Joel's 1st Doctor Apt in the USA

December 29, 2014 we headed out bright and early 8:20am to Primary Children's Medical Center (PCMC) Joel's apt is at 10:00 am but we had a snow storm and needed to complete paperwork.  The traffic was horrible but we made it by 9:40 am.  I filled out paperwork, well kinda.  Most of it said Adopted Unknown. This always makes me a little sad. Once the paperwork was done they brought us back for a chest X-Ray.  This gave us our first surprise.  Joel's stomach and liver are on opposite sides that they should be.  The doctor didn't seem to concerned by this so I didn't let it bother me.

Joel then had an ultra sound on his heart (we heard to many terms today so I forget what this was called).  They showed us how Joel has only 2 Atrium's and 2 Valves in stead of 4.  Very interesting to see and wonder why his little heart just didn't form as it should but also amazing to know with surgery they can make his heart work.  I asked the doctor if they see this much and he said yes he sees it quite a bit.  The also did an EKG, took his blood pressure, etc.

I then asked the doctor to check out his hernia and see if he thinks he penis looked ok.  He said he does have a hernia and yes he will need to be circumcised because the foreskin does not pull back like it should.  He said these things we would fix after his heart is figured out.  I then asked if his having cavities was a problem and how soon we should address this.  I am pretty sure Joel has a cavity in his front tooth.  The doctor was most concerned by this and said to get it fixed right away because if it gets infected it could go right to his heart.  So I got Joel an appointment to the dentist.

We then talked about needing to know more about Joel's heart so he wanted to do an MRI and a cath to get a better picture of what is going on.  He also wanted blood work done, he is curious to see if Joel does or does not have a spleen.  We were told he does not but the doctor wants to make sure.  That would change so much for Joel if he had a spleen.  I am praying some serious prayers that he indeed does have a spleen.  So Joel had to go down and have lab work done.  The lab lady tried in his hand and failed so called in help and they got it done in his arm.  I hate that they had to poke my sweet boy more than needed but he was so good.  He cried in his hand but didn't make a peep in his arm.  

Joel's oxygen levels are just to low, that is why he is blue.  So they ordered oxygen for him while he sleeps.  If they can't get it under control they will have to have him wear it all day.  Oh how I hope this doesn't happen night will be hard enough.  So Intermountain Health Care came and set us up for oxygen.  Joel was also sent home with this thing strapped to his chest.  They want to monitor him for 24 hours.  I hope he keeps it on and they get a good reading.

Today the doctor took him off his Furosemide that the doctor in China placed him on.  He also upped the aspirin he is taking from a half pill to a whole pill so he now takes 81mg of aspirin a day.  Aspirin is easy to give him so I am happy about this medicine change.

OVERALL, the doctor thought Joel looked great and was in great health.  He was impressed that his valve was only leaking a tiny bit.  At this point he needs more information before he can put together a plan but he was happy with the first appointment.  He told me to get him into our pediatrician and get his immunizations started (we always re do these here because never sure what they have really received).

So today to sum it up was OVERWHELMING but much more HOPEFUL than I ever thought.  Maybe now I can get some sleep I think this appointment had me more worried than I ever realized.  

Walking out of the hospital I looked at my amazingly supportive husband wheeling out a tank of oxygen.  I said Honey I never imagined this would be our life.  But I am so glad I have him to help me get through it because together we can do this.  Joel deserves THIS LIFE, the best medical care the world has to offer.  He deserves a family, love health and happiness.  Were BLESSED that we can be this for him, we LOVE this sweet boy!!!

Final Adoption Costs

Many people may look at my blog and wonder why I have put every cost on here for Joel's adoption. As stated before I have done this because its the number one question I am asked when people ask me about adoption.  

(Truly its also my most annoying question if I am being honest so I am dealing with it here.)

After wire transfer the total was at $24,539.34

I then had to take 

$647.37 to cover hotel costs in China that couldn't be prepaid

I also had to take $1300.85 to pay for 

Civil Affairs, Finding Ad, Notary Fee, Joel's Passport, Medical Exam for Visa

In addition to above costs I had to pay Tips for my Guides and Drivers while in China

I spent just over $1000 while in China for my meals, tips, purchases, laundry, small amount of touring we did, etc.  (This is the least amount I have ever spent while in China so I was happy.)

So if I did all my math right and didn't miss any expenses Joel's adoption cost a total of 

$27,487.56.
(If we would have had to pay for Jeff a flight to China the cost would have been $28,934.56)

MY advice if you are thinking about adopting.  DON'T THINK ABOUT THE MONEY or you may never do it. It is a lot of money but it is very worth it in the end.  If you truly want to adopt and you have your answer that adoption is for your family He will work it out, He will make it possible.  Sometimes being obedient takes more faith than we think we have at times, this adoption took 100% Faith that He would make it happen because we knew we didn't have the money, we knew Joel needed to receive medical care quicker than an adoption could happen.  So we prayed, we received our answer, we worked as hard as we could and pushed as hard as we could push, I got a job and worked as much as I could, and we then put it in His hands.  He made it happen.  

He made it happen but we had  to do our part as well.  We couldn't sit back and wait for it to happen we had to do all we could and that is why I feel He made it happen.  

We also did fundraising for this adoption, something in the past we never did.  Honestly, its hard to ask for help.  But we found that people wanted to help us grow our family.  So many people were so kind and did fundraisers for us, donated money to help us get Joel home and supported our adoption.  I cried so many times at people's kindness I have never felt more blessed in my life.

So, if you want to adopt.  Pray and Ask.  If its for your family make some goals and plans and work hard to make it happen.  Most agency's have you pay along the way so the costs are not all at once.  Most adoptions take two years so you pay over that time.  Joel's adoption of 4 months is very rare and was this quick due to his sick heart.  We thank everyone who helped us we know we couldn't have pulled it off in that time without everyones support and generosity towards our family.

Finally about ADOPTION COSTS, if your not interested in adopting then don't ask the cost its really none of your business and honestly its rude.  It's like asking what a boob job costs, its very personal, unless you are getting a boob job.  If you really want to adopt then asking the price is fine but say when asking, "I have been thinking a lot about adopting, can I ask how much it costs."  

I don't want my kids growing up thinking we paid for them.  

I do want them to know we did everything possible to make them part of our family!!

Travel Approval is HERE!!

On Monday December 1st I got the call from my adoption agency that TA (Travel Approval) was in the system.  She said she wasn't sure how long it would take to get but she thought it would be quick. I was so excited to know that we are truly so close to getting our little boy.  The next day I got a call that they had our TA and they were applying for CA (Consulate Appointment).  When you apply for your CA you must put 5 dates down.  We decided to put the 22nd, 23rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th.  Our first choice was leave on December 12, Gotcha on December 15, CA on December 22 and home December 26th.  I asked my agency if I could get home for Christmas and she said there wasn't.  So we went through other dates and I decided to call my friend and see how she felt about missing Christmas.  Although I knew she would say lets do it.  She has been so amazing through all this.  I love that she will be going with me to China and I can't wait for her to experience this amazing country.  I was right she said lets do whatever you want.

So I called my travel agent just to get an idea on flights.  He said if my CA was the 22nd I would be home on Christmas Eve.  So I called my agency and said lets put in the dates we discussed and I would pray we would get the 22nd and not have to miss Christmas or travel into the new year.  I seriously stopped what I was doing and prayed.  My agency said we would know tomorrow what date we received.

At 5:30 PM I got notice from the US Consulate that we had gotten the date of the 22nd.  I was so happy and again thanked my Heavenly Father for once again making everything happen in such a perfect way.  I would get my little boy in exactly ten days and I would get to spend Christmas with my family.

I got off the phone and called the travel agency and begin booking our flights.  Again everything fell into place and we got great flights for a great price.  Had we waited til January the flights were almost double in price.

