Congrats girl! You're Pregnant!

Im 20 weeks pregnant, halfway done! And heres a letter I wish I would have got when I took that very first pregnancy test and stared and stared for hours (ok...more like a half hour) trying to figure out if there was really one line or two (I took my first test at 4 weeks and 3 days...haha that second line was WAY light!) But I digress. Once I realized I was indeed pregnant, I was just SO excited! Joe and I decided to keep it a secret, and we did, for a few days...til we realized that we were going to his parents house over the weekend and knew that we wouldnt be able to keep it quiet. We decided to tell the world that we were pregnant somewhere around the 5th week. People were really excited for us, but some people were a little more forthright in their decisions to tell us that we shouldnt have said anything so fast...which has really seemed to set a trend for this pregnancy, which, frankly, has left me far more depressed than anyone expecting their first child should ever have to feel. Here is what I wish people would have told me so far.

Hey girl!

That moment you have waited for your WHOLE life is here! You are going to be the BEST mom EVER! Here are some tidbits that might help you on this journey:

1.)People are going to give you a LOT of well meaning advice, and a HUGE chunk of that will be stuff that you will inwardly roll your eyes at. Just realize early that people mean well, but unless they are adopting your child, its none of their business what you do.

2.)People will tell you all kinds of remedies for anything that ails you. If it works for them, hallelujah! If it does not work for you or you dont feel comfortable doing it, thats totally ok! (and if you keep having the ailments, they will KEEP suggesting the same thing over and over and over...its annoying...but if they didnt care they wouldnt suggest it, right?!)

3.)You're going to feel some really awesome/really strange/really freaky things going on, and chances are, when you share them with someone, they will, in their excitement, go "Oh! Just wait until.....[insert random thing that their kid has already some here]!" and it will be kind of a deflating moment for you, because you are feeling something TOTALLY NEW! This is an entirely new world to you and its overwhelming and awesome and its ok to be a little miffed when your excitement/anxiety/fears/pain/whatever are totally glossed over by "Well, isnt that nifty that you just felt your baby move for the first time! Wait until they don a red cape and fly like my Billy did. THATS a special moment!" (Actually, its totally ok to be MORE than miffed about it, behavior like that is RUDE and those people deserve a ninja chop to the neck.)

4.)Its ok to be uncomfortable with people touching your belly uninvited. Im still working on how to address is, but it is totally OK to feel awkward with people trying somehow to feel your itty bitty fetus inside you. Mostly because it IS awkward. Society should address that.

5.)Prayers become more potent when you are hugging the toilet bowl for the fiftieth time this week. Even if you find yourself praying to the tiny little person in you to 'Just take it, its ONLY water and its GOOD for you!' If you find yourself monstrously sick, do whatever makes you feel better. If you are one of those people who never gets sick, consider yourself lucky!  (and if you are one of those people that is sick the WHOLE time, its perfectly acceptable to be jealous of all those irritating people that tells you that they feel SUPERB while they are pregnant. They will be jealous later when they are losing 80 lbs and you dont have to lose anything because you didnt gain any weight the whole time.)

6.) You will encounter people that know EVERYTHING about what is best for your baby. They may be a veritable font of information regarding car seats, breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, vaccines, circumcision, vitamins, diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, travel tips, bathtime, sleeptime, picking a name, when to feed your baby and what, things you should do or avoid during pregnancy, discipline for your future child, doctors vs. midwives, hospitals/home births/birthing centers, how to buy a crib, SIDS, childhood illnesses, conventional medicine vs. homeopathic treatments, ect. Just because they have Baby Encyclopedia Britannica in their head does NOT mean that they know what is best for YOUR baby. If you feel bad about something, dont do it. God did not bless you with this baby without the proper inspiration that you would need to take care of it. If Ms. or Mr. Britannica cant respect your parenting instincts enough to let you make the decisions that YOU need to make as a parent, then you need to tell them to butt out. Be polite. But firm. FIRM. You and your partner are the only ones who can make decisions for this child, dont let someone else get in on that when its not their place.

7.) You might gain a lot of weight. You might not gain any weight. You might gain the perfect amount of weight. People will comment on your weight a lot and its annoying. Accept it and only worry about your weight when your doctor does.

