broads i wouldn't mind being for a day...

chan marshall

cat power

zooey deschanel

she and him

"elf"

leslie feist 

feist

broken social scene

and of course:

jenny lewis

rilo kiley

the postal service

for dreary weather

i want these for christmas please!

when was the last time you wore a onesie?

$69.50 at j. crew

the slow fade of love

i felt infinite again today. the snow is beautiful and pure. it's cold, but it's worth it. listen to porcelain by moby, brothers on a hotel bed by death cab for cutie, and the winter song by eisley.

"now and again it seems worse than it is,

but mostly the view is accurate.

you see your breath in the air

as you climb up the stairs

to that coffin you call you apartment.

and you sink in your chair,

brush the snow from your hair,

and drink the cold away.

and you're not really sure

what you're doing this for,

but you need something to fill up the days.

a few more hours..."

brrr

it's hella cold, but the plus side of the freezing weather is that it's actually really pretty. i'm ridiculously intrigued with watching the snow fall. and taking tons of pictures, even though half of them look almost exactly the same, hah!

as pretty as it is cruel.

oh, life. today has been emotional. it's so typical of life for everything to happen at once. all sorts of change. rachel moved out today, and siera left last thursday. christina will be gone in three days. i'll have three new roommates. sydnee's getting married so, so soon. it'll be so weird to say that my bestfriend is married. i have some serious concerns about some personal things. finals. snow. boys, or the lack thereof. so much of this is foreign to me and i'm not sure how to handle it. i'll be glad to get back to arizona again and just take a breather. 

today i fell when i was walking home from school. i wasn't paying attention (texting or changing the music on my ipod, most likely) and the sidewalk was icy and snowy. i definitely slid and overcompensated for my lack of balance and landed on my back. so i just layed there for a few seconds, then laughed, then got up and quickly walked away. because there were a couple people walking behind me. i'm such a  joke sometimes.

a hidden place

i'm blank again today. can't sleep, can't eat, can't describe. i have very little focus and even less motivation. i can usually write myself out of my uneasiness. but when i get in this certain mood, i'm at a complete loss. i could literally just sit and stare at the wall and think. i'm not myself, just kind of floating and pointless. i don't know what brings this on, and i don't know what to do with myself. 

nobody said it was easy

last night i went up to park city with amber and julie and some of amber's friends. we watched accepted and had fun. i drank a ton of diet coke, as usual.

tonight i went with kit to the "freeze fest" where there was broom hockey on the ice and ice skating and gingerbread house making and dancing and other activities. we played broom hockey and my initial strategy was just to keep standing, considering i don't have much balance or coordination on dry ground. so i kind of just pretended to follow where the ball was going while still keeping a safe distance. the second round that we played, however, i hit the ball a couple of times. once i hit it pretty hard, and my feet flew out from under me and i ate it. hard. i didn't cry though, i laughed!

the last two nights have been fun because abc family has had the harry potter weekend. i am a great big fan of this.

we have blue christmas lights in our window, but they look more like hanukkah lights. i plan on creating some art involving a menorah and the star of david. i hope this isn't wrong of me. we also have a small christmas tree, so we represent the major holidays. 

9.24

i just had my least satisfying lucky charms experience ever. it might have something to do with the kosher dill pickle spear that rachel practically forced me to eat. i don't have enough concentration to write this paper. shoot.

same shoes, just longer hair.

today i realized one of the few things i like about myself:

i think i have an eye for aesthetically pleasing things.

if  only i could get like, a third of the creativity i see, i'd be thrilled.

i got a letter from chantry yesterday, it was precious.

i have a term paper due tomorrow, and i haven't started it. i need to.

i found out i'm not having a final in one of my classes, WOO!

french exam tomorrow.

texts from jayden and parker jones are funny.

i found my wolf bag in tempe, it's my favorite again.

i've been listening to sondre lerche, it's like eating the best peach ever.

saturday morning is the polar bear dive at king henry:

if you jump in the pool, you get a free t-shirt.

i think i want to do it.

gotta have faith-uh faith-uh faith-uhhhh

today was just a riot. cheyanne and i had a most pleasant trip (listening to hot n cold, touch my body, disturbia, etc.) up to prescott to see dad, brian, and the motor lodge. i don't know how, but that place looks even better every time i see it. i baked cookies, which is a given when i'm with dad. cheyanne and i made up the funnest thing: sexy baking. basically you just dance like a skank while you mix ingredients. it's a scream. i showed dad a bunch of videos on youtube (can i have your number, bon qui qui) and we watched a reaaaallly good movie called "off the map." i highly recommend it. after driving home in ridiculous weather conditions (fog, rain, wind), i took cheyanne home. then i went to see capri, who was babysitting hayden and trent while dj and jen were at coldplay. hmph. but those little boys are absolutely precious. i taught trent how to walk on my back, which was fun for the both of us. hayden was very curious about what college is like, and didn't believe that his dad went to the same college as me. i've got to get some sleep because tomorrow is going to be insane, so busy. and i've gotten like six hours total the last two nights, and i've been traveling which makes me even more tired.

