(a little early)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
{cookies and frosting and sprinkles} OH MY!
I can't believe that any sane person would go to that much work.

We wanted my mom to be able to boss us around while having plenty of time to snugge the rookie-cookie-party-attendees. I think she kinda liked that job this year!
She and Leah even got a pretty good nap in!
Leah wasn't sure what to think of all the fuss! She seemed to think that her own hand was just as tasty as any cookie version could possibly be!
She may not have been impressed with the cookies, but she LOVED her time with Lydia. It was so fun to have these two girls together all day. They are only 12 days apart and so cute together, especially now as they are both getting more social.
In fact, there is a whole new crop of little ones! Most of these are kiddos of my nieces and nephew, but I am so glad that she will have little cousins to play with even though I don't understand the geneology lingo of it all (once removed, twice shy?!? Who really cares?)
Trey had been the youngest of the original cousin generation until Leah came along. (He's soooo cute with her!)
And here she is with Tyler, the oldest cousin, who ironically has 2 little girls of his own now. I was just 7 years old when he was born, so we've always been close. Most of my nieces and nephews felt like the little brothers and sisters that I never had... except I didn't have to share my toys with them and it didn't matter when they got on my nerves, because they were bound to be going home soon! :)
I think I love them all as adults (more or less) than ever before!!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Christmas Bliss-mas!
She seemed pretty excited?!?
Santa was so cute with her and couldn't take his eyes off of her.
*****
And on Sunday, we decided to take her to church for the first time. Chris and I have been taking turns while juggling her and our callings these last couple of months, but it was our annual Youth Christmas Devotional/Brunch and we both worked hard to make it happen and we didn't want to miss it!
(Proof)
However, after a little lunch and some snuggling, she was back to being my perfect angel and she made it to her first Sacrament Meeting. It was so sweet to be in church all together as a family for the first time and especially on my favorite Sunday of the year. The Christmas program was amazing, as usual. I felt overwhelmed with emotion and love and blessings. I remember being younger and seeing cute couples and families in church. I always loved seeing husbands with their arms around their wives especially when they had sweet little ones. This particular Sunday felt a little bit, like I was given an out of body experience. As I sat there celebrating this Christmas season, I realized that finally, as I am nearing middle-aged, I am whole. I was meant to be a mother and I was sitting right where I was supposed to be at that moment, with exactly the people that I've prayed for my entire life. What a miraculous year! I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
{twenty} years and counting....
Nevertheless....
One of my favorite parties of the year has once again come and gone.
I have always been blessed in my life with an abundance of amazing friends, something that I am eternally thankful for. I have important, close and amazing friends that have just come into my life these last few years, no doubt because I needed them at this very stage of my life. I feel blessed that amazing people have always been put in my path along this journey we call life.
However, there is something so incredible about friends that have known you since what feels like the beginning of time. I have said it before and I could probably just ditto previous posts, but I LOVE these women. Many times in my life, I have probably not been deserving of the kind of friends that they are, but that's even more reason why I feel so lucky!
The twentieth anniversary of the Annual Friends' Christmas Party!
You'd think after 20 years, the group shot would be a breeze.think.again.
(it's usually a 20-30 minute hysterical affair)

Usually there is a strict "no husbands and no kids" rule. However, occasionally exceptions are made for teeny, tiny little ones who are still livin' off of mama's milk.
Leah was lucky enough to get a little taste of this fun tradition. Although I missed being able to sleep over this year, it was nice to take her along. I'm pretty sure she loved every minute of it, but I've already told her not to get used to it! She won't be invited in the years to come!
The twenty year tree... complete with Sari's incredible handmade ceramic ornaments for everyone. Loved it!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
two...
How is it that a whole month has gone by sice my last post?
adjective.
1. Desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.
2. Ready to accept or acquiesce; willing
Some 2 month stats:
Thursday, November 4, 2010
one mama month

It has been one month since my world changed so incredibly and drastically as we officially entered this new stage of life. My littlemiss leah is one month old today. Surreal? Yes! So much of my life still feels a bit unbelievable.
Things that I have learned this month:
* My heart can love deeper than I ever thought possible. I love her more every single second. And I have never loved CJ more than seeing him as a daddy.
* I always thought that I was one who could function pretty without a ton of sleep. As it turns out, I need more than I thought to function well.
