gf mac-n-cheese

This is Thomas's favorite gf meal so far. Here is the recipe I used, with the specifics below.  

I didn't have an elbow noodles so we just the rigatoni we had on hand. I stated with 2 cups, but because the noodles are bigger I used 4 cups so the noodle-cheese ratio was right. We have been getting our noodles from Costco, they are a brown rice and quinoa mix and we love them. 

I used Bob's Red Mill gf AP flour. For the chesse, I used 4 cups of shredded cheddar, Tillamook of course, and about 1 to 1 1/2 cups of this:

Found it at Haggen and we are in love. 

I separated them into small dishes and sprinkled some of the cheese and some gf bread crumbs on the top. Because they were in small dishes and not one big casserole, it doesn't take long for them to be all bubbly and crispy brown on top. 

It's not the healthiest, I'm not even sure I want to try and count the calories, but its better than the boxed stuff. 

Enjoy! 

lets try again...and again...

So, I'm not even going to try to lie...I suck at blogging. I will say, we are finally in a place where I can have a little time to do some 'me' things a few times a week. This is happening because Gianna will finally play a little bit on her own while I cook or fold laundry. She is also is an extreme eater...girl can put away some groceries, so I can always hook her up with a snack and get something done. That means nap times allow me a little time to do other things...like vegetate on the couch or light yard work or blog.
We had a whirl wind of a holiday season, enjoying actual experiences with Gianna this year (last year she just slept). We took our first road trip and drove to San Diego, stopping to see some family and friends along the way. We had our family here, in the new house for Christmas, we were full but finally had plenty of room. We hosted our first New Years Eve party and spent the first two months of the New Year running.
I'm sure the rest of the year isn't going to be much different, but hopefully I can share things along the way.
Upcoming events:
-we went gluten free at the start of the year for Thomas and have discovered/reworked some recipes that we love and hope to share.
-we plotted out and are planning our 2,500 square foot garden that will feed our family, relatives and friends
-it's almost time to sample the wine to see how we did and get started with next years vineyard preparations

eating lunch today

first pig tails

playing soccer with Moka last weekend

eating again

loving on Moka

'helping' dad put the train together

swimming on the way home from California

eating lunch in the San Diego sun

what hasn't changed?

where do i even start...
i'm not even too sure what was happening the last time i blogged, but if you didn't guess from my absence, just about everything has changed. i went back to work in the icu while thomas was in the middle of a work frenzy. with family help, we made it work for me to train on day shift and get all my studying done, after 12 long weeks i went to night shift and have settling well into working my 3 nights a week. not long into that big adjustment, we started looking at possibly buying a new house. that second income was burning a hole in our pockets. we decided to only settle on our dream home, made a list and spent a lot of sundays driving around, scouting and talking while baby girl napped.
to make a long story short, we happened upon our dream home, everything happen to fall into place and the rest is really all a stressful (buying a house now, not to mention a second home, is a little more stressful now than it was 9 years ago) history. we have now been in our new home for 2 months are a settling in well.

besides new adventures in mom going back to work and moving to a new home, we have now become the owners of a small vineyard and we are setting off in learning the ways of wine farming. we figure there's about a 3 year learning curve...but we're going to drink the crap in between and hopefully have something really tasty to share. good and bad, we hope to document our adventures here (with a little extra about the baby). p.s. for some reason this 'new' blogger isn't so great with picture formatting...and all you get are instagram photos until i have some regular internet.

Fat Cat

We have two cats, they are fat.
Our boy, he hides.
Our girl, she is social.
This is our fat girl cat, she drives me nuts. If I kick her off my bed she tries to scale the side of the crib, she is too fat to jump.
My baby is sweet, she sleeps in her crib now. I may kill the fat cat if she tries scaling again. Probably not, but maybe...just saying.

Some Things, Mostly Random

Thomas got to spend the weekend at home. He has been working more than should be allowed, we were more than happy that he was home for two *whole* days. I know the next 2.5 months are going to fly by and then maybe we can have more of these kinds of days. 

Gianna has taken up an interest in food and drinks. It looks like she is trying to get her toy, when in fact, she is attempting to get Thomas's coffee. Silly baby. 

She rubs the back of her head, I love it. 

Nap times are more regular,

so I've been eating lunch on a more regular basis.  

I found this in the driveway yesterday, we woke up to snow this morning. Again, MAKE UP YOUR MIND!! 

Groundhog, Groundsmog....Stupid Animal

One day its sunny and the asparagus are starting to show up, 

then wham!! Snow and ice...just make up your mind crazy bipolar weather. 

