we have lived on paper products and food that does not require to many dishes to make. So, back to Wednesday when the repair guy left. By the time he left I was frantic because I still hadn't showered and the kids needed lunch before Emma had to go to school in twenty minutes. I quickly made sandwiches and gave instructions to the kids so I could go down and shower. I told Nathan that when Olivia was done to get her down from her chair and take her downstairs and put a movie on while I showered. I told Em to help out until her carpool came to take her to school. As I'm walking from my bedroom to the bathroom I hear the microwave door shut. I stop in my tracks. I remembered that Nathan had asked if he could finish Olivia's oatmeal from breakfast that morning and there was a spoon in the bowl. So I asked Emma if she had left the spoon in the bowl. She said no and told me that she was just helping Nate warm up the oatmeal. I told her to only do 10 seconds. Then I quickly got in the shower. 

About 5 minutes into my shower Nate comes down and tells me that Livvy fell out of her chair and bonked her nose. I can hear her crying in the background before she comes into the bathroom so I can kiss her nose all better. Well, that's what I get for leaving the 3 year old in charge! Then a few minutes later, right after I put shaving cream all over my legs, Nate comes in again.

"Mom, there's a fire in the house."

"What? There's a fly in the house?"

"No, there's a FIRE in the house!"

Holy crap! I quickly rinse off the shaving cream, turn off the water, jump out of the shower (literally) and throw my robe on my dripping wet body and run up the stairs. I am greeted by black smoke filling the air and the annoying loud beep of the smoke alarm (thank heavens for that!) I run to what I know has to be the source of this fire...the microwave. It has about 38 seconds left...I turn it off, throw it open and a black cloud of smoke and burnt plastic immediately fills my nostrils and my lungs. The oatmeal is blackened beyond recognition, the purple plastic bowl is now a permanent fixture to the microwave and the small flames that have started are still trying to survive. I figured that the kids must have put it in for 10 MINUTES instead of 10 SECONDS. I tell the kids to go downstairs where the smoke won't get them and then run around the house opening all the windows and doors to try and air out the smoke. Coughing up a lung in the process. I make sure to tell Nathan that he was a very good boy to come in and tell me about the fire and that he was a Hero! It is now 1pm and I still haven't shaved...I run down to the tub and do a really quick, cut up my legs, shave job and then get dressed and throw the kids in the car. On the way I call my husband and quickly tell him about the incident. I said, "well, we've had the flood and now the fire. If locusts or termites come I'm just gonna leave." So now I'm reduced to making everything the "long" way and defrosting my meat the night before. Once again I said to myself, "this was not what I meant by 'if the pioneers can do it then so can I!'" I decided not to do any laundry this week just in case one of those modern conveniences decided to put me to the test as well! We had to evacuate the house until later that night because the smoke caused the kids and I to cough and the smell was just unbearable.

Now, a week later, we have a new dishwasher...but the water softener is still not hooked up so that nice little $500 modern convenience is not being used yet. We are trying to decide what to do about the microwave. Buy a new over-the-stove microwave (that went out about a year and a half ago) or buy another little counter one (that came out of storage when the a-fore mentioned microwave went out). Tough call.

The past week and a half has made me realize how dependent we are on these little conveniences and that we live in a world and in a time when we really just cannot "live like the pioneers." I'm a little concerned about what would happen if there was a major disaster and we were reduced to living in tents and cooking over open fires for a while. But, do I really want to learn how to do my laundry in a stream beating my clothes over rocks and figuring out how long it takes to make mac n cheese in a dutch oven pot or if those "gourmet emergency food storage meals" are really as tasty as they perceive themselves to be? Haven't decided yet and I really hope the Lord doesn't throw another disaster my way to force me into a decision! Of course, I look back on it now and chuckle to myself about the adventures we had this past week. Actually, I chuckled about it while in the middle of it just to keep myself from bursting into tears and also to hold back the comment "can it get any worse?" because as we all know, the answer to that is , "why yes! Yes it can!" And then the Lord (who I know has a sense of humor!) shows you just how much worse it can be!

Just to prove my point, while at my appt. on Wednesday I unfortunately got the paranoid Dr. who found a suspicious lump in my breast and then I also had some blood work come back that was questionable as well. So, now I'm worrying about breast cancer and my imagination is going wild on what the other problems could be as well. I am so grateful that I do not live in the pioneer times and that when I went to the hospital to have all the other tests done that their "modern conveniences" were not on the fritz! I am happy to report that I do not have breast cancer and that the other "problems" are not serious enough to worry about...well they are but I can't do anything about them for about 7 or more months and so there's no need to worry myself about them now. I will take these little inconveniences of machines breaking down any day over having to deal with disease and life-threatening issues with myself, my husband or my children! 

This experience has really made me look at what the important things are and what I can and cannot live without. I can live without a dishwasher and microwave. I cannot live without my children or my husband! I can handle doing the dishes every day by hand, but I cannot handle going every day without my most precious treasures! My family is my life...my dishwasher just makes my life a little easier. Without my family there would be no reason for me to do the dishes or make food or wash clothes. And so, I am grateful for this little lesson that the Lord has taught me and for the chance I have to live in such a world where things are easier, accessible, and for the modern medicine that helps to keep my children and husband healthy and alive a lot longer than the pioneers!

Defend your Family FHE!

I was going to post this on my other blog Fibbermigee, but decided to put it on the family blog instead. Surprisingly enough I've had a few people tell me that they actually follow this blog. Wow! Who knew?