So the old total was $ 18,570.94

Airfare for Joel and I $2350.40

New Total $20,921.34

I then began to email my guide in China to arrange my travel plans.  My other adoptions we were with groups.  Kian small group.  Louvee large group.  This time no group just Tiff and I.  It is much more expensive when you can't share the costs with a group.  We needs guides almost the entire time we are there so it gets expensive.

I was told I needed to wire $3618.00 to China before I left the USA.  This would cover most of our fees in China but not all.  It will cover our guides, one hotel, and transportation.  In China I will still need to tip our drivers and guides daily, pay all adoption fees and eat as well as any tours that we do.

I said I would be very honest with these posts so people wanting to adopt knew exactly the costs.

After wire we are at a Total of $24,539.34

I lay in bed last night and wondered how I would get the money to wire.  I wondered how I could get money off a credit card.  We are just maxed out right now and do not have the money to use.  I finally went to sleep but woke up at 5:30 am again wondering how I would get $3800 (I thought it was $3800 not $3618) Here is the story of what happened next.

I had a lot of stress today thinking about the money.  I called my agency to make sure I could wire the money next week allowing me more time to figure some things out.  They said that would be fine.  I took my kids out for the day to see Santa and attend the Festival of Trees.  I am glad I did as they really enjoyed it.  When I got home I looked at my email and saw that I had a large donation in my Go Fund Me account.  Below is the Thank You I wrote to this amazing donor.

I am sitting here ugly crying trying to think of words to express my humble heart that is bursting open with gratitude.  Today I was told I needed to wire 3800 dollars to China to pay for most our in country expenses.  I was starting to panic as we are truly at our end.  I was trying to figure out how to put this on a credit card.  I think I honestly pray all day that this adoption will work out.  I am then given peace every time.  I feel like maybe my Heavenly Father yells at me because he is sick of my asking saying "I told you I would take care of this".  Jeff called me and said we got a check from the dealership for $2500 that somewhere an error was made and they owed us money (we had to turn in our cool Durango for an AWESOME mini van).  I thought ok we are close we will find the rest of the money.  Then I got an email showing this amazing donation.  I prayed instantly telling my Heavenly Father thank you for sending His angels to me once again.  If you do the math with the $2500 and 1250 and 95 the total is 3845.  We now have the money to wire to China.  When the Lord told us to adopt Joel He said He would work it out.  He has not only with the money but with the time.  Adoptions take FOREVER, ours took 4 months and two days!!  You are all answers to so many prayers.  Please know I will NEVER forget this kindness, I will pay it forward I promise you.  Please hug and kiss everyone for me and tell them how much I love and appreciate all of you.  The miracles we have seen with this adoption have been so many and so tender.  Thank you for helping make this miracle adoption a reality.

I have never once been alone in this adoption journey.  I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who has worked out everything big and small.  Above was a big and now I will tell you a tender small.  I was stressing to get Joel's room ready.  So tonight I dove in and got it ready.  I then called my sister in law Emily to get the crib she planned to loan me.  She said she couldn't find all the hardware but that she found a nice crib on KSL for $50 and she was going to pick it up and bring it over.  Its a darling, very nice crib.  Joel's room is ready for him to come home (almost).  Everything, BIG and small is falling into place.  I am so blessed!!  Pray day and night whenever your heart is full, tell HIM EVERYTHING He will always listen.  He waits for us and wants to help but we do need to ask.

Joel has truly been covered in prayers.

Love Without Boundaries contacted me the other day to share an email they received regarding Joel:

Hi, my names Anna and I'm a college student studying in central Pa. I had the opportunity to spend a month in Beijing this summer and while I was there I spent some of my time doing volunteer work at New Hope Foundation. It was a wonderful experience and it definitely changed who I am as a person. Because I was spending so much time there, there were a few kids who I grew very attached to. There was one little boy in particular named Phan-Phan who I just absolutely fell in love with. The last day I was there emotionally difficult for me to say least. My heart absolutely went out to this child and I would most likely never see him again or know what his future held. He's been in my thoughts and prayers ever since, and my prayer has been that he is able to find a permanent family. 

My experiences in the orphanage led me to re-evaluate what I'm doing with my future. I recently changed my major to human development and family science( a major that would help me to work in places like international orphanages). I'm really interested in Chinese child welfare and chose to focus on it for a project. As I was researching, I came across your website. First off all great job, but secondly you guys absolutely made my day. 

I was mindlessly scrolling through the home page and about fell off my chair when i came across a picture of a kid who looked exactly like Phan-Phan (Nov 14th). I had never been told his " American" name, so the name Joel meant nothing to me. I couldn't believe it, I thought he must just be a kid who looked like him, especially since I that point I had no idea where in China the picture was taken. But lo and behold, after reading through it a million times, I was sure it was him. AND HE'S BEING ADOPTED! 

I'm going to be honest with you, I started sobbing in the middle of the computer lab. I'm so so so happy that he's going to have a family. I completely believe that it's a God thing that his picture happened to show up as a cover on a website I just happened to be scrolling though. It's such an answer to prayer to know what happened to him and to know that he's going to have a family that loves him. 

I know it's unlikely that you will have any contact with the adoptive family, but if you somehow do, I'd love to let them know that they have a wonderful, adorable little boy and that a twenty year old in Pa has been praying for them for the past few months. It really made my day to be able to know what happened to him.

lots of love,

Anna

I was so excited to contact her and tell her that Joel was getting a family and that we were blessed that God chose us.  I hope that she has pictures of her time in China with Joel and I can add them to this post very soon.

I want to share as many experiences as I can regarding Joel's story because he has touched peoples lives all over the world.  

Thank you to everyone that has covered Joel with prayers.

I800 Approved, Visa Submitted for Joel, Visa Submitted for Tiffany and I, Article 5 Approved

So much has happened since my last post.  I will just type quickly to catch you up.  After we received our LOA on November 3, 2014 I signed it and mailed it off to immigration and our adoption agency.  We received I800 approval on November 7, 2014.  The Chinese government is closed from the 7-12 so I hope to get Joel's Visa filed and everything ready for Article 5 in that time.  I was able to fill Joel's Visa out on November 13th.  It was frustrating waiting for the National Visa Center to get the I800 and get it in the system so we could apply.  This step had to be done before we could apply for Joel's visa.  This is a step I do not remember doing with my other 2 adoptions.  I was told that this was a newer version of an old step.  It was quite funny actually as I had to answer pages of questions like are you a terrorist?  Have you ever been a terrorist?  Do you use drugs?  Do you run a sex traffic ring?  And on and on and on...I filled this out at 6am so I was tired and maybe that is why it was all so funny but it was.  My sweet little boy has never been a terrorist.  And has anyone EVER ANSWERED YES to any of those crazy questions.  Like YES I was a terrorist but I am now in recovery...  Once this step was completed our adoption agency submitted all of our paperwork for Article 5.  Most people who expedite this step takes one day.  Well we were sure it would be expedited but after day one and no approval I worried we would wait.  Good news non expedites were only taking a week so I tried to be patient.  I did bother my poor agency a couple of times by email.  This morning I actually called and Amanda was so great and patient with me.  When the call ended I was reminded that I would true in His time frame with this adoption.  Joel would join our family when He was ready and in His time.  I felt peace today.  After waiting since November 13-November 25 we finally got the approval notice today that Article 5 was issued.  

We are down to TWO STEPS!!!! 

Travel Approval-TA

Consulate Approval-CA

TA can take up to two weeks to be issued if not longer.  I have seen other expedited get it within hours of their Article 5.  So tonight I will go to bed with prayers of thanks and prayers that I will remember His timing.  Again I know I have to do everything I can on my end and then let Him work out the time.  I honestly can say I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN to make this the fastest adoption possible.

Please pray that Joel will continue to have good health and that we can get him home soon.

