I feel like sometimes
My life is totally ruined, I'm trying to keep my head up, but things seem so impossible right now=(
I hate being on antidepressants, I never had to do this before =((((( I hope life gives me a break soon...

Current Mood: blah

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

Hi Everyone, I post frequently in at my page re: depression, so check it out if you want...
Hi Everyone,

I've been a member for a long time but have never posted. (Actually I'm not all that sure how it works.) But, anyway, if anyone is interested, you can check out my depression-related posts at my site. Here is a link to my last depression-related entry. To see other depression-related entries, just click on my related tags. Please make comments at the bottom of each entry (not here). Feel free to 'Friend' me if you read a bit of my depression entries & check out my profile & feel we have a fair amount of interests in commom. I am going to cross-post this to a couple of other depression groups. Thanks. Hope everyone is doing OK.

http://saturncat.livejournal.com/2008/03/07/

Current Mood: sore

(Comment on this)

My name is Melissa and I am 24 years old. I live in St. Louis, MO with my sister. I have a wonderful boyfriend, Den. We are completely in love. I am Bipolar with anxiety and I have major depression that goes along with it. I would like to have friends that have depression so that they can relate to me on that level. Add me?

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

I am 27 years old I have been suffering from depression since I was 13 and the one person that has always been there for me is my dad. I mean my mom has always been there but to tell you the truth I am closer to my dad.

But last Friday he suffered a stroke and he is currently in the hospital. He not only suffered a stroke but he also has blood clots which thankfully they caught in time and can be helped with medication.

They say he won't be 100% but they are hopeful he will make a a 95% full recovery. But it will take time.

I have been crying off and on since Friday in isolation.

I am really scared for my dad. I depend on this man for everything. I have severe social anxiety disorder. So without my dad I am pretty much screwed. So my mom is trying to help me figure things out.

I have to put on this front for my family. But I am scared and I am a wreck. Supposedly they think because I am in therapy I have to have my emotions in check yet they can break down. I can't. I have to stay calm and collected.

At night I cry and I am loss with out my dad. I miss him, I hope he gets better soon and comes home.

I am pathetic but I can't help it.

(2 Comments |Comment on this)

Dear Group,
Please excuse the misspelling of little katelynn's link
Here is the correct spelling.  I am sorry for any inconvience. Thank you.

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

This is suppose to every little girls life.

What happens when life is not like that?

What if your life is filled with constant abuse by the people who suppose to protect you?

For little Katelynn of Indiana, her life is filled with this from a father, stepmother and father's family; everyone but her the relatives that love her have been deined the ability to see her.

What happens when the police will not stop this?

Than try Child Protection Service, but they will not stop this either.

The next thing to do is go to the court.

What would you do if the Child Protection Services and the court helped the abusers hurt her?

The media might work but they ignore majority of average people.

In this search for help, several politicians ignored or said stop bothering them.

If these people will not help little katelynn than who will?

Will this little girl have to pay the ultimate price for these adults mistakes?

Now, what will you do?!

This is Indiana's Shame and these are Teardrops for Katelynn


referral sources:

www.courageouskids.net

Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation :: Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories Aired on PBS http://www.mkacf.org/BreakTheSilence.html

Breaking the Silence
http://sev.prnewswire.com/entertainment/20051019/CLW50819102005-1.html
http://www.tatgelasseur.com/pages/bts.html

Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody: A NATIONAL CRISIS
http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/ 



Petition for Justice for Katelynn:
http://www.gopetition.com/online/5918.html 




Don't let these little abused children be abused in silence anymore, please.

Tell someone!

Demand answers!

Demand the children's truth!

Above all break through this silence for theses abused childrens sake!

No adults rights is greater than the right of the child to be safe!

****Please don't forget us!****

(Comment on this)

Is there a dcotor in the house?
Okay, if any of you guys can give me some advice on this, I'd greatly appreciate it. roughly 9 or 10 weeks ago me and my ex broke up. Ever since I've been in a pretty bad depressed state, a week after the break I got really sick, ever since I have been unable to get any worthwhile sleep. I'm at my wits end now, it's been 2 months of virtually no sleep, a few nightmares, a few dreams, maybe 8 or 9 nights of sleep longer than 4 hours in duration. I have experienced loss of appetite, and things that used to be fun or exciting I now find boring and dull. I believe I have hypermania but have not been diagnosed (my birth mother has it and it pretty accurately describes my standard moodiness). So I'm naturally pretty moody and now I'm pretty sure I've been unofficially clinically depressed for two months now. So when now my his are more "numb" and my lows are SUPER lows... I think its time I go see a therapist, but I'm afraid my company's health plan will not cover it, so if anyone has been through something similar, I could use any advice possible. I'm tired of downing Bourbon til I pass out to get any sleep. Waking up tired and with a hangover isn't working well for me. Does anyone know of any good sleeping pills that are cheap? Are there OTC anti-depressants that are affordable? I'm willing to try either option. Please someone help!

