I just want to write about my thoughts this past week, and this will probably sound like some of my previous rambling posts... Once again, I let my anxiety and obsessive need to be in control of things get the best of me! In case anyone's wondering, we STILL do not know where David's going to be opening his agency. Things that I think should take a day or two seem to take weeks, so this application process has been forever long. He does have an interview for a location at the end of the month (I won't say where yet, but for some crazy reason we're REALLY excited about it) so now we're just waiting w/ our fingers crossed.
I flipped out on David last week, though, because he told me that the training I thought would start October 1st really doesn't start until October 15th. It's only a difference of 2 weeks, but for some reason that just pushed me over the edge. I was so frustrated, mainly because I've been really anxious to move to a bigger house and we have to wait until he's started the training before we can start looking. So here I'd been thinking we'd move in October, and it hit me how unlikely that will be if David's just starting half way through the month and won't even be around to do all the things you have to do to buy a house. ANYWAY, I was frustrated that once again things weren't going the way I'd planned. (Do they ever?)
So David, being the wise man that he is, lectured me a little bit on being grateful for what we have, etc, etc. Unfortunately, I was not in the mood for a lecture, and ended up feeling like an awful person. I hated admitting to myself that I was being selfish and bratty and impatient. So I just forced myself to not think about how frustrated and bad I felt, and basically just tried to ignore the situation for a while.
Then Saturday morning at 5:00 am we got a phone call from David's sister and found out that David's dad had gone to the hospital for some health problems. Nothing like a family emergency to put things in perspective! Having never had a parent in the hospital before, it really scared me and made me realize how fortunate I've been. As much as I've been wanting change, I realized that sometimes when things are even just okay, no change is good! Thankfully, David's Dad is okay, but it was one of those things that makes you evaluate life and remember what's REALLY important. Having a bigger house and knowing where we'll be 6 months from now really isn't that big of a deal in the long run.
So Saturday afternoon we decided to make the most of our current situation and make our condo a little bit more liveable. We did what we should have done months ago and got a storage unit for all of the things we didn't have room for in the house. What a difference! Having more space makes me feel so much better - I love that I can open closets without worrying about things falling on top of me, or go in and do laundry without having to turn sideways to squeeze past all the junk. And we rearranged some furniture in the living room, and somehow that small change satisfied my need for something new. I won't say that I'm not still excited for the things that will happen in the coming months, but I'm not counting down the days like I was a week ago.
Then on Sunday my friend, Cathryn, taught the Relief Society lesson in church and did a fabulous job. One part from the Joseph Smith manual especially jumped out at me. When the Saints were anxious about establishing Zion and finding out where they needed to be, the Lord responded to Joseph Smith by saying, "Be still, and know that I am God!" I realized that that's what I really need to work on in my life - being still emotionally and mentally and not worrying so much about what's "supposed" to happen and when. Obviously it doesn't mean to be still physically, and for me it needs to mean just the opposite. I need to be living life where I am right now to the fullest - in my callings, w/ my family, w/ my neighbors, etc. The Saints were eventually led to where they needed to be, but not after much waiting and tribulation. Hopefully I won't have to endure much tribulation in the coming months, but I'm going to work on not minding so much the waiting. Life really is good, and I have SO MUCH to be grateful for!
So this past week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me, but thankfully things are good now. We're so grateful that David's dad is okay, and we love every day we have with our beautiful boys and other friends and family members. We know that regardless of what happens, the Lord is in control and everything will work out as it should in the end.