The 22's and Mints that help us all survive

Sunday, July 11th, 2004

1:50 am

kade_stardust

HELP PASS SUICIDE PREVENTION LEGISLATION

SUPPORT YOUTH SUICIDE PREVENTION

Take Action!

Urge for the immediate passage of the Garrett Lee Smith Memorial Act

On July 8th the U.S. Senate passed the Garrett Lee Smith Memorial Act by unanimous consent. The House version (H.R. 4799) has now been introduced. In order for this important bill to become law, the House must also pass the Garrett Lee Smith Memorial Act.

Please write your Representative today and ask him/her to cosponsor
H.R. 4799 and urge for its immediate passage.

When passed, this bill will provide support for the planning, implementation, and evaluation of organized activities involving statewide youth suicide early intervention and prevention strategies and funds for campus mental and behavioral health service centers.

Sunday, June 20th, 2004

10:50 pm - If i dont take them i get sick. maybe i should stop so i can fucking die.

I want to do things that are terrible and I want to hurt myself in any ways possible. I want to smoke so badly. I just noticed today that I'm back to my fake-smoke-blowing. and I've been wanting it a lot lately. I've wanted to cut a lot too. I see my leg everyday and I just want to put more scars on my skin. I want to drink all the time. my thoughts sometimes makes me want to scream and others I want to live in my dreamland. people suck, and i'm saying a big fuck you to all of my "friends." heather gets excluded. she cant help it.
so the other day i wrote to the person i love, right? well, this person says they care and that I can talk to them whenever I want to, and it makes me angry because I know I cant. FUCK!!

current mood:

pissed off

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Saturday, June 19th, 2004

12:08 am - look, i typed some things.

I wanted to cut very badly today. I have no reason why I havent been cutting lately. When I want to I dont, which I suppose is a good thing. But I was talking to Heather the other day and that subject came up somehow. Apparently she's still frequent in her cutting. I don't think I've done it since that one day when I left chem class. I don't remember, though, if that was the last time or if I cut my arm last. I can't really remember. I think it was my arm, cause no one knew about them. Lexi knew about my legs, cause she always poked at them, she is an evil evil band geek person. lol. I dont know if its because its too hot out or if its because of the baby. And everything reminds me of how much I want to cut. who knew i had so much will power? like when im reading books, im always like "why doesnt she just cut and make everything okay." and like, everything I watch deals with it. Like on Degrassi, Ellie all has her cutting problem and they all show her arms and im just like "god dammit!" And now everytime I go to the 7-11 I look for Chris because when we all first met him I noticed his arms, and I don't know how. Somehow I went from his face to his arms? That made me want to do it so bad. But still, I keep them under my clock. I think its really funny how everything has its own hiding place. and I'll tell you whats were, because no one in this community can really do anything about it, and no one will care. lets see... i've got those odd blue pills in a box in an old lunch box at the top of my closet. I also have push pins in that box. I have an empty cigarette box in my lunchbox also. two of my razor blades and some sharp glass is under my clock radio. two other razors are in my mint box behind my night stand and next to my kurt cobain book. the white pills are in jar type thing on my desk somewhere. I find it quite funny, everything with its own little spot. i must be insane. i have no idea why i am writing this. im nuts. its nice sometimes. well, back to my dreamland. much love to the other crazies in this community, which aint much. later. <3

current mood:

apathetic

Monday, June 7th, 2004

10:48 pm

tangerine_kiss	i did on saturday. i couldnt take it anymore. no..i couldnt take her anymore. i want to so badly. not just to do it. no...i want to end it all. to make everything go away. maybe its better that way. maybe it would give her..and him...a better life. current mood: suicidal
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Friday, May 28th, 2004

10:01 pm - arg.

I want:
- heather
- to cut
- to stop taking the pills that will somehow prolong my life
- for it to be sunday
- for monday plans to actually in some miracle way work
- to watch the million hours of degrassi for a week
- this weekend to be special and good in some way
- to have money
- alcohol and/or cigarettes
- to see amanda and go on her roof

I don't want
- to cry anymore
- to hide everything
- to be who I really am
- to be hurt
- to be in love with a certain person
- to think
- to miss a moment
- to be depressed
- to be stupid
- to lie

current mood:

depressed

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Saturday, May 22nd, 2004

10:07 am

Why does she have to be like this? what the fuck did I do this time!? She drives me insane! Why can't things be like they used to? want to know why? because of that fucking jackass! I will laugh the day he graduates and when they both cry. I hope she cries so much that it hurts everywhere. I will laugh my ass off because she will finally be getting what she deserves. I wait eagerly for the day she cries her eyes out beause of him. I hope it burns like none other. I hope it hurts so much that all she wants to do is die. I am sick of her shit and her stupid fucking games. I hope she hurts, and a hell of a lot at that.

current mood:

angry

Monday, May 17th, 2004

10:16 pm - green.

