Change....

Change.  It's such a strange word.  So many different meanings. Different contexts...Let's just say I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I started loosing a good friend a few months back to change.  He changed. Our relationship changed. The way we communicated changed. Our level of confiding and trusting each other changed. Part of me had been questioning why he'd changed so much? How could he become this person? What inside of him caused this? What changed his mind about what he wanted? How could he not see that he was the reason our relationship had changed? I was blaming everything that went wrong on him. His changes. Though, his changing his mind to get back with and marry an ex ultimately forever forced a giant change in our relationship...I was blaming everything on him.  I was mad at him for changing....But then tonight it hit me.  People change. "People" includes me.

I think back of who I was 5 years ago when I initially finished school.  A giant change. I was an adult with an actual career.  Not just a job, but a career. I was a working adult. I suddenly didn't have to juggle school and work. Though the process took 4.5 years, In a instant my life was changed. 10 years ago I was shy and reserved. Now I've learned to break out of that box (when I want to).  A year ago, I took little more than an Ibuprofen if I had a headache...Now I'm one of those people that carries around a list of medications in the wallet in fear they might forget one of the many.  I've had so many different ideas of how to change my life to be a better person. Funny thing though.  I never did change into that person.  I changed into the person I was meant to be. I changed things in my life that needed changing at the time. Accepted those things that were simply meant to be. The Lord changed my opinions of my life. Circumstances changed, people changed, I changed, opinions changed.  Changed my mind of who I was really meant to be.

Change is amazing.  Change is the opportunity for a new start.  Change can be devastating  or change can bring ultimate happiness. Change will be a powerful force in our lives forever.We will choose to change, and life will force us to change.  Change can happen in a moment, or change can happen over time. We never know when change will come. Sometimes we can't control the changes we must make in life. Change will bring anxiety, but we can't mistake that anxiety for unhappiness nor that unhappiness for a wrong decision. I was talking to a patient just a bit ago who was explaining that what she felt like doing with her life (now that her kids were growing) was such a big change than from what she had planned so many years ago. But these changes though difficult, these changes had made her a better person. Without life experiences, her mind never would have changed. Her possibilities wouldn't have changed.  As humans we require change. So it's true.  Timing is a major component of change...We all change at different times for different reasons. We ALL change, and WE includes me....Embrace the change.

Little Lowly

So.  I'm not exactly sure why I've held on to this little guy for a year without really sharing it, and I don't know why I felt prompted last night to put it here on the blog.  Maybe, it's the Christmas season. Maybe it's all the events that are going on in the world. Maybe, just maybe it's time that it is shared with more than my closest circle. As I said before, I don't profess to be some great writer. My words are not complex, but simple and heartfelt. So here it is. A little piece of my heart.  Put out their for display, criticism, and review.  Just a tiny portion of my Testimony of Our Loving Savior, Jesus Christ...

Little lowly, the Great I Am

Little lowly, little Lamb

Son of God and Son of Man

Little lowly, little Lamb

Sent to Earth, the Great I Am

Little Lowly, little light

Born in a manger under stars so bright

Little lowly, little light

Come to teach of Love’s pure might

Little lowly, heavenly kin

Come to save the world from sin

Little lowly, heavenly kin

Only few would let him in

Savior Holy, Savior King

Thy humble birth the angels sing

Savior Holy, Savior King

Hope, Love, Peace doest though bring

Savior Holy, Savior Man

Working miracles throughout the land

Savior Holy, Savior Man

My tempests cease by thy command

Savior Holy, Holy Peace

Thy tender mercies never cease

Savior Holy, Holy Peace

Thy Atonement, sins true release

King of Heaven, King of Might

Send thy spirit. Hear my plight

King of Heaven, King of Might

Heal this heart, softened and contrite

Little lowly, little lamb

God of love, the Great I AM

(C) Jodie Stanworth 2012

Here goes nothing.....

It's no secret that I love to bake.  I LOVE to bake. But it becomes a little difficult when I can't exactly eat my beautiful creations.  Last night I baked various types of deliciousness for a baby shower for 3 of the girls here at work.  My realization while baking all these goodies? I miss baking things I could eat.  I miss "licking the beaters." Before I would cheat.  Before it didn't really matter as long as it was a little at at time. Cheating is not as pleasant as it used to be. In the past when I do bake something that is gluten-free friendly, it's been out of a box. I don't do it very often because it is expensive. However....I think It's time that I break out of my phobia of Gluten-free baking.  I have spent the last hour here researching GF flour blends. What people like, what they don't. Ratios. Starches vs. Flours. Nut Flours vs. Grain flours. My head is kinda spinning with information right now though.....It all boils down to the fact that it's time to start experimenting!! So here goes nothing. Maybe in time, I will begin to enjoy it.

Moments....