* Having a baby is hard. Women who push babies out and make it look easy are not doing the rest of us any favors. I've been told that those memories will fade. thank goodness!
*Hormones are real and they do crazy things to you. I have cried more this month than in most of my life combined. Sometimes for no discernible reason at all.
* I can, in fact, go weeks without ever turning on the TV or even caring what is going on in the world. My world is forever changed to revolve around something more important.
*Sleeping on my stomach feels as good as I remembered it.
*Breastfeeding is not as hard or scary as I thought it would be. Maybe it helps to get all worked up and plan for the worst sometimes.
* That being said, as much as breastfeeding is a "natural process"... it does not come naturally.
* Babies smell so naturally good.
* Time is crazy. The months and "big picture" goes so fast. too fast. However, the days and nights and even hours go slow. Sometimes way too slow.
* Grandmas and Grandpas are the best. I don't know what I would do without my parents, especially my mom.
* The world changes fast when you aren't paying attention. While being on bed rest and having a baby, they tore buildings down in my area, completely switched the layout of my grocery store and remodeled the store that I work in.
* I have the best husband and babydaddy ever. seriously, ever!
* Babies really do create a ridiculous amount of laundry.
* There is nothing better than 10 wiggly baby toes.
* I've already gotten used to being puked on.
* It is humbling to have another human being rely 100% upon me. Sometimes it scares me.
* I could stare at her all day long. Most days, I do.
* I can shower and get ready really, really fast. (and I use the term "get ready" very loosely!)
* I have the best neighbors around. They have been so, so good to us and kept us well fed for weeks.
* Being a mama is infinitely more amazing and rewarding than I ever even expected it to be. It is also infinitely more difficult.
* I have never been happier knowing that I am right where I am supposed to be... at home, in sweats, in the middle of the afternoon with the most precious gift that I have ever been given.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
my little mexican souvenir...
Friday, October 22, 2010
bffs
Monday, October 18, 2010
the arrival...
It did not go exactly as planned or desired, but nevertheless, we are ecstatic that she is here and she is healthy.
We got to the hospital right on time and we were off and running...
It was crazy to know that this time, we weren't leaving without delivering our baby.
Everything was going according to plan. I was admitted and got my IV's with the pitocin drip between 12:30 and 1am. It was a long, sleepless night as my contractions got more and more consistent and more and more uncomfortable. My blood pressure was still running on the high side, but it was nice to know that I was being watched closely. In between comforting and checking on me, Chris tried to get a little rest on the beat-up sofa in the room, although I don't think his attempts were very successful. My parents and sister were also there to keep me company. My mom spent lots of time sitting right next to my bed, holding my hand and reassuring me that I could do this.
Dr M. arrived just after 7am to check on things. I was only dialated to a 3 (not much more than I had been dialated in his office a few days before). He broke my water (not awesome or comfortable) and helped arrange for my epidural, something I had been looking forward to. I got the epidural just after 7:30am. I managed through it just fine... CJ, however, was another story. Something about no sleep, no food in his belly and big needles that did a number on him. He managed to not pass out and after some crackers and juice was back to being my all-star coach.
Within a few minutes of getting the epidural, my feet started to tingle as promised and I felt a little more relaxed. My blood pressure continued to track really high, something that is unusual after an epidural. After about a half an hour, I found that although I felt a bit tingly, I was still feeling the contractions and they still hurt! With each contraction, I would wince in pain and my blood pressure would shoot up. I kept telling the nurse that I was still feeling the contractions and she would re-position me in hoping of getting me more comfortable and out of pain. Several times throughout the morning as I was still grimacing in pain, she sent the anesthesiologist in to check on me. Each time, he would turn the epidural up a bit and once again re-position me. It would seem to help for about 15-20 minutes and then I was back to feeling miserable pain with each contraction. Finally about 11am or shortly after, I realized what was happening... the epidural was only working on the left side of my body, but not on the right side. Each time he turned it up, it would make my left side more and more numb, while I barely had the tingles on my right side. My left side ultimately got so numb that you could have chopped off my leg with a dull saw and I wouldn't have even known or cared. However, I was still able to do chorus line kicks with my right leg and my right pelvis/abdomen was where all of my pain was coming from. My nurse was fantastic and was pushing really hard for them to figure it out and get me comfortable, however, nothing happened fast. The anesthesiologist just kept tweaking things hoping to make it better. Clearly... it wasn't working.