I promised to be honest about everything so people could really understand the international adoption process so I must add up our totals.

$2825.00

$1500 of this is a China Service Fee (honestly have no idea what this means)

$1000 to ensure that adoption post placement reports and visits are completed.  If I understand this right after 5 years if we complete all the post adoption visits and reports they will give us back this $1000.  We will complete all the reports as I feel if I didn't it would be a disgrace to China.

$325 is a Visa for Joel.

$5715.15 China Program-SWI Donation for Huainan (35,000 RMB)

This donation is for the Orphanage that Joel was placed in for a short time.  When we adopted Kian we had to carry all this money in cash to China.  They now let the adoption agency pay it for us which is so helpful.  I would stress so much about having all that money on me all the time.

$350 Tiffany and my Visas for China

Cool thing about this they just put into place a 10 year Visa.  I of course applied for this in hopes I will be back to China within 10 years.  Hopefully on an LWB cleft trip.  I hope we are granted these Visas.

If I haven't told you my best friend Tiffany is making this trip with me.  She is so AMAZING to be willing to do this so close to the holiday season and at all.  Jeff has no more vacation time this year and honestly its to hard to leave 3 kids at home without one of us there.  Tiffany will keep me calm, make me laugh and be my rock.  She can see me at my worst and still love me.  I love her for that and I am so excited to share this journey with her.

$25.74 postage for Visas

Grand Total $18,570.94

Joel you are so worth it, I AM COMING SOON!!!!

I Wasn't Lucky Enough to See It

One year and 3 months ago I met this sweet little boy, we learned that day he was known by the name of Joel.  I remember thinking how cute he was.

I wasn't lucky enough to see it that day.....but McKade was.

I am not sure if I wasn't listening or wasn't quite ready to listen but I didn't see my son in the room that day.

Luckily, McKade saw his brother, their hearts connected, their souls spoke.

I am so thankful my sweet McKade was listening.

Can't wait until we are the ones receiving his sweet hugs again.

We love you Joel, we are coming soon.

LOA-One Step Closer to Joel

We have completed another step LOA-this means Letter of Approval.  China sent us a letter stating that they are accepting our request to adopt Joel.  The more exciting news about this is THEY ARE EXPEDITING HIS FILE.  You never really know if they are expediting or not the only way you know is if things start moving very quickly.  Getting LID on October 25 and LOA on October 27 is HUGE!!  Sadly some families are on day 96 of waiting for LOA's.  But I have told you before that I put this adoption in the Lords hands.  If he wants him home quickly it will happen and I am so grateful to see that it is happening. 

I may have jumped the gun on the next step I800 but I figured it was worth the small $20.00 cost.  We got soft LOA on October 27 which means that we got the email saying LOA was completed but you need the LOA in your hands to sign it make a copy of it and send it to immigration.  So I had my agency send me the email and I printed it off, we signed it and I overnighted it to immigration.  This is a risk because they may not accept the email copy they may require that we have the hard copy from China.  But I had to take the risk as I had no idea how long it may take to get the hard LOA.  Right now our immigration paperwork is sitting in a lock box in Texas.  Remember with the I800a it has to sit there for two weeks before they mail it to Missouri to be processed.  Its just another crazy step in adoption that makes you want to pull your hair out.  So, I wanted to be sure when they got my I800 paperwork that my LOA would already be with the officer (he had already given me permission to mail off my paperwork without the LOA usually you have to wait for that to mail it off.) But I am trying to save as many days as possible so I mailed it off the second I could.  

Good news is we got hard LOA on October 31, 2014 and it will arrive to us Monday November 3rd.  Darn weekend threw off the overnight mail.  So Monday when I receive hard Loa we will sign this and mail a copy back to our adoption agency and mail one off to immigration.  If by some chance he doesn't take the copy he will have this one and it won't slow us down.  It only cost me an extra $20 but if it saves us even 1 day it will be worth it.

Dates:
LOI July 30, 2014
PA August 19, 2014
I800A September 26, 2014
DTC October 14, 2014
LID October 25, 2014
Soft LOA October 27, 2014
Hard LOA October 31, 2014
LOA arrives to us November 3, 2014

So here is what is next we are down to the last steps:

I800 is approved

Article 5 is submitted to China

Travel Approval

Consulate date is set

We bring home our son

Grand Total after mailing LOA's twice:

$40 in shipping

$10,005.05

LID- LOG IN DATE

LID just another term in the adoption process.  With our last two adoptions we got LID before we were matched with a child.  LID means-Log In Date.  This is the date our dossier was logged in China.  Our date is October 25, 2014.  With Joel we were matched before LID.  Once we had LID my adoption agency said the LOA wait time was 30-90 days.  LOA is Letter of Approval stating that China will allow us to adopt Joel.  I called my agency and said this will not work and reminded them we needed to expedite his file.  She told me she would get on it asap.  I then prayed and again put this in the Lords hands.  This is his adoption and it is on his time frame.  I will do everything possible to get it done as quickly as possible but in the end I have accepted that it is up to Him.  We are so blessed to watch all the miracles take place allowing us to bring home our little boy.  

So here is the honest lowdown with money.  We got our next bill from our adoption agency for $5860.00

This covers:

Home study review fee $300

Domestic and International Couriers $600

CCAA fee-waiting child $500

Dossier translation fee $260

Agency Fee $5,700

Discount for matching with a waiting child -$1000

Discount for matching with a special focus child -$1000

Charitable Aid and development fund $500

Matching with a waiting child means that we chose Joel from a list of children that weren't able to be matched because families did not agree to his special needs.

Special focus means that we chose a child with a more severe special need or multiple special needs.

Grand Total $9965.05

OH HE IS SO WORTH IT

I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it...

I bought this for Jeff, I can't remember if it was before or after we were married. But he liked the saying and so did I.  Oh we were so young and had no idea what this would truly mean in our lives.

I don't know why I share all my weak moments but here I go again.  I think I share them to help me remember.  About a week ago I was having another hard day.  I was again exhausted with, well everything.  The adoption process wears me out.  I often feel like I carry this burden alone because I feel like if I complain to Jeff he will say then why are we doing this.  So at times I keep it to myself or vent it to the Lord.  Well I was having my not best day and I started thinking do I really want to add one more to our family?  I have just finished potty training Louvee, we could be done with potty training.  We are close to being able to travel easier.  We would have more money. etc, etc you get the point (I am embarrassed of my selfish moment)  I know this is how Satan works, he wants me to doubt, he wants me to be discouraged, he does not want me to add another child to our family, to the Gospel.  Just as quickly as these negative thoughts started to plague my mind I heard a voice in my head speak very clearly to my mind.  "I did not send you here for easy."  My thoughts quickly changed to why we are here on this earth.  Its not to travel easier, to have more money or nicer things, etc etc.  It is to bring souls back to Him.  It is to raise a family.  I was very humbled and quickly got back on track.  I believe in my heart I would never back out on this adoption for ANYTHING but Satan wants me to, he is working very hard on me.  I am so thankful for my loving Father in Heaven who loves and reminds me of my true purpose in life.

DOSSIER is in the MAIL

Ok to keep you updated on the adoption process.  Last I wrote we had I800A approval and could finish getting all our documents authenticated.  I chose to pay a company to do this (extra $90 so worth it) because they could save me time and right now its all about time.  Yesterday the documents arrived at my house.  I took all my paperwork and went and made a copy of it.  I included Joel's medical expedite letters because we are going to try and get China to expedite.  I spoke to our adoption agency and she said she would be calling as well as having others call.  She told me after they lost Bran (my friends little boy who passed away before his family could get him from China) she was not risking anything and would be pushing very hard to get Joel home.  She also told me she was so impressed with how fast I got my paperwork done.  I said I had a very good reason that kept me very driven.  I also included 9 photos of our family to show China what home and family Joel would be living with.  I also had to include passport copies and passport photos as well.  Once copies were made I took the dossier and had it overnighted to my adoption agency.  They are aware it is coming and have set time aside first thing Monday to get it ready to be mailed to China.  So, if all goes as plan our dossier will be on its way to China on MONDAY.  So excited I can hardly stand it!!!