I just want to cut some more, okay?
agh.
the frustrations of the world.
I will never survive.
I counted all the bad things today. I think I got to 50 and stopped. heh.
wonderful world.
I wish it weren't so hot out so I could get away with long sleeves.
I had to wear them at jennys today. erg. and I had to take it off to hold the baby because of my zipper. mm. these are the times when I need someone.
probably Heather.
</3

current mood:

depressed

Sunday, May 16th, 2004

10:30 pm - all about pain.

I don't know how I'm going to keep myself from cutting everywhere. It's all I've been wanting to do for days. My mind won't stop and it makes me want to shoot myself in the head. I wrote a lot on friday during comp apps. I havent written shit in a long time. it was kind of nice. i just wish i could do it more often. i dont know why i dont just kill myself. i just want to die. i dont need to live anymore. i hate living. i hate people. i want to go back and do 150, but i dont need to get more fucked. I want someone to hurt me. no more of this emotional bullshit, but physically hurt me. hit me, beat me, do whatever you want. just hurt me. I remember I always asked this one guy to hurt me. told him i wouldnt mind him hitting me. but he wouldnt do it. why wont anymore just beat me? give me something i deserve. i want someone to hurt me.

current mood:

depressed

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Friday, May 14th, 2004

7:41 am

i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know how to help this. i want to do what i feel is right..but i feel like she wont want to hear it. and even if she does...will she listen? i know whats best for her. she is letting her heart do to much of the thinking. sometimes. mostly at times like this. you need to let logic take over.
i want. i wnat to so bad. just to make everything disappear. but...none of my scars are healing anymore..so i cant just make more. plus..if i do. it will make her hurt worse than she already is....why cant she just realize what makes her happy...and what causes her all of this pain?

current mood: in great pain

Thursday, May 13th, 2004

11:44 pm

sinnadar	things are just.. so hard right now.. i dont knwo what to do... i feel sick.. ive felt like this before.. but never like it was so hopless... i feel like i have nothing to live for... ... i ... cant live with out her.. and i wont.. current mood: cold
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8:53 pm - Ug.

lostbriez	I feel like shit. I'm so fucking fat! I want to stop eating...but I can't...I'll just gain more fucking weight...I can't even cut anymore...Kyle saw my scars and he saw my recent one on my foot and now he knows...he sees almost every part of me...there's nowhere else to cut...
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Saturday, May 8th, 2004

9:35 pm - #$%^ life

sinnadar	One of these days.. things are gonna just.. get to that point.. and .. im gonna go to far... i know it.. .. i just.. cant .. live like this anymore... .. i cant. current mood: worried
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3:38 pm

why dont i start from the begining. i had to get my eyes checked again. so we did that. then the parents decided "oh its mothers day so let go eat!" they made me eat. the food sucked. it tasted like school food. then i cam home and everyone was gone. they left me. again. i want to do it very very bad right now. i cant take it. its pissing me off. i hate feeling abandoned. I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! i'm going to see if dad will take to the mall. we'll see.

current mood:

pissed off

Friday, May 7th, 2004

8:05 am

tangerine_kiss	things have been getting better. i wanted to a lil last night when scotty mentioned something. it made me sad. but i think everything shall be alright. or...i hope everything will be alright. sometimes...we just dont know until it happens. so i guess i'll just have to sit back and wait. sigh --Love? love only causes pain.-- current mood: bored
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Saturday, May 1st, 2004

12:11 pm - hope?

i'm feeling better i think. hopefully i wont do anything for the next month...we can hope right? not sure how well it will go...but we can hope all the same. though....i guess hope doesnt exist huh. well today i will go to the mall and buy pink and blue nail polish. one for special things, and one for nicole's conformation. yay...i get to wear a dress...now is it time to shoot myself?

--They told me that love was everything. If love is everything..why does it hurt?--

current mood:

numb

Thursday, April 29th, 2004

10:17 pm - there's pretty much one good thing about me fearing guns.

There's only one thing that's keeping me from cutting the fuck out of myself, and that's because I'm afraid the wrong people will find out. But hey, that's alright can't cut my arms, whose gonna know? I just don't know where to attack. Probably my legs. It hurts so much more. Maybe I'll try my neck again, no harm in that. I just need to find nice bones to cut over. I deserve to be severely beaten and cut. Someone needs to help me with this. I don't care who, just someone, anyone. It hurts to much to love someone so much, but know that if you disappeared off the face of the earth, they woulnd't even care. I need words. I need to put razor to skin to tissue to flesh. I need to make lots of little lines and some words. I need blood. I need nice big bloody gapping gashes. That's what I need. That's it.

current mood: a bit psychotic?

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Wednesday, April 28th, 2004

9:22 pm