there's no place like home!

aye-zee

i want you to caress me like a tropical breeeeeeeze

mariah carey is the sickest woman ever.

i'm back in love with arizona. mom cried at the airport; i wasn't surprised. first things first: got a burrito and churro from filiberto's, and a diet coke from qt. the dogs remembered me and the puppy still loves me. being in my own room is an absolute dream. it's just the way i left it and my bed is amazingly more comfortable than the one in provo. i went to grandma and papa's at like midnight to wake them all up and say hi. they were quite thrilled and i'm not kidding. i came home and watched notting hill and uploaded all of my "now" cds. i can't believe the gems that i have been missing, HA. i have so many movies and a bunch of clothes that i need to relocate to utah when i return there. i can't wait to see sydnee on friday, and tomorrow cheyanne and i are going up to prescott for the day to visit dad and brian. woooot!!!!

VIVA ARIZONA!

hysteria

around 4 am i woke up to rachel and christina whispering in our room. they both we standing by the door and i sat up and asked what was going on. rachel was completely convinced that she heard our front door open and close. so she ran into our room. we were all out of bed and standing by the door, listening intently. every little noise that the air conditioning or the fridge made increased our fear and heart rates. finally rachel got the courage to leave the room, as long as i went with her. so we checked all over and no one was there. we were relieved, but still scared out of our minds. so we ended up going back to bed; rachel slept on our floor. the last thing i heard before i fell back asleep was christina (the psychology major) saying, "guys, we just experienced hysteria." 

it's so weird how real and intense danger can seem when it's not there. even when you're mostly sure that you're safe, there's still that voice in the back of your head saying, what if you're not? it's scary to me because what if something did happen? how could i try to protect my roommates? my first thought was to prop the chair under the door handle, and be armed with a candle to throw at the attacker's head. but how would we escape? what if the other girls were in their room? even if we called someone to help, how would they get into the apartment if the door was locked?

maybe i'm paranoid, but i keep getting this sick feeling whenever i think about the mere possibility of someone trying to hurt us. i've decided that i need to sit down and make an emergency plan, just in case.

jigsaw

it's been a long, long day. it's after five thirty in the morning and i'm still awake from yesterday morning. i'm thinking about not even attempting to sleep because i have to get up in like two hours anyways. the reason i stayed up so late is because rachel and i got a bunch of fun stuff to do at wal mart tonight. jenga, yarn for friendship bracelets, and PUZZLES. i've been up trying to finish one with animals and 550 pieces. i got pretty far, but it's at that point now where all the pieces kind of look the same and i'm not sure i have the focus to complete it.

i miss sydnee so much, and i can't believe that she's going to be married in less than two months and she won't be mine anymore. :( i'm really excited to go home for thanksgiving. i can't wait to see my family. my mom sent me peanutbutter filled pretzels in the mail. the life aquatic and the royal tenenbaums also arrived today.

i might go make a diet coke now and finish the puzzle then get ready for the day. ha!!

i've been feeling way girly lately...

i absolutely love this doll. and the name "miette" is adorable.

i've got a thing for birds.

the holly golightly epiphany

the mean reds

"the blues are because you're getting fat or it's been raining too long. you're just sad, that's all. 

the mean reds are horrible. suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of.

don't you ever get that feeling?"

left bank

struggling daily, but making it through.

made dinner last night: chicken, macaroni and cheese, apple slices, french bread. kimball came over and ate with me. later made cookies. think i'm going to start grocery shopping like they do in europe and central america, etc. they shop for the groceries that day, not for weeks in advance. this seems like a wise idea, because then you don't buy useless food items that will sit in your cabinet for months, and it will also cut back on snacking an stuff. we'll see how this works out. also made cookies last night. they were way good, they were halloween sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles. didn't want them to sit in our apartment because i knew i'd probably eat them all, took probably half of them around to friends around king henry. since my dad and uncle tim came up, i've been obsessed with eating toast (they bought us a toaster). our apartment has been watching reba almost every day. it's a pretty funny show. yesterday in my french class, we had a halloween party and my teacher separated us into the hogwarts houses and we had a competition. she put me in slytherin, ] not sure if she's trying to tell me something... she gave us all harry potter glasses.

started reading the miracle of forgiveness last night. looking forward to this read. 

pretty grossed out that this post was mainly about food.

bear safety in alaska.

today i got my information from the alaska public lands information center about bear safety! the reason i requested this information was because you get a free sticker. and whenever i get a sticker, i put it on my laundry basket (this is a tradition i started in provo).

okay, here's the scoop: i'm a member of a group on facebook called "i heart free stuff" or something like that, and there was a link to a website that gives you free stuff. i'm completely obsessed. i'm expecting a polar bear sticker and a penguin sticker soon. like i said, i LOVE getting mail. anyways, i thought i should share some bear etiquette and behavior with you, my friends.