So here is the running tally on costs:

$11.28 to copy Dossier

$19.99 to overnight Dossier to Madison Adoption Associates

Total $4,105.05

We're coming Joel!!

Did I mention that Kian's dossier took me one year.
Louvee's dossier took me 6 months.
Joel's dossier took me 2 months and 10 days
(and thats after I wasted one month waiting for fingerprints.)
I know my Heavenly Father is making this all happen on his time frame and I am so thankful for all His love and support.

One final thought:

I have some friends with Love Without Boundaries heading to China in a  couple of weeks and I mailed Jan a package to take to Joel.  It included a photo book (with the pictures of Mc and I holding Joel in China).  A toy Dragon because Joel was born the year of the dragon.  A mink blankie, because every child needs a blankie.  A book all about how much I LOVE HIM.  Oh and also a Birthday card because he is now 2!!!  So excited that soon my friends will be smothering him with kisses.  I can't wait until its me!!!

I-800A APPROVED-YAY!!

This is a hard post for me to write because if I am being honest it was a step that almost caused me to throw in the towel and give up on this adoption.  Luckily I had Joel's sweet little face telling me to be strong and keep going.  I also have a Heavenly Father who loves me and listens when I tell him I am done and its too much.

We submitted our I-800A on August 27, 2014 with the help of my local congress people they helped me get approved for a Medical Expedite.  For the first two weeks of the process this expedite does not help me at all.  Our paperwork was sent to Texas where it sits in a lockbox for two weeks until they cash the check and log it into the system.  On September 4 we got a notification saying our fingerprints appointment would be coming soon.  The expedite stated that as soon as our prints were in they would do the expedite.  Our appointment notice arrived on September 18 it stated that we could be printed on September 25.  I was not about to wait any longer so the next morning we got up early and were fingerprinted.  I then called our officer who stated that she needed a letter from Oregon showing Jeff had no criminal record.  She also told me today was her last day in adoptions so she would have to transfer my case.  She said she would accept an email.  So I got the email saying no criminal record so I emailed it to her she had already transferred my case.  My new officer York would not accept the email and said I needed to send the letter.  So Monday I scanned in the letter and emailed it to him.  He said he would not accept email and needed a hard copy.  I said when he printed out the letter he would have a hard copy.  He did not find me amusing and said he needed it.  So I overnighted the letter.  Tuesday I emailed Mr York and let him know it would be there at noon.  He didn't return my calls or emails this day.  Wednesday I emailed him and got nothing so I called and luckily he answered the phone.  He said he still didn't have the letter.  I explained I overnighted it he said its a big building.  I hung up very frustrated.  Thursday I emailed my officer and explained that the letter arrived Tuesday at 10:16 and told him who signed for it.  I again explained how sick my boy was and how dangerous it was for him to be in China without a spleen this winter.  I then drove to work.

On my way to work I prayed and told my Father in Heaven of my hard week.  I told him I understand Satan kicks us when we are down and I know he wants me to be negative.  I explained that I have been trying to be positive and get out of this funk.  But I told him I had to be honest.  I was exhausted!!!!  I was worn out!!!!  I didn't know how much more I could take of knowing human error was keeping my boy from me.  I then said Heavenly Father why when we are trying to do good does it have to be so hard????  I told him I was trying hard to trust his timeline but it was hard.  I don't doubt God or the Gospel but at times life is still HARD.

I got to work and checked my email and there was our approved I800A-FINALLY.  I could say the officer finally felt bad and got it done but I know that's not the truth.  My Heavenly Father showed me again his love for me.  He knew I was done and he helped me get through another day, another adoption step.  He carried me today when I no longer wanted to walk.  I am BLESSED, I am GRATEFUL, I am LOVED!!!

If you have never completed an international adoption before you will never understand how hard the wait really is.  This time is so much harder because I know who is waiting for us.  Before your waiting to be matched which is still hard but knowing who is waiting is so much harder.  This step can take up to 3 months.  We completed it in just under a month.  The medical expedite did help us in this step and I am so happy for that.

Joel I am sorry I even thought of quitting, I am sorry I am weak.  I promise to do better for you.

I LOVE YOU!!!

September Update on Joel

Honestly there is nothing better than doing an adoption when the child you are adopting is in Love Without Boundaries care.  When I was waiting to be matched with Louvee I was SOOOO hoping that she was with LWB but no luck.  She was in a great program so I did get more updates on her than I did on Kian. I also sponsored her so I got an update every 3 months but we only waited 4 months to travel so I think I got 2 extra updates but they were very small considering what information we get on Joel.   Joel however, I get to see MOST WEEKS!!!!  He is so cute he is constantly on LWB's Facebook page and Instagram page.  I also became his sponsor so I get two updates a month, an individual update and a  group Heartbridge Healing home update.  This is helping to make the wait more bearable.  Here are some updates on our cute lil guy!!!

 So after reading this months update it sure looks like we will have our hands full.  I can just imagine the trouble he and Louvee will get into together.  I am not sure if I am ready for the trouble twins or not???  Good thing they are both so stinking cute!!!

Joel on Instagram!

Joel on Facebook.  

What a little STAR!!!

One Step Closer to our Little Boy-Immigration Paperwork is in the MAIL!!!!!

I decided this post will begin telling others more about the adoption process.  Many ask why it takes so long and how much it costs, etc.  I am hoping this will answer many questions and also help you understand why during an adoption I go a little, ok a lot, CRAZY!!

Ok so this adoption is a little different as we know WHO we are adopting.  Usually that comes later in the journey.  Usually you start an adoption and then wait to be matched with your child.  Knowing who your child is during the process is amazing and extremely hard.  Amazing because you know the entire time WHO you are working to bring home.  Extremely hard because you know WHO is waiting for you the entire time!!

Some Dates

On July 24, 2014 I realized that Joel was my son.  

On July 26, 2014 Jeff realized that Joel was his son.  

On July 27, 2014 we submitted paperwork to Madison Adoption Associates (MAA) asking to review Joel's file.  

On Monday July 28, 2014 we reviewed Joel's file and told the adoption agency he was our son and we wanted to adopt him.  

On July 30th we sent off LOI for Joel.  LOI is Letter of Intent stating that we want to adopt Joel, this is sent to China.  This letter must be notarized before we can send it off.  We also went and got fingerprints done today in Farmington and mailed them off.  

August 1, 2014 MAA locked in our file for Joel.  

August 19, 2014 we received PA for Joel.  PA is approval from China saying we can adopt Joel!!

Some Costs

Ok so those are the dates and here are the costs

$250 application fee to MAA (Usually $500 but they were having a special, YAY SPECIALS!!)

$20.00 for fingerprints for FBI Clearances

$36.00 to have FBI do Clearances

$19.99 to overnight LOI to MAA

For some crazy reason when sending documents to China they can not be more than 6 months old.  This is a part of the process that I do not understand and NEVER WILL!!  So I sent off for:

My Birth Certificate $28.00

Jeff's Birth Certificate $22.00

Marriage License $16.55

(Must wait for these to arrive)

While waiting for paperwork to arrive I start getting our other paperwork ready.