There's  a line from the movie The Vow. "Life is all about moments of impact...And how they change our lives forever."  I've thought about this line a lot over the last few days.  It's odd,  these moments of impact. They come. Despite our efforts to try and change or avoid them. They come.  But, these moments shape our lives. They teach us, weaken us, build us back up, forever working in us a greater change if we let them....And as hard as they can be, without these unsuspecting collisions of life, the moments that impact our lives forever, would life be worth it?

It's been just over a week since one of these said moments of impact came crashing into my life.  And all week It's had me thinking.  Last Sunday, Mom had a mild heart attack.  It seemed to come out of the blue. Of all the people in the family to have heart trouble, I never suspected Mom.  I wanted to drop everything and go. But I couldn't. Instead I sat and waited for updates. Updates and answers.  Heart Cath, CT scans, Ultrasounds, blood tests... No strictures, No occlusions, No clots....No indications of cause. Enzyme levels continued to rise. That night, my brain caught up to me.  Was this her time? How was this going to impact my life? She was just here in town the night before? It's mom! She's just supposed to be there cause she's always been there. I have too much in my life that still needs to happen. Too much that I need her beside me for....

In this moment of impact, there was comfort.  Comfort from the one true comforter. Comfort that can only come through the enabling power of the Atonement.  Comfort that is possible because of my Savior. Comfort that came from the silent pleading of my heart.....Yesterday, during Testimony meeting I had a realization. In part of something my Stake President said.  When we live the Gospel, the Gospel lives in us.  This was the case for me.  I have seen this week the direct blessings that come from living the Gospel of Jesus Christ EVERYDAY. I have seen the direct result of turning to the scriptures and receiving direct answers. I have felt the comfort of the Holy Ghost, even without asking. Companionship that comes through obedience.  I'm not perfect.  I'm flawed in so many ways. But because of the choices I have made in my life. Primarily the choice to live the Gospel the best I could and allow the Atonement to work within me, I have been blessed.

Mom's doing good.  Turns out it was rare result of inflammation targeting the heart muscle.  For now,  she's here.  I think this moment of impact wasn't a lesson she needed to learn.  This moment of impact was for the rest of the family. To bring us closer together. To remind us of what is truly important in life.  To remind us that we need the Gospel Everyday. To remind us how life can change in an instant.

"The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples, effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought [you'd find] them."

Random realization.....

I have a few minutes before I head off to meet a good friend to go see a play at the college so I decided to check the stats and visitors of my blog.  In the process I've read through some of the comments that have been made (And seriously! Feel free to comment.  I'm kind of a "words of Affirmation" kind of person.) and I saw a common trend. So! Let me set the record straight.  I do LOVE my life.  Have I been dealt some challenges? Yes.  Have other's had to face much more, YES!!  With that said.  I am not one of those girls who sets around the house, with a bunch of cats pouting..."poor me.  I'm not married. My life is over because I'm not married. I'm never going to have experiences because I'm not married...."  For the most part, I am pretty okay with not being married yet. Am I letting it handicap me? No.  Do I have moments of self deprivation because of it.  Yes. These moments most often occur when I feel left out of something because I'm single still.  Case in point....Earlier this summer while at the family reunion, all of the cousins were sitting with their spouses talking in the living room.  I however, was in the kitchen talking to the adults only because I felt awkward being around them and in conversation at that moment without someone. I didn't really feel at home with the Adults either but..... It may be a petty example, but, it's how I felt.

I love spending My own money.  I love being able to spend it however and on whomever I want.  I love being able to plan my schedule around my schedule.  I love being able to do what I want and when I want without having to take on the accountability of others.  I love being able to go places, when I want.   I enjoy my life right now, I'm content with being single. Am I happy about it.  Not always.  But neither is Sherri Dew. Just ask her... Marriage is a huge desire of mine.  However, I know it will come when it is meant to come.  And honestly, I know it's going to be pretty amazing when it does. So, yes I'm single.  But, I'm pretty amazing as well.

Color Me Rad 5K

To say that I was in a negative place last Friday is a bit of an understatement! But, before you give up reading this blog because all I do is complain let me say that the happy optimistic Jodie is on the mend and Friday was a moment of weakness. Things changed on Saturday.  Within an hour and a half, I gained a whole different perspective. In 5 Kilometers my opinions changed. Now, I mentioned before that I was making an attempt to get into running. Let me tell you why.

I was semi-active as a child/teenager.  I loved playing Rec sports.  Basketball and Softball.  Yet, even at my best running proved difficult therefore I didn't do it unless I had to.  This was also the reason for the demise of my 4.0 GPA in High School. An A- in PE simply based on my inability to run a mile in less than an allotted time. Fast forward a few years (like 10) and I found myself working with a Personal Trainer to try and improve my exercise abilities.  She challenged me to run a little more.  Occasionally she would test my sprinting abilities.  Here, something sparked...I kinda found that running wasn't so bad.  But just as I was considering making it a habit in my exercise routine I began to have problems with my knees. Running went on the back burner (as with most of my healthy habits).