Anyway, my mom decided that she wanted to spend more time with the grandkids. When we get together for our "Third Sunday of the month Dinner" we only have time to eat, play a few games and then go home. So, she came up with the idea to do a big FHE once a month. I begged to host first because I've had this idea swimming in my brain for awhile but you need a big group to do it. So this was the perfect opportunity.

I sent out an e-vite to everyone and told them to create their own family coat of arms, or motto or something that would represent them. I told them that they would be "defending their family" like the people of Capt. Moroni did with their Title of Liberty. I have loved this quote from Elder Nelson who said, " Our task to defend the family is not an easy one. In reality we are raising our children in enemy occupied territory." I love the imagery of this quote! It puts things into perspective for me in a way that I can easily see and understand and fight against. So this is what set up the theme for that night.

So Jason and I stayed up one night writing down the things that attack our family or that are temptations that we have to fight against and then we wrote down what the Lord has given us to protect ourselves or use to fight against the Adversary. We looked up scriptures to go with each one and then I found some Minute-To-Win-It games to us as our challenges. When everybody came we showed off our coat of arms, made team names and got to work!

I started off by reading the scripture in D&C that talks about the Armor of God and we discussed that. Then I gave each team a set of scriptures. They each had to do the Scripture Chase to find out what the temptation/weapon was. So, for example: the first scripture was 3Nephi 6:15-16. So each time quickly looked it up and read it and when they knew what the "temptation or attack" was then they raised their hand. If they answered it correctly they got a point. Then I gave them the "weapon" scripture 3Nephi 24:8 & 10. Same rules applied to this as well. After we discussed them I issued the challenge. This particular one was Greed/Pride and the vain things of the world...to be fought against with Tithing. Putting the Lord first. So, the challenge was this: I had three cups that were filled with a different amount of coins. They were covered so you couldn't see them. The challenge was to put them in the correct order of heaviest to lightest. {disclaimer: originally we were going to cancel FHE because only two families were going to participate...mine and my parents...but in the last minute we were able to get my nephews and my brother to come and so I quickly tried to put everything together. Hindsight I would do more cups...but this was for the kids right? I made a lot of these challenges easy enough for the kids to do and simplified them} All in all we had 10 challenges.

Everybody participated and seemed to have a fun time. When we were all done I gave each of the kids a picture of a child in the Armor of God and told them that it was up to them to defend their families. Then we had rootbeer floats and cleaned up. I forgot my camera but my mom of course had hers. So when I get the pics from her I'll post them up.

Randomness thrown out to the abyss...

Ever have those thoughts that you don't really want people to listen to but you just need to get them out there and off your chest? Well, I have a few of those right now so I'm sending them off into the abyss and out into cyberspace...

You would think that being a RS President would have certain perks like more charity, a stronger sense of the Spirit, the ability to talk to people and know exactly what to say and how to say it...but just the opposite is true for me. I used to be a good listener and a great friend. My highschool friends told me that I should become a therapist because I always said the right things to make them feel better and fix all their problems. Somewhere along the way I lost that gift and I don't know quite how to get it back. I seem to say all the WRONG things now and make the problems WORSE!! My patriarchal blessing says that I have been given the gift of Charity but apparently I don't know how to use it properly. I get annoyed when certain people call me needing something because it's not an act of Charity for them anymore but an act of enabling them. I feel that this is one of those rare times when I'm deep down in the depths of despair and I can't seem to pull myself up. I know I'll be able to in the end but it's seeming pretty bleak right now. I used to be an awesome mom who did things with her kids, had potty training down like no other and disciplining my kids was easy and effective. Since I've become the president my family life seems to be falling apart as well. Well, just my relationship with my kids I guess. I can't seem to get control of the situation anymore. I feel like I am in a constant state of PMS with no end in sight and I hate that! I used to be a happy person and a caring person now I offend everyone around me and I don't want to be around anyone. I wish I had a rubber band gun and could just ding all the people that annoy me...which is pretty much everyone at this point! My husband, of course is excluded from all of this. He is so wonderful and so supportive. My kids are great too. They are trying to figure all of this out as well and I know that it has been hard on them. It's not them, it's me.

Saturday was the auxillary training that the Church does and it was awesome! It boosted up my spirits and gave me the strength to go on and continue to serve the Lord. I know that my family has been blessed beyond words because I am in this calling right now. I know the Lord has specific things he needs me to do I'm just trying to figure out how to do it all. I'm still waiting for Angel Moroni or someone to come to me and tell me exactly what to do and how to do it...but I know that's not going to happen. I've been hurt by things that people have said or done to me but I can easily shake those off when I put my priorities back in line. It's the things that I say or do or even think about others that I can't quite shake off. I think I'll just create a little hole in my house that I crawl in and live in and only come out for the Sabbath. I'll bring my family in there too. That way I won't say stupid things or hurt loved ones around me.

But this is more Satan's plan right? If I hide from my family and friends then I'm also hiding from the ones that the Lord needs me to help. So I guess that won't work either.

Oh well. I know that as soon as I'm released I'll have that lightbulb of understanding flicker on. But until then I'll just have to be like Nephi and go and do the Lord's will not knowing what he has in store for me or what his plan really is. So, sorry if I offend you along the way...I really don't mean to. I don't think my brain is really mine at this point. It's stuffed full with things I can't share because of confidentiality and other people's problems and scriptures and the still small voice of the Spirit trying to guide me through all this muck and confusion.

Goodbye, randomness. Please don't come back. Just float out there in space... I feel better already! :)