We must do applications for MAA

Update our Homestudy

Get 12 hours of training (after 2 adoptions we still aren't qualified to parent)

We have to have 3 notarized reference letters (Thanks to my wonderful friends and family for this)

We must complete a Finance Form and have it notarized

Get physicals from our doctors and have them notarized

Our pediatrician had to write a letter saying our kids were healthy

Get Police Clearances from our city and they must be notarized

Get Letters from our Employers and have them notarized

We also need to do 3 book reports on Adoption related books (I am fighting this one the most as its not required by China and I hate extra hoops to jump)

Once paperwork starts to come in there are more steps:

I received Jeff's birth certificate in the mail from Texas.  I then have to mail it back to Texas with a prepaid return envelope and $20.00 and $4.40 in postage fees.  Texas will then certify this document that it really is from Texas.  This step also cost $20.00 to send our marriage certificate to Nevada and again $4.40 in postage.  We also had to send Jeff's employment letter to California so again $20.00 and yep $4.40 in postage.  Again this step is hard for me because SERIOUSLY it just came from Texas, Nevada and California.  You would think it was done but no, once it arrives back from Texas, California and Nevada I have to send it to Washington DC for them to tell me it really is a US document.  Can't wait to see how much that costs.  After this we have to send all our documents to the Chinese Embassy and YES there will be more fees with that. I should not be surprised by this since its my 3rd adoption but it still boggles my mind.  

Once we have all our forms I must do this same thing for the Utah forms but lucky me I live in a State that requires one extra stop so I must send to county first, then state, then Washington DC, then Chinese embassy.  This step will be pricey.

Homestudy Update:

This is a little cheaper this time because she does not have to start from scratch she can just update our current home study.  This costs $1,750.00 this does include 5 years of required updates to China once we are home with Joel.  Our home study lady is AMAZING and has worked so hard and fast so that we can get this done.  I appreciate her answering my calls at all hours and getting us in for our visits, etc so quickly.  When I picked up the home study today I gave her a hug and couldn't help the tears that streamed down my cheeks.  I felt such gratitude for this lady who worked so hard to help us get our little guy.  Again great blessings were felt today.

Next Agency Fee to MAA:

The farther you get into the process the more you pay.  Our next Agency fee is $850.00 that we mailed in with our paperwork which was $1.66 in postage fees.

BACK TO IMMIGRATION PAPERWORK

Our FBI clearances never arrived.  After waiting 27 days our home study agency finally found a phone number to contact FBI.  I got right through to them and they said they had not even opened our letter yet and it will be several more weeks to have it processed.  I could call back tomorrow and see if they have opened it and if they have I can ask them to expedite it but it will still take a week or so.  

I had a meltdown after hearing this.  Luckily my friend sent me a fingerprint place she heard could do it faster.  I contacted them on August 26 and they said they would expedite the process.  On August 27th at 7:30 am we made our fingerprint appointment to get new prints done.  We did these prints at 10:00 am and had the results by the time we got in the car.  This cost us $100.00 but it was so worth it.  I was really sad that we had waited 28 days when this took minutes.  Oh how I wished I would have known about this sooner but this happens with adoptions.  I knew something wasn't right with our prints.  I kept having a nagging feeling but didn't know how to fix it.  I kept trying different numbers and emails to contact FBI but got nowhere.  I kept praying the prints would arrive.  This new option was an answer to many prayers.  

Once we got the notice that we passed FBI our home study agency printed, signed and notarized our home study I went and picked it up in Centerville and mailed it off with a check for $890.00 to immigration.  Oh it also cost me $19.99 to overnight this package. Once I had this in the mail I sat back to relax for a few minutes and celebrate this step when the phone rang.  It was McKade I had forgotten to pick him up at school.  AWWWWW mother of the year award does not go to me today.  I felt so bad but luckily my sweet boy forgave me (of course I had to buy him a Pepsi and then it was OK). 

Along with the immigration application I had to include:

Copy of my birth certificate, Jeff's birth certificate and our Marriage license

Homestudy

Past immigration approvals

Police Clearance Info

So if you are keeping track so far this adoption has cost:

$3,235.89

Ok I am adding to this post its September 22, 2014 I am having a rough day as we have hit some snags.  Thursday September 18 we FINALLY got the letter from USCIS saying we could be fingerprinted on September 25, 2014.  I was not about to waste 7 more days so the next day Jeff and I got up early and headed to SLC.  We got to USCIS at 7:46 am.  When we met the security officer at the door he said your here on the wrong day.  I explained that our boy was very sick and asked if we could please be printed today.  He went and asked and said your lucky its early, they will print you today.  Very exciting to have this done.  Unfortunately the excitement lasted about 1 hour.  I got home and called our USCIS officer and explained we had a medical expedite and asked if she could process our I800A since our prints were done.  She explained to me that today was her last day in adoptions so she would have to transfer our file to another officer.  I said could you please just pass us today its our 3rd adoption, you've always been our officer, etc.  I am not against begging!!  She said she would look at it and call me back.  I got a call back very quickly and she said I need a police record for Jeffrey from Oregon I explained he does not have a police record there.  She said we needed a letter proving this.  I started to sob begging please just look in our old file you have cleared us twice before, my baby is so sick, please.  She said sorry I could email it but she needed it.  I called Jeff sobbing and told him he had to get this done.  He gets very angry with this crap but I was sobbing saying please just get it done.  About 1.5 hours later I received an email saying Jeff has no record and they will mail a letter.  I forwarded the email to our officer.  We now have a new officer, officer York.  He did not answer my call or return it.  SO FRUSTRATING!!!  Monday morning there was an email from him stating he would not accept the email and he needed a letter.  ARGHHHHH!!!!!  I watched for the mail like a hawk and the second it came I ran to the box and luckily the letter from Oregon was there.  I ran home, scanned it in and emailed it to Officer York.  I then called him.  He said sorry you must mail it.  I said seriously you are going to make me spend $20 to mail this to you.  He said you don't have to overnight it.  I explained how sick my boy was so yes I had to overnight it.  He said ok.  I than asked how long it would take him to clear it and he said 1 day.  I ended nicely as possible as he holds our future in his hands at this point.  

Luckily I also got Jeffs work letter in the mail today.  2 weeks ago I finally got it back from California with a note that said they wouldn't certify it because the Jurat was wrong.  SERIOUSLY, I guess California's Jurat is a tiny bit different than Utah's.  So I wrote the letter with the correct Jurat and emailed Jeff's work.  The lady said she would mail it off tomorrow.  Well, SHE DIDN'T.  It took me a week to get her to mail it and then it took 5 days to get here.  So I have no time to wait for California to take over a month to get this form back to me.  So I contacted Caring Hands to complete this step for me in 2-3 days.  What would have originally cost me $20.00 and about $4 in postage was now costing me $146 and $20 in postage.  But it has to be done, I can't wait for this document.  Once I have the completed I800A back I will hand walk it into the State Capital and have it certified and then overnight all my documents to Caring Hands for them to complete the last 2 steps of authentication.  This will cost me more than me doing it myself but it will save so much time that its worth the cost.

So I grabbed my kids (Louvee and I still in our PJ's) and we headed to the post office.  $40 later Jeffs criminal background check from Oregon and his work letter were off.  Praying that Officer York gets it tomorrow and clear us!!!!!!

So now we are up to $3421.89

Oh wait we did another document wrong and had to re do it for Utah that cost an extra $33.68.  This was not our fault it was not done correctly our adoption agency has you do two different LOI letters something I had no idea about.

So the cost is $3455.57

BEST MONEY I EVER SPENT

Even with how crazy this process is, 

its 100% WORTH IT!!!!

Tonight I will work on the paperwork required to start the Utah certification process.  I will go to bed exhausted but excited that we are

ONE STEP CLOSER TO OUR BOY!!!

OK so if I bring this post current to today I must include my Utah step for certification it cost me $135.00 plus $21.21 in postage.

New total $3611.78

STILL WORTH EVERY PENNY!!!

Yesterday (Sept. 25) I mailed all my documents to Caring Hands for them to complete the last two steps of the adoption paperwork authentication process.  It cost me $90 extra for them to do these steps but it will save me weeks in the long run of trying to do it myself so it had to be done.

It cost $112 for the authentication is the US and $350 for the Chinese Embassy to authenticate.  It also cost me $40.00 in overnight shipping fees.