On a lighter note, everything baby girl can get her hands is still going into her mouth. She does it with such excitement each time as well, like its a brand new adventure. It keep her busy...that's all I can say. 

She likes to play with my hands while she is sitting in my lap...love those little slobbery fingers. 

Smiles have been abundant. 

I started to research and put together a 'home management' binder. 

Which brought on a list making fury. 

Yes, I eat the bigger chips and put the small ones back...don't judge me. 

And a green-eyed monster, just for fun. 

Gianna's Story

I would like to disclose that I have been writing this post for over a month, I have mixed feelings about posting it...I don't often share my very deep personal experiences with many people, definitely don't display them online. But I've come to the conclusion that I'm doing this for me and my family (since I intend on getting my blog printed into some kind of journal yearly, we'll see how that works out) and documenting a very special time. Here she goes-

I would like to take a post to think back on the end of last year. It has been difficult for me to write this post  because it's filled with many emotions, but it was pretty epic for our little family and something I want to immortalize into blog land.
I need to start back in October. Hang with me, there will be some not so terribly related things that I just want to remember and some things that may seem completely unrelated but it will all come together in the end....
My sister came out to surprise me for my baby shower. Thomas and his mom knew about it and only told Grandma Bea (because she claims her heart can't handle surprises...we think she just likes to know what is going on;) and one of my cousins. They all kept it to themselves, so everyone was surprised when I showed up for the shower with her. I think she was here just less than a week and such a great help. We had the baby's room whipped together in no time. It was such precious time that we got to spend together without having to be anywhere or any major plans. I guess that's the glory of a surprise visit.
About two weeks after that my step-dad passed away. It wasn't terribly unexpected, but it wasn't a planned event either. He had been ill over the last year, and we knew that his lung disease would take him from us...but it was much earlier than anyone had anticipated. I don't think I will ever forget that day, the last words we said to each other, how I knew that I should drive my mom to the hospital and not let her go alone and when I came in the back doors of the ED and heard the code bell ringing that it wouldn't be a good night. I haven't walked through the ED since then, but I know my job will take me back to that place and it will be difficult. The first time one of my patients quietly passes into the next phase of our journey, it will be difficult. It will change the way I help people welcome death, maybe because I had hoped his would be so different - more quite, less machines, less urgent phone calls and quick airline ticket purchases - maybe more family standing around instead of  hospital employees. And because I had hoped it would be at a much later date - he was such a proud Grandpa. He really loved my sister's sons and I was so excited to have him hold our little girl. In the last 10 weeks or so of my pregnancy he would light-up every time he looked at my growing belly and tell me how cute I was. And we always joked about his 'growing' belly. Very selfishly, I was so devastated that they wouldn't ever have the chance to meet. But I know he got the best care that he could have been given in the ED. Believe me, this 36 week pregnant, already outspoken nurse wouldn't have let it go down any other way. Everything was tried before efforts were stopped.
That untimely event meant that my sister, and brother this time, came up for a visit. There was thought my sister might just stay until the rest of her family made their way up, but she ended up going back for just about 2 weeks and they all came together. Life settled back down again over the next few weeks and the upcoming arrival of our little girl was a good distraction for everyone in our family. Earlier in the year, two of my uncles passed away. I kept telling my sister I can't wait to tell everyone I am pregnant because our family needs some good new so bad, and it was true. That little growing nugget continued to be the good news and light of hope we all needed throughout the rest of the year.
The frequent visits my sister made over that month allowed us to get some shopping and planning done for Christmas gifts and gave me something to focus on doing while I waited...as patently as I could. I wasn't necessarily sure I was ready for all of things that were about to happen, but I was surely done being pregnant.
My due date came and went, and 3 days later I was sure that baby wasn't even going to come, so I just kept crafting away. Sunday night I sat at the table and cried to Thomas about how much I was done being pregnant and I was sad because we thought for sure he wouldn't be going to back to work that week because we would have the baby that weekend. We finished the weekend by watching Elf and went to bed...but I didn't go to sleep that night.
Thomas got up around 2 to go to the bathroom and I promptly told him I hadn't slept at all that night, just wasn't tired. He snuggled in next to me and I was able to sleep for about an hour or so. Around 3:30ish he got up again to go to the bathroom and I had a contraction. I got out of bed, and had another and another. Thomas came back into our room and I broke the news that I didn't think he would be going to work that day. He started timing my contractions and they were lasting about a minute and about three to five minutes apart, consistently. Around 4:30 he called our doula, Kathy, and she decided it would be wise for her to come over. We went downstairs to clean-up the left over craft mess I had out from the night before and I decided to get into the shower and relax a bit (and if I was truly going to the hospital I needed to shower...its a family thing, we all do it). Just as I was getting out of the shower Kathy arrived so I went downstairs and we talked between my contractions and she would get up and walk with me during my contractions. I spend a lot of my contracting time leaning on a kitchen table chair, swaying back and forth. It was dark and quite in our house and the animals paced back and forth. It was so nice to have Kathy with us, she was able to focus on me while Thomas did a little work and got himself and everything ready for the hospital. They took turns helping me stay relaxed and encouraged that my body knew what to do and I just needed to let it. Kathy encouraged me to drink and eat a little something when I could before we went to the hospital, but I wasn't able to keep much down. It wasn't horrible like a flu sickness, I wasn't even really nauseated, my stomach just didn't like having anything in it. Around 9 Thomas thought we should go to the hospital so I could get some IV fluids before I became too dehydrated. We loaded and drove to the hospital as just 'a couple' for the last time.
The car ride was horrible, by far the worst part of the entire birthing experience. Checking in a the hospital was the next. Thomas was quite upset with the unit coordinator that kept answering the phone as I labored at the desk, so much that he had to ask her to stop answering the phone and focus on our paper work so I could get out of the waiting area. It went much quicker after that.
The nurse that was working in triage, Karen called me back and realized that she knew me (long story). I made it pasted the double doors into the unit and had a contraction in the hallway. Having contractions while checking in and in the waiting area wasn't very appealing. I really didn't like the idea of everyone watching me while my body was working on getting a baby out. The hallway was about on the same level, not very private and people staring at you, which if you have learned anything by adulthood, it should be that that is definitely not the time to gawk at a pregnant woman. I informed everyone around me that I was likely to vomit again and we skipped the whole triage room and went straight into the last labor room that was available. I quickly took off my clothes and was hooked-up to a fetal monitor. Baby girl was plugging along well. I don't really remember a whole lot about the exact series of events for the next 20-30 minutes, but I was admitted, got an IV, and we found out I was 7, almost 8 cm dilated. I remember feeling instant relief. I was worried that I would only be 4 cm dilated and I wasn't too sure I could handle another 10 hours of labor.