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

Trigger
Sugar and spice and everything nice.

This is suppose to every little girls life.

What happens when life is not like that?

What if your life is filled with constant abuse by the people who suppose to protect you?

For little Katelynn of Indiana, her life is filled with this from a father, stepmother and father's family; everyone but her the relatives that love her have been deined the ability to see her.

What happens when the police will not stop this?

Than try Child Protection Service, but they will not stop this either.

The next thing to do is go to the court.

What would you do if the Child Protection Services and the court helped the abusers hurt her?

The media might work but they ignore majority of average people.

In this search for help, several politicians ignored or said stop bothering them.

If these people will not help little katelynn than who will?

Will this little girl have to pay the ultimate price for these adults mistakes?

Now, what will you do?!

This is Indiana's Shame and these are Teardrops for Katelynn


referral sources:

www.courageouskids.net

Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation :: Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories Aired on PBS http://www.mkacf.org/BreakTheSilence.html

Breaking the Silence
http://sev.prnewswire.com/entertainment/20051019/CLW50819102005-1.html
http://www.tatgelasseur.com/pages/bts.html

Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody: A NATIONAL CRISIS
http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/

Petition for Justice for Katelynn:
http://www.gopetition.com/../5918.html

Don't let these little abused children be abused in silence anymore, please.

Tell someone!

Demand answers!

Demand the children's truth!

Above all break through this silence for theses abused childrens sake!

No adults rights is greater than the right of the child to be safe!

****Please don't forget us!**********

Current Mood: sad

(Comment on this)

Depresson does suck!
I'm new to this, and I just needed to get something off my chest, all I can think of lately is my ex boyfriend that I spent 4 years with, and just why??? I mean so much happened, I actually went to a mental hospital cause of him, and I'm still wondering about him. The other thing on my mind is why I'm not getting justice? My moms ex boyfriend raped me for 7 years, from the time I was 8 till when I was 15, and I get no justice? My psychiatrist told me that they can't do anything because I didn't say anything till I was like 17..so I get to be the one that gets to live with what he did, and he gets to live another day, and be happy.
Basically, I am so depressed right now, I've written so much about both of them, and I just don't know what to do, like I am not whole, I have this space inside me that I can't fill with any amount of drugs, sex, or alcohol, and that sucks!
I have an appointment with a new psych tommorow, I hope I make it, and maybe he can give me some Zoloft so I can be SANE again!

Current Mood: crappy

(Comment on this)

illusions
Our life is our illusion.

I was bored in a country has been destroyed by modern society. I remember my first days at school, when I wore a brown dress and my friends and I were happy to play funny games such as "rezinochka" or "lapwa". And my life was the illusion of happiness. Then I grow up, and everybody told me that my childhood has been the most silly and fallacious perios of Russian history.

We create illusions and after that we cherish our delusions. If you'd like to demonstrate convincingly the fact that our life is real, you are likely to make a mistake.

Is it possible to be fallen in love with life if our life is our illusion?
thanks to genmu

(Comment on this)

WomanSavers.com - Depression from abuse
Dear Ass-wipe,

You caused me intense depression from your abuse so I posted you on http://www.womansavers.com for all the world to see how you cheated on me and hurt me emotionally and physically. I pray that you will never hurt another but I know because you are good looking and charming, another prey will fall trap in your web of lies.

Someday a greater power will judge you but until that time I will let the world know my story.

Forever Scarred

Current Mood: depressed

(Comment on this)

Hi. I'm new to this community. My name is Malin and I’m 17.
( We're all mad hereCollapse )

(Comment on this)

...depressed muchly. sorry about the long post.
I'm a teenager and as you all should know, this is a hard time for anyone. However, things have gone from bad to worse and I don't know what to do.

The issue at hand is the fact that my life has taken a hard spin into a most negative direction. Near the end of last year I told my parents that I was homosexual. This really helped me to come to terms with who I really am and who they thought I was. They were suprisingly supportive. They were supportive enough to accept my girlfriend into the family and to befriend her.

Then, after Christmas, my dad had a heart attack. We had known that he had a heart condition, but the doctors didn't treat him correctly this time and he ended up having a heart attack for about 12 hours in the hospital bed. He nearly died.

My mother took it really badly. She thought she had PTSD due to a rape back in the year 2000. Ever since 2000, she hadn't been a very sane person. She would do outrageous things and she was always upset about something. Well, before my dad's heart attack, she began to use cocaine to cope with her issues. My dad's friend Steve hooked her up and she soon became an addict.