New total $4,073.78

Update on Joel from Heartbridge Healing Home

Joel currently lives at Heartbridge Healing Home (HB) in Anhui, China.  HB moved to Anhui from Beijing a month ago.  HB is a Love Without Boundaries (LWB) program.  

It is so fun having Joel in HB because they post monthly updates of their programs.  This is August report on Joel.  He is such a happy baby.  In the pictures is an LWB volunteer, Laurie, who was able to visit HB while going to adopt her daughter.  Small world Laurie lives in Park City, UT.  LWB has volunteers from all over the world. Below is what is reported on Joel this month.  It sounds like he has quite the personality and should fit in perfectly in our family.

This week Heartbridge Manager Zhang Ming referred to Joel as an "Apple Polisher" meaning that he knows how to please people (this expression originated with the practice of a student bringing their teacher a polished apple).  My favorite story of the month involves Joel and Xin Fu, the housekeeper. Joel has been invited to address Xin Fu as "Ye Ye" meaning "grandfather."  Always looking for a laugh, our little comedian will call him "Lao Yuan" (or "old yuan") which is a title that would be used by Xin Fu's peers...never by a little boy.  Xin Fu will pretend to be offended by this breech of etiquette, so  Joel will call back, "Ye Ye!" to smooth things over.  Upon returning to one of the nannies.  Joel will discretely point back to Xin Fu and say again in a low voice, "Lao Yuan."  This has all of the nannies rolling with laughter, as you can imagine.

We love seeing new photos on Facebook of Joel and seeing these monthly updates.  Seeing his happy smile and healthy pink lips lets us know that for now Joel is safe and being loved and cared for.  We are so thankful for all of this but can't wait for the day when we can be together with Joel to give him the love that only a mother, father, and family can.  Joel my sweet boy I promise we are working so hard to bring you home and hope we will be together soon.  Love you and can't wait for next months update!!!

Journey To Joel GoFundMe

FAITH

We knew when we started this adoption that it would take a great deal of faith because we just finished our adoption of Louvee and haven't had the chance to save the needed almost $30,000 for this adoption.  Luckily an anonymous $10,000 donation was made for Joel's adoption and we are hoping to raise $8,000 more and we feel like we can come up with the remainder of the money in time.  It has been so hard to ask for help to bring home our sweet boy.  But we have really felt like this may be our only way to make it all happen.  So with advice from a sweet friend we have set up a GoFundMe account.  Below is what is posted on that site and a link if anyone would like to help us bring Joel home.  We are so thankful to all of you for your love and support.

We are in the process of bringing home our third child from China.  We met Joel when we were in China a year ago and had no idea he would be our son.  My oldest son felt an instant connection to him, so we have talked about and followed Joel for the last year.  We were so excited when we all realized that Joel was our little boy.  Joel has a severe heart condition that requires surgery in the United States.  We are working very hard to bring him home as quickly as possible so he can get the medical care he needs.  We have exhausted our savings on our previous adoptions but know Joel is our son and feel the money will work out in the end. We appreciate any amount that anyone can donate to help bring Joel home.  Thanks for your love and support in helping our family grow.

http://www.gofundme.com/d8b0d0

Switching Adoption Agencies

Our first two adoptions were done with an agency, CCAI.  It took me 4 months of research to chose this agency.  Our paperwork had expired two weeks before we realized Joel was our son and we must now start over, that was a little hard to swallow.  We didn't want Joel waiting any longer than needed for us to bring him home.  Now our little boy's file was with another agency and we must switch.  I was really nervous about this because like I said it took a lot to chose the first agency.  So when I went to the website I knew Heavenly Father was answering another one of my prayers.  I think this was His way of letting me know this agency would do.  Posted on their website was my favorite story.  I have loved this story since I started working with teens many years ago and have grown to love it more through adoption.

Starfish Story

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day.
So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.
As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean." I then asked, "Why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"
"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."
"But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the ocean, past the breaking waves and said - "It made a difference for that one."

So, when we were on the beach in California I kept thinking of all the Starfish aka Orphans and had to take these photos.

For Kian and Louvee it did make a difference.

"It made a difference for that one."

THE UNEXPECTED

It's time to share the whole story about how our journey to Joel came to be.

Where to start this story and OH IT WILL BE A LONG POST!!!!

On or close to July 20th of 2013 my family and I traveled to Heartbridge (HB) Healing Home located in the New Hope home in Beijing, China. New Hope was started by Joyce and Robin and is just one of the many homes that they run.  I really wanted to meet them but Joyce had suffered a stroke and was in the hospital. I volunteer with Love Without Boundaries and wanted to bring needed supplies and also see a few of their programs.  There were many unexpected gifts this day and I'd like to share the first one about Jenny.  To do this I must tell you a little about Jenny.  She was in HB and was to be adopted until she went to the doctor and they found she had only one kidney.  The family who wanted to adopt her then backed out.  As I was reading about Jenny I fell in love with her and started to research her medical condition and said a few prayers on her behalf.  I thought about Jenny for several days and really started to research her condition.  While on the Internet I had the strongest impression.  Actually it was more than an impression I heard a voice as plain as day say "She is not your daughter." Tears began to slide down my face, not so much that I was sad even though I was but more so that my Father in Heaven let me know she was not the one.  I thought of Jenny often over the next several months.  This experience probably took place around January or February of 2013.  I kept praying that her family would find her.

Now back to seeing HB.  We had just spent the day touring the Great Wall and we were all very hot and tired.  I worried how the trip would go as I had no clue what to expect and I knew my family was tired as was I.  On the bus ride to meet Cindy (she works for LWB and would be our guide to HB) I talked with McKade quietly explaining that we would see many children with many different special needs.  I told him to not worry about their needs and just enjoy our time there.  He said ok mom.  He had no questions for me and seemed ready for this adventure.  When we arrived after a 30 plus minute drive from the city I was in awe of the home and the land it sat on.  It was well groomed and looked happy with all the plants, grass and trees.  I was so anxious to get inside.  When we entered New Hope we took off our shoes to show our respect and washed our hands to keep germs out.  I again was struck with AWE at how clean this home was.  We first went to visit the toddler room.  As we entered the room I stopped and had to catch my breathe.  The first child my eyes fell upon was Jenny.  There she was looking back at me.  I said a quick, quiet prayer thanking Heavenly Father for this unexpected gift.  I should have known Jenny lived here but I never even bothered to see what program she was in.  Jenny was very fearful of strangers and wanted nothing to do with us.  I knew I had to hold her in my arms and smother her with hugs and loves.  How was I to do this when she wouldn't even look at us.  Then it came to me, I needed to show her on my phone her face and take her picture.  Slowly after sitting close by her I took out my phone and flipped the camera so she could see herself.  She wanted to take it to look but I showed her she must sit in my lap to do it.  She did, she sat in my lap and I took our picture.  I snuggled her all I could without completely freaking her out.  I never got her to smile but I was able to give her some love.  When we left she smiled at us and waved but I wasn't able to capture it on film.  I left this room with a heart full of gratitude.  I knew Jenny was fine I also knew everything would work out for her.  I was so blessed to have this moment with the little girl I hoped to be my daughter.  (Not part of this story really but LWB posted our photo on line and her mama working in America to bring her home messaged me and I have been able to watch Jenny grow and be part of her Forever Family.  JOY!!)

Now for my second unexpected gift.  When we entered the first room of kids Kian started playing with the toys in the room.  McKade went right to the floor and started loving on all the kids.  He didn't even notice their special needs he just played and loved them without reservation.  I was so proud of my boy and his huge heart.  In the second room there were babies and most of them had heart disease but other special needs existed there.  McKade loved all the babies but one little boy just stole his heart and McKade spent most of his time in this room with Joel in his arms.  He was a very sweet little boy who wasn't very afraid of us.  At the time I thought nothing of it.  I believe the Spirit talked to McKade's soul this day.  I am not sure the conversation it had with him but it made him ready for the journey.  McKade talked a lot about Joel the rest of the trip and a lot when we got home.  He would say Joel is my favorite, Joel is my boy and so on.  I would laugh and say yes he is a cute sweet boy but had no other feelings than this.