With the diagnosis of MCTD (and the turn of the year came new resolutions), I decided that it was time  I found the endorphin high I once knew within the solace of the stationary bike.  But as the weight continued to  stick around I only became complacent.  In May, Mandy & Chris came to town to watch the Ironman competition.  It was then that I realized what a difference running had made in Mandy's weight loss.  Being competitive I decided that if she could run, so could I. (Can we say, Anything you can do, I can do better?) There were other factors, but many of them kinda girly/ridiculous....and a dream that sparked something.

So, sometime in June I took to the treadmill, starting with interval training.  After all, it was over 100 degree's in St. George.  I was going to run in the comfort of a 70 degree gym.  I saw a lot of progress in the first few weeks.  By mid August I decided that I would try to run outside.... 80 degrees couldn't be that bad right?  Well, I continued to see progress.  I was seeing a big change in the way my pants fit, even though I wasn't seeing changes on the scale. My joints were actually starting to feel better, and only gave me minor problems. It was then that I decided that I would sign up for an official race--the Color Me Rad 5K...But just as soon as I was really getting the hang of things, one morning during a run, about .5 miles from home I suddenly felt a sharp "cramp" then could also feel an increased feeling of pressure low in my Pelvis.  I'd experienced pains like this before, but this one....The more I tried to run, the more intense it became.  So, trying not to throw-up from the pain, I walked back to the house.  I decided to have it looked at (unofficially of course). Turned out it was a large hemorrhagic cyst on my ovary. As time went on every time I tried to run, the cyst would eventually start bleeding.  There were some mornings that It was all I could do to finish my route by walking home. Since there was really nothing I could do about it, I pretty much stopped running.

It was during this time that I also had a big flare in the MCTD. Primarily the Arthritis component.  EVERYTHING hurt.  I was exhausted. I would wake up in the mornings so stiff that it took a while to get out of bed. I started getting winded even just laying in bed.  Despite the desire, running went on the back-burner. I went occasionally but not like I needed to...Within, my three week break my progress went out the window.  However, I was still determined to run in the 5K. My first run two weeks ago was awful!  I didn't feel the cyst though...I pushed through.

Last Saturday was the 5K. Can I just say that I owe a huge THANK YOU to my friend Mary!  Despite the fact that I still am not the best runner--my endurance is poor, I still struggle with my breathing, 3 miles is pretty much my limit--she stayed with me the whole time.  Running when I did and walking by my side when I needed a break.  But, I did it.  I know that there are many out there probably thinking "A 5K is nothing. What is this girl trying to prove?" I'm just going to say that for me a 5K with an official start/finish line was a big deal. Plus, the fact that it was a "Color run" made it a little more enjoyable. Despite the cold weather, despite the wind, despite my achy feet. I made it! And in personal best time, I might add. (I'm leaving room for improvement)

Running is teaching me that it is more than a form of exercise.  Running is teaching me that I can do hard things. Running is teaching me endurance.  Running is teaching me that there may be obstacles that slow me down, but I can still overcome them.  Running is teaching me patience. Running is teaching me to push myself further.  Running is teaching me that we don't know truly how we will feel about something until we truly give it a try. Running I think IS actually helping my arthritis.  Running can be grueling, but somehow even in the exhaustion I feel better! Running is addictive! Running is doing great things for my body!

I may never be a marathon runner. Right now the thought of that is mentally exhausting. But I'm continuing to find a better Jodie because of it! I'm also still stained from some of the colors!

Freeing my Thoughts Friday

Here it is. 7:00 AM on a Friday morning.  Like most Friday's, I don't have to work today. And Like most days I don't have to work, I was wide awake at 5:30 AM this morning....And here I was worried about sleeping in until I missed my eye MD appointment at 9:00.... Any-who,  I decided that before I put my nose to the grind and work on my thesis some more (Honestly, I'm hoping that one day I will log on to my computer and it will be magically completed,) I decided that I could update those few readers that still follow this thing as to my life.

First my thesis,  I am having the hardest time finding the motivation/dedication to actually submit it to my committee for approval.  You see, I kind of took an idea that my committee chair had and ran with it.  However, I didn't run with it the way he wanted me to.  And, now I'm afraid that because it's not exactly what he wanted the approval process will be grueling. On the other side,  he did promise that he would help me out more than he has.  Since that is the case, he should be happy as a clam that I found as much and did as much with what I did right? Whatever though..... Right now I'm kinda sick of reading about patient satisfaction, hospitality skills, business plans.....blah, blah, blah..... I need to get my head wrapped around this soon. Also, I'm slightly scared that I will target myself at work by writing this thesis.....It could be good. It could be bad, but I don't exactly want either right now.