8.) Naming a baby is HARD! And just when you think you have the perfect name, someone will steal your name or someone close you you will hate it. Have a backup. And decide if you want to use the name if its stolen or loathed. Or you can own the name you love and people can just roll with it. Whatever you decide.

9.) When you wake up at three in the morning STARVING, eat something! Im pretty sure a midnight snack never killed anyone!

10.) Enjoy it :) Find the positives in all the really awesome stuff going on! Paint that nursery whatever color you want, eat that hot fudge sundae, tell people to jump off a cliff...haha whatever it is that you want to do. Go with it and welcome that little one with happy and open arms!

Congrats lady, and hang on...its a WILD ride!

1 Samuel 16:7

In the last week Ive had several glaring alerts to all the things wrong with my appearance. First, my daddy, whom I have not seen in several months came up to visit. Upon his arrival, he proceeded to point out to my brother the 15....ok...20 pounds Ive gained since I began dating my husband. I knew it was coming even before he arrived, but I didnt count on it becoming the topic of discussion for as long as it did, nor did I think that it would hurt as much as it did. Not a word was said about the special effort I had made to look really nice for my parents and brother. (seriously, ask Joe, I spent at least an hour working on my hair and makeup, and changed my clothes at LEAST 10 times before they showed up.) The next day we went to my in laws for our open house in Joe's hometown. Many of his family and neighbors came down to congratulate us, and as happy as I was, I was suddenly VERY conscious of the few little pimples on my chin, my stringy looking hair and more plump figure that Im still trying to figure out how to dress flatteringly. After that, I told my husband that I want to try one of those skinny wrap things that I see cluttering up my newsfeed. I began thinking of getting my hair done to make me look more pretty and of all these things I could do if I were more beautiful. Then, yesterday, I see this video put out by Dove, where these women are taken in to a sketch artist where and asked to describe themselves while the artist, separated by a curtain, draws them. After them comes in someone that they were told to get to know earlier, and they describe them as well. The sketches were VASTLY different, helping the women realize that they are harder on themselves than they should be. I LOVED it, I cried and wondered if I asked, how people would describe me. Would they see the too large forehead a hair stylist once diagnosed me with, or perhaps my eyes, while having a beautiful color, they are too small, too close together and always seem to have little dark circles under them. Perhaps they would see my lips, the ones that I always found beautiful until a Mary Kay lady declared that they were thin. Or the hair that Ive been told is too fine to do anything with. In a moment of despair I changed my funny profile picture that shows my silly personality and a funny, lighthearted moment with my husband to a professional, touched up studio shot of me in my wedding dress. Dont get me wrong, I look very pretty in the bridal portrait, and I love the picture, but I changed it for the wrong reason. I made a new status asking my friends to tell me what they see when they look at me, and I texted my husband, nearly in tears, asking him why he thinks Im beautiful. I got comment after comment about my personality, and my husband gave that answer too. Part of me was disappointed. I mean, being the girl with the 'great personality' is a little depressing. I want to be that girl with the smoking hot body, right?! So today, Im feeling a little bit better, then I see that one of my friends has posted a link to this blog post about why they hated the Dove video. She was frustrated because the video shows what she deems as more attractive people, that it still doesnt say that people with physical appearance conditions are attractive too. So, then I get frustrated. If youve been reading my blog for a while, you may know that I was on a medicine to treat my mild acne and it gave me complications that Im still dealing with years later. Complications that I may deal with my entire life. At that point in my life I had to learn (and then apparently promptly forgot) that my acne did not determine my worth. Then I started remembering the campaign to have Mattel make bald Barbies for little girls going through cancer so they feel beautiful too. Suddenly, the cloud over my head broke, and the spirit began to teach me. The problem with the Dove ad, isnt that it isnt diverse enough. The problem with Barbie isnt that she doesnt show little girls that they arent pretty enough. The problem with my actions wasnt that it was an unveiled attempt to gain validation for my feelings about myself. The problem is that no matter what your argument about how to make women feel more beautiful about themselves we fail to focus on WHAT makes someone beautiful. Im not beautiful because of my cute little nose, or because I have this adorable little dimple under one of my eyes, or because I have these really pretty green eyes. But I am beautiful because Ive been a true friend. Because Ive held the hand of a dying woman. Because I make people smile. Because I love a man who has a past. Because Ive gone through trials and overcame them. Im very ashamed of myself for wanting people to validate my physical traits and being disappointed when they told me that my spirit is beautiful. Or for being a little sad when my husband told me that my personality is beautiful. Id rather be known for being a woman of kindness than a woman of unsurpassed beauty, especially when physical appearance changes and fades. And Id especially rather be known for seeing others for who they are instead of how they look. I want to be like the scripture in the bible that states " But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

We believe...