On newyears, after the heart attack, mom claimed that she had been "raped" by my father and that he had threatened to kill her numerous times. She even claimed that my girlfriend & I had heard these threats but that we didn't remember them. However, she refused to take any action on them, but would only tell me about this. She seemed to only tell me this to see how I would react to the story. She did things like that repeatedly. Such as the cocaine. She first admitted her usage to my girlfriend, and then to me.

Then, one day, she told me that my dad had gone crazy and that she thought it was his meds he had started to take. I began to believe her because she kept talking about it over and over again. She wouldn't stop talking about this. She even got her friend/neighbor into this ordeal and soon became really close friends with my dad's friend Steve (the drug dealer).

The three of them would sit with my siblings and I and they would bash my father right in front of us. They would get drunk and talk about how my mother should divorce him and about how he doesn't deserve our family & about his lack of sanity. My mom soon became such good friends with Steve that she would go out late drinking with him and wouldn't return for hours and would be out nearly every night. My siblings even caught her using a few times.

My father soon began to accuse her of cheating on him with Steve. She then chalked his remarks up to his insanity(due to meds). Then, she began to talk about divorce and about how she had feelings for Steve. She would sneak out at night and stay the night at his place. She would even hold his hand in front of my siblings and I.

However, this was all after the night that she now claims that Steve had "abducted"(with the help of our neighbor, Laura) and "raped" her. So none of this added up. None of us could believe her. So we ended up sending her to a psychiatric hospital nearby...hoping that they could help to cure her of her alcoholism & cocaine addiction. Not only the additions, though...but the insane behavior & lies.

Most of this happened throughout my summer vacation. School's about to start and my mom is now in another hospital. This is just the condensed version of what happened. There's a lot more to it all. Now, even after all of this drama, I'm moving with my dad & siblings to Tennessee. He's been extremely irrational & paranoid. Not only that, but he had done a few things that are extreme & impulsive such as stealing the neighbor's(mother's friend/"abductor") dog & driving it far away (the dog was found and is in perfect condition by the way). Not only this, but now he's trying to make me think that I'm crazy. He compares me to my mother & questions my sanity. He literally told me that he wants me to go to the hospital with my mother because I'm severely depressed and I need to get help. Then, after telling this to me, we started talking about other things and he now keeps bringing up his opinion that "women are naturally insane". This scares me. I'm afraid that he's going to do something...or accuse me of something. I don't know anymore. I just know that my life is going straight to hell right now and I have NO control over it what-so-ever. I admit, I am depressed. However...who, in my position, wouldn't be?

I don't know what to do. I've had thoughts of running away and suicide. I've had all kinds of depressing thoughts. I just need control over my life again. I'm tired of being thrown about by my parents and their drama. I don't understand why my age should have anything to do with whether or not I can live my life the way I'd like to. I just...want to live a simple life with my wonderful girlfriend & with my siblings. I don't know how to fix this.

Also, my father is making my siblings & I move to Tennessee so that we'll be closer to his work. He used to work out of town, by the way.
I hope that you all can give me some advice.

Thankyou.

Current Mood: depressed

(Comment on this)

Existential Depression
A friend asked, "Isn't all depression some existential dilemma?"  She said this in response to me lamenting that everything is meaningless, that I am floundering in purposelessness, etc. nihilistic babbling.

So is it?

Current Mood: discontent

(Comment on this)

(my boyfriend is writing this...)

I'm trying to figure out what kind of chemical imbalance I have. When I was young, I was the short weird kid and got picked on a loooooot. A whole lot. Especially grades 1-6 when I was in a Catholic school and literally had not one friend. I had a mini-breakdown early last year (age 22) and was put on prozac for about 9 months to fight anxiety and depression. I've since gone off it (no insurance, plus side effect) and don't have symptoms as bad. When I was on prozac, I gained perspective and clarity in emotions and reactions. Since I've been off it, I get a bit frantic now and then. I'm moderately hypoglycemic for starters---when I get hungry, I become a very irrational and irritable person and can't control my reactions to something that bothers me. When I'm not hungry, I still have fits of...something...every now and then. Anxiety is always present because I'm stressed out to the limits because of money problems (too much credit card debt, student loans, low-paying job, high rent, car maintenance). Every now and then, if something is said that I really shouldn't take personally or overreact to, it feels like I'm being made fun of and I get a bit frantic. I don't really have too much in the way of actual everything-is-awful, no hope in sight depression symptoms, but it does come around once in a blue moon. I can't afford health insurance (or really, anything) right now but know that at some point in time a trip a psychiatrist is necessary. Everything that was wrong with how I was became startlingly clear as being unnecessary when I was on prozac and I know I don't have to put up with being this way, but I want to know exactly what the cause (diagnosis) is. Thanks.