Next,  I'm working really hard at not being a complainer lately.  I kind of pride myself in not playing the one-up another game, or the join the Jodie Pity Train game.....Lately? I don't know what has come over me.  I feel like every day one or the other comes out. I'm finally starting to feel a  little better after a big flair up in the MCTD with the change of season.  I guess, I've reached my limit on a few things.  And I know that. So I'm trying really hard not to complain about them. But guess what people? Here it comes.....

I HURT everyday! My stomach is Jacked! By the time 9:00 rolls around I am beat! I really HATE the fact that I have to be on TWO arthritis medications just to kinda feel normal not to mention the other meds on a daily basis. I hate that my hands and my feet always hurt. I'm really not happy that people are getting married all around me and yet I continue to get the brush off!  I hate that just as I was getting the hang of running I develop a hemorrhagic cyst on one of my ovaries that makes it  impossible to do more than walk once it starts bleeding. I hate that my MCTD has begun to affect my lungs more and I find myself winded at even the thought of exercise. I hate that I lack ambition lately. I hate the feeling of having to story "compete" just to begin to feel included in the Neuro room. Then having everyone look at me like I'm an idiot when it doesn't measure up. I am Dang good at my job! I know my stuff! Please stop making me feel like a newbie that has to prove themselves just to be accepted into the little group! I'm sorry that I'm not as vocal as Justin or Kassie....It's who I AM! Taking OR Call right now?......I'll leave that one alone. UGH!!!

Lastly,  I'm having a really hard time feeling the spirit consistently right now.  I'm praying, listening to conference again, reading the scriptures (I could do better at this one), working on my calling, going to the temple, paying my tithing. Trying to be conscious of what I'm watching on TV and what I'm listening to. I've forgiven people for things I'd been holding against them....I feel like I've become immune to the spirit at times.  I read through my "church journal" the other day....Where did that person go?  Sometimes I feel like I was stronger 5 years ago than I am today.  Maybe I've changed and didn't notice. I mean things still stand out. I still feel promptings. I have little moments and tender mercies. I just don't feel as close as I'd once did. Almost like it's ALL or Nothing.  I don't feel like I've lost faith or hope.  Where did that feeling of peace that came from listening to the great Women at TOFW go just one month ago? I'm trying to free myself from the worldly pavilions that I use to hide myself from the Lord...I'm working on burying my modern "weapons of war." Don't think that I'm not grateful.  I know from reading this post many would think that I'm not. I am blessed.  I know that. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday for allowing me the blessings he has. The people in my life that he has, experiences, and even the trials that I've faced...I still feel like something is missing though.

To Whom it May Concern....

You know those songs that make great background music.  They're on the CD that you bought because you loved a couple songs and wanted to give the rest of it a shot. A while ago I downloaded the CD Barton Hallow after falling in love with their song Poison & Wine. Needless to say I love this group.  I love their harmonies, their raw voices, their music.  The other day I was driving home from up north and ran across this song. I've listened to it plenty of times, but for some reason (perhaps resent events) this song made me perk up and really listen for a change. Move over Michael Buble`....



Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do

Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
Ooo the way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh
The way your kisses taste
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do, How I do

I've missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh I missed you
I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to

Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently.

It's no secret that I'm a hopeless romantic. It may seem crazy to some.  Missing someone you've never even met? I assure you that it is possible.  I love my life, but there are often times that it would be nice  to know the person that I'm missing these days.

Where's the sign? Creeper tales.

Recent events have me thinking.....somewhere on my person I must have a sign that says "creepers wanted". I have no idea who put it there, but I think it's time for the joke to be over.  Now before you think I'm shallow and picky.....let me explain and provide some background.  Ever since moving to STG 7 years ago, I've met some pretty amazing people. I've also met some winners. Some names have been replaced with nicknames...but here are the stories. Let's start with Justin.  Now, I met Justin in the ward just after moving down here. Justin lived in the apartment above and to the right of me. So far doesn'tsoundso bad right? Well, one day I was walking the block home from school when Justin started to walk with me....he was polite and reasonably goood looking (after all when you're not the cover of Vouge, you can't expect the cover of GQ).  As we walked the distance he asked me you leave for school at 8 right? He then proceeded to tell me other things that I do.....the flag should have gone up but this creeper was at least cute. Long story short we went out. He insulted me a time or two, and took me home. I wasn't flattered to say the least.

Fast forward a few months and there was Dragon... I actually think his name was Mike or something. This guy hit me up while I was serving tables. Well his buddy did. Curiosity got the better of me and I gave him my number. I should have trusted my gut. Well, dragon called me up to ask me out. In the process he proceeded to ask if I was okay with the fact that he was "pierced and tattooed". I couldn't remember seeing ANY piercing the night that I met him. I asked him where/what his tattoos were he explained they were highly religious and I remember something about Dragons.....my inner Helen kicked in and I openly explained that things were NOT going to work out!!!