Dr M arrived back a little after noon to check my progress again. After 5 more long hours of uncomfortable labor, I had progressed only from a 3 to a 5, and my blood pressure was still really high. It was shaping up to be a long day, but he still wanted to see what my body would do, particularly if they could get me comfortable, before opting for a c-section. The anesthesiologist finally came back and decided that I would need a 2nd epidural. not awesome and yet, it's about time... 5 hours later. I got the epidural just before 12:30pm and within 10 minutes, felt dreamy. Finally, I felt like I could rest...THIS was what an epidural was supposed to feel like and I liked it. I dozed off for the first time since everything began only to awaken a little after 1pm panicked and feeling like something had changed and I needed to go to the bathroom and fast!! I called my L&D nurse back in and she checked me and I was dialated to a 10 and ready to push! Just like that... after hours of nothing, as soon as they got me comfortable, I dialated from a 5 to a 10 in only about 30 minutes. It looked like the scar tissue wasn't an issue after all and I was going to have this baby the old fashioned way!
She called the Dr and told him that it was time, and instantly there were scores of nurses and techs everywhere who transformed the room from a labor suite to a delivery room. Chris rushed out to get my mom, who was wandering the halls and Dr M re-appeared out of nowhere. It all happened so fast and I was terrified. I remember panicking and telling Chris how scared I was. I was also a little bummed that I barely even had a chance to enjoy the epidural or get any rest! Within 10 minutes of me waking up and less than an hour after having the 2nd epidural, I was pushing.
I pushed and I pushed. My contractions were long, but still a little far a part. I would push and push and push and push only to have her sneak back up a bit in between contractions, meaning I would have to start all over. After several rounds of contractions and pushing, it became apparent to the Dr that she was getting stuck. I was starting to tear, so I ended up with a full episiotomy (not awesome) which still didn't seem to help. The Dr. decided to use the vacuum to help her out and keep her down in between contractions. Still after more pushing and using the vacuum, she still couldn't get out. It seemed that she was stuck on my odd shaped tailbone. It started to get scary, because my blood pressure was so high and now her heart rate was impacted and she was essentially stuck. He finally went for the forceps and basically just dug her out. Pretty sure he broke my tailbone in the process. Maybe a c-section wouldn't have been so bad after all?!?

Alas, after all of that, our beautiful banged up baby girl was born @ 1:46 pm, weighing 6lbs 8oz and 20 inches long. She came out screaming (i don't blame her) and her daddy and my most awesome birth coach got to cut the cord, before they took her across the room to clean her up and get her stats. That was the only time that I got to reach out and touch her for what seemed like an eternity. We both felt a bit victimized and traumatized by all that had happened in such a short period of time. As they were attending to her, the Dr continued to work on me, sewing me up and trying to put me back together again. I could hear all of the nurses talking about how bruised and banged up she was, and although screaming and crying at first, she started to have a hard time breathing, so soon they whisked her off to the nursery for better suctioning and some oxygen. I have never been so sad or heartbroken then to see them take her away, before I ever even got a chance to officially meet her and tell her that I loved her.
Seeing how nothing about this day had been easy, neither was my recovery. Once the Dr had finally put me back together (more or less) I started to get really nauseated and spent much of the next 1.5 hours throwing up and sobbing, both from the emotions of having a baby and still not really having had any time with her and also from the pain of such a miserable birth. They wouldn't give me pain meds until I could stop throwing up, which was awful. It definitely wasn't the beautiful picture that I had in my mind or the one that I've seen over and over on "A Baby Story".

Finally after about 2 hours in recovery, they finally got me stable enough to move me to my postpartum room. As they were wheeling me down the hall, out came Chris holding our baby girl. It was there in the long corridor of the hospital that I first got to hold my precious gift and tell her how much I loved her and how happy I was that she had finally joined our family. It was incredibly emotional. Once we got to our room, the three of us had a few minutes to ourselves to just take it all in. So many happy tears were shed and prayers of thanks offered. It was a humbling and very sweet experience. Chris was amazing through everything and seeing him with his baby girl has been one of the sweetest things I could ever imagine. I can honestly say that I have never loved him more.