• make your presence known; avoid surprises. sing, talk, wear a bell. avoid thick brush.
• give bears plenty of room. watch & photograph from a safe distance.
• be on the watch for bear kills. a bear will defend its food. detour areas where you see or smell dead animals or fish.
• a bear standing on its hind legs usually only wants a better view and more information (hahaha).
• if a bear runs with a stiff, bouncing gait, it may be false charging.
• identify yourself. talk to the bear in a normal voice. wave your arms to help the bear recognize you as a human being.

you'll thank me when you feel threatened by a bear encounter in the forest and you remember my dumb blog and my love for bears.

oh, another animal safety tip: do not name raccoons "bandit" and then feed them marshmallows. they will only come closer to your friends and your fire and you might have to put them in a trash can and douse them with lighter fluid.

lightheaded and shaking

i got really homesick last night. i miss my mom a lot. i'm struggling a little bit up here. i really want nothing more than to be home for a weekend. i just want to see my family and sydnee. i was showing some friends all of our sister pictures and i started crying and felt dumb. but i miss my girl. a lot. :(

last hurrah

prescott

night of change

dbacks

drives

prescott

painting

christmas

ha ha ha

a day without

today was great! dad and uncle tim came up from arizona for the evening; tim owns a mortuary and he has a funeral tomorrow in nephi, so they decided to come up for a couple hours tonight to see me. we had dinner at costa vida, then they bought me groceries. hurrah! and now we have a toasterrr. i missed heroes tonight, and that was a bummer.  but micah's gonna download it tomorrow so i can see it.

i'm really frustrated that i can't sleep at a decent time. i get to this point every night and am absolutely dreading the morning to come. which i shouldn't be. but it's really hard to get into that cycle or pattern or whatever. i would take some tylenol p.m. but i would definitely be screwed in the morning.

while things are going relatively well, i'm kind of down about a couple of things. i'm trying my best to make the most of situations and handle myself well, but i'm just really struggling. part of me wants to never be home, just bopping around from apartment to apartment, seeing what everyone's doing and be really social and sassy. but the other part of me just wants to come home from school every day and crawl into bed until the next morning. it's ridiculous.

but, things really are going great. i'm still getting along with my roommates and meeting new friends and having random bits of fun. i love that i'm here, and i wouldn't change it because i know this is where i'm supposed to be right now. but, i really miss certain things about home. like sydnee, my mom, my cousins and grandparents, and everyone else. and i miss my own bedroom with all my own stuff, and qt. i definitely miss qt.

i like you and your signature.

i've been feeling better about life the past couple of days. yesterday was a pleasant friday. i actually got ready for school and felt good about myself. huzzah. i got a delightful halloween card in the mail from sydnee lorraine. it was unexpected and pleasant. at night time, christina and i went to the "friday night live" dance at school, which basically consisted of a swing dance room, latin dancing, and the black student union dance. guess where we spent the majority of our time... BSU OF COURSE!! after the dance sesh we ended up going to beto's, which is pretty much like filiberto's. it reminded me of home. then we watch harry potter 2, and i slept on the couch. 

today i awoke to a phone call that i thought was my wake up alarm, was given indian food from a couple nights ago, and went back to bed. only to be awakened by a second phone call inviting me to be in a photo shoot for trafalga (it's pretty much like golfland) with micah, conner, mike, mikhael, and another girl. so we went to do that; turns out they're using the shots in their advertisements. i'm sure i'll post a link if they end up on the website haha. afterwards we went to subzero ice cream, which is like frostbite (the place where your ice cream is liquid then turned into ice cream using liquid nitrogen). afterwards i cleaned up the apartment a little bit, then i had some relief society stuff to do. then kimball and dayton came over and we watched hot rod. later in the night i hung out with stratton and got pizza and candy. we came to the conclusion that when the youth of america is depressed, we use candy to make us happy, and that's why we're all fatties. p.s., try junior mints and fresca together; it's a surprisingly phenomenal combo. then we and mike went to visit anna on her break at work and went to best buy. i eventually came home and took a shower, then kimball came over and i made halloween cookies and we just relaxed for the night. i finally figured out who he reminds me of: simba. i have yet to pinpoint the reason why.

so it's nearly five a.m. and i'm getting up for church in a few hours and i need to stop depriving myself of sleep.

white shirt, black socks, no pants.

the best look in the world!

i'm sorry, i just had to post the above. i am hopelessly devoted to both shia labeouf and andy samberg so there was really just no holding back. plus, it made me laugh despite this week's stress and weirdness.