The next real creeper that I remember was a few years later....plenty of fish! Plentyoffish.com is a dating website that my roommate at the time was fishing for dates on.  Well one day she found a guy, spent the day texting/IMing, and eventually a date that night. I know what you're thinking...just hold on. Well a couple days later he came over to see her. I of course was looking my best in sweats,no make-up, and a ponytail.  I was not impressed by POF. He screamed creeper. He hung out for a few minutes before walking out to his truck with the roommate. Evidently he told her at the truck that he thought they should just be friends.  I guess not 15 minutes later he texted her..." can I have your roommates number? She was hot!" The crazy creepy factor outweighed the compliment factor...

Then there was Shrek. Shrek wasn't as much a creeper as he was really weird. During our date which was just awkward, someone made a refence to the effect of "show your wife what kind of man you are!" The thought of that was creepy in itself.

Coupon, showed a little more promise. He actually lasted 2 dates and a group dinner. I think only cause I was feeling a little extra needy and extremely nice. Our first date he showed up  with a coupon for dinner, the group dinner he belittled our waitress over a $4 shake which he never ordered, and the 2nd date he proceeded to tell me that I wasn't worth the $20 movie he had asked me to go to with him.

Now the latest.... This young man will remain nameless but is in my ward. He showed up in scene a few months ago but just hid in the background....I do not recall ever giving the impression that I was interested. We ended up talking one night out of obligation outside the bishops office. Over the past week he has commented and liked one too many of my FB statuses, and last night's took the cake. I had written "Men simply don't know what they're missing out on". He commented back "I'm curious though doesn't that count?". NO it does not count. You creep me out! I am not interested and I don't like to be rude.....but pursue this further and I will be forced to unleash some inner Helen on you!!!!

There have been other creepy flirting moments but I have erased them from memory. I've decided there must be a sign..... Joke's over! The amount of bad dates far outweigh the good ones.....I think it's time for the tides to change.

The Missing truths...

Looking back, I think I left some of the hardest for last....

Day 10 : Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know--Well, the aforementioned needed forgiveness is probably the same person that I need to let go of. Truth is I know that I need to let go of him, but right now is not the time.  I know the day is coming. It's inevitable.  I mean how long can you carry along the unrequited love before your heart breaks completely and you end up destroying yourself? I'm learning there are times that we will all have to let go of the people closest to us...And it won't be on our time table.

Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days--There are so many. Music holds a special place in my life...And it's always changing. This isn't something I can nail down right now.

Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.--Stupid people! Now, I'm the first to admit that I've done some stupid things in my life. I've had stupid moments....But there are people out there who seem to make it their life's mission to just be.........any who.....

 
Day 17 : A book you’ve read that changed your views on something--The 5 Love languages. (first one I could think of that wasn't a novel)...I've always agreed that no two people feel/show/receive love in the same manner. Included at the end of this book is  test to help you learn your "Love Language".  I've taken the time to take the test a time or two and thought that I understood the concepts pretty well.  Before when I took the test, I tied for physical touch and words of affirmation as my primary love languages.... What I came to realize after actually reading this book was my Primary love language is actually quality time.  It's simply knowing that you are there.  I then also realized that the two things I crave is for physical contact or conversation when we are together....I learned more about myself, more about my friendships, more about my family.....Good read.


Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life--I wish I had not let my weight consume me.  I took a good hard look into myself a few years ago.  I fought for so many years to hide behind my weight, convinced that I was more confident.  That it didn't matter.  That if I could love myself, then it didn't matter what everyone else had to say.  Little did I truly know what I was slowly doing to my self esteem. I couldn't see that I was using my weight as a reason to get out of doing certain things.  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.  I have no one to blame but myself--and my love for sweets--I seriously wish that I could have found a desire for eating healthy and exercising regularly much earlier in life. It would have made this hole a lot easier to dig out of.  I may still not be a size 2. Let's be honest I never will be....But slowly discovering and even more confident, more energetic, more loving, more motivated, more Awesome Jodie!

Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

 Dear Friend with a Broken heart, 

I don't know why, despite our many personal and deep conversations, why you are choosing to shut me out of your life. I pray that eventually you will open up and let me in.  Until then, I'm trying to be okay with where I stand currently. I know you think that I don't know what it is like to feel heartache, seeing how I've never just finished my longest relationship up to this point...(3 months). However, It may not have been in a defined relationship, but I have felt the sting of heartache...I know the physical pain of hurting as you are now.  And though I can't take it away, perhaps this little selection of music can help the healing process.

Breathe Again--Sara Bareilles

Cold as Stone--Lady Antebellum

 Let Go--Tyrone Wells

A little bit Stronger--Leighton Meester

Arms of the Rescuer--Jenny Phillips
Better in time--Leona Lewis

Movin' On--Rascal Flatts  
You Never Stop Loving Somebody--Big & Rich

That's when you know it's over--Lee Brice

 

Day 29 : Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.--There are many things about myself that I would like to change. Isn't that the whole purpose of life? My weight, my ability to run, my hair...like I said lots of things.  However, one thing I hope to honestly change about my life is my ability to be empathetic to people. I wish I could be that person who just knows when people need help. To be able to make it last more than a moment. To know what to say, when to say it, when to not.

