tv_quotes, posts by tag: seinfeld - LiveJournal

''Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!''
Jan Brady (Eve Plumb), The Brady Bunch
 

( I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory.Collapse )

"I just came from the Price Club. I'm loaded up, baby!"

- Kramer, in "The Rye"

"When George was growing up, his father hated all the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas, so he made up his own holiday."

"Oh... and another piece of the puzzle falls into place."

- Jerry and Elaine, in "The Strike"

"Hey, you know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables!"

- Kramer, in "The Cigar Store Indian"

"So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle, and you think to yourself, 'What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.'"

"No no no no no. It was not trash."

"Was it in the trash?"

"Yes."

"Then it was trash."

"It wasn't down in. It was sort of on top."

"But it was in the cylinder."

"Above the rim."

"Adjacent to refuse is... refuse."

"It was on a magazine. And it still had the doily on."

"Was it eaten?"

"One little bite."

"Well, that's garbage."

"But I know who took the bite. It was her aunt."

"Well, you, my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum."

- Jerry and George, in "The Gymnast"

"I'm not saying anything, I'm putting it in the vault, I'm locking the vault. It's a vault!"

- Jerry, in "The Parking Spot"

GEORGE: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on -- and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I-I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment … I was a Marine Biologist!

(Elaine enters and sits down)

ELAINE: George I’ve just reading this thing in the paper, it's unbelievable!

GEORGE: I know I was just telling them the story.

KRAMER: Well come on George, finish the story.

GEORGE: The sea was angry that day my friends… like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli!

(Jerry gives Kramer a "What the --" glance)

GEORGE: I got about fifty-feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling I realized, that something was obstructing its’ breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!

JERRY: Mammal.

GEORGE: Whatever.

KRAMER: Well then, what did you do next?

GEORGE: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed like a cork and I found myself right on top of him, (ELAINE: gasps quietly Ahhhh) face to face with the blow-hole. I-I, I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but, I knew something was there… so I reached my hand in, felt around and pulled out the obstruction!

(George reaches into his inside jacket pocket and dramatically pulls something out in his clenched fist -- holding it up in the air for a second, then displays a golf ball holding it in mid air for the remaining 28 seconds of the scene)

(Elaine looks on, mouth wide open in amazement. Jerry turns and looks at Kramer also in amazement and George, while staring at Kramer, holds out the ball in the air… Kramer sits quietly, squirming -- and it’s 21 seconds until Kramer speaks)

KRAMER: What is that a Titleist?

GEORGE: (Silently squinches his mouth and nods at Kramer)

KRAMER: A hole in one eh.

GEORGE: He gave me a wedgie.
JERRY: He got fired the next day.
ELAINE: Why do they call it a wedgie?
GEORGE: Because the underwear is pulled up from the back and ... it wedges in..
JERRY: They also have an atomic wedgie. Now the goal there is to actually get the waistband on top of the head. Very rare.
ELAINE: Boys are sick.
JERRY: Well what do girls do?
ELAINE: We just tease some one 'til they develop an eating disorder.

George: Listen to this. Marcy comes up and she tells me her ex-boyfriend was over late last night, and "yada yada yada, I'm really tired today." You don't think she 'yada yada'-ed sex?

Elaine: (Raising hand) I've 'yada yada'-ed sex.

George: Really?

Elaine: Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again.

Jerry: But you 'yada yada'-ed over the best part!

Elaine: No, I mentioned the bisque.