The poor thing was so bruised and swollen and it was obvious that she didn't feel well, but miraculously she only had to be on oxygen for less than an hour and has been thriving ever since. She is such a sweet baby and I still can't believe that I could instantly love someone so much so fast.
After all of that, mom and baby were still ready to be discharged just 48 mere hours later. I couldn't believe that she was really ours to take home.
As they were wheeling me out to the car, this was what I was looking at. My miraculous angel. She was so hard to get here from start to finish. Yet, nothing I have ever done or gone through has been more worth it.And 2 weeks later, I am still in awe of her. It's true what many said those first few days...
*****
My recovery has been awful. Plain. and. Simple. I can't sit without agony. I can't go to the bathroom without agony. I can hardly even lay around without agony.
But I also can't look at her without getting choked up and feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. I almost feel like things are too good to be true and that scares me.
My mom has been amazing and between bedrest and helping me adjust has given up nearly a month of her life to be at my side. I don't know what I would do without her. I finally had to let her go home and return to her normal activities a few days ago and I sobbed as she left. Not because I needed her physical help so much as I loved the time I got to spend with her and I had come to rely on the safety and security that she brought. As she drove away, it was the first time that I was alone and in charge of this precious baby girl. Such an awesome, overwhleming and frightening experience.
Still today, I truly feel overwhelmed in every single sense of the word.
overwhelmed with gratitude
overwhelmed with humility
overwhelmed with joy
overwhelmed with fear
overwhelmed with inadequacy
overwhelmed with exhaustion
and absolutely
overwhelmed with love
*****
Welcome Sweet Miracle Baby Leah
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Introducing:
Thursday, September 30, 2010
{a special space for my special girl}
But alas, the important things are now done and we are ready for our miracle story to continue unfolding.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
AND yet another...
{the details}
{the guests}
{and more guests}
{and most importantly... the hostesses}
Last week, I was lucky enough to be honored with yet another amazing baby shower for our littlemissleah. Our young women and the amazing women that lead and guide them hosted a fabulous evening for friends, neighbors and ward members. It could not have been more beautiful. They took Leah's nursery colors and went all out with beautiful & incredible food, amazing decor, strings of lights and details to boot. It was amazing and humbling!
We had an fantastic turnout of friends and neighbors and it was just another affirmation to me of just how blessed I am. There were many who somehow escaped the camera, but it was so fun to see every single one. We came away with loads of amazing treasures and we don't take one single bit of it for granted.
Thank you to all my ladies who worked so hard to put this together! I loved every minute of it! And I love YOU!
{and see those amazing fabric poms over the food table that the one and only missgina made for me... wait until you see the amazing mobile that I have created with them!}
{final nursery pictures coming soon.....stay tuned!}
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Jam Packed Labor Day Weekend
It started with the annual girls trip to Swiss Days. This year we stayed in a beautiful condo at the Canyons and had more fun than should be allowed. We ate, laughed, played games, stayed up too late and collectively decided that we just might have to make an entire week of it next year. I love spending time with my family... especially when it's just the girls!
After a long day of shopping and battling the swiss days crowds, it was time to meet the mister and the boys for the season opener BYU game. Always much anticipated and it did not disappoint this year. I was worried that I would be miserable and unable to sit that long... but I made it until the very end, when we snuck out just a few minutes early.
Sunday started off with the beautiful baby blessing of my amazing niece's baby, Ryder. It was such a sweet blessing and we loved being able to be a part of their special day.
We capped off Sunday with another fun party and more delicious food at my parents house to celebrate their fiftythird wedding anniversary!!! Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures.... I was getting too tired at this point!
But it was really great to have everyone together this weekend, especially with so much to celebrate.
Monday started off with CJ getting up early to go golfing with my brothers, something he hasn't had nearly enough time this summer to do.
We then spent a few hours at the baseball game soaking in every minute of the 70 degree day before heading off to yet another party... this time it was CJ's niece Megan's 14th birthday. Once again, I'm sad that I didn't get any pictures, but her party was adorable with a polka dot theme, delicious dinner, swimming and an incredible birthday cake!!
Whew! I better start resting up for next year.
(still to come... details on yet another amazing spoiledrottenshower)