Day 30 : A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself--


Dear Me,


I've never been one who was amazing with words. So, I'm going to keep this short and sweet.  Picking everything I love about myself is sometimes difficult; the world makes it so easy to only focus on the negative and what we wished we had....That being said, I love my personality, my ability to laugh, my lack of over dramatizing things in life, my love for the people in my life, my hospitality, my abilities, my love for music, my ability to give, my eyes, my testimony, my love....I'm sure I could thing of more if I really gave it some time. So next time the world seems to have you down, remember these few things which make you truly amazing.  You'll soon discover more.


Love Me.

30 Truths

For those of you out there that haven't totally given up on reading my blog despite my hiatus earlier this year, I've decided to share this 30 day challenge with you... Really let's be honest I'm not going to make it everyday for 30 days so I've decided to do as much as I can here in one shot. Preface... I simply google'd blog challenge and this is the first one that struck my fancy. So who's to say what it will really entail...

Day 01 : Something you hate about yourself--I try to be a pretty optimistic person and not dwell on the negative.  However, I am an extremely jealous person.  I analyze too much too often. I turn to envy way too often and often over little things...especially things other people have, that I want or think I should.... 

Day 02 : Something you love about yourself--I love how easy the world seems. Sure I have my trials, but before long I am able to see the reason/purpose behind them.  Perspective! Optimism! I can let things roll along so easily....Sometimes too easily.

Day 03 : Something you have to forgive yourself for--Not being one of the "popular" crowd.  I've always wondered how it would feel to have people like me just because, but I've never known this feeling.  I've always had to work hard for friends and relationships in my life.  It's who I am. I can't hold that against me....

Day 04 : Something you have to forgive someone for--Not loving me the way I love them.

Day 05 : Something you hope to do in your life--Travel! See this beautiful world. 

Day 06 : Something you hope you never have to do--Bury a  child.

Day 07 : Someone who has made your life worth living for--My family! We are messed up in all sorts of ways. But my parents have shown me the simple joys of life. They've given me all the love and support a little girl in this world could ask for. They've taught me to make my own choices, but understand the consequences that follow.  

Day 08 : Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like dirt--Sandra Hales 6th Grade.  After convincing all of my friends not to be friends with me.... She told me I was too fat to be anybodies friend.  That comment still stings 15 years later.  Though I did find much better friends, I find myself still telling my mind that "I'm to fat for that guy to ever want to date me."

Day 09 : Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted--My BFF from High School Dorothee. So many good times together but one misunderstanding hurt her feelings and destroyed our friendship.

Day 10 : Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 : Something people seem to compliment you the most on--It seems as though people are always complimenting me on my eyes and my skin.  I love my eyes, but I've never really thought my skin was all that fantastic.  Perhaps that's because I only see the red flush that is all to familiar.

Day 12 : Something you never get compliments on--My sense of humor.

Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

Day 14 : A hero that has let you down.--I'm not really the hero seeking type....

Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it--Running water.  Really It's a luxury that nobody should EVER have to live without.

Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 : A book you’ve read that changed your views on something--

Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage--Some of the greatest people I've had a chance to meet in this life have been homosexuals.  They are amazing people. I can't imagine what kind of challenge this must be in this world.  However, I can't support gay marriage.  I don't believe in it.  Because of my belief in a Loving Heavenly Father, I can't believe that he would want this for his children.  He set the plan in motion with Adam and Eve.  I believe that children have the God given right to be born INTO a family with a Mother and a Father.  I wouldn't ever condemn someone for entering into such a commitment, but I can't support it. 

Day 19 : What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Politics are too political. I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I love the foundation I have personally with Christ.  I love the hope, faith, joy, and love that comes into my life because of this amazing gospel.  Really despite my beliefs I believe it is important to believe in faith, believe in a Higher power, believe in something to live for! Believe in Christ and God our Heavenly Father. Believe in being a good, honest, humble person.  Without this what else is there?

Day 20 : Your views on drugs and alcohol--Seriously?  My only question to those who fight these demons is Why? WHY? Why would you willing submit your life to a substance? Why would you give up agency and control over your own body?  Drugs and Alcohol have never held any appeal to me. they cloud judgment, the leave you vulnerable, they only drown out the world so long before you must face it...

Day 21 : (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Despite any differences the fight may have caused, they are first and foremost my best friend.   I would forgive, ask for forgiveness, and be there by there side to support and help them through whatever their outcomes were. 

Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life--6 years ago I decided to move in with Trevor for a time. I should have trusted my better judgement.  The year I spent living with him was one of the lowest points in my life. I can't say that it was his fault, cause it wasn't. It was the environment, It was the place and circumstances that I placed myself in.  I learned so much about so many different things...Some of which were hard lessons to learn. 

Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today--I'm still alive because my time on this earth isn't over.  I have so much to live for.  Life has not been without it's challenges that's for sure, but I have tried to use my faith and agency to make decisions. I know that my Heavenly Father has more planned for me in this life.  I may only be today.  Life could end tomorrow.  But I believe there is more to learn and receive and I haven't made too many choices that would mess that up...

Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?--Never.  There's too much to live for!

 
Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now? Life in general! I'm 9 months away from having my Master's Degree.  I love my roommates, I enjoy my job, I love my family, and I'm content being single (sort of)... I love my life right now!

Day 28 : What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? This is honestly something that I've never thought about....But if I were pregnant right now, with life exactly as it is?  I would never terminate the pregnancy. But I don't know that I could actually give the baby up for adoption either. It would probably be the best thing for the little one....But as selfish as I am I think I would prepare to face life as a single mother.

Day 29 : Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 : A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Well, That's the start...I'm running out of time...My last case of this very long day is just about to start. Plus, I really need to get some homework done. I will try and update the last few "days" soon...

Confessions

Hello my name is Jodie, and I have an obsession. 

Now I've always been open and forth coming about my love for shoes and chocolate. This on the other hand is new. See there's this beautiful little joint in town just off of 1000 E and Tabernacle called SWIG. This magical place is a little piece of heaven in St. George. Now for those of you who don't know about this splediferous place I'll fill you in.  SWIG is a small drive through drink shop.  Have a hankering for a Dr. Pepper with Coconut (AKA dirty DP), an avocado bubble tea, or a wild raspberry avalanche? Have no worries you can find it here. With tons of flavors and drink options I have yet to find this place monotonous. Not feeling the need to wet your whistle, but hankering for something sweet? Do not despair, this place has cookies, cupcakes, and ice cream to satiate that. Here in lies my kryptonite (aside from tootsie rolls). I thought my obsession with this place would die out with me cutting caffeine and therefore the dirty diet DP out of my habitual life. I however, was mistaken.  Here in this little piece of splendor one can find a magical pink sugar cookie.  Now I know you're thinking that it couldn't be any better than Grandma B's big sugar cookies that when you read the nutritional information you find they have nearly 1000 calories in a single cookie....You my friend have thought wrong.  These cookies are the sensational. This however presents a problem.  Remember that whole Celiac thing??  Unfortunately when it comes to these cookies, I do not! Until, 20 min after I've consumed the whole thing.  Now, part of my obsession is the pure euphoric taste....However, my true obsession?  Duplicating these cookies. I love baking, and more importantly I LOVE baking cookies.  This love died out just shortly after dad (and I) were diagnosed and Gluten became obsolete. Yet, in the last year, I have found a few people who have offered to freely eat whatever I bake. I have fallen in love with the complements and praises they have given me.  This being said...I MUST find a way to duplicate these cookies!  Looks like I'll be making a lot of sugar cookies in the next little while.  Til then.....

Photo Stolen from my friend Whitney.

HIghlights....

Over the last couple weeks I've been totally wondering when my life got away from me.  Last thing I remember it was April and I was looking forward to not having to work on school for a few weeks at least.  Well,  It looks like I made that few weeks a few months.  I can't believe that the summer is nearly over. Where has my time gone?  I'm not sure... I feel it's been wasting away...and I'm desperate to stop it.

So a few highlights of my summer thus far?

Memorial Day weekend--- Hike to Hermits Cave with the Fam

Mid June--Hairspray with Friends at Tuachan

A little dabbling in the dating life.... 


Trying my feet/knees at running....

Shooting up Blitzer with Friends (Ryanne despised her Math Class and didn't have the heart to sell the textbook back.

Last weekend--A crashing wet weekend at Seven Peaks and a BBQ with the Fam.

Things to look forward to?

Les Mis, Aladdin with the Folks, Memmott Family Reunion,  Finishing  Starting my Thesis, and then school starts back up again.


OH,  a little update on the MCTD....Things are kinda looking up.  They're pretty confident that they've figured out my blood.  It's staying steady and hopefully the B12 and other B vitamin Cocktail pill I'm taking will begin to help me make more....As for the arthritis and everything else,  I just started a new medication (Enbrel) and it looks like it will be helping a lot more as time goes on.  I'm becoming accustom to giving myself shots every week/month. I'm also beginning to realize how blessed I actually am....All of this could have been a whole lot worse.

Til Later....

Jo out!

Caribbean 2012

From Cruise 2012

I was so going to post about this sooner....Alas, here it is the end of February and I have yet to make mention of my Caribbean cruise with Mom and Dad back in January. As a graduation present my amazing parents hooked the three of us up for a week long get away...What better time to spend in the Caribbean then mid January? I was not even the least bit sad to say good-bye to the 5" of snow covering the wings of our plane in SLC as we prepared for take-off... Quick flight and a night in Tampa.... Boarded the ship and we were off... Now, seeing how I was a first time cruiser, as well as still not feeling a little down and out from the Bone Marrow Bx 3 days prior... I was more than happy to take it easy the entire time. First stop Key West, FL. The busiest, laid-back town I've ever seen. People were everywhere. Since there wasn't much time we hopped on the Trolley to see the sights, visit Kermit's Key Lime Shoppe, Margaritaville, and find a real Dr. Pepper at one of the shops on Duval street.

