Free and Clear to Marry in the Catholic Church

There were two major hurdles to clear before He Who Is My Fiance and I could be married in the Catholic church.  First, there was the matter of HWIMF's previous marriage...s.  Marriages.  That's right, there were two.  What of it?  One was an impetuous, youthful, immature decision; and the other was...well, it just didn't work.  (People really do just grow apart sometimes.)  Luckily, neither marriage occurred in the Catholic church, nor was either marriage blessed by the Catholic church (because, at the time, HWIMF was a non-practicing Catholic), so there was no need for HWIMF to seek an annulment of either marriage.  Rather, he simply had to verify that the marriages fell under "lack of form."  Well, Friday afternoon, two letters arrived from the Diocese congratulating HWIMF that his prior marriages had been declared a nullity for lack of form.  Is it really all just a game of semantics and pandering to the Catholic church?  Yes, but...here's me pandering and talking in circles with a little YIPPEE-KI-AY, MOTHERTRUCKERS! to boot.

The second hurdle we had to clear was the required Marriage Encounter Weekend, wherein we would be forced to expected to attend a 3-day retreat at the local pastoral center to open up to each other and a dozen strangers about our relationship, while at the same time being taught to find our "language of love" and how to fold a towel so as not to start World War III in our little homes.  Of course, these weekends are only scheduled about 6 times a year, and by the time we got engaged, there were only 2 dates remaining before our wedding date:  One in June and the other the weekend before our wedding.  Well, the June date didn't work.  We were to be in Alabama that weekend.  So I double-checked to make sure that it was OK that we didn't do this ridiculous exercise complete the retreat weekend until the very week before our wedding, and I was assured by the Monsignor that he didn't "care when you do it, just do it!" 

So right after we returned from our vacation, I went online to sign-up for the August Marriage Encounter Weekend.  To my horror, I discovered that the weekend had been moved from the weekend before our wedding to the weekend of our wedding.  My stomach lurched up into my throat.  I scanned the website for a phone number to call, but there was none, so I Googled the pastoral center and found a number there.  The woman who answered was very sweet, but not at all helpful.  "Well, it's not really our fault that we had to reschedule the weekend," she offered.  Practically in tears, I squeaked, "Well, it certainly isn't my fault.  What am I going to do now?"  "Hmmm," she said, "I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe call the Diocese?"   So I did.  Only they were of no help either, suggesting that I call my local priest.  So I called my church.  The secretary there suggested I call the pastoral center.  At wit's end, I cried, "But I already did!  And they couldn't help me!"  She said, "Now, just calm down.  You'll figure this out.  Call again, and ask for Gary Lane." 

Gary, who is a deacon and the director of the pastoral center, was out for the week on vacation, so I left a long, rambling, tearful message on his voicemail.  He called the very next day, to which I expressed my surprise given my understanding that he was out on vacation.  "I am on vacation," he said, "but you sounded pretty...desperate."  (There really was no more delicate way of putting it.)  He assured me that he would work with HWIMF and me on an individual basis, and that we could do that prior to our wedding date.  Within the next week or so, we had picked our dates and made arrangements to meet with Gary over an evening and a day.  And let me tell you, we kicked that Marriage Encounter's ass and made it our bitch! 

Before we met with Gary, we each (separately) took an online survey dealing with everything from communication to our feelings about the church to disciplining our children.  It was 173 detailed and prodding questions-worth of information that was designed to pick us apart and see if, in fact, we could be put together.  According to Gary, if a couple scores in the 60%-70% range of compatible answers, they are considered a "pretty good" match.  Well, folks, HWIMF and I scored 90%.  How d'ya like them apples?  On top of that, when we took our "language of love" quiz, not only did we fall into the same language category, but we got the same score!  As Gary pointed out, the good news is that we are perfectly ready and well-matched to marry one another.  The bad news...if we ever want to get an annulment from the church, Gary will have to testify against us to the tribunal because we are so perfectly ready and well-matched to be married.  Meh.  I don't think we'll have need for an annulment anyway. 

So now we are free and clear to marry in the Catholic church, and it didn't come a moment too soon...we're down to just a little over a month to go!  Of course, we couldn't have done it without Gary's help.  He was so very kind to us, and, truth be told, he made it an enjoyable experience.  And though it shouldn't matter what some stranger thinks about our relationship, he really did reinforce for HWIMF and me that we have what it takes to make a long and happy life together.  Hey, the dude's been married for 35 years -- I think he knows whereof he speaks!