i can't wait until this presidential election is over. i'm nervous about what's going to happen after either obama or mccain is elected. i don't support either candidate, so it's really difficult to have a positive outlook about the future of our country. are we going to continue to be involved in wars? is the economic crisis going to continue to get worse? as so many people have said, this is probably one of the most important presidential elections that our country has seen. but looking at both the republican and democratic nominees, i am not comforted. either way, our country is still going to have lots of problems and no way to overcome them all. i wish i felt more optimistic about our nation's future, but i am feeling rather stressed about it. i guess we've all just got to hope and pray for the best.

learn to shine in blue and gold

i love finding out little things about people that i know. not gossip or secrets, but more along the lines of hidden talents and interests. it keeps me amused and on my toes. for that i am grateful. 

the heater in our apartment is not working, and i am extremely chilly. luckily, my mom sent me some warmer clothes and the package arrived today. 

when i got home from school today, si and ray were watching steel magnolias. that movie pretty much broke my heart. but then ray and si, being the weirdos that they are, thought it would be a really good idea to curl their hair like dolly parton's in the movie. so then i wasn't sad about it anymore. 

things are a little weird lately. i feel really out of it. out of the loop, out of the social scene, out of my body, out of my mind. i'm trying to keep myself grounded and work through this with the Lord on my side, and i know He is. but it's still a struggle every day. 

i need to be healthier. i ordered a bunch of free pamphlets online about health and diet and nutrition and blah blah blah, because i want to be healthier and slimmer, but equally because i love being the only one in my apartment who gets mail. haha i'm such a brat.

heroes is still the best show on television.

emma's crushinnnnn

i love peter petrelli. yes, i do. ohhh my goodness it is cold! it started to snow this morning. and i am not ready fir this weather. i started watching prison break. it's good, but it's no heroes. even though michael is hottttttt. i made soup yesterday! and i made chicken today! i'm quite the little homemaker these days. HAH. except that i'm not. i'm really excited to go home for thanksgiving and see my syd and my family! happy dayyyyyy! i really like the snickers commercials when all the guys in the car sing green sleeves haha. everyone keeps telling me i look like the girl from the grudge. :( hmph. 

oops, i did it again. and not like britney spears.

i'm not sure what is going on. i miss home a lot. it's getting cold here. i am completely unprepared for winter. it's supposed to snow tomorrow, i'm not sure if that's in provo or what, but i am not excited for it. our apartment is becoming more home-y each day, and i enjoy that. conference was amazing. we painted between sessions on saturday. we went to a haunted house, definitely not my scene. clowns still freak me out in a ridiculous way. monday i got a letter from terryl, and it was great. then yesterday i got three packages! one from my mom, one from forever 21, and one from sydnee. it definitely made my day. rachel helped me dye my hair last night. it's really really dark, but it'll fade a bit. my chunks of blonde were growing out and bothering me so i had to do something about it. the green here is intoxicating, i love it. i started reading breaking dawn, finally. i can't get too wrapped up though or my life will start to revolve around the twilight series again and i just cannot have that. i'm coming to the end of my music project. i'm currently on red hot chili peppers. it took me two and a half days to listen to all my radiohead. it was great. however, i have downloaded a grip of music since i've been in provo so i'm going to have to go back through after i finish and listen to the new music. i have watched baby mama three times in the last week. sickening, i know. but i think it's so funny. i bought semi-healthy groceries yesterday, definitely healthier than what i have been eating. did you know that in france when they write out numbers like 1,000 or 1,000,000 they write it like 1.000 and 1.000.000? and when when they're using decimals it's 1,50 or 5,75. those crazy french people... i have a potential new crush. it probably won't go anywhere as per usual. i need caffeine. now.

another day

saw burn after reading. didn't go to school. drank a slurpee. 

today has been good! it's been raining like crazy. i talked to sydnee for almost two hours today, and it definitely was the highlight of my week! then i went to mike's and watched the last talk from the afternoon session, then we painted pictures. i love to paint. i'm watching paris je t'aime. it's fun to watch since i speak a little french now. what will tonight bring?!