SO I wont lie, I started this post weeks ago about how we believe that all men should be free to worship how they want and how we also claim that privilege. After reading what I wrote, I decided to start over, even though the title still applies.

There we are yesterday, doing some stuff around the house. The sun is shining, (sorta) and Im organizing some stuff in one of our spare rooms. Joe is in the kitchen doing the dishes and Id just walked in to drop something off, and was on my way back to the spare room when he suddenly blurts out "You know what I dont get?!" I stop, midstride, TOTALLY baffled, because we werent exactly having a conversation.... and I say "Uh...no?!" I mean seriously, its not like I can read minds. He turns and looks at me with this really thoughtful look on his face, almost far off, and he says "I dont get why all these women are thinking that they are going to petition to get the priesthood. I mean...they say they follow the restored Gospel, but Christ's church has NEVER had women with the priesthood...I just...I dont get where they think they can just whine to the prophet and get what they want, when its Christs church, and I dont really see that one changing....ever." Oh...wow. NOT what I was expecting at all. I abandon my project in the spare room and join him in the kitchen where we have this really awesome discussion on women and the priesthood.

This morning Im scrolling though Facebook and I see this tangent about modesty in the church in regards to young children, and how some people are totally horrified at a little girl in a sundress and others are outraged that beehives feel compelled to wear shorts with their swimming suits so that they are modest. Ive had friends get upset with me because I feel like when youre nursing your child you should cover up. My reasons are 1. Someone elses boobs make ME feel awkward. Joe is just like, 'Yeah, whatever...' but IM the one thats like 'Oh...boobs...I cant look at their boobs, but they are hanging out and I dont know where to put my eyes and...AHH! STOP LOOKING AT SOMEONE ELSES BOOBS ALREADY!' and then I sit there and mentally compare my boobs and theirs and its just INFINITELY awkward. and 2. If we have been through the temple and made those covenants then shouldnt we keep them as best we can always? Lots of people argue that there are people our there that wear shirts that cover less than what one covers when they are nursing, but as one who has been through the temple, we are held to a higher standard. I dont think nursing exempts anyone from their covenants. But thats just my thoughts...what works for me doesnt work for everyone else, and thats fine!

Theres all kinds of controversy in the church right now about all things feminist, like pants. Why cant we wear pants? I guess I didnt know that you really couldnt wear pants, because I have and have no problem with it. I mean...theres no rule we cant wear pants anywhere else...right? I wouldnt wear my nasty work jeans to the temple because they have holes...and stains...and the lingering odor of cow poop. Its not my best. I prefer to not even wear it to the grocery store because I feel unkempt. BUT, if I were on a business trip and were in a town where there was a temple and I wanted to go but only had some nice slacks, and not a skirt, boy howdy, Id STILL go. If its -45 and I have to go to church by myself and want to be prepared in case my unreliable car dies, Id wear pants, actually, I DID wear pants. Pretty grey ones that were a heavy wool. And I was warm, and reverent, and comfortable and actually got to sing the hymns without my teeth chattering. It was nice.

The Lord asks us to do our best, to look our best, to act our best, to BE our best. He doesnt expect us to be hyper or hypo religious nuts. And Im QUITE confident that He is NOT thrilled at all with all the contention inside the church right now. We anxiously look forward to his arrival, but we arent living in accordance with what He has taught us. We have a Prophet who guides us, He can help us do what the Lord would have us do, And there are SO many more important things we should be doing rather than fighting over pants at church or whether women should have the priesthood. Im glad that Im a member of the church and that the Lord cares enough about us all as His children to teach us and to lead us, but He cant teach us ANYTHING if we are all bickering like 5 children fighting over who gets to ride one horse first. Im SO excited for conference this weekend, but Im a little worried that instead of hearing incredible addresses on how to grow spiritually and to help our better man, that more talks will be focused on these petty issues. I just hope that for our sake we get it together soon.