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

I have been considering going to the doctor because i think i have depression. I have all the classic symptons and i've looked it up extensively on the internet and looked at the side affects of all the different antidepressant medication. Thing is, i haven't told any of my family or friends about how i'm feeling...i always thought if you really were depressed people would notice the change and then i would know i wasn't just imagining it, but that hasn't happened. Anyway, if i do go to the doctor and they do prescribe medication i really don't want to tell anyone about it because since they don't know it would be completely out of the blue and secondly, i don't want to upset them by telling them i feel suidical and thirdly, i don't want to admit i've got a mental problem. Maybe that is stupid but it is how i feel.
So i'm not sure what to do. If i got medication i'd have to hide it from them. And there are all these weird side affects to the medication. Do you get a say in which one you take? And i'm worried the medication will 'change me' because it is all these chemicals messing with your brain. I don't know what i should do.

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

Hey everyone,

My name is Rachel Sarah, and I just created this new community rainbowsofhope. It was created as a place where you can talk about your problems and make friends along the way. Please feel more than free to join.

My appologies if this sort of thing isn't allowed.

(2 Comments |Comment on this)

Depression: How much of it is physical?
(crossposted to my personal journal and other depression communities)

OK - as my friends or anyone who has my journal much know, I suffer from depression. At the moment, I'm doing ok thank you. However, doing ok has given me reason to do some thinking.

( Read more...Collapse )

The question for everyone is "Do activities which enhance blood circulation affect your mood?" and "why do you think it does or doesn't?"

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

depression leads to more then just suicidal thoughts
i've been in this thing for like ever but i have never posted. why? I'm not sure. Why now? because i dare say i should warn you. I've been depressed most of my life from many good reasons. And it all lead me to fibromyalgia. a musckul skelital disease (didn't spell right) that leaves with chronic pain in joints and muscles, feeling fatigue and sore and sick and alot of other stuff. you never get rid of it and it never gets worse. no doctor really knows why you get it but they think it comes from depression. Isn't that nice? no doctor knows what to do, no pain killers touch it. In fact i've found that some medications react to me the obppisote what it says it does. cuz i've been on things to h elp me sleep and i stay awake all night, but i drank caffiene and i slept a good 10 hours straight. so unless you treat your depression, there is something to look forward to.

Current Mood: indescribable

(2 Comments |Comment on this)

I'm new here - be nice
Hi:

Just joined this and a couple other depression groups earlier in the week, but didn't want my first posting to be while I was so down. I'm a 40 something male, been around LJ a bit but not the depression communities. It's something I've known about myself for a long time, that I'm chronically depressed. Knowing it and facing it are two different things, though. I'm going to try to face it and see if that works any better than just dealing with it.

Anyway, I'm a teacher, a musician, a pervert, and several other things. I've got my professional "face" in order, and I can be a great listener. Good at talking too. I even understand pretty well, except when it comes to my own demons. All around nice guy though, maybe too nice.

Feel free to read my journal and comment - I really need some type of interaction with people - think that's half my problem. Thanks for reading - cya round.

(crossposted - my apologies if offensive or against any rules)

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

If I was a Crack Whore....
with 5+ kids each with different fathers- I could get help.

If I was a convict- I could get help.

If I was an ex-convict- I could get help.

If I was a drug addict- I could get help.

If I was an alcholic- I could get help.

If I was a cigarette smoker- I could get help.

If I was a bum (homeless person)- I could get help.

If I was a foreigner- I could get help.

If I was handicapped- I could get help.

If I was some creep- I could get help.

If I was a gambler- I could get help.

If I was a weirdo- I could get help.


Well I'm none of those. I'm someone who's trying to live by the rules. I'm not trying to rip anyone off or rob or steal, etc. I REALLY AM down on my luck. I'm trying to find work but I am somewhat limited in what I can do. My rent is due next month and I may not have it. I have other bills coming up soon and may not be able to pay them. I don't really want to go on welfare. Been there, done that- Don't want to do it again.
I couldn't even give anything at church today as I need every penny I have right now.
I know I'm not the only one in this situation. Some of us just seem to fall between the cracks- so to speak. Have too much to qualify but not enough to make it without some kind of help.

Well now everyone will be donating money to help the people in London and those affected by Hurricane Dennis. Not that there is anything wrong with that but some of us other folks can't donate as we can't even pay our own bills and expenses. It sure would be nice if someone could toss a dollar or two our way while they are helping others.

(Comment on this)