100308

emotions manifesting themselves physically.

i feel so sick. i can't do anything right.

little green bag

i'm tired and sick and at school. i want to go home and sleep, but i have an oral exam in french at 11:30, then i have book of mormon at 2. my two middle classes are cancelled for the day, but i'm not sure it'll be worth it to go home and then come back. i could just ditch book of mormon, but that would be naughty. 

yesterday was french club, we watched the valet and it is a funny french film. when i got home i went over to mike and micah's. we watched reservoir dogs last night. ohh my, it was good.

i really miss everyone from home. i just saw a guy who looks like uncle dj. :( i talked to hayden the other day on the phone and he told me he loves me more than the state of arizona. i almost cried. i miss sydnee a lot lot lot.

lm

so so much is happening. i don't know what to do. there's so much to say. i just don't know how.

think long

age, unfortunately, does not mean maturity. one tree hill was so sad tonight. we cried. i'm drinking sunny delight. yumms. i have so much to do. !

you can't love me

i miss my van. and my puppy.

it's amazing to me how music can say so much. i know i say this a lot, but i really love the feeling of someone else understanding exactly the way i feel and that they can express it in ways more eloquent than i can.

it overwhelms me how much you can grow to love someone in a short amount of time. i'm saying this because of my roommates. these girls are all so funny and sweet and smart and kind. i got so so lucky. they are each unique and special and i love them.

i still love provo. i like school a lot. i'm looking forward to the weekend though. our apartment is clean!

acid tongue

jenny lewis's new album is goood. i liiike it. good news! i saw a real grasshopper for the first time today when i was walking home from school. it was big. and green and gross. i've just been busy keeping up with homework and trying to sleep a decent amount. i'm falling in love with my french class. and i looveeeeee my roommates. they are the funniest things. i lucked out biiig time. i'm out of diet coke, i'll have to pick some up tomorrow. also, i'm currently obsessed with hot bread with honey butter from the bakery in the cougar eat. ohhh my, i can't describe how delicious it is. i miss sydnee. i want to see her ring!!!!

ca va

i had my first college test today, in french. i am eating reduced fat wheat thins. i need bread, mine is growing mold. angry!!!

100 cal pack

i'm still antisocial. but i've got a boy that i've been hangin out with ,and he's a nice one. :) don't worry though. i'm still not getting married for a million years. also, i love my roommates. we have many laughs each day. school is going well. i like college. except it's weird when there are couples walking around campus with their a stroller. but that's byu. i loveee my french class. the people in it are chill and i really like my professor. i cut my bangs last night. they're straight across - i'm trying to get used to it. today there was  a taco party for the ward in the quad outside my apartment. christina and i ate our tacos in like two minutes and came right back upstairs. can't complain about free food these days. one tree hill monday. eeep! can't wait. and girl talk is excellent dance music. 

eight fifty

i need to stop.

rug smell

i miss home.
i miss my friends. i talk to pretty much everyone in my family all day. but i really miss my friends a lot. i miss qt. i miss driving my van. i miss the normality and routine of tempe.
i do like it here, but at this moment i'd rather be home. i hope it'll get better once school starts. because i have nothing to do now.

pairadice

so i am in provo, i don't want to go into details about the trip up or last night. so short version: i found an apartment, i'm the only one living here for now. i expect that the other girls will be moving in tomorrow.

this morning i woke up early and went for a jog. it was really cool outside and breezy, the sun was still coming up. i was listening to limbeck (it's really good utah music). i ran down to center street and back around the block to my apartment. it was so pretty, running beside the mountains. everything just felt so pure, the air, the trees, the moment. i think i'm really going to enjoy utah. i miss sydnee though.

raspberry

there are rules and guidelines for a reason. do yourself a favor and follow them. lesson learned? we'll see.

pain shapes

my current situation being what it is, my mind can't help but to wander and wonder.

my thoughts linger on one experience in particular though. one life-changing, long-lasting (kind of) experience. and although this experience wasn't really that long ago, it feels like it's far in my past and memory.

particular parts of this experience have been blurred and mixed together. others are etched in my mind, and it's likely that they will be permanently. one time stands out now, as "night drive" by jimmy eat world plays. i vividly recall sitting at QT at a gas pump and winning a bet. that was a night that things changed.

"23" was playing a little earlier, and i can remember feeling exactly the same as certain lines of that song: 'you'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time. what are you hoping for? i'm, here, i'm now, i'm ready, holding on tight.' my eyes begin to water as these feelings come back. unrequited feelings. simultaneous feelings of hope and hopelessness.

coldplay's "viva la vida" album will always remind me. always.

"a wish," by gregory and the hawk.

and then there's that night. one of the worst that i've experienced, up there with several of the nights to follow. i couldn't handle it. i've relived it so many times, wondering if there was anything i could have said or done to change it. and though i've tried to block it out, i'll never be able to forget it. as the bens so bluntly say it, "love just leaves you bruised. and i've got the scars to prove it." but just because i don't want to remember, doesn't mean that i want to forget.

now, i don't want you to think that i regret any of those eight months. not one part of me does. i learned so much, and i think i've realized why we have these kinds of experiences: to grow and change and improve and mature. i've seen in the past few weeks how my actions and reactions to situations have changed from what they would have been previously. though things didn't unfold in the ideal manner, i believe that they occurred as they were supposed to. all the memories i have, i'll cherish, not shy away from. 

whenever i hear a limbeck song, what laura says, "cheeseburger in paradise," or "paper planes," i'll remember. and i'll want to.

lucky charm 112

i need to read breaking dawn.

went to green last night with josh, gun, mel, k8, chucky, and kahley. much fun! today i believe sydnee and i are going to pita. yum... hahas. i need to get a bike. i think i'll do that today too. 

i can't believe how soon i'm leaving. i can't even comprehend this. i'm getting more and more scared. but no less excited. a bunch of people have said that they're gonna come and visit. but i'm pretty sure that most of them won't. i don't know what i'm going to do with myself once i get up there. i'll have over a week before school starts. i'll look for a job, hopefully someplace cool. oh man. this is so unreal.

i'm at jewel now. ha.

