meanwhile, at the orchestra
Dec. 6th, 2015 00:04![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
syntaxofthingsElderly coworker: You know, I have to figure out how to take time off in January and February; I'm having cataracts surgery. You have to do one eye and then the other, so I have one in Jan. and one on Feb. 2nd, and I'm not sure if HR would want me to take all that time off or how she wants me to do it...
Me: Huh, funny, I am also having a surgery on Feb. 2nd. [Note: Date may be changed depending on maternal availability, we just made sure to have a date set to start with.]
Coworker: Oh really, what are you having surgery for? [Note the 2nd: I appear very young to elderly coworkers, who usually guess I'm late teens/early 20s... I guess I'm a super competent late teens and early 20s? WHY do they keep making me responsible for things? I don't wannnnnaaaa /vent. I also appear female.]
Me: Uh, right, that I am not willing to discuss. [goes back to other part of conversation] [Thinking: wait is it actually okay for people to just be all "OH COOL YOU'RE HAVING SURGERY TOO WHAT ARE YOU HAVING DONE?" Medical stuff isn't private?]
Coworker, a bit affronted: Oh... well, sounds serious. I wish you well.
I am sort of bewildered but also happy that I realized in time that just because I can mention I'm having a surgery does NOT mean that I have to disclose what it is, go me and recognizing my boundaries and respecting them! But also elderly coworkers who think everyone shares everything. And that I'm 19 or something. I'm turning 27 in January. Wasn't I supposed to have my life figured out by now? FUCK.
(I'm also annoyed because I can't share amusing anecdotes like this on Facebook because then my parents' friends and my aunt would freak out and then GO TO MY PARENTS to find out what's going on. Some of those people I would be fine telling them what's going on, some I would not - but don't put my parents in that position of being the person to decide whether to share what's going on with ME. That my aunt did that once especially aggravated me, as we do keep in touch and talk on the phone as often as we can. I guess I see Facebook as a place to share some stories, especially about the things I have a handle on, so if it's on Facebook I usually know how to handle it. It's not a crisis, so don't freak out about something offhand and talk to ME because I am likely to have a good answer.)
(Well, that parenthetical happened.)
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Date: 2015-12-06 06:48 (UTC)*pom poms*
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Date: 2015-12-06 06:58 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-12-06 10:57 (UTC)Also, old people talk about their medical issues a lot more than younger people and probably don't really think of it as being nearly so private. So yes, definitely set your boundaries where you are comfortable with them! But I wouldn't be offended about this case. :)
omg there are smileys for the subject.
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Date: 2015-12-06 13:06 (UTC)Also, I'm 44 and still haven't figured out what the fuck I'm doing with my life. I'm starting to make peace with that.
And people always used to guess I was in the neighborhood of 8 years younger than I actually am. At least people no longer think I'm under 30 any more. However, between quilting and dancing, in those groups I still tend to be one of the youngest people in the room. ARGH. This has been going on for 20 years now. (less so in dancing, but still...)
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Date: 2015-12-06 19:26 (UTC)Rambled on.
Aww man, people are going to think I'm so young for FOREVER based on your experience. T_T It frustrates me because for the first year or two after I turned 21 and started purchasing my own alcohol in the United States, I *never* got carded. I got so mad because I figured I should've just been buying alcohol all along instead of being dutiful and waiting until I was 21 if everyone thought I was so much older. Seven years later and people think I'm a young'un again. I don't understand.
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Date: 2015-12-06 14:21 (UTC)I don't think I have to describe how western culture has drifted very far from it's tribal roots. But there's interesting things to see when you look at cultures that are closer to their tribal roots.
In some parts of Africa, the greeting goes like this:
"My friend! How are you doing!"
"I am fine if you are fine."
Meaning that the responded would not be fine if their friend was hurting. That the health of every individual in the tribe relied on the health of every other person in the tribe.
So to me, your co-worker's question was natural - which does not obligate you in anyway to disclose your health issues. But I would take it that he was being empathetic and considering your relationship close enough that you were part of the same community.
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Date: 2015-12-06 19:11 (UTC)Another reason why I always feel like an outsider looking in.
I see how the question is natural, I just feel like my [USian white] culture also hates disclosing medical information. So. It's an interesting balance.
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Date: 2015-12-06 16:46 (UTC)Also, if I had my life worked out at this point, I'd probably be a lot happier and less in debt. As it is, I'm still fuxxored.
Sympathies.
Date: 2015-12-06 19:16 (UTC)Re: Sympathies.
Date: 2015-12-07 08:00 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-12-07 14:34 (UTC)