Because I hadn't needed any pain medication I was free to get up and move about, so we decided I should try out the tub. I stayed in the tub, relaxing between contractions. I do clearly remember sitting up in the tub and telling Thomas that something was very different. I think that was the end of the relaxed state I was able to keep myself in because I felt this intense pressure. (Hello transition) Again the next bit of time was a blur, I knew time was passing, but for me everything stood still and for a brief second I thought to myself, "Oh my word, what are you doing?  You are really going to have a baby, this is the last time you will look at Thomas as just your husband and these are last few moments we will be just a couple. After this you will be parents and responsible for this little life." After that contraction I got settled in bed and the nurse told me I could start pushing, I asked if there was anything I could get for pain and the only option left was an epidural. (Again, transition) I declined, it was about 10 to noon and I pushed for the first time. About 30 minutes later she was almost out. Another very clearly remember moment, the Dr. told me to push one more time really well and the baby would be out, she promised - all the pain would be gone, all of the pressure, discomfort and burning would disappear with that one push. She was right with the next push her little head was out and I was helping the Dr. pull the baby out and onto my belly. She was right about all that stuff disappearing, but I don't think I would remember if it wasn't. I had my baby girl and she was perfect and beautiful and we were a family of three. It was amazing and there are not human words that could even begin to describe how I felt. After all of the obligatory drying, weighing, measuring and getting mama all fixed up the nurse had us snuggle skin to skin.

People often talk about the veil between life and death being thin from time to time. Maybe moments when you need a little extra help from the beyond or maybe when your soul is calm and your heart is open- I had one of those moments during that time - realized how very precious one breath can be. How that one breath can separate those that are here, those that have gone and those that are yet to be.  It was in that very quite time, I was able to look at the little thing I made and inspect her. She looked at me and I knew why she was four days late. Her little spirit was up with Grandpa, he had held her and they had smiled together and he wasn't ready to give her up to us. I swear there was a little extra twinkle in her eye from him, just like when he would look at me.
While hindsight is 20/20, the journey isn't necessarily easy. I always try to chalk things up to one big life lesson (sometimes that keeps on giving;) that my timing isn't always the timing that is meant to be. While I had wanted nothing more than for this moment to happen so many months and years before, it wasn't all about what I needed. In fact, it was more about what other people needed. The joy of our little baby was needed by so many other people too.