TRUES.

i feel strange, airy. 

i've been meeting a lot of new people lately, and really enjoying it. i'll feel a little down for leaving those people. and also those always-important people who are not new. i'm going to hate to leave sydnee. and my family. and joshua. and the rest. i'll even be sad to leave work. friday is my last day at tmc.

i want to be more open to my opportunities, for the remainder of my time in arizona, but especially in utah. i feel like too often i'm politely (usually) declining things that come my way. i've been thinking about this more and more recently, and so i've been saying "yes" to more things. not all of these things have been positive. but this is the part when discretion and wise judgment come into play. i need to be better about those things as well.

i'm listening to hot hot heat. i feel like i'm finally getting somewhere, a month later. ha.

balloons or no balloons.

the definition of cool is:

• working at pita jungle
  
• wearing brown pants
  
• wearing a fedora.

do yourself a favor and don't ask. 

last night i went to dodgeball, then  hung out with my new friend bret. we ate chicken pasta salad and watched the BFG. there are so many things to say about that movie, but i think the quote that encompasses the greatness of the movie is "whiz pop whiz bang!" 

i got a new phone, my third chocolate broke. so they upgraded me to the new chocolate. not the chocolate three, which is the actual new chocolate, but the one in the middle. but it's black and it's neat.

monday i read the little prince. it's such a simple, spectacular book.

i'm listening to the format.

"i'm trying to find truth in words, in rhymes, in notes, in all the things i wish i wrote."

it's been a weird weekend. last week went by pretty fast. i don't know what i'm doing. i'm so tired right now, haha. but i'm happy. i can't really write in this right now.  i don't know what to say.

no food in my house.

shoooot this is all happening fast. so its official: i'm moving to utah. within the next month. i've thought and prayed about it a lottt and its where i need to be. it's going to be hard, but it'll be good.

tonight tracie and i went to colby john's birthday party. it was funnnn. he had christmas lights strung in zig zags between the roof of his house and the wall. a bunch of us (colby, tracie, jessica, kelley, me) layed on blankets and stared at them for a long time. we were listening to girly music, and then good chill music like death cab and modest mouse. i hadn't felt so calm and peaceful and relaxed in a while. i could have said, "i slit the sheet the sheet i slit and on the slitted sheet i sit." also, colby gave me gifts! incense, a gecko grill shirt (he works there), and my favorite: a vintage bob marley and the wailers tee shirt that is from the uprising tour, which according to colby was the final tour. i personally don't know, as i am not a die hard marley fan, though i do enjoy his music.

speaking of music... i have been plowing through mine. i am now in damien rice. can you believe it? i'm pretty stoked.

ah i have hiccups and they won't go away.

in my place

"i'm going to miss having you around." those words touched me today. they came from someone whom i've always loved, whom i have always seen as a pillar of strength, whom i have always thought didn't think very highly of me. she told me that she has really enjoyed seeing all my progress, and that i had saved her life several times this summer. though i'm sure that was an exaggeration, it still touched me because i know she's had a rough summer. she works harder than almost anyone i know, and she commented on how much i have helped her and kept her sane. i wish i had developed a close relationship with her earlier in life. she's a very sweet lady.

solo un vampiro te querra para siempre.

there's always just a ton to think about. i think what i'm going to end up doing is this: defer my byu acceptance until january and spend a semester at home, saving money and such, then probably transferring up to provo. i definitely want to go to school in utah at some point though. i think this plan will work out to my advantage, giving me time now to get myself together while still not putting it off for too long. i am eating lucky charms. straight out of the box. i'm listening to clap your hands say yeah. i'd like to mention that i listened to "dirrty" by christina aguilera today, and that its so good in such a bad way. haha, guilty pleasures playlist? i think so. oh and i'm rereading the twilight series since breaking dawn is coming out.

i am no different than the others who saw the dark night,  i loved it. it was just really good. especially the part when they're in the club and batman beats up the guys in the strobe light. so this music project is becoming slightly exhausting. i'm three songs shy of finishing off broken social scene. i had a fun time dancing to britney spears in my room on friday, ha i am shameless. i built a bookshelf yesterday. now i just need to figure out where to put it!