We did visit one more room before we left also with toddlers.  There I met a little boy I am not sure his name as I was told a couple of different ones.  This little boy had a problem with his legs and would require amputation as his only option for repair.  It was with this boy that I realized I could do hard things.  I asked if he had a family coming and was told he did.  I told Cindy to keep me posted and let me know if he wasn't adopted and I would come and get him.  While there this little boy asked Cindy if we were Marisol's family (the kids knew Marisol would be adopted soon she also lived in this room)  they explained no her family would come next week.  This little boy then asked Cindy where his mom and dad were?  This broke my heart and told me all the more I could bring him home.  He could not get enough love from us and wanted to hug us non stop and was happy to be held by us.  It was a great feeling to know he enjoyed our love so much.  This little boy was not in LWB but New Hope so I followed their newsletter each month for his updates and I also emailed Cindy to make sure he had a family coming for him.  He was adopted and is now with his forever family.  My heart is so happy to know he finally got his family and non stop love that he so longed for. (I also found Marisol's family on Facebook and have been able to watch her grow.  Kian called her his girlfriend in China.)

Over the next several months I would tell McKade about Joel when I saw him on Facebook.  Whenever anyone asked McKade about China he would tell them about Joel.  At parent teachers at the end of the school year I was going through McKades work and found his GREATEST WISH assignment.  McKades GREATEST WISH was to help all the orphans in China find families.  Out of everything he could wish for in the world he wished for this.  I realized this day that his heart was touched far more than I ever thought.  LWB did a blog on McKade and his wish.  Click on the link if you would like to read more.   http://www.lwbcommunity.org/mckades-greatest-wish

A couple of months after this we learned that Joel's file would soon be going to an adoption agency.  I started getting emails from LWB volunteers telling me we should adopt Mc's favorite.  I laughed and mentioned it to Jeff jokingly.  He joked back saying sure if someone else pays for it and that was my response to LWB.  Knowing that Joel would need a home I started sending his information off to everyone who I knew was looking to adopt hoping someone would see his picture and say "there is our son."  It didn't happen and a couple of months later LWB started making a bigger push for Joel because the agency finally had his file and Joel needed a home.  This is when I started to realize that Joel had bigger heart problems than I first expected but still didn't know how big because I didn't research it because we were not adopting him.  A friend I made through FB because her son was in LWB and she lived in Utah also asked me to adopt Joel.  I explained that McKade really loved him but I didn't have the connection but would work hard to help him find a home.  She asked me if I prayed about it and I felt like I kinda had but really didn't need to because he wasn't ours.  At the beginning of July I had a thought "I should pray and see if Joel is our boy."  I seriously laughed to myself because I knew he wasn't.  A few days later and still no home had been found for Joel I said a quick prayer that went something like "Lord, if Joel is my son you better let me know because I don't think that he is" I also, like always, ended the prayer hoping his family would find him.  A week or so later I saw a post on FB with Joel playing hide and go seek with a statement like we hope Joel's family finds him soon.  I remember thinking OUCH they are hitting below the belt by pulling on the heartstrings now but still that was it.  Then a few days later out of the blue on the 24th of July I came home from work and looked at my email on my phone.  All I saw was the subject line that read "YOUR HUSBAND SAID IF SOMEONE ELSE PAID" reading it my heart skipped a beat and I couldn't even catch my breath.  I hadn't opened up the email but I already knew it would be about Joel.  Why was I having all these emotions.  I opened up the email and started to read and tears began to run down my face.  Someone had donated $10,000 to help with Joel's adoption.  I had seen grants before but never ones this large.  My heart knew at that very moment that Joel was my son.  I honestly know it had nothing to do with the money but knew that God used this information to let me know that YES THIS BOY IS YOURS!!  HE WAS LETTING ME KNOW!!!!  I called Jeff and jokingly told him that someone had paid for Joel's adoption and we had to go and get him.  He responded with thats a good start but your still short $20,000.  I got off the phone and couldn't control my emotions.  I was crying and crying and honestly not wanting to accept what the Lord had just told me.  McKade came in and asked why are you crying.  I honestly could not tell him because I couldn't control my tears long enough to get the words out.  McKade said "It's Joel isn't it?  Tell me know mom whats wrong with Joel."  I started to cry harder in awe at my in tune son.  Was the Lord speaking to him again?  How did he know my tears were for Joel?  I finally managed to tell him that I was crying for Joel and just hoping he would get a family.  McKade said we can be his family.  I explained that I didn't think dad would go for it.  I then hugged my sweet son and again thanked my Savior for such a loving, sweet son who gets my passion for orphans and also has the desire to help them.  I then sent Jeff this text:
Jeff I want to be done adopting.  I wouldn’t even think of Joel because we are done.  But the past couple weeks there has been such a push for him to be adopted that I finally prayed about him because honestly he doesn’t feel like he is mine.  I told God if he is mine he would have to let me know.  When I saw the email today my heart skipped a beat and I couldn’t catch my breath.  I was sitting there crying when McKade came in and asked what was wrong.  I couldn’t answer him.  He said its Joel isn’t it, tell me right now what happened.  How does he always know?????  Can we really do this again????  WHYYYYYYYYY???????????  I am not going to lie I am a mess right now just warning you.

WARNING!!!!!  

I am telling this story 100% how it took place. 

I should have know how Jeff would respond.  He tends to be angry first and say things I know he doesn't really mean.  I got this text back.

Seriously I don't know what to think.  We can barely afford our kids currently and we need to move and his medical issues means you won't be working at all.  I hate being about money but it is.  

Of course I got angry back with this text.  But I shouldn't have I know its always been about the money with Jeff how could it not be he is the bread winner.  He is the one who has to support his family.  We really don't have the money but I always figure it will work out.   However I will spare you the rest of the texts as they get a little heated.  I then asked him to forget I asked and I went to my room and curled up in the fetal position and sobbed my eyes out.  We were scheduled to leave for St. George the next morning so I got up and packed.  When Jeff got home we didn't say much to each other.  We got up early and headed to St. George.  I begin messaging my friend telling her that I finally realized Joel was my son but Jeff would have nothing to do with it.  She gave me great advice to ask Jeff only to think about it but not ask him to adopt Joel.  She then started being very honest with me about his medical issues.  Up til now I knew Joel had one heart surgery and needed another one in the US in order to survive.  That is all I knew.  She explained that Joel would need more surgeries but gave me the cold hard truth that Joel would die an early death.  In the end he needed a heart transplant but was not a good candidate.  She told me he may live for a few weeks or months or even years but he would die.  My friend knew all this because she had a little boy with a very similar heart defect and he passed away this year.  She knew this because she has been following Joel's story and knew his diagnosis.  I knew right then and there that the Lord put her in my life for this very moment.  Tears were just streaming down my face the entire drive.  Jeff never asked what was wrong, he knew and I was glad he let me cry in silence.  Even learning how sick Joel was I didn't care I wanted him home with us, his family.  When we got to St. George I had a good cry with my best friend and decided to call the adoption agency and ask about Joel's file.  I was told that there were several people in line for his file and he would get a home.  I told the lady that I understood how sick his heart was and worried many of those families would back out.  The lady went on to tell me that they had several kids open for adoption.  I explained I had no desire to adopt again, only Joel.  I asked her if I could submit some paperwork putting me in line for his file in case everyone else backed out.  She said that I could but again told me he would be adopted but I could be matched with someone else.  I again tried to explain to her that I only wanted Joel.  I hung up the phone with the information I needed to submit his file.  I explained the call to my friend and she said how do you feel.  I told her I felt like that wasn't the end of things.  After this I felt a great deal of peace, the first bit of peace I had felt in 24 hours.  I prayed and told the Lord if we were to bring Joel home he would have to tell Jeff and left it all in his hands.  