We then sailed away and two days later end just off the coast of Belize. I did not get the rather be 20 min early than 2 min late gene from Pops...... Waiting for a Tender about killed him...But we made it. We even made it with time to spare to the "Butts Up" Bus to take us out to do some Cave tubing. As we traveled through the city and country side of Belize, I was struck by the amount of poverty in the city. Yes, I am that sheltered. Yes, I also realize what a comfortable life I lead. Driving past the only hospital in the COUNTRY broke my heart. But, comfort was restored as I saw two young men...White shirts, ties, carrying backpacks... walk up to a small family sitting outside a small house. Knowing that the missionaries were there to help the people of Belize brought a smile to my face. Just another conformation as to the greatness of God's work here on the earth. As for the CAVE-Tubbing?? What an experience! A little hiking, ate some termites, enjoyed the scenery, and then was able to just sit back and relax for a few minutes as the Belizian tour guides did all the work of getting us down stream. They even topped off our trip with authentic Belizian tamales! We got back just in time to tender back to the ship and head off to our next Locale.... Roatan, Honduras.

The next day proved to be an EARLY morning...Our room was in the back of the ship...and as we backed in to port that day there was now way one could get any sleep. So we were off the boat at 8 AM and shop seeing our way around the pier. About mid-day we hopped another bus and headed off to Anthony's Key to swim with the Dolphins....Really, they just swam around us and we stood there, but it was still amazing and fun. Dolphins are amazing creatures. I expected them to be scaly, not delicately smooth like they were. Our trainer that worked with our Dolphin Maury was excellent and funny. I had a great time. After we spent a little more time roaming around Mahogany Bay and the beach....The entire island was beautiful!

Our last Port of Call was in Costa Maya, Mexico. Ah, what an experience it was. First of all, the water here in Costa Maya was unbelievable. Rain or shine this water was BLUE. Gorgeous blue! We were able to drive inland for about an hour and with the help of Deana we took in the sights of Chacchoben and the Mayan Ruins. Wow is all I have to say. How could you not think of the stories of the Book of Mormon in this place? King Noah, Alma, Samuel the Lamanite....Seeing the sights just made these stories come more to life than ever. It was amazing. And so peaceful. It was great to learn more about the Mayan people....And just as an FYI....though the Mayan calendar may end on Dec. 21 of this year....even they do not believe it will be the end of the world! It simply means the beginning of the calenders again and happens to coincide with what they believe to be a significant cosmic event. But, that's not going to stop us from having an end of the world party in December now is it ma!?

Alas, one more day at see put us back in Tampa early Sunday morning. What a remarkable time. Memories I will share with my parents for a very long time. Good laughs, good people, good food, good shows, and good times all around.

And before I forget, I must give a shout out to our Dining Steward--Mat! HE WAS AMAZING!! I'm slightly haughty about who I allow to call me Jo, but for some reason this little Indonesian was an exception... Such a cheerful, hardworking, observant little guy! You truly made our nights memorable. He's so good in fact, that when the President of Holland America cruises, Mat is called in to be his personal Dining Steward! What an Adventure.

Check out the pictures here!

Mixed Connective Tissue Disease

What started as a simple visit to the Doctor in August for joint pain and excessive thirst has finally brought be answers. When I first approached Dr. Busk with these really random things that didn't seem like such a big deal, I never thought that it would include MULTIPLE blood tests, X-rays, and a Bone Marrow Biopsy. I don't think Dr. Busk even thought that my little aches and pains would be anything major... At first he suggested that it was weight and physical ability related. Alas, when the first set of blood tests showed a low white count and an elevated Rheumatoid factor he decided that there really could be something wrong with me. He suggested Lupus; I suggested Sjogren's Syndrome. WELL. I was partially right. More blood tests, nerve function tests, and x-rays allowed the Rheumatologist to pull everything together as Mixed Connective Tissue disease. Turns out this autoimmune disease "mocks" parts of other autoimmune diseases like Sjogrens, RA, Raynauds and Lupus. So..... I don't actually have any of these diseases, just the symptoms associated with them. So, I now know why my arms turn purple when I'm cold, and red when I'm warm....why I'm thirsty all the time....Why my joints hurt....Why I get so tired so easily.... Why my Blood levels are off.... That it's not really all in my head.... But the best news EVER???? It's not Lupus...nor Cancer! A few pills every day will hopefully have me moving and feeling better than ever.... At least til I can start the more intense medications when I return from Indonesia, Cambodia, and the other Pacific Islands later this Summer.