last night was the spirit animal party at josh's. he was an elk, mel was an owl, gunnar was a jellyfish, brenden was a raccoon, laura was a manatee, i was a sea otter, john soo was a panda, jesse was a koala, keivon was a bison, the list could go on. it was fun! we had the final countdown. it was excellllent. i went to my own singles ward today (just sacrament though). it seemed like it was pretty cool, but i didn't talk to anyone that i didn't know. i wish i didn't get uncomfortable in new situations. i'm not looking forward to work tomorrow, and i wish i could play the harmonica.

make a plan, carve it into stone.

i hardly ever sleep now! geeez. it's rough being a night owl.

so here's something big. i'm seriously considering changing all my current plans and going to utah in the fall. i made pros and cons lists for both asu and byu, and it's really looking like byu is the way i'm gonna go. i really wish i had realized this sooner, but i wasn't making my decisions for the right reasons, and when i was applying for byu and praying about it, the whole time i said, "if i get accepted to byu i'll go." well i got accepted and made the choice not to. but i think i need this change. there's probably more opportunity for me in utah, considering where i know i need to be (and want to be) in my life. so i'll have decided for sure within a week. i'm actually getting really excited, thinking about it. just going away and being able to start fresh, not knowing anyone, and not having a reputation following me around. but i DON'T want to be one of those girls who gets married right away. ewww! i guess that's why they call it ewtah. haha.

i'm in bright eyes now! i listened to all my brand new today. it was a goood day musically, and otherwise.

OH! and i saw dear erin, she's back from california and awesome as ever! we watched harry potter three while sitting in chairs at wal mart and i bought brenden a thermos-it was vinyl (maybe?) and red! with a cup built RIGHT IN!!! 

oi'm a good girl oi am!

things are looking up, for real! EXCEPT, i'm at the point where i have to force myself to listen to the black eyed peas... eh. but i'm getting pretty far! i got through all of my ben artists, and i had to take a break from facebooking this afternoon when berlin's "take my breath away" played so i could belt it. ha! i'm not even joking... last night we watched "the jerk," and it's probably one of the funniest movies i've ever seen. "i was born a poor black child." ohh dear. tonight i stayed home, i completed a grip of su doku puzzles, and i watched "my fair lady" and "the darjeeling limited." both are very good. i've got a long day tomorrow; i work from seven to three. yikes. i'll have to get up pretttty early, and it's starting to get late.

LANDED.

there's no point in me being sad anymore, so i'm not letting myself be!!!

today was good! kristine gave a lovely talk in u5 ward. i hung out with joshy and his brother, brenden. we had a wonderful experience playing in the rain. i went to capri's birthday party and pwn'd in rockband. it was quite the good time.

benfolds.

ten o nine

i'm making a dent in this, i think. i'm almost done with beck. yesterday was beatles day, ha i had lots of beatles music. the ones that stuck out though were:

lucy in the sky with diamonds

i am the walrus

she's leaving home

in my life.

binge

i dont really have anything to say except that i'm on the beatles. and todays songs:

sad eyes, bat for lashes

dont worry baby, the beach boys

animal collective and cleaning

last night i hung out with sydnee, and i had a really good time. we stopped by matt and lori's, which was good. it's always a calming feeling to go to their house. today i worked, i cleaned the office. it took me like two hours, which was a long long time considering i never ever clean. i listened to lots of music today, i'm currently on arcade fire. this is gonna take forever.

today's songs worth mentioning:

not a pretty girl, ani difranco

sweet road, animal collective

ruby, the apples in stereo

barbie girl, aqua (hah)

tongue-tied, aqualung.

.......

the worst part is trying to gather the courage to push a little bit harder and let yourself feel.

arizona & andrew bird

i had a pleasant drive home from prescott this afternoon. i failed to mention before that i have begun the very long process of listening to each and every one of the songs on my iPod/iTunes. the order in which i'm doing this is alphabetically by artist. i started on thursday, and i'm currently on andrew bird. i have a feeling this is going to take a while.

i never really liked arizona landscape before today. as i was leaving prescott valley and listening to a.b. while it was raining, i looked towards the hills and saw a lovely sight (see posted picture). it changed my feelings about the beauty of my home state.

motor lodgeee

i've been up in prescott since thursday evening. the weather here is niiiice. every afternoon it gets cloudy and rains. so that's always nice! the motor lodge is looking great; dad and brian have done so much work here and it's definitely paying off. last night they had customers in every room! last night i baked cookies, from scratch. everyone seemed somewhat appauled that i wasn't using the break and bake or the ones from the tube. that made me sad. but the homemade ones were a millllion times better. sometimes simple things like cookies baked from scratch can make all the difference. last night i slept in the cave because there weren't any vacant rooms for me to sleep in (the cave being a small room behind dad and brian's closet, not big enough for a bed so i slept on a big chair haha). i started reading a book i got over spring break, a complicated kindness. it's pretty good so far, i'm about fifty pages or so into it. it reminds me a bit of the catcher in the rye in that there isn't a very strict plot line, but lots of rambling. i enjoy it. i've been having a good time up here, but i'll be glad to get home and have some QT. also, i miss sydnee.