Later that night McKade and I were going to Tuacahn to see the Little Mermaid.  Before the show I explained to him how sick Joel really was and told him that he would die and it could be very soon we just didn't know or he could live for years.  I wanted Mc to understand how serious his condition was.  I then said McKade now after knowing how sick Joel is would you still want to adopt him?  Mc said "Mom it will be a lot of pain and sorrow but it will be worth it. Mom its better that Joel comes here and dies with a family who loves him than alone in China."  I bit back the tears as they pooled in my eyes.  Again my son was being taught by the Spirit and teaching his mother.  My amazing boy, I hugged him and was again in Awe of the miracle I was given 10 years ago with this boy.  The next day Jeff got up early and went golfing and I felt I needed to send him an email explaining my heart.  I know my husband does better with email than me confronting him.  This is the email I sent to him:
The subject line read: Please Read with an Open Heart

I would love to be having this conversation with you in person but don't feel like it would go very well so I ask you to please just read this.  I am not asking you to adopt Joel but I need you to understand the past 24 plus hours for me.
 
Joel was never a child I felt a connection for.  I know Mc did so we joked about adopting him but honestly I am done with adoption. I have felt bad for him that he needs a forever family so I have prayed for him non stop.  To look back now I realize I have thought of him a great deal since we left China.  A week or so ago I did pray and told Heavenly Father that I did not feel like Joel was mine so if he was he needed to let me know.  I then thought nothing more about it until Thursday when I received the email about his grant.  When I read it my heart skipped a beat and I couldn't catch my breath.  Tears immediately started and I instantly felt different about this boy.  Did I want to adopt again, NO.  Was the Lord asking me to? I am not sure.  Jeff I have great faith even if I am not very religious I believe the Lord speaks to us.  Honestly I wasn't sure if he was speaking to me but knew I felt differently.  I text you and we know how that went.
 
I spoke to Deanne because she follows Joel and we speak of him all the time.  I told her of my feelings and yours.  They have been here.  She was honest with me.  Joel will not live long.  Even if he comes to the USA and has surgery he will die.  He may have weeks, years or days no one knows but his heart is very bad.  Knowing that could I still bring him home?  Honestly Jeff I could and that shocks me more than anything and this is how I know God is speaking to me.  He may just be teaching me this lesson that I can do impossibly hard things.  
 
I did contact the adoption agency who has Joel's file.  His file is on hold and he has a list of 5 other families waiting for his file.  This brings me great happiness because I just want him to know the joy of a family.  He deserves this as I believe every child in the world does.  So I am not asking you to adopt Joel.  But I am asking you if we can submit a form that they will contact us if all of those families fall out and Joel still needs a home.  It would take us so much time to do that work that I really don't want him waiting that long. But I also believe the Lord has a plan for Joel and if in the end it is us I am asking that you at least think about it.
 
I talked to McKade last night about how sick Joel's heart really is as I have never shared this with him.  I told him he will die maybe in a week or years but he will die.  I then asked him knowing that he will die would you still want to bring him home and Mc said mom it would be a lot of pain and sorrow but it would be worth it.  Jeff our son has an amazing spirit that is so mature and sensitive.  I agree that this would be hard but I also think it would be worth it.  I would be honored to be his Mama.  I cant believe I am saying this about a case that is so hopeless and especially since I have felt no connection until now to Joel.  But the Lord is speaking to me, he is teaching me and I am honored and feel blessed to learn this lesson.
 
Jeff I would give up my house to help a child in need, I would give up all that I have if the Lord asked me to.  I know I cant ask that of you and I am not but you need to understand my heart.  If you say we can submit the form and then by some miracle God does ask us to take this journey then I will use my savings it will not change our plans to move.  I will fundraise I will do whatever it takes to give this boy a family even if its for a very short time, even if we are not his family I will help him get one.
 
I finally feel peace about this and know its in the Lords hands.  I feel like if this is supposed to happen he will make you feel it to.  If not another family will take him and love him and that is wonderful and I will celebrate it.  But I had to share with you all that I have learned and experienced in the past 24 hours.  In the future I would like to share this in person but I don't feel safe doing this my heart is to fragile on this special experience I have been given.
 
I love you and appreciate all your support in all we have done in our lives.  I never imagined where we would be or how we would have gotten here but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Attached was this blog post: http://www.lwbcommunity.org/a-generous-grant-for-joel

I felt peace sending off this email and let it go and went swimming with my kids.  We got cleaned up and Jeff took us to lunch when he was done golfing.  After we ordered and were sitting there waiting for our food Jeff said ok lets talk about Joel.  Tears began to run down my cheeks and I knew with nothing else being said that Jeff was in!!!!  I gave him Joel's medical report to read and he said it scared him to death.  Mc and I then shared the conversation we had the night before about at least Joel having a family even if its for a short time.  The medical reports did say he could live for up to 20 years without a heart transplant. I felt such love for my amazing husband.  We left St. George the next day and we talked about Joel on the ride home.  Jeff said we could submit the form.

The second I walked in the door I filled out the form and sent it off with this email:

Attached is our Waiting Child Review form and a couple photos of me and my son with Joel when we met him while doing service at Heartbridge.

I understand there are 4-5 other families ahead of us, if I was told right.  But if those families turn down his file we would like to lock in his file.  We don't need anymore information on him we are ready to adopt him.  We have a top notch pediatric cardio hospital in SLC 30 minutes from our home.  They have treated cases like Joel's before.  We also understand his special need and what the outcomes may be.

Our home study is current we met with our social worker on Friday morning.  It sounds like we can't reuse our dossier with your agency and we will need to start that over but feel it can be done very quickly as we have adopted twice before.  The thought of Joel waiting for a family is the hardest part so if its not meant to be that Joel comes to our home we pray the family who chooses him can bring him home quickly.

Diana, I appreciate all your help with Joel and ask that you can let us know if someone locks in his file before it comes to us.  Waiting is the hardest part and we just want to know if a family chooses him.

Again thanks for everything

Brittani Lots

I sent this Sunday night and Monday morning at 8am I received a call from Diana.  I was in shock to see the number and knew it had to be her.  When I answered she explained that I was confused about the number of people in front of us.  She did say that a few families had turned down his file when they read heart transplant.  She explained that yes they had a few other families but we were the ones who could get him fastest.  There was another couple who understood how sick he was and willing to adopt him but they didn't have a home study.  She said if we were ready we could lock in his file.  I was crying.  She then tried for quite some time to talk me out of it.  Asking if I really understood what I was getting my family into?  I tried to explain to her that the Lord was asking us to do this and had prepared us and nothing could change our minds.  I explained that  a month ago I was asking my friend how she could adopt a baby knowing he would die and telling her I couldn't do it and now I was saying yes I can do it.  The Lord can have us do anything and I was putting my trust in Him.  She told me to talk to my husband and make really sure and call her in a few days.  I told her I would get off the phone and talk to him and call her right back as we had already decided.  So I did, I talked to Jeff and the kids and we said ok.  I called her back and said we were in and to send me the info to submit LOI (Letter or Intent to China telling them we want to adopt Joel).  She again tried to talk me out of it.  I went to work, she sent the email, I came home and did the LOI.  The next day we got it notarized and our fingerprints taken and sent it all in.  The process had begun.  

With my other adoption and even IVF I was afraid the entire process.  Now we were adopting a very sick little boy and I should be my most fearful but all I feel is peace.  I am blessed to have the Gospel in my life and I am blessed with a loving Heavenly Father who makes it all doable.  

Even the UNEXPECTED!!!!