smells like dye

i often feel as though my mind is just a blank page. though tonight, as i was chatting with an old friend, i realized that its not blank, just covered so much with different thoughts that it's all blackened out. something like the following, perhaps:

i hate this i hate this i love you i love you please find yourself and do whats right and come back for me

and then some simpler, easier to decipher thoughts. like how i need to go to bed soon because i have asu orientation tomorrow, and how my room is a mess.

either way. they're thoughts, and that's a helll of a lot better than feeling blank and numb.

tonight was really fun, we went to the robert plant and alison krauss concert and it was very good. i want to hang out with robert plant because he's really, really cool. spencer says that he (robert plant) is one of two mortals who have the ability to "take chuck norris" (for the other, youtube "techno viking." ohh my goodness).  incidentally, a fan climbed onstage during the encore and was hastily mauled by security. it was cool.

summer bird diamond

things are changing, quickly. i can't believe that june is already over. this summer is flying by.

it's been pretty hard this past week. but i'm trying to get through this, and i am putting my faith into this hope that it's all going to work out and be even better than before.

music is such a driving force in this life. its incredible how you can be listening to a song you've heard a hundred times and then all of a sudden, it hits you. you know this exact feeling. you never understood it before until this very moment when you realize that this person you've never met before has felt the exact same thing that you're feeling, and they can convey this intermingling of emotions in the exact way that you wish you could. its the best.

in her journal she wrote,

"june 17, 2008

i am genuinely happy."

and she was. she really and completely was.

i dont even know what to do
i dont want to deal with this
i just want things to be how they were

come sit on my wall.

tonight was funn. spencer and i went to the what laura says and limbeck show at the sets. his room mates were there, as well as norman and mel. bookman's had a table and you could spin it and win a prize. i got a delicious grape blow pop. after the show, we went to filibertos with mel and norman. that place after midnight is like the twilight zone, seriously. there is a huge party by my house. the whole street is lined with cars and there are a slew of people outside, with red cups. i am exhausted and i have church in the morning. i want to have a bagel tomorrow. that would be deliciousss.

damien rice...i love it.

111

welll welll welll. worked. qted with sydnee. pianoed. hung out with spencer for a million years! we watched arrested development and family guy and part of the 1983 movie war games. i'd already seen it though and i was not captivated. so we went for a walk. we went to the park and we saw this guy with two dogs and one of them was a wiener and pug mix. crazy! she was colored like a pug and the same height but she was long like a wiener dog. and her face was funny looking because she had a squished up forehead and eyes (pug) but then a medium-long nose (wiener). i was intrigued. im so tired. i need to start going to bed earlier. ive been going to bed after three a.m. every night! and i have been taking fewer naps. so the price is being paid. waah. im over it though. thursday is death cab, so stoked. and on account of that, guys night is being moved to wednesday which means i (hopefully) get to hang out with sydnee tomorrow night! huzzah! im going to sudoku myself into a coma. or into sleep, rather.

be my mirror, my sword and shield.

today wasn't half bad! went to work, took a nap. then spencer and i went to dinner with his family at joe's farmhouse or something. it was on food network! then we saw kung foo panda! i liked it. it was really cute and i want to give the panda a hug. cause he is cuute and round. and he has a cowlick on his head haha. then spence and i went home and watched some more arrested development. spencer is the best. i love being with him. having sydnee sleep over last night was fun too! i am glad i have been seeing her more lately. i love her. things are gooood. i miss chantry. 

and if coldplay doesn't win a grammy for this album, i'll hate the grammys. because viva la vida is the best thing ever.

windsurfingnation

things are going pretty well. i've been seeing sydnee more which is definitely a PLUS. ive hung out with spencer a bunch this week too, also awesome. friday we saw norman play with what laura said, both sets were very good. right now i want a diet coke. i bought a desk today and put it together. i am proud. also, spencer and i watched almost a whole disc of arrested development today, which i had never seen but bought the first season for myself, not for spencer (except i really did buy it for spencer). it was really good, funny, i would recommend it. sydnee is coming over later and i am stoked. party? i think so. death cab is on thursday and im going with spence and im really excited! life is goood.

its go time

its time. i've been waiting and contemplating. but yeah, now it's time. time to get what i want. it's going to make me happy, though on the flip side i know there will be an overwhelming sense of torture. i'm doing this